Monday, December 04, 2023

I don't know how Henry is ...

 ... I know that his husband Reg doesn't like Rep. Jim Jordan, as he has reposted memes to that effect, but nothing about Henry's condition.

All I know is that last week, my dear friend endured two operations on his skull. The surgeries were designed to relieve the pressure from blood clots. These clots were likely sustained during falls, either when Henry fell out of bed or went wandering in the middle of the night. If Reg had been an attentive caretaker, neither would have happened.

Perhaps the enormity of -- as the doctors told him -- his "failure as caretaker" is weighing too heavily on Reg for him to discuss this further. Or maybe he can't figure out a way to spin this, and the bruises on Henry's arms and hips, as somehow something terrible that has happened to him and not Henry. I know Reg is drinking a great deal. But I feel empty without updates.

I'm not reaching out, though. Reg knows how to contact me and has chosen not to. When he's drunk and hyper-emotional, he is neither the easiest nor the most reliable of reporters. When I am as angry and hyper-emotional as I am right now, he and I would make a combustible combination.

And for me, that is also part of the problem. For this post has been about Reg's staggering inadequacy and my frustration and heartache. It's so easy to lose that frail man, hospitalized for the 5th time in 12 months, clinging to life and the ability to communicate and many other things I take for granted.

I am sorry, Henry. You are special and loving and you deserve so much better than this. 

Photo by JAFAR AHMED on Unsplash