My mother tells me that our family patriarch is fading fast. He is frail and his memory comes and goes. She doesn't expect him to live much longer.
I don't care.
This is not the reaction I thought I would have. For he molested me when I was in high school and continued to behave inappropriately toward me all the way into my 30s, when I finally decided I would not put up with it anymore. I have not been in the same room with him since.
My relationship with him was major and has had an impact across my entire life. So when I imagined this inevitable turn of events, I always thought I'd have a bigger reaction. Relief. Or maybe a desire for reconciliation/resolution. Nope. I don't feel anything that complicated at all.
So I have to go out of town to visit a friend. On short notice. The one I want is the one I always turn to when times are tough -- my best friend. He has a way of making my world make sense, no matter what is going on. But he's a straight man and I don't think (OK, I know) his wife wouldn't welcome my sudden appearance on their doorstep.
I'm actually thinking of a solo escape to Vegas. It's easy to book a last-minute flight and I could play some slots in the casino and get a massage and pedi in the salon while my family is busy eulogizing and planting the old boy.
I know this is a weird post, but this is a weird situation, isn't it?
Oh well, the old turd is still breathing. So I don't have to do anything about anything right now.
These are the thoughts and observations of me — a woman of a certain age. (Oh, my, God, I'm 65!) I'm single. I'm successful enough (independent, self supporting). I live just outside Chicago, the best city in the world. I'm an aunt and a friend. I feel that voices like mine are rather underrepresented online or in print. So here I am. If my musings resonate with you, please visit my blog again sometime.
Friday, January 06, 2012
Not the reaction I thought I'd have
Posted by The Gal Herself at 1/06/2012 04:17:00 PM 7 comments:
Subscribe to: Posts (Atom)