July Journal Challenge

Day 31 -- Celebration

Right now I want to celebrate "these kids today." Specifically two young women.

Today a very young adult (16? 18?) who was is visiting Chicago with her girlfriends stopped en route to Millennium Park. On the busy corner of Michigan and Randolph sat a young man holding a sign that read: "Please help. When you have nothing, anything is a blessing. I SUCK AT LIFE." She said something to her girlfriends in their native tongue. The girls nodded, as if they were agreeing to wait for her. Then she opened her backpack and removed an unopened bottle of water, a box of crackers and an energy bar and gave it to the man. She was so matter of fact about her generosity toward a man many Chicagoans don't even see and it was very moving.

Then Tuesday, at the health club, a woman of about 21 or 22 came barreling into the lockerroom after her workout, furious. It seems some guy was trying to chat her up by bashing Hillary Clinton. "Don't even go there, I warned him!" She went on to say he asked her if she was "a feminist, as if it was a dirty word!" I loved two things about her: 1) she was in exquisite shape and probably could have broken him like a twig and 2) her passion.

In my heart I thank them both for giving me faith.

July Journal Challenge

Day 30 -- How today felt

Crappy. 

My boss literally has not looked at or spoken to me this week. I've heard through the grapevine that he had a terrible family vacation last week, so maybe it doesn't have anything to do with me. Except ....

There's a big client presentation on the horizon and no one is talking to me (or, to be fair, my immediate team) about it. A well-connected kid, the son of one of our client's, was in Chicago today to learn about working as a writer at an agency. My boss had him speak to one of our creative directors and a market researcher but not me. Both of these things leave me feeling very uncomfortable -- even though it's like not being invited to a party you didn't want to go to.

So I've gone from hoping for a raise last week to hoping not to be fired this week.

July Journal Challenge

Day 29 -- I wish …

For serenity.

 

July Journal Challenge

Day 28 -- Something/someone you love

Since a trio of them are facing adversity right now, my friends are top of mind at the moment. It makes me sad because I love them and I cannot "make it better."

•  Kathleen's father had a massive stroke and her extended family is trying to figure out how to handle it. At his age, what are the prospects for rehabilitation? If he can't ever live at home again, how can he still live with his wife/their mother? If Mom and Dad have to move to assisted living, what about their house? It sucks. My heart aches for her.

•  My best friend does not like his life and continues to live inauthentically. He is about to enter his second year of unemployment. His father-in-law is supporting the family, something he has a difficult time accepting. His way of handling it is to act as though it isn't happening. When all of this catches up on him, it's not going to be pretty. My heart aches for him, too.


•  My oldest friend's life has been a mess since she moved to California. First it was her job. Then it was her son. Then it was her health. Then it was her daughter. Then it was her finances. Now it's her son and her daughter. I don't know how much longer she can live under all this stress. My heart aches for her, too.

All I can do is hope and pray and worry and show my support in any way I can.

Day 27 -- A view from today

There's a big tree right outside my living room window, and two more that I can see in the yard next door. Right now they're all thick with leaves and full of squirrels and birds. During summer I often find myself transfixed by the view. 

And I am not alone.

Day 25 -- Explore

I am spending more time than I ever expected to on homedepot.com, exploring new sinks. I want something small -- less than 22" wide -- because my bathroom is so tiny. I'm learning that, fortunately, smaller means cheaper. One I choose a pedestal and basin, I will move on to exploring faucets. This is a brave new world for me!


Day 26 -- I'm excited for

The backpack drive at the neighborhood toy store, where the goal is to fill up as many backpacks as possible. Back-to-school can be so expensive for parents, and it feels so good to help. Yesterday, for just $3.19, I was able to buy #2 pencils and gluesticks. I'll pick up something else over the weekend. Not having kids of my own, I feel left out of the bts brouhaha but with the community backpack drive I can be like every other American and stroll the school supply aisles.

July Journal Challenge

Day 24 -- Old photo of a family member

I miss my girlcat. 
 
Charlotte was moody and elite and had such balls when dealing with her male feline roommates. I really admired her chutzpah. 

Connie has fit into the household very well. She's a far livelier playmate for Reynaldo than Charlotte ever was, and he's better behaved and less manic now that he has a running buddy.

Interestingly, I think Joey misses Charlotte, too. She hated him, of course, dismissing him as big and sloppy and a blight on her personal landscape. But Joey likes routine. Being hit upside the head by Charlotte every morning was something he could rely on. With her disappearance and Connie's arrival, he's been grooming himself very aggressively. I think it's nerves and confusion

I wish we could talk, Joey and I. I'd tell him that I miss her sitting on the toilet seat, observing my makeup ritual as if to guarantee that I didn't embarrass the household when I went out. I miss reaching behind me on the sofa, knowing she's sitting behind my head. And he could tell me how he misses her stealing his food.

July Journal Challenge

Day 22 -- What makes you laugh

"The Boys." That's how I think of Stewart and Colbert. When something big happens during the day, I say to myself, "I wonder what The Boys will have to say about that!" Their humor is smart but silly and politically based and I love them because they are, at heart, anarchists. They speak truth to power every night, four nights a week. They are following in the most glorious tradition of American humor. Somewhere, Groucho Marx is smiling.

 Day 23 -- Abstract

I'm afraid I don't get abstract art. And I'm afraid I can't come up with anything else for this prompt.

 Day 21 -- Your favorite story

A grandmother is planning a trip to the beach with her baby grandson. She buys him a hat to protect his little face and a shovel and pail for play in the sand. She picks up the beloved toddler and they have a wonderful time. And then a tragedy occurs: a tidal wave sweeps him away into the depths of the ocean.

 

Grandma immediately bows to her knees in the sand and prays to God for the return of her grandson.  "Please, Lord! I have always been a good person and a loving Grandmother. Please return my grandson to me."

 

Just as she finishes her prayer, a huge wave crashes back on the beach, returning the baby, his shovel and his pail in hand, to his Grandmother's side.

 

She looks at her grandson, then looks back at the sky and yells, "He had a hat!"

Ah, humans! We always want more, don't we?

July Journal Challenge

 

 Day 20 -- A Daydream You Had

 

… and continue to have. 

July Journal Challenge

 Day 19 -- The weather today

So hello, Gorgeous!

Today will be sunny and 82º. 

July Journal Challenge

Day 17 -- I'm Really Good at …

My job.

I got my annual* review this week and the results were "Needs Improvement" because I didn't/couldn't complete a project that didn't materialize (Bossman noted that on the form), an "Exceeds Expectations" for my online work and an "Excellent" for the successful and profitable ongoing project that lands solely on my shoulders.

It was very satisfying to hear.

Now all I need is money. I know I'm still making 11% less the guy I sit beside. He's a good writer -- dependable and knowledgeable. BUT the project I got an "Excellent" on accounts for more than half of my client's revenue for that division and well more than half of my agency's billings for my team. I'm a pudgy little middle-aged cash register ... for everyone but me.

I told my boss I was concerned that new employees with my same job title, those just entering the building through the revolving door, are probably making more than I am after 10 years. He told me how he's in the same boat, how hard it is to find good agency jobs at our age ... basically, that it sucks to be me.

I don't accept that. I told him I realize that he doesn't control the purse strings, but I'd like to talk to the person who does. "Who's that?" I asked. "Who knows the salary range for each job title?" He gave me the name of one of our HR reps, but told me first he'd mention my plight to the Chicago office president. I told him I appreciate that, but if nothing materializes by Labor Day, I'm talking to Human Resources.

If I don't ask, I won't get. And I've been at this agency for a decade and this will be the first time I've gone to HR for anything.

Day 18 -- Best Book Ever

For me, it's Saving Graces by Elizabeth Edwards. She wrote with breathtaking candor about loss and

grief. At times, during the scorching passages about how she struggled after the loss of her son, I had to put the down. It was too much, too revelatory, too raw.

And yet her message was ultimately life affirming: Sharing your fears and your pain doesn't make you weak, it makes you strong.

I took it to heart. I have successfully flirted with not always the strong one, for asking for help and hugs when they are needed, or at least accepting them when they are offered.

Elizabeth Edwards made a difference in my life with this book. I hope that where she is now, she knows how much she mattered to women like me who she never even met. 





*Only it wasn't annual. It's been more than two years.

July Journal Challenge

Day 14 -- Dream Job

In my next chapter, I'd either like to be a pet sitter or a Wrigley Field usher. 

I get along with dogs and especially cats. I'd love to wander around town all afternoon, petting and walking and watering and playing.

And then, of course, there's the allure of The Friendly Confines. I'd be an usher for free in exchange for admission to the park. 

We'll see which I'm doing a decade from now.

Day 15 -- Inspiration 

I've told this story before on this humble blog, and guess what! I'm telling it again!

These two photos take turns on my desktop, revolving from one into the other, telling the story of the day in the life of Jacqueline Bouvier Kennedy Onassis that provides just one example why I admire her so.

These photos were taken the same afternoon, moments apart, in autumn, 1971. The photographer who took the first shot and appears in the second shot is Ron Galella. He hounded Jackie on a daily basis, dressing up as Santa Claus to shoot her while shopping at Christmastime, hiding in coat racks for photos of her dining and sometimes even smoking (gasp!) with friends, chasing her in a speed boat while she water skied, following her into movie theaters, etc. When her children were young they still had Secret Service protection and she would ask the agents to, "Please smash his camera," and usually they would. It got so bad that in 1972, just months after this incident, she actually took him to court and got a restraining order. I often wonder what would have happened if Princess Diana had been as ballsy as JBKO; perhaps she'd still be with us.

Anyway, Jackie was running a quick errand, crossing Fifth Avenue in front of her apartment building, when Galella sidled up near her and called her name. She reflexively turned and smiled. When she saw who it was, and that this time he had an accomplice with a camera, she simply slipped the dark glasses on (thereby making the subsequent photos he shot worth a little less), kept her face impassive and kept going.

She hated Galella. He was a stalker and he frightened and enraged her. Yet look at her control. Sure, she could have lost her temper with him (Marlon Brando literally punched his teeth out), but that would have given Galella a front-page shot he could have retired on. So she just withdrew into herself and kept going.

I wear my heart on my sleeve. I have a difficult time with my temper, which often hurts no one else as much as it does me.

I hope if I gaze at her long enough and remember the story, some of it will rub off on me. "Remember, Gal, just put on your sunglasses and keep going."

Day 16 -- Home

It's a mess. I shouldn't be blogging, I should be straightening out the mass of paperwork that covers my dining room table and, thanks to the help of Reynaldo and Connie (who is learning some bad habits from Rey), has spilled onto the floor.

July Journal Challenge

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Day 13 -- Nature

 "Nature" can be defined as, "a result of inborn or inherent qualities." That's the meaning I'm going with as I write to this prompt.

Do any of us see ourselves accurately? Probably not. But I think there are certain things about my nature -- those inherent qualities -- that I can identify and that I think most people who know me will agree with.

The Gal Herself is … 

•  facile. Things I get, I grasp quickly. Sometimes I appear smarter than I am because I can be such a fast study.

•  loyal. I am a good friend, and I've had my friends for a very long time.

•  dreamy. Day-to-day life often seems dreary and disappointing. That's why I've always found it easy to send my mind away to happy place, why I often find fantasy preferable to reality.

•  tough. I'm as strong as I need to be. It's a quality I admire in others. Especially other women. Yes, Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis was a peerless style icon and Barbra Streisand is an actress and singer of rare gifts. But I'm drawn to them both because of their steel. As another one of my heroines, Scarlett O'Hara, is described in Gone With the Wind, these women "take their fences cleanly, like a good hunter." So do I. When a fence needs to be gotten over, I take it cleanly.

•  clumsy. I am the most graceless person you'll ever meet. No, really. I'm forever finding fresh bruises and cuts yet I can't remember how I got them. That's how often I bump into things.

•  lazy. When I was in high school, one of my teachers complained to my mother that I was "impossible to motivate." I'm still impossible to motivate. I resist doing anything I don't really feel like doing.

July Journaling Challenge

Day 12 -- Grateful

Oh, I'm grateful for a lot. I'll just go with what's top of mind today:

I'm grateful that I am able to get/receive love and affection from animals. It's a gift I inherited from my mom. I understand dogs and cats so well, and I get so much enjoyment from my relationship with my furry friends.

This morning I took Connie to her first visit to her new vet. In addition to feline viral rhinotracheitis -- an incurable infection that means she will always be plagued with excessive and often icky eye secretions -- he discovered that two of her teeny, tiny front teeth are gone. Connie belonged to a hoarder, a woman who had at least six cats in a small apartment, and probably spent her kitten/early adult period eating a cheap and inappropriate diet.

I am grateful that I was able to rescue her, and that from now on she will get the care she deserves -- a nutritious diet and medication for her eyes. (Note I said "deserves," not "wants;" she really hates the eye drops.) I am grateful that doing this comes to naturally to me and that I get such pleasure from it. Cats bring a bit of nature indoors, and I learn so much from having them around.

July Journaling Challenge

Day 11 -- Favorite Outfit

Cardigan or jacket over a tee and a pair of dark wash jeans. I wish I could wear shoes like this model's, but alas, my high heeled days are behind me.

I love this because it's comfortable and appropriate everywhere. I wear something like this to church, to the theater and to meetings, if the client is visiting us. (I'll swap out black slacks if I'm going to a funeral, wedding or onsite to my client's offices.)

July Journaling Challenge/Playing Catch Up

Day 8 -- Best Friend

He's out east right now, on a family vacation planned around universities his daughter wants to visit. He shot me a photo of The Green Monster after catching a White Sox/Red Sox game in Boston earlier this week.

I've blogged extensively about him and our relationship, so to rise to the challenge, as it were, I'll write something I've never shared before:  Looking back, the thing that cemented our friendship is that he usually sees the best in me. To him, I'm not obsessive, I'm dedicated. I'm not overbearing, I'm enthusiastic. It's as though the things about me that frequently make others want to smother me in my sleep are the very things he finds virtuous. That makes him very comforting to be around.

It's nice for me to pause and remember that, too, since there have been quite a few times in the last year that I've been tempted to smother him in his sleep, too. It's important for me to stop and appreciate what makes him quite wonderful.

Day 9 -- Favorite Things about Winter

Maybe it's because of the holidays, but everyone seems to be merrier in winter. Hot weather has a negative impact on our collective mood here in Chicagoland. When the mercury tops 85º for two days in a row, we start snarling at one another. But when it's winter, we smile and hold doors for one another.

Day 10 -- Dream Travel Destination

Right now, anywhere. I missed my annual spring spa getaway this year because I'm using the funds and the time off on my upcoming new medicine chest/bathroom lighting.

The aspect of travel that appeals to me most right now is waking up in a hotel room after spending the night on high thread count sheets. I love the big fluffy bath towels and the complimentary shampoo and conditioner. I don't often get room service, but I like having the option of ordering it.

I'm traveling a lot year end. Los Angeles in October, Las Vegas in November and Key West for Christmas. That's three different hotels in my future!

July Journal Challenge

Day 7 --What I did today

What did I do on Monday? It started with work. I got in early, had a productive meeting, worked out, incorporated some client updates to our upcoming September mailing, and then I waited … and waited … and played Pogo canasta. That's the bad thing about being on the creative side. It's rather passive. I have to wait for my account team to bring me new assignments, have to wait for the client to respond to the work they have in their midst so we can make their revisions.

I felt kinda funky all day. No appetite and mild but tenacious tummy trouble. I bought my lunch but couldn't bear the thought of eating it. While I certainly could live off my hump for a few days (weeks?), I know it's not smart so I had ginger ale and a couple small slices of Lou Malnati's thin crust cheese/spinach pizza. (Free! I love it when there's food in the coffee room.)

I took a nap on the train home (yeah, I know; not a smart thing to do on the Green Line) and felt better. Then I had a light dinner with my friend Kathleen and saw Maleficient. Both were awesome.

My old friend has two fantastic kids and it was was great to hear all about their young adult lives. I've known those kids since they were four and a fetus, respectively, and it's been a privilege to watch them grow up. All I had was a grilled chicken sandwich because I was still worried about my gut, but all was good in the gastrointestinal department.

The movie was terrific. I'm not an Angelina Jolie fan, and while she's beautiful I was unimpressed with her performance at the beginning of the movie. She doesn't do sweetness and light very well. But boy, once she suffers heartache and gives in to rage ... WOW! You can't take your eyes off of her. Jolie may not a likeable screen presence, but she's more than credible as a force of nature.

I liked the story of Maleficent much better than the play it's not unlike, Wicked. Maybe because Sleeping Beauty isn't as dear to me as The Wizard of Oz movie. I'm a purist when it comes to the 1939 MGM classic.

Was in bed and asleep by 11:00. It was a good day.

July Journaling Challenge

Day 6 -- Draw/paint something

No. I don't wanna.

Instead I'm giving you this picture of Joey and Connie. I love it because of the disparity in their sizes ... something they both seem completely unaware of.

Connie is going to her first vet appointment this Saturday. In the past, the doctor has told me that even though they're both fixed, they're undoubtedly still aware of their gender difference. Now I want to know if I'm right and they have no idea that Connie is petite and Joey is ... not.

BTW, the bleach bottle is there beside the refrigerator to stop her from sliding back behind there. It was a favorite hiding place when she was a new arrival. By end of summer, I think the compulsion to hide from me and the boys will only be a vague memory in her tiny brain. She's really integrated herself into our lives very comfortably.

Day 5 -- Favorite Quote

“And then the dreams break into a million tiny pieces. The dream dies. Which leaves you with a choice: you can settle for reality, or you can go off, like a fool, and dream another dream.” 

Nora Ephron from Heartburn