Sunday Stealing

Back to Bed

1. Let's say your alarm wakes you up with music. What would be the worst song to hear first thing in the morning? "I Got You, Babe." I like the song well enough, but I'd be afraid I'd found myself in Bill Murray's Groundhog Day.

2. How many pillows do you sleep with? Three. Two on my side of the bed, one that goes untouched on the other side but I keep it there to keep things symmetrical.

3. What size mattress do you sleep on? Full.

4. Do you always sleep on the same side of the bed? Yes. Closest to the door.

5. Do you make your bed every day? The only time I make my bed is when I change the sheets.

6. Do you keep water on your bedside table? Yes. I'm supposed to drink more water and I find that I mindlessly gulp it overnight so that water bottle brings me closer to my 8 glasses.

7. How often do you change your sheets? Weekly.

8. What's under your bed? Stuff. I don't even know for sure.

9. Do you sleep in total darkness or do you like to have a light on? Light.

10. What do you remember about your childhood bedroom? It was yellow. I still have my old yellow/white dressers in my walk-in closet.

 

"The one who always remembers"

That's me, according to my aunt/godmother. Her birthday was Friday and Mother's Day was last Sunday. Apparently it was not a festive week beyond her husband and friends. Her two sons, five grandchildren, and other goddaughter (my kid sister) all seemed to have ignored it, though one daughter-in-law did leave a "HBD" post on her Facebook page.

I sent her a pair of books. She has mentioned that she misses Kinsey Milhone, the Sue Grafton heroine who disappeared from our lives when author Grafton died, and Kay Scarpetta of Patricia Cornwell's series. My aunt feels – and I agree – that the Scarpetta books have become ridiculously complex and violent. (I gave up on Kay before she did.) So I sent my aunt Book #1 in a pair of mystery series I thought she might like: Rachel Knight (for Mother's Day) and Agatha Raisin (for her birthday). Instead of having Amazon send them, I wrapped them myself and included notes as to why I thought she'd like them.

Less than $50 and not really much of my time. The woman is knocking on 80 and is one of two people left on earth who held me as a baby. It made me happy to acknowledge her.

What made me sad is that so few other people did. Of course, she has only herself to blame. Her MAGA lectures are offensive, but she doesn't stop. Can't resist. She shoehorns it into every conversation and it snaps at you when you least expect it. Her children, grandchildren and now my sister can't stand it anymore.

I can. I have mitigated her presence on social media by changing my Facebook settings and have chosen to view her MAGA outbursts like an addiction she can't control. I have decided, too, that Donald Trump has coarsened us and cost us so much in terms of humanity, dignity and spirit.* I refuse to let him take my aunt away, too.

I've come to this conclusion in therapy. I've said these things out loud, worked them through, in sessions with my therapist. I'm a verbal old girl, articulating helps me resolve. My shrink calls my approach "taking one for the team." Making it clear that, out of love and choice – not obligation – I'm accepting a certain amount of unacceptable behavior from her. Oh, I find her views not only reprehensible but dangerous to our democracy. I'm a proud member of the resistance and do what I can, where I can, to peacefully beat MAGA back. But it also makes me happy to bring my aunt joy, especially when she seems to be lacking it. It brings me peace to give her grace. I like myself for how I treat her.

I am sorry for everyone else in this sad saga. For my aunt, for having alienated people she loves. Her children and grandchildren and now my sister, because they haven't felt as peaceful this week as I have.

Therapy is worth the dime and the time, folks. It really is. 

 *I do find it ruefully amusing that, when the tide turns against Trump, it will be because stuff costs more. Not because of January 6 or how he denied people due process and trampled on free speech and the separation of powers. Ah, the Land of the Free! The issues in my little family are just a microcosm of what's eating away at this whole country.