Tuesday, June 01, 2010

I Say We Nuke Them

I'm only joking a little:

Sir Paul McCartney was left shaken but unhurt when his tour bus reportedly came under attack from a group of youths in Mexico during the early hours of Saturday morning, May 29, not long after finishing his second and final night at Mexico City's Foro Sol arena.

According to reports in the Daily Mirror, the incident occurred in one of the city's tourist no-go areas when a group of "thugs" forced McCartney's tour bus to stop in the street. The mob then climbed the bus before proceeding to jump up and down on the roof.

"At first his security team thought it was just swarms of fans but when people started scaling the bus, the situation changed in a flash." a source was quoted by the newspaper.

Clean Me

Every day I am going to do something -- no matter how small -- to improve my standard of living at home.

Tonight I went through the boxes of presents I have tucked away in the closet. Since my sister decided that we weren't exchanging gifts anymore, I winnowed through what I already had for her and her husband. Since my mom and brother-in-law are close, I'm handing off the four new shirts I bought for him to her. They're nice shirts, still with tags attached, and giving them to my mom will save her the time and expense of shopping for him. Best of all, it will get them out of my home.

The health/beauty items I bought for my sister will either be regifted or, in the case of the smaller or unbreakable bottles, will be sent to Operation Shoebox. I like thinking that female soldiers in Afghanistan or Iraq will enjoy the vanilla-scented body lotions and shower gels. These days I appreciate them far more than I do my sister. And, once again, it will get stuff out of my home.

I also discovered that I have so many gifts for my oldest friend that I may not have to buy anything for her until 2015. And while I still can't find handmade denim wine bottle tote for my friend Barb's birthday, I found a picture frame I forgot I'd purchased for her in Key West last year. So it all works out.

That's how this started, you see. Whenever I come upon the perfect birthday or Christmas gift for a friend -- ideal either because it's unique or because it's at an unbelievable price -- I pick it up … put it in one of the boxes in the closet and then promptly forget about it and buy something else, thereby adding to the congestion in my closet. I realize that it's that last part of my plan that I have to work on.

You Were Warned

This is Susie Essman. She is a comedic actress and, right now, a guest on The Joy Behar Show. She is not funny.

The Queen's Meme

When was the last time you ...

rolled your eyes? Probably this morning. I had a meeting this morning and one of my coworkers always inspires eye rolling on my part.

tied your shoe? In the locker room. I wear tennies when I work out.

reorganized your bedroom? So long ago I can't recall.

took a walk in the park? Easter weekend. And shame on me, because I both live and work near some beautiful parks.

chewed gum? Mid-March. I remember because I was on-site, visiting my client, and was worried about my breath.

drew a stick person? So long ago I can't recall.

activated something? A new credit card early last month.

took a photograph? So long ago I can't recall.

drank a milkshake? May 8, right after I had dental work done because my dentist recommended it and I was so stoned I just blindly followed her orders.

ate orange jello? February, 2009, right before my colonoscopy. Shudder. I shall never eat orange jello again!

google mapped an address? Last Thursday.

sang your favorite song? My favorite song changes with the wind. However, I was able to sing my favorite Diana Ross song ("The Boss") with Miss Ross herself last Thursday night.

made a peace globe? (Please show us!) November 4, 2009. I only wish it wasn't still relevant.

threw a baseball? So long ago I can't recall.

fumbled with a button? Button? I'm not so sure. But last Friday I did fear I was being held captive by the clasp on my necklace.

answered the doorbell? Last week when the grocery delivery service arrived.

spilled your drink? Over the weekend. This is not a rare occurence. My poor, poor carpet.

administered CPR? Never.

looked in the mirror? Last time I washed my hands. There’s a mirror over the sink.

testified in court? Never. I’ve been a juror, but never a witness.

made a sarcastic remark? Moi? Never!

offered someone advice? 4:30 today. My oldest friend is wrestling with some big decisions.

watched a sunrise or sunset? Sunday.

were jealous? Every damn day.

smiled when you didn’t feel like smiling? When dealing with people I know only superficially, like just now in the hallway here at work.

loved when you didn't feel like loving? Never.

ironed an article of clothing? I don’t remember when, but I do recall what. It was slacks. Is this really interesting to anyone, my Queen?

noticed you didn't give a damn? I care too much about too many things. I was even upset to hear about Al and Tipper.

had a mammogram? July

read your horoscope? This morning. I’m a Sagittarius. ”Remember, your attitude is more crucial than your actual choice, so don't diminish your power by feeding fantasies of self-doubt.”

moped? After lunch. Someone had the temerity to point out that my work isn’t perfect!

held someone’s hand? Don’t remember.

crossed a bridge? When I came to it. Tee hee.

threw away a candy wrapper? Monday night. Mournfully.

sat on a bench? While waiting for the train.

turned a page? While reading Girls Like Us as I pedaled the exercise bike.

tripped over your own 2 feet? That’s quite a regular occurrence.

dialed the wrong number? I don’t recall, but last week I did give my brother-in-law the wrong number. Does that count?

ignored a phone call? Whenever LifeSource calls. I just gave blood on 5/20. Leave me alone for awhile, you vampires!

kissed a bride? Never.

tweeted? Yesterday, as I alternated between the NCIS marathon on the USA Network and the Cubs game.

rode a roller coaster? Too long! I love roller coasters.

you were really you? When I was enjoying alone time over the long holiday weekend.

cried yourself to sleep? I’m not much of a crier.

were speechless? Ha!

rode a bus? Friday.

went to a funeral? January, 2007, when my uncle’s icky wife died. (Sorry, but death doesn’t make her more noble, it just makes her dead.)

were right? Around 11:00 today during an internal presentation at work.

smoked? Never.

were left? Sorry, I’m strictly, prohibitively right.

googled? This morning.

bent over? While taking off my tennis shoes, way back in question #2.

sent a text message? Saturday. It was to my niece. She’s the only one I text on a regular basis.

Lit a candle? Can’t recall.

Lost your temper? Haven’t really lost my temper in a while. I have gotten pissy a couple times today.

fell off a horse? Never.

changed the oil in your car? Never.

added a new FACEBOOK friend? Ages upon ages ago.

went bowling? Some time in 2009.

laughed uncontrollably? Friday night, while watching Valley of the Dolls with my oldest friend.

felt guilty? Hmmm … can’t think of anything recent.

looked up a word in the dictionary? Last week. It was the correct spelling of “raison d’etre.”

returned from the point of no return? When I sobered up Friday morning.

couldn't remember your name? Never. I know, as sure as I’m standing here solidly on my own two hands, that my name is Mrs. Leroy Jethro Gibbs.

surrendered to temptation? Monday night, and the aforementioned candy wrapper.

felt genuinely happy? I try every day.

saw a famous person? The aforementioned Miss Diana Ross.

kissed in a car? Too long! I love kissing in cars.

sent a greeting card? Last week – a graduation card for a friend’s daughter.

used your passport? Not since the Carter Administration.

yelled at your television? During the Cubs game Monday.

confided a secret? Nothing springs to mind …

changed your blog template? Last year sometime.

danced like no one was watching? Thursday night with Miss Ross. Since everyone was watching her, I’m confident no one was watching me.

wrote in cursive? About an hour ago.

took a driving test? About 25 years ago.

backed up your computer files? I’m supposed to?

when was the last time you said this was the last time? I’m tempted to make a smart ass remark about ever completing another Queen’s Meme, but I fear the dungeon.

To avoid the dungeon, play along by clicking here.

Too Much!

I have too much fat, too much clutter and too much debt. I realize I am not unique in this, but I am also slowly accepting that the remedies are in no one's control but mine. You may be saying, "duh!" but to me, this is a lightbulb idea. No more excuses.