Sunday Stealing

Prompts and More Prompts

1) How do you show others love? What makes you feel loved? Like the song says, "I'll be there for you when the rain starts to pour." I'm available to those I love. I put the time in. I feel loved when someone trusts me and shares what's important and dear to them.

2) Who is someone you admire? Why? I have always admired JBKO. She lived her life on her own terms, despite unsparing public scrutiny and judgement. She faced everything life threw at her with matchless grace. As Margaret Mitchell described another heroine/horsewoman Scarlett O'Hara, she "took her fences cleanly, like a good hunter." Jackie confronted hardship and then did her best to move on.

3) Do you have the qualities you value in a friend? I like to think so. I work at it.

4) What is something you enjoyed doing when you were younger but don't do anymore? Why did you stop doing it? I used to dance a lot. Alone, at home, I'd turn up the music and spin around to get my heart rate up. I don't know why I stopped, but I don't it anymore.

5) What is something other people think is fun but you don't? Sci-fi and fantasy. The Turner Classic Movie Film Festival is in a few weeks and they just announced the opening night, red carpet film: The Empire Strikes Back. It's a big deal, and there's an extra fee to have director George Lucas himself introduce the film. I'm happy for all the fans who are happy. I'm also happy to save the money, because I quite literally have no interest in it.

It crops up when I least expect it

I just got my spring pedi. Same color as fall – Essie 321 "Mrs. Always Right" – and I was so happy with the way my nails are shaped. Plus this everyday extravagance fit so neatly into my budget. I hadn't spent my lunch money during the week and was able to use that to pay cash at the salon. Yay, me!

So why aren't I happier?

The nail tech complimented my feet, telling me the bottom of my feet are "as soft as a baby." She asked me if I did anything "special" to keep them so nice.

This got me talking about my late friend John. Back in spring 2016, he was diagnosed with severe, long-term, untreated diabetes which resulted in the amputation of one of his toes. Of course there had been signs – tingling and discoloration – that he ignored. Because he was John and he was in denial. John didn't do bad news. Well, I told the nail tech, I learned from what happened to John. I'm a fat old lady who eats too much sugar. I have to be on the lookout for diabetes so every morning I scrub my feet with an apricot scrub. It leaves them soft, yes, but it also gives me a chance to give them a daily once-over so I don't end up like John. 

The poor nail tech. She asked a simple question about my beauty regimen and she got an earful about how that amputation changed John's life forever, causing him to walk with a cane and leaving my running buddy feeling vulnerable until the end of his days.

That's the thing: John and Henry pop into my thoughts daily. It'll be a year next month that John died. June will mark one year since I lost Henry. They were more my family than most of my blood relatives. 

The loss is always with me. I go through my days thinking I'm OK and then, when I'm getting a pedi, it washes over me, hurts my heart and undoubtedly makes an unsuspecting nail tech uncomfortable.

I don't think I'll ever be over it. I'll be better, of course, but it's always going to hurt. I keep thinking of something Joe Biden used to say, "There will come a day, I promise you, when the memory of your loved one will bring a smile to your lips before it brings a tear to your eye." I trust you, Mr. President, but I'm still waiting.