I ❤ Archie. Let me tell you about my imaginary boyfriend.
1. Archie Goodwin was originally created by author Rex Stout. He appears in 47 Nero Wolfe mystery novels and short stories, written first by Stout and then, after his death, Robert Goldsborough.
2. Archie is is 5'11 and 180 lbs. Light brown hair, brown eyes. Because the characters in Wolfe mysteries don't age, he is forever between 35 and 40 years old. A private investigator, licensed by the State of New York, he works for Nero Wolfe. They are an impressive team: Wolfe, the peerless genius and agoraphobic; Archie, fearless, street smart and good with his fists. He collects the clues and presents them to Wolfe, who solves the cases.
3. He is comfortable living in the shadow of his celebrity boss. He also lives comfortably in Wolfe's home, a Manhattan brownstone. His bedroom is on the third floor. The all-male household also includes Fritz Bremmer, a gourmet chef always on call (except for his day off) who lives in the basement, and Theodore Horstman, the full-time gardener who tends to Wolfe's internationally renown orchid collection. Though there 7 days a week, sometimes for as long as 12 hours in a day, Theodore does not live onsite.
4. When they aren't working cases together, Archie acts as Wolfe's secretary. He types, organizes files, handles correspondence, and balances the household accounts. He gets a two-week paid vacation each year. (No word on medical, dental or life insurance.)
5. His work with Wolfe regularly puts him in contact with law enforcement. Archie banters with Inspector Cramer of homicide and Cramer's assistant, Sgt. Purley Stebbins. Though often at cross purposes, the police respect Archie's integrity and skill, and he theirs. That's not true of Lt. Rowcliff. He and Archie make one another crazy and bring out the worst in each other. (I don't know what first Stout and then Goldsborough tried to achieve with this character, but I think he detracts more than he adds. I don't like Archie when he tangles with Rowcliff.)
6.
I love Archie best when he's being a catalyst. Wolfe is very lazy and
often won't take a case unless Archie badgers him into it. He uses humor
to distract newspaper men and persuade them to share OTR information
with him. He plays the clown or goes "aw, shucks" to ingratiate himself with witnesses and
suspects. He is a friend and confidant to Fritz and a constant irritant to Theodore.
7. Archie is an excellent dancer and owns his own tux, which comes in handy when he's tailing a socialite. He enjoys billiards – Wolfe has a table in the brownstone – and stays in practice. He plays poker every Thursday night but seems to lose as often as he wins.
8. He is a big Mets fan and enjoys eating at the ballpark. Though not a big drinker, he has beer with his hot dogs and peanuts.
9. He
stops for meals while on the street working cases and knows all the
good NYC diners. (He seems to eschew chain restaurants.) His favorite place to eat, though, is at home. Fritz is
not only an excellent cook, he's one of Archie's favorite people. He often starts his day eating breakfast in the kitchen with Fritz in companionable silence.
10. Meals play a big part in the Wolfe books. There's pheasant, shad roe, capon souvaroff, Porterhouse steaks ... While Wolfe has wine, Archie tends to sip coffee. If Archie has to miss the evening's sitdown dinner, Fritz will make him more plebeian fare, like franks and beans or a ham sandwich. Archie insists he can scramble eggs, but I don't recall ever seeing him do it.
11. He drinks milk all day long. He has no exercise regime that I'm aware of.
12.
Archie likes and appreciates women. Since he is our narrator, we hear
his impression of everyone he meets and I can't recall a single female
character he didn't say something good about. They may have good legs,
or dimples, or a melodious voice, or shiny hair, or an open manner ... Regardless of age,
race or body type, Archie admires them all. He forms instant crushes and
occasionally as he interviews a woman, he fantasizes about sending her
roses.
13.
He is involved in a long-term romantic relationship with socialite Lily
Rowan. This blue-eyed blonde is heiress to the construction dynasty that literally built New York's sewer system and today has extensive ties to City Hall. Archie is too secure to be
jealous of her position or uncomfortable in her rarefied milieu, though he does remind us that when he takes "La Rowan" out to dinner, he pays. They are not exclusive, but it is
discreetly hinted that Archie and Lily are intimate – he knows she likes
to sleep in on Sunday mornings, they have vacationed together across Europe, etc. She admires Archie's savoir-vivre. I want to be Lily Rowan.
How about you? Do you have a dream lover?
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