Saturday, June 16, 2012

Adventures in Beauty

Yesterday I spent my late, lazy afternoon getting a manicure and pedicure and lip wax before the Groupon I bought months ago expired. The girl who did my nails was fine. But being in a salon is not being at a spa (where I was the last time I had my nails professionally done) and so even though my nails are pretty I was left feeling a little deja blue as I missed the Spa at Colonial Williamsburg or, even more, Chateau Elan. While I know a mani/pedi isn't one of life's essentials, this did feel more utilitarian than luxurious.

Then, the woman who waxed my lip was a pain. In the ass, not the lip. She was gentle enough. She was just an idiot. She should know that I cannot answer questions while she is tugging away at my upper lip. And the questions she asked were annoying. I have a mole on the right side of my upper lip.

"Has a dermatologist seen this?" Why yes, and thank you for making me feel like I have a deformity!

"Then why haven't you had it removed?" Because I don't want to, and again, thank you for making me feel like a have a deformity.

"When did you last wax?" I don't wax. Isn't there enough growth there for you to work with?

"No, there is. I just wanted to know when you last waxed." That would be never. I clip the stray hairs with manicure scissors.

"You must do it every day." No, I haven't done it since Sunday.

"Which Sunday?" The one that came before Monday.

All this in less than 10 minutes! It would probably would have only taken 5 if we didn't have to keep stopping for "conversation." While the aestheticians at Chateau Elan probably aren't technically much better than this, I bet they get much bigger tips BECAUSE THEY AREN'T ASSHOLES!

And today I had my hair cut and colored. I have known the guy who does it forever. Our families go way back. I know his siblings and parents, and he knows mine. And he gave me an earful about how difficult it's been, trying to help his elderly parents with their finances, and how little meaningful assistance he gets from his sibs. How worrisome it is to wonder how much to help without jeopardizing your own retirement plans. I know, buddy, I know! Plus, he has the added layer of stress that comes from not being able to help his wife's family to the extent he's been helping his own, and the tension that causes in his marriage because it's their money he's handing over. As I was leaving, he hugged me and told me it felt like therapy to get it all off his chest.

It was in the 90s today. Taking public transportation to and from the salon was exhausting because I FUCKING HATE HEAT! I got home and took a nap.

So much for my two "relaxing" days of beauty! My daydreams have me thinking that in 2013, I shall return to that destination spa outside Atlanta.

Saturday 9: Hot Fun In the Summertime

1. What do you have planned for fun in the summertime? This month, I'm taking a friend to see a game within The Friendly Confines of Wrigley Field for his birthday. In July, I'm taking my young nephew down to Springfield to see Lincoln's home and Presidential Museum. And in August, my oldest friend is coming for a visit. One BIG THING  a month is, I'm afraid, all I can afford this summer.

2. Who was the last celebrity that you thought was bright until you saw them interviewed? Kirk Cameron. Not that I ever thought he was bright (or ever thought much about him at all), but since he's enjoyed a certain degree of celebrity since childhood, I figured he'd be imbued with at least an ounce of savvy. I was wrong.

3. Do you think that the U.S. and our present war(s) seem to just ignore our history? Not just our history, but the history of the land(s) we're fighting in.

4. Have you ever conformed just to "fit in?" On Mondays, I have been known to ask a coworker about his or her weekend when in reality, I don't give a crap. I just do it because it's what's done.

5. Do you feel that you at times do not enjoy the moment because you are worried about what will come next? The story of my life!

6. Does it seem that when you learn more about yourself, that others' opinions of you seem stupid? Maybe not stupid, but certainly less relevant.

7. In rock & roll history, what bands or artists do you think made the biggest impact? Elvis. Because he did it all first. And, as we prepare to celebrate Sir Paul McCartney's 70th birthday, I am reminded that Elvis did it all by the age of 42. Just over 20 years took him from his breakthrough on The Ed Sullivan Show through dozens of bad movies to a comeback in Vegas to dead on the bathroom floor in Graceland. Which is both tragic and awesome. He remains our only King.

8. Who do you blame for the state of the economy? Why? Mostly George W. Bush but also Barack Obama. OK, so we bankrupted ourselves by fighting two wars without raising taxes to pay for it. And according to 43, we should fight terrorism by continuing to go shopping. That was stupid. Obviously. But where's Obama's imagination and audacity? He could have seized the moment of the Gulf oil spill to rally us to reduce our dependence on oil and by raising gas taxes and putting thousands and thousands of people to work improving our commuter rail system. (The way Eisenhower built the interstate highway system 60 years ago.) But Americans get really pissed when you try to separate us from our cars, no matter how much sense it makes. So shared sacrifice is too politically risky, I guess. So much for "Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country." Now it's, "Why the fuck do I have to pay $4 for gas?"

9. Do you get upset and do you think you're being lazy when you do nothing? Yes. And Bud encouraging my sloth with his addictive memes doesn't help!