Monday, April 26, 2021

Don't like doing it, proud I've done it.

The Big Project was done today at about 2:30. I had a miserable time working on it. And yet, when it was done, I felt elated. In a fortuitous coincidence, I just so happened to get word that the client was happy with the results of last month's Big Project.

My relief was short-lived, though. At 6:30 this evening* I got an invitation to start a new project. I'm rattled by this, since I have a dental appointment tomorrow afternoon which means I lose 4 hours. And, since the office officially closes at 2:30 on Fridays, I had hoped to take my newly-vaccinated self downtown and maybe meet John. But that might not be possible now.

I also worry because I don't yet know what this new project is. Will I be able to do it? I really hate doing new things now. My fear of failure is enormous. Fortunately, I exude confidence so my newer coworkers don't smell the terror.

You would think that, with time and experience, I would gain confidence. But that's not what's happened. Whereas earlier in my career, I only saw the potential, today I only see the peril.


*That's the bad thing about work from home. They assume I'm always here, regardless of the hour, and they're always right.