I figured it out!

I know why I was so exhausted last night! I rode the train all the way home with The Saddest Boy Ever. And he's one of those people who, while very nice, is just such a big, gaping wound of intense need that being around him for 45 minutes just wore me out.

After an extended period of unemployment, he got a part-time retail job at Macy's, which means he and I share almost exactly the same commute from our jobs in the Loop to the condo building we both live in.

He must be nearly 45 now and spends most of his days caring for his mother -- a stroke victim who was unpleasant and hygienically challenged even before her health took a turn for the worse. He's always alone and never mentions any friends. He used to work part-time at the local Jewel, but he quit/was let go (I have trouble following the story) after an on-the-job accident. As he has recounted to me time and again in the laundry room, they blackballed him from working for any other grocery store chain in the Chicagoland area -- really? -- and then he came down with gout. "My doctor said, 'you should be dead.'"

So now he's feeling strong enough to work 20-24 hours/week at Macy's. The el makes him nervous, he's not used to "a big corporation like Macy's" because they have sent him to sensitivity training already (I wanted to ask, "Good God, what did you do?", but I decided I don't want to know), and he works in crystal and fine china, where he doesn't see an awful lot of customers. I think his biggest problem is loneliness. And my heart goes out to him, it does.

But he also seems to have a crush on me, and I'm never, ever going to have any romantic feelings for him, so I am wary of spending much time with him. And frankly, he's a human remora, and sometimes I'm just not up to being a big fish all the time. It can be exhausting!

But I don't want to be mean. He has a good heart and he seems very alone in the world. The original "Eleanor Rigby." But geez! I can't do this every day. So from now on, when I leave the house and get on the platform, I'm going to look furtively to the left and right, darting my eyes about at all times, so I can hide behind a pole or a tree if I see him.

August Happiness Challenge -- Day 15

My ticker. I got the results from the tests I had done back on August 2 … and my heart is fine! Both my oldest friend and my buddy John suffer from heart problems. My dad died of a stroke. So I want to stay on top of my own heart health.

I had four tests done -- for carotid artery disease, atrial fibrillation, abdominal aortic aneurysm and peripheral artery disease -- and they all came back "normal." Not "normal for a fat middle-aged woman," but simply "normal." No next steps required.

But I have been warned to lose 20 lbs. I'D LOVE TO!!!!!!

Five hours later ...

I got home from work, plopped down on the couch, and was just going to close my eyes for a moment. Really. Care to guess what happened? DAMN! I blew an entire night of de-cluttering, and I really can't afford to do that.

Image: Ambro / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

New bra

I should have adjusted the straps more carefully this morning. My boobs are smashed flat and it looks like I'm sporting a pair of veal cutlets under my sweater.

Ah, Sisters ... Part 1

While we were growing up, my older sister was not unlike Casey Anthony. She lied about everything and was promiscuous, or at least highly sexually active, but denied it. I walked in on her orally servicing her high school sweetheart, and later she told me to my face that never happened. She worked very hard to come between our mother and our grandmother. She told our mutual friends, acquaintances and relatives lies about me and insisted they choose between us. She also beat me regularly until I moved out.

She hit my mother once and we all ended up in family therapy. It was there I learned that she had been a high-maintenance baby -- which was hardly her fault -- who needed a great deal of my mother's attention. When I came along when she was little over a year old -- which was hardly my fault -- she never learned how to handle it. Consequently, her relationship with my mother has always been complicated. For decades I have dealt with all of this by withdrawing. She alternately reaches out to my mother and then punishes her, a painful dance they have been doing since before I was born, I guess, and it confuses me so I stay away. Plus, since my older sister meant me harm, I avoided her. I needed to protect myself.

With my mother's advancing years and medical problems, I have become more receptive to my older sister's overtures of friendship. She wants her new husband to think that we're like a Norman Rockwell portrait and it would make my mother happy if we got along better, so what the hell. I've grown into a strong, self-sufficient middle-aged woman -- I simply won't allow my older sister to hurt me anymore. And if agreeing to see her for dinner once or twice a year when she's in town will make her and my mother so happy -- and if her husband will pay for my steak -- it seems like a small sacrifice.

My mother has told both my sisters about my cyst and upcoming surgery. There's a possibility that I have ovarian cancer. I don't like saying this, but it's true. It's more likely that I don't have it, especially since the CA-125 blood test came back negative, but it's there. And it's hard for me NOT to take it seriously since both my friends Ed (prostate cancer) and Kathleen (breast cancer) were told that the odds were great that they didn't have cancer and well, guess what. I have been honest with my mother because I don't want her to feel sucker punched if the worst comes to pass. In turn, she has told all this to my sisters because she needs to talk it through with someone.

My older sister has been a shock. She sent me an email saying she loves me. (Really? In my whole life, she has never said such a thing.) She is sending her 21-year-old daughter to stay with my mom while I'm in the hospital and recuperating because (1) I'll need help and someone to drive and (2) my mom will love having the company. Also, her daughter wants to come to Chicagoland to see everyone.

Still, it amazes me. My older sister is being so sensitive to my mother's concerns, her daughter's sense of loneliness and isolation and my condition. It's so unlike her. I can't put too fine a point on how not like her this is.

I don't trust it. I can't, really. I feel too vulnerable with all that's going on inside my own body to deal with any more. But it would be nice to believe that my older sister has actually evolved and become a happier, more decent person at this stage in her life.

August Happiness Challenge -- Day 14

My guest room/den is virtually done and ready for company! All I have to do in there is dust, and I think I'll wait for the last minute to do that. It took the better part of four days to do it, but it's done! The bright side: I've cleared out so much stuff that I can use this room to put the tree up in this Christmas -- provided my Bad Cat, Reynaldo, will let me.

Next up is the living room/dining room. I must be careful to not just move all my crap back into the den …

Sunday Stealing

Sunday Stealing: The 31 Meme, Part Two: In Memory to Clyde

Cheers to all of us thieves!

16. What's the longest shift that you worked at a job? While working on a presentation, I was at the office 19 hours straight. I'd like to thank the good people who make Monster Energy Drink for making that possible.

17. What was the last concert that you attended? That would be his lordship.

18. What the last DVD (or Blu Ray, of course) movie that you watched? Grey Gardens.

19. How did you like the film? I'm a big Little Edie fan, so I loved it.

20. What comedian do you love? Kathy Griffin

21. Do you ever sleep in the nude? It's been known to happen

22. Have you ever had a long distance relationship? Yes. It was my happiest relationship. My shrink observed that's indicative of my issue with genuine intimacy. Note she said "issue," not "problem." She also observes my issue with genuine intimacy doesn't seem to be making me especially unhappy.

23. What do you think of astrology? Sometimes I'm very into it, other times I forget to even check my horoscope.

24. What's you're favorite lyric quote from a song? It changes. Currently, it's Amy Winehouse: "From the picture my mind drew/I know I'd look good on you." She really was a clever lyricist.



25. Tell us something random about yourself. When I wear yellow, I look like a jaundice victim.

26. Have ever attended a theme party? If yes, do tell. Nothing springs to mind ...

27. What is your favorite thing about winter? I like the clean, white snow crackling under my boots.

28. What was the name of your first pet? Tommy

29. What have you done so far this weekend? Gotten stuff out of here! First a bag of food for the food pantry, then two bags of STUFF for Goodwill. Now I'm looking at a box of books to donate, as well.

30. Has your humor ever been called “sick”? Almost daily

31. If you could have one thing, what would it be? To know when my surgery will scheduled!

They amuse me

I'm referring to three pair of the world's largest white cotton underpants I bought today. Size 9. They will go nicely with the sweatshorts, to accompany the two pair of sweatpants I got during the week. I am told that these will be necessary post-op, as my stomach muscles will be cut and I'll not only have no tone, I'll have a sensitive incision.

Ah, how glorious!

And, instead of having months to get ready for my oldest friend's November visit, I now have days, since she is sure I'll need her with me after surgery. I am particularly worried about her being here those days when I'm in the hospital. I like to think she'll go to the movies or something,but what if she's just sitting around here, in this horribly messy apartment?

Not happy about that. I have lots of work to do!

August Happiness Challenge -- Day 13

No more Zambrano. Cubs' pitcher Carlos Zambrano gave up 5 HR last night ... hit two batters in anger ... packed up his locker (even took down his nameplate) and left the ballpark. He had this hideous little tantrum on the very night that the Braves were honoring one of their franchise greats, Bobby Cox. Zambrano will be on the Disqualified List for 30 days. Since it's mid-August, that means he's done for the season. I hope he's done for his career.

He was an immensely talented young man. And a hideously selfish one. He socked one of his teammates in the dugout, screamed at another, beat up the dugout Gatorade dispenser,* broke bats over his knee in rage, complained about his teammates to the press, and even blamed the fans for booing him and not showing him enough "love."

Carlos Zambrano was not only very bad for my blood pressure, he was a bad example for kids. I'm glad he's gone.

For a half century I have loved my Cubs. I genuinely love just about every man who has ever donned the uniform. It is my first impulse to try to see where one of my guys is coming from when he melts down, as Carlos has done again and again and again. But Z joins a very elite group of players (Dave Kingman and Todd Hundley) that I simply cannot stand


*To be fair, I thought that one was fun.

Saturday 9

Saturday 9: My Best Friend's Girl

1. Have you and a friend ever have an argument because you were attracted to the same person? Nope.

2. Who never returns your phone calls? Sometimes my oldest friend blows me off. Though she has been more sensitive to that these days.

3. What was your favorite childhood toy? My Lassie dog.

4. Who is the last person you greeted at your door? Peapod.

5. Would you change anything about your life right now? I'd like it to be three months from now, so I could be looking back on this time and say, "See how well I got through it?"

6. Who is the easiest person for you to talk to? My best friend

7. If you could live in any ancient city during the height of the quality of its society and culture, which one would you choose? I'd like to visit London in the swinging 60s. Does that count?

8. What is the most exciting event you’ve ever witnessed? November 2008, Grant Park, Barack Obama declares victory.

9. What do you consider the ideal age to have a first child? Really? Don't the sperm and the egg decide when that happens?

Turning in early tonight

My tummy is really giving me grief! That's one good thing -- one very good thing! -- about my upcoming surgery: when it's all over and my tall stapler-sized cyst is gone and I heal, I should start feeling a lot better!

Another Man's Gold

I haven't done any real de-cluttering today, but I have inventoried what's going to Goodwill tomorrow. In addition to a ridiculous array of belts I'll never wear, I assembled a full bag containing nothing but tschotskes and gifties and what-nots people have given me.

Just as I had to admit I'll never again fit into those belts, it's time I face it that this condo is too little to display every cute thing anyone has ever given me, and some of the pieces -- like a lovely ceramic soap dish in a metal holder, complete with scented soaps -- could actually be used and appreciated by someone else.

Plus I'll have another $40 in receipts for the tax man come the end of the year. I realize that being gutted like a fish will incur medical bills, and that will mean a more complicated tax return. It's the adult thing to do to acknowledge that now.

August Happiness Challenge -- Day 12

NEGATIVE! My CA-125 blood test is negative, or normal. In other words, YIPEE!

August Happiness Challenge -- Day 11

Ready-made pina coladas. Like the label says, "The rum is in it!" I was so happy to come home and just pour one over ice, without messing with a blender (which I don't have anyway). I had them with my Taco Bell soft tacos for dinner. Yes, this gracious living.

Guilty pleasure

I nearly forgot to post about my stolen hours yesterday! After I finished with the doctor, I (shh!) sneaked away and went to the movies. I saw The Help, a matinee the first day it opened. I liked it well enough, but I enjoyed the book more. Still, the audience I saw the movie with was entranced. Viola Davis, who plays Aibileen, is getting all the praise. My favorite performance was Octavia Spencer as Minnie. She just seemed closer to the way I imagined her in the book. The actress who plays Celia Foote is terrific, too.

The weakest link, for me, was Cicely Tyson as Constantine. She's too old for the part, too old to be the mother of the daughter she's shown with, and that very important subplot is badly bungled.

The best part, though, was eating popcorn in the dark on a Wednesday afternoon. How deliciously wicked of me!

Bad, but good, too

It's been a frustrating day! No word yet on my CA-125 test. Damn. Guess I have to start nagging at the doctor's office tomorrow. (Though, to be fair, my doctor did say, "Thursday afternoon or Friday morning.")

So while I am slowly making myself nuts worrying, I am also enormously, fabulously comforted by those who let me know they care. They are what makes it possible to get through the day without screaming. The day started with my oldest friend sending me a cartoon to make me laugh. Then, throughout the day, my best friend, my friends Barb and Kathleen, a coworker, even my crazy older sister (!) asked for updates.

And all you blogging buddies have been supportive, too. I may not be especially graceful in accepting all the good vibes that you are sending my way, but that doesn't mean I don't appreciate them. THANK YOU.

Image: kenfotos / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Thursday Thirteen #136

THIRTEEN POPULAR MOVIES BASED ON BOOKS

In honor of The Help, which moved from the page to the silver screen today, I'm listing the 13 most successful movies adapted from books.

1. Gone with the Wind. 1939. (When adjusted for inflation, it's still the top-grossing movie of all time.)

2. The Ten Commandments. 1956.

3. Jaws. 1975.

4. Doctor Zhivago. 1965.

5. The Exorcist. 1973.

6. Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. 1937.

7. Jurassic Park. 1993.

8. The Graduate. 1967.

9. The Godfather. 1972.

10. Mary Poppins. 1964.

11. Thunderball. 1965.

12. The Jungle Book. 1967

13. Sleeping Beauty. 1959.

To learn more about the Thursday Thirteen,
or to play along yourself, click here.

August Happiness Challenge -- Day 10

A statue dedicated to Ron Santo. I grew up on Ronnie. He was the Cubs' third basemen throughout my girlhood and then became the endearingly unpolished voice of the team on WGN radio. He has made a number of appearances on this blog because it's felt like he's always been a part of my life.

I was very sad when he lost his twin battles with diabetes and cancer last autumn, but today I'm happy because the Cubs unveiled a statue of him in front of the Friendly Confines of Wrigley Field, and because fans turned out in great numbers to applaud it's dedication. Baseball great, philanthropist and broadcaster, our "Perfect 10" deserves no less.

Even better, the CUBS WON TONIGHT!

Well done, good and faithful servant

This is the Chaplain's Medal for Heroism, introduced during WWII to honor men of the cloth who performed with great courage on the battlefield. I am bestowing it posthumously on my uncle's cat, Bennie, who died yesterday.

I mean no disrespect by this post. Quite the opposite. For my uncle loved Bennie enormously and she was the one bright spot toward the end of his life. He suffered from Parkinson's Disease, no doubt exacerbated by his exposure to Agent Orange in Vietnam, so I consider him a war casualty, even if the government doesn't.

And Bennie, ballsy Bennie who feared nothing, stayed by his side no matter what. He briefly had a puppy, but that little guy was frightened by his twitches and spasms and had to go live with his stepdaughter. How that hurt and embarrassed my uncle! But Bennie had the bearing that comes from knowing her feline ancestors were worshipped as Egyptian gods, so she consistently responded to my uncle with nothing but a loud and accepting purr, no matter what torments his body was putting him through.

She was nearly 20 years old and in poor health. While my mother and nephew really loved having her around at my mother's house, where she has lived since December, I think it would be selfish to expect her to stick around for them. She served our family enough, her work here was done, and it was time for to rest for all eternity with my uncle.

I Want Wednesday

I want this to be behind me. As I write this, I am confirming my appointment with an oncologist. Yes, I saw my gynecologist and he referred me to an oncologist who will see me at 1:30 on August 18. This morning my doctor authorized a CA-125 blood test and he promises to let me know the results tomorrow ... Friday morning at the latest.

Right now, my doctor believes my stapler-cyst is more likely than not benign, but the CA-125 test will give us more (though still not definite) insights. And the cyst itself will have to be surgically removed in tact by my gynecologist and then biopsied, hence the oncologist.

The speed at which this sucker has grown is problematic and worrisome. It is mostly fluid and has not leaked into my uterus or anywhere else, which means even if it is the worst, it's contained.

So, I guess, I have to wait another week or two to put this behind me. I am not happy. But my gynecologist held my hand and hugged me a lot and told me this is not the worst he has ever seen and I should try not to wig out.

Yeah, right.

10 belts

That's what I'm starting my newest Goodwill bag with this evening. Oh, I am still working on losing weight and have faith that I will succeed. But even if I lost 75 lbs., I wouldn't need upwards of 15 belts! So I shall bid these adieu. I'll toss in that purse mirror to keep them company, too.

August Happiness Challenge -- Day 9

Leo is coming home! This Chicago Tribune article helped Sgt. Tim Johannsen's wife raise the $800 required to bring Leonidas the Dog home from Afghanistan ... and then some! Last time I checked, they were closer to $8,000! The money not used to transport Leo will be donated to The Puppy Rescue Mission to help keep more soldiers and their pets together.

The Afghanistan war has gone on too long and has caused too much suffering. Learning of little Leo right after hearing about the Navy Seals who died in that helicopter crash raised my spirits some. I'm proud and grateful that our troops can still find some humanity and grace in their hearts. And I am so proud and happy I was able to play a small part in rescuing the dog who seeks shelter and comfort with the Sergeant as mortars fall.

He never called back

My gynecologist. His nurse did call me this morning -- both at home and at work -- to tell me he wants to see me right away. Really? Well, I want to see him, too! That's why I have left three messages since over the last week and a half. Yes, I know he was on vacation. Yes, I know today was his first day back. But I wanted to make sure I'm a priority.

So I have an appointment to see him tomorrow at 9:30. Hurray! But for what? A CA-125 blood test? A consultation and discussion of next steps? A referral for an MRI to keep that ultrasound company? How much time should I take off work on Wednesday? Should I fast? I asked the nurse to have him call me back.

She said she doubted he'd be able to, but she'd give him the message. He never called me back. I hope she didn't give him the message.

I have been waiting to talk to him since July 29, when my GP explained the ultrasound results, introduced my stapler-sized cyst to me and referred me to my gynecologist. That's 11 days that this thing has been hanging over my head. Eleven days!

Over this time I have talked myself into -- and out of -- a cancer diagnosis. Today the sweat pants I ordered arrived, as a hysterectomy is likely. I saw Sir Paul twice and returned to work in that time. It's felt like a lifetime.

And now I have to wait one more fucking night.

I like my gynecologist. I like how conservative he is in his treatment and how much time he spends with me, one-on-one, when I'm in his office. But I don't like the way his office runs when he's out of town, and I don't like how his nurses behave like Cerberus as they "protect" him from patients like me.

I want this to be over. I have never been one for sitting patiently by the phone, waiting for a man to call!

August Happiness Challenge -- Day 8

I saw this story on page one and was so moved. My happiness comes from knowing that I made one of the contributions that makes it possible for Leo to come to Chicagoland.

Man’s best friend, even while deployed in Afghanistan

There’s a lot to his deployment in Afghanistan that Sgt. Tim Johannsen can’t discuss.

When he speaks to his stateside wife things like where he’s stationed, his missions, and what the 23-year-old Army tanker is doing in a mountainous region where tanks can’t even travel are taboo.

But security doesn’t prevent Johannsen from talking about is his adopted dog – a loyal mutt named Leonidas, who whines outside his bunk while he’s on mission and shelters with him as mortars fall.

The dog brings a touch of normalcy to an otherwise straining environment, Johannsen said in a phone interview from Afghanistan.

“You’ll come back and you’re walking up to the chow hall and he comes over eyes-big, happy-as-all-get-out to see you,” Johannsen said, referring to the pup he named for the fabled Spartan King. “You forget about the stuff that’s going on over here.”

When his tour ends in 2012, Johannsen wants to bring Leonidas (Leo for short) home to his wife Kaydee in Downers Grove.

That commitment to an animal is increasingly common, said Anna Maria Cannan, of the non-profit Puppy Rescue Mission, a Colorado-based group raising money to transport soldiers’ dogs from Afghanistan.

She says word-of-mouth among soldiers who’ve adopted pets has spread interest in her organization. So far, about 130 adopted dogs have been brought stateside, she said.

“Soldiers from all across the U.S. are finding these lovely companions they don’t want to leave behind,” Cannan said. “To leave them there, left to die is hard on soldiers.”

Technically, adopting pets is on a long list of forbidden activities under General Order No. 1, said a spokesman for U.S. Central Command in Tampa.

“These dogs are extremely therapeutic” for soldiers “readjusting to normal life,” said Cannan, who started the program after her husband brought a dog home from deployment. “If the military would just allow these dogs to come home I believe the (post-traumatic stress) rate would be lower.”

Those rules leave troops on their own if they want to bring home an animal. It’s a long journey, Cannan said. The dog must be transported by a courier from a soldiers’ outpost to a shelter in a departure city, where they are vaccinated and quarantined for a few weeks to ensure they don’t harbor diseases. It can take weeks to secure a flight because the non-profit is limited to shipping up to four dogs a week – with a current backlog of 20 dogs waiting to travel home, she said.

There are fundraising hurdles, too. The Puppy Rescue Mission pays $3,500 kenneling, vaccination and flight, Cannan said. But soldiers must raise money to pay local couriers – many of whom are forced to drive the dogs hundreds of miles through IED laden territory. This can cost as much as $800, she said.

A few months into his deployment, Johannsen saw a group of dogs ganging up on a puppy that wandered into camp looking for food. “Average hoodlums,” he said, describing the pack. After peeling off the dogs, he fed and flea bathed the puppy he now calls Leo.

Having a dog helps “escape the reality of being deployed, being away from family and friends,” Johannsen said. “You’re stuck with the same guys all the time. It’s like being in fraternity or a club. You have a dog and it breaks up the monotony.”

The pup has gradually been accepted by the other dogs at the compound, though it took a while. He’s also developed a taste for pork chops and ribs, Johannsen said.

“He’s like me,” Johannsen said. “No matter who attacks him, he will stand his ground. He won’t give up.”

Johannsen is working with the Puppy Rescue Network to pay for Leonidas’ trip home. But he still has to find and pay a courier. To raise that money he and his wife Kaydee set up a website. (http://bringleohome.webs.com/leosstory.htm)

“I have to find a way to get him to Kabul without locals or the Taliban finding out,” Johannsen said. “I know I can give him a better home back there than he can ever get here.”

For him, it’s all about an old battlefield truism: “Leave no man behind.”

For more information:

http://bringleohome.webs.com/leosstory.htm

thepuppyrescuemission.org

bslodysko@tribune.com

My new purchase

I got these resistance cords at the Border's going-out-of-business sale. I think it will give me a safe way to safe to exercise as I recover from my surgery.

My gynecologist is back in the office tomorrow. Hopefully tomorrow I will get some answers about what happens next.

August Happiness Challenge -- Day 7

Peapod grocery bags. They are larger and sturdier than other plastic shopping bags. I am drowning in them these days, so I have been putting them to good use. Friday I took a lot of them with me to the annual library book fair, to be used by book lovers unprepared for their haul. Then today I filled one up with crap from my bedroom floor. It's good to get rid of some of that junk, and vacuum thoroughly the carpet that had been obscured by it. Now I'm eager to fill another Peapod bag with junk!

Sunday Stealing

Sunday Stealing: The Nasty 31 Meme

Cheers to all of us thieves!

1. What has been you longest love relationship? The one in my 20s. What a waste of time he was! Most of the men I have known have been good guys. Why did I waste the most time with the only stinker in the lot?

2. What was the last gift that you received? One of my coworkers made sure there was a flower in my vase when I returned the office on Wednesday. It made me happy.

3. What do you spend your extra cash on? Books and purses. Purses and books. My weaknesses.

4. If you could live anywhere would you live? I'd love to live down town in a building with a doorman and a view of the Lake.

5. Who's your cell provider? Credo Mobile. I love them. It you're thinking of switching companies, check them out.

6. What's your favorite mall store? Carson's (or Bergner's, or Bon-Ton, depending on where you live)

7. What's the longest job that you've had? (No parenting does not count!) I've been a writer for -- wait for it -- 30 years now. At 6 years, job I'm at now is my longest stop along the way.

8. If you won the lottery, who'd you call first? My mom, to tell her she doesn't have to worry any more.

9. If you won, how would you spend your money after investments? I want to redo my apartment! I have such big dreams for my bathroom, kitchen and dining room. (I'd love exposed brick in the dining room.) While I can't have any more pets myself, I'd like to "foster" a lot more. I'm currently "foster mom" to a cat at The Tree House. And I'd help my niece with her college tuition.

10. When was the last time you went to church (or a religious house)? I haven't been to service in a few months. But it's right around the corner and I know it's there when the time is right.

11. What's the biggest lie that you've heard? You won't believe this. I know I didn't. My oldest friend actually believed the whopper that a woman she knew through a Fanilow fanclub site was Barry Manilow's secret wife. These 50 year old women all deluding themselves into thinking they had a little "glamour" in their midst, it was kind of desperate and sad.

12. When you go out with your friends, where do you go? There are a couple bars that we frequent.

13. When was the last time that you cried? I'm not much of a crier.

14. What food do you hate? Tomatoes.

15. What do you like best about yourself? I'm very loyal.

August Happiness Challenge -- Day 6

Believe it or not, LAUNDRY. I wore one of my favorite t-shirts to see Sir Paul on Monday night. It bears the logo: Star Club: Hamburg. The Star Club was a dive bar where the Lads played in 1962. The likelihood of my finding another such shirt is slim, which is why it broke my heart when an angry McCartney fan bumped into me and spilled a margarita on it. I admit the dampness kept me a little cool on the very hot night, but I worried so about that green stain smack dab between my boobs. Well, glory be, it came out in the wash!

My secret: clarifying shampoo. If you get a protein based stain on cotton, pre-treat it with clarifying shampoo (aka swimmer's shampoo). Clarifying shampoo is formulated with chelating agents to life chlorine and minerals off hair, and those same agents also work on food stains.

They say it's your birthday ...

Lucille Ball: Celebrating 100 Years of the 'I Love Lucy' Star

Getty

The Hollywood Museum marks the occasion with a special exhibit running through Nov. 30. The actress' centennial is also being commemorated on TV: Hallmark will broadcast 102 I Love Lucy episodes, ME-TV will air 100 episodes of various programs including The Lucy-Desi Comedy Hour and The Lucy Show, and TCM will show 14 of her films beginning on Saturday.

Ball died in April 1989. She was 77.

Here are 5 facts about her most successful series, I Love Lucy, which debuted on CBS in 1951:

1. Everything on I Love Lucy was scripted.
Despite what seemed like ad-libbing, Ball made sure each moment of the show was rehearsed and perfected. Ball said on the commentary of the 1991 Criterion laserdisc Criterion Television Classics: I Love Lucy, "Because Viv [Vivian Vance] and I believed, and because we knew what we were going to say and because we were thinking, we were listening to each other, and then reacting and then acting, it came out like may we'd made it up. We never ad-libbed. We never ad-libbed on the set when we were putting it together. It was there."

2. Ball credited writers Madelyn Pugh Davis and Bob Carroll Jr. for the success of the show.
Ball said (via Criterion Television Classics: I Love Lucy), "Many times when we would review at the beginning of the season, they would say Viv and I ad-libbed our way through some mediocre writing. They have since found out that that was ridiculous. They know how great our writers are because hundreds of people have copied from them. I have such respect for those kids, my writers I call 'the kids,' Bob and Madelyn."

3. I Love Lucy was the first television comedy to use the three-camera format in front of a live studio audience.
Cinematographer Karl Freund developed a system for lighting the set from above so that production wouldn't have to change lighting when camera angles switched. Christopher Anderson of the Museum of Broadcast Communications writes, "Although the technique was not generally used outside of [Ball's production company] Desilu until the 1970s, it is now widely used throughout the television industry."

4. I Love Lucy was more popular than President Dwight Eisenhower.
Eishenhower's presidential inauguration drew 29 million viewers in January 20, 1953. The next day, 44 million viewers tuned in to watch Lucy give birth to little Ricky, accounting for 72% of all U.S. homes with TVs, according to the Museum of Broadcast Communications.

5. The show broke racial and social barriers on television.
I Love Lucy was the first television series to show an interracial couple (Ball and husband Desi Arnaz). It also was the first to feature a pregnant woman playing a pregnant woman, but could not use the word "pregnant" on telecasts, according to the Lucy Desi Center. Additionally, Ball was the first woman to head a Hollywood studio, Desilu, which produced Star Trek, The Untouchables, My Three Sons, The Andy Griffith Show, The Dick Van Dyke Show and My Favorite Martian.

I've been watching her all day and can truly say, "I love Lucy."

Saturday 9

Saturday 9: I Wonder What She's Doing Tonight

1. Have you ever lost a lover and spent way too much time wondering what they were doing? Good goobies, yes! I recently found photos of my favorite ex and downloaded them to my desktop. I'm happy he's doing well professionally, hope he's happy personally, and think moving him to desktop trash would be sad.

2. What was your favorite vacation ever? A trip to LA to visit my best friend. He was on assignment with a client and I came out to keep him company. We went out on the town, talked late into the night every night, and saw my beloved future Hall of Famer Greg Maddux pitch at Dodger Stadium.

3. Do you like surprises? If yes, what kinds? Or are you one of those people who absolutely has to know what's going on before it happens? I don't really like surprises. I like to have plan.

4. Have you ever written a poem? Feel free to share one. Or even a dirty limerick is OK. I won a writing award in high school for a poem I wrote about Carly Simon. She had recently recorded a song called "Alone" that really spoke to me. The first lines of the poem were, "Sight unseen you read my soul. You know my thoughts before I think them." I don't recall any more of it, though.

Alone lyrics found at elyricsworld.com

5. Did anything interesting show up in your mail lately besides the bills? I still love reading glossy magazines, and I'm happy when my Glamour, Allure, O, People, Time, US or Newsweek shows up.

6. How many of your friendships have lasted more than ten years? Which of your current friends do you feel will still be important to you ten years from now? Family members don't count. Kathleen and Barb have been my friends for 15 years, John for 30 and my oldest friend for 45 years. I don't foresee any of them fleeing.

7. Do you own a pet? If so, do you buy them presents for holidays? Do you consider your pet(s) spoiled? If you don't own one, do you think you will one day? I have three cats. And no, we don't celebrate the holidays together. They get a lot of attention and affection each and every day. Does this make them spoiled? I consider them loved and cared for.

8. It's Friday afternoon and you're planning your weekend. What's on your agenda on a hot August night? Grocery shopping and the local library book sale. I know, I know ... you're green with jealousy, aren't you? I've had so much going on that emotionally I'm running a little low. I need serious alone time to recharge.

9. What's your worst nervous habit? I can't sit still. I jiggle and bounce and shift in my seat.

August Happiness Challenge -- Day 5

People coming through. My oldest friend has offered to fly in to hold my hand during surgery. I'm not taking her up on it. Even though her son is now 21, he's too angry and messed up to be alone with her daughter and I don't want to be worrying about my friend's chaotic family while I'm healing. Still, it's enormously touching that she wants to do this for me.

My friend Kathleen not only wants to drive me home from the hospital, she thinks it would be great to have a shower for me. She wants me to go to Target and register for things to enjoy while I'm recuperating from "giving birth" to my "stapler."

John wants to be there for me, too, to repay the kindness all of his friends -- including me -- showed him during his illness.

Barb has been checking up on me, too. That's not really like her. I appreciate it.

I didn't expect all of this, and I feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

I'm sorry. Have we met?

My boss gave me my annual performance appraisal today. Most of it was good. He actually even praised me for my willingness to own my faults and shortcomings, which surprised me because I often get the impression that some coworkers think I'm an overwhelmingly willful diva. He singled out certain projects that he believes I did well on and said he'd do what he could to get me a raise -- my first since 2008 (which was my first since 2004; that means I've had one raise in 7 years). I told him about my upcoming surgery and that I'll probably out for between 4 and 9 weeks. He responded positively in that he's confident he'll be able to get freelance help in my absence, something that wouldn't have happened when the agency was struggling more.

I was amused, though, when I found he wrote of me: "She needs to learn that she doesn't need to do everything by herself. All the time. She can and should ask for help." That's so completely not me! But I guess it's something to carry with me as a I worry about what will happen at the office during my forced absence.

The saga of Vivi and Sidalee

Tonight kicked off our community's book fair, a 2-day event to benefit the public library. Every year there's a book that you see time and time and time again. The book that many locals enthusiastically bought and then decided (almost in unison) that they were done with it and would never read it again. I always make a mental note of the title that wins each year's dubious honor.

In 2006, it was The Corrections.
In 2007, The Nanny Diaries.
In 2008, The Da Vinci Code.
In 2009, My Life by Bill Clinton.
In 2010, Scarlett, the Sequel to Margaret Mitchell's Gone with The Wind.
In 2011, The Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood.

This year, most of the books I picked up were for the troops (yes, one of them is the Ya-Ya Sisterhood). I'm pleased by how gently used they are, and I like thinking of the escape they will provide our soldiers.

Ew! Ick!

It's like I'm looking at Snow White's more disturbing dwarfs. There's DarkHeart. There's Whiny. There's Sleazy. There's DumbBunny.

What does this motley crew of disappointments have in common? Someone thought each of them deserved to be a heartbeat away from the Presidency!

Reviewing this group makes me appreciate Barack Obama even more. For I think Joe Biden positively rocks! And never more than when compared to these folks.

There's a famous story about Bill Clinton. When he chose Al Gore as his running mate, he was warned against it in purely conventional political terms. They were, after all, the same age, from the same part of the country. What diversity did Gore bring to the ticket? And if he couldn't deliver a state Clinton couldn't win on his own, what was the point of choosing him as Vice President?

"Because I might die," Bill said.

I hope whoever runs against Obama takes that story to heart.

August Happiness Challenge -- Day 4

All of you. My readers. Since posting about how gifted I am at growing a cyst and then worrying about it, I have received no less than 13 positive messages from 8 different bloggers. How cool is that? I have appreciated each and every kind word. For one as loquacious as I am in life, and wordy in writing, it's often hard for me to express how much I need support. I do. And I'm so happy to find it here.

Thank you.