My theory about Caylee Anthony

This case -- featured on the cover of the new PEOPLE -- continues to both fascinate and haunt me.

The mom and now defendant, Casey Anthony, is a pathological liar and an amazing nut job. The grandmother, Cindy Anthony, is more than a little bizarre herself. The dogged investigators keep relentlessly pursuing clues and piecing the puzzle together. Most of all, there's Caylee, the bewitching missing victim, a tiny brown-eyed girl who captured the heart of all who have met her (except perhaps, tragically, her mom).

Here's my theory: Mom Casey -- unemployed party girl -- couldn't afford a sitter but couldn't bear to spend a single night without male attention. So she would take Caylee with her and, to make sure she slept quietly in the car while Mom partied on, Casey would dose Caylee with chloroform. One night, she simply used too much.

She paniced and tried to make Caylee's death looks like a more blameless, more easily understandable, accident by leaving her in the backyard pool. For whatever reason, that didn't work and she had to move the body again. Stuffing her child in the trunk, Caylee drove around and found a spot in the woods. She settled on a secluded spot and disposed of little Caylee.

Caylee. Poor Caylee. I hope her passing was painless, and that she's at peace.

My hero

What with my post-Cub depression and stock market panic and job fears, I have suffered a loss without allowing myself to absorb it.

I will never see Greg Maddux pitch again.

My favorite Cub of all time very likely played his last game in the Dodgers' loss to the Phillies on Wednesday night. I miss him already. What will my Aprils be like from now on?

Four Cy Young Awards, 355 wins, more Gold Gloves than any other pitcher has won ever …

He said of his role as Dodger reliever in these playoff games, "I felt privileged to do it. I was glad I had a chance to pitch."

It was a privilege to watch him pitch all these years, too.

I'm scared

Yesterday was not a good day for me.

I have spent weeks working on a presentation, trying to get it right, fighting the good fight internally so we could give our client the best possible solutions. Wednesday evening, as I was leaving the office to go home and get some sleep, I learned that our client was slashing budgets and most likely wouldn't be able to launch the initiative we were presenting and proposing for January 2009.

Even scarier -- They weren't sure they were going to have the money to use it at all during 2009.

If the client doesn't need what I create, the agency I work for doesn't need me.

So I had to get up at 5:00 AM to ride for hours to present something I worked hard on that may very well end up be totally unusable.

Got home to find my 401(k) statement. I have lost $4,085 over the last three months.

Then I went to my condo association meeting. My proposed assessment for 2009 is 10% more.

So I could soon be an unemployed 50 year old woman who works in an industry that is really hurting right now. My retirement account is dwindling the same way my job prospects are. I have too much credit card debt and can expect increased expenses when I may be relying on decreased income.

Let's be real: If I wasn't scared, I'd be an idiot.

The plus side: I have 8 months' worth of expenses in the bank (though not all FDIC insured ...). I just made my April 2009 mortgage payment. Much of my Christmas shopping is already done (I buy things throughout the year as I come upon them). I already have the funds for my mom's 2009 Medicare Part B insurance and snow removal service. Most of my holiday trip to Key West is already paid for, so no matter what, I won't have to cancel that.

So it's not as bad as it could be. But still, I'm scared. And since the job market is so crappy, there is precious little I can do about it, except to tighten my belt and try to calm down.

Breathe … breathe … breathe … sleep … sleep … sleep …