I can't shake this feeling of dread. Like a storm is headed toward me and I can't get out of the way.
Part of it is my neighbors.
I'm now on the condo board. It's only fair, I suppose. I've lived here forever and I don't intend to move, so I should do my part and help run this building we share.
But now I'm privy to information I'm not sure I want to know. For example, owners collectively owe $80,000! You could BUY a one 1BR apartment in this building for that!
Some of it is the special assessment for bed bugs. Not everyone was able to pay. One of my neighbors was stubbornly unwilling -- she feels that since she didn't have the bugs in her unit, she shouldn't be assessed the cost of exterminating them. Looks like we're going to have to involve the lawyer. Which means spending up to $700 to collect $850. Sigh.
But much of it is The Saddest Boy Ever
. While he didn't bring the bugs into the building, he became and remains the epicenter of infestation. And that's because he's filthy. Literally. His once pale carpet has been darkened by bug feces. The exterminators say that the only way to ensure that his unit is bug free is to remove the baseboards and strategically drill holes in the floor to spray. He won't participate. He says he will, he acknowledges that he has to, and then is just never home when the exterminators come.
Every time the exterminators come, we have to pay them something for their time. This can't go on.
I found out that many of his personal belongings -- and his late mother's -- are gone. They had to be discarded because of infestation. With no sofa and no mattress/box spring, he's now sleeping on an air mattress given to him by a member of the condo board. And has been Christmastime.
We're going to have to take legal action. He's putting the building at risk -- not only our health but our liability. The woman across the hall has a little boy and she is demanding to know whether the building (meaning his unit) is bug free. She has that right -- morally and legally.
This can't go on. Ultimately, he's going to be evicted. Because he's battling demons. My conscience is clear -- I know how much work has already gone into helping him (even the air mattress he sleeps on was a gift from a board member). But I hate where this is headed. And I'm haunted by what will happen to him. He's not equipped for this world.
Part of it is work.
Too much tension. Too much drama. I wish I was in better shape financially. Then I'd wish to be the next to go. But I do need the money. I desperately need that paycheck every two weeks so I can better prepare for retirement. Right now, I only have 3 years worth of expenses put away. I'd like to say that, with Social Security, I can stretch it to four but I'm not confident. After all, Medicare doesn't cover dental, and our teeth don't get stronger with time.
So I worry. And worry.