Thursday Thirteen #400

For my 400th TT, I decided to recycle one from 10 years ago.  Before I get the same comments I got a decade ago: Yes, TV Guide is still published. Here's the subscription link.

Thursday Thirteen #231

THE THIRTEEN MOST POPULAR

TV STARS OF ALL TIME 

How to rank something so incredibly subjective? By turning to the TV Bible, aka TV Guide, of course! It's been publishing regularly since April 1953. And here are their thirteen most frequent cover subjects.

1) Lucille Ball -- 31 covers

2) Mary Tyler Moore -- 24 covers

3) Johnny Carson -- 23 covers

4) Bill Cosby AND Oprah Winfrey -- tied at 19

5) Larry Hagman -- 18 covers

6) Carol Burnett -- 17 covers

7) Barbara Walters AND Carroll O'Connor -- tied at 16

8) Michael Landon AND Michael J. Fox -- tied at 15. These two Michaels grew up before our eyes on the cover of TV Guide.   

•  Landon was 23 when he had his first cover, as Little Joe Cartwright of Bonanza, in 1960 and 54 when TV Guide ran a cover story memorializing him upon his death in 1991.

•  Fox was 21 when he appeared on his first cover as Alex P. Keaton of Family Ties in 1982, and 52 at the time of his most recent cover in 2013.

9) Cybil Shepherd -- 14 covers (I was surprised she was this popular)

10) Lawrence Welk AND Raymond Burr AND Jaclyn Smith (what an odd combination!) -- tied at 13

11) Richard Chamberlain AND Roseanne AND Ted Danson -- tied at 12

Tom Selleck in 1980 ....

... and 35 years later

12) Bob Hope AND Candice Bergen AND Mike Wallace AND Tom Selleck -- tied at 11 (Selleck was on the cover for the 11th time earlier this month)

13) Andy Griffith AND James Garner AND Jerry Seinfeld AND Hugh Laurie -- tied at 10

Please join us for The NEW THURSDAY THIRTEEN. Click here to play along, and to see other interesting compilations of 13 things.

WWW.WEDNESDAY

 

WWW. WEDNESDAY asks three questions to prompt you to speak bookishly. To participate, and to see how other book lovers responded, click here. 

PS I no longer participate in WWW.WEDNESDAY via that link because her blog won't accept Blogger comments. I mention this only to save you the frustration I experienced trying to link up.

1. What are you currently reading? Unleashed by David Rosenfelt. I admit I needed a Silkwood shower after the OJ book (below) and so I reached for my fantasy boyfriend, Andy Carpenter. While he likes sports, he couldn't be more different from those in OJ's world. Andy is self-deprecating, true to Laurie, and dedicated to giving back. Plus Andy is funny, and there are precious few laughs in the Simpson case. 

 

This one shines a light on a supporting character in Andy's world: Sam Willis, his accountant. Sam meets an old high school rival who needs a good lawyer, and of course Sam recommends Andy. Turns out Barry is in much deeper trouble than Sam realized, and Barry's wife (Sam's first, long-ago love) is involved. I'm looking forward to lots of twists and turns.

2. What did you recently finish reading? How I Helped OJ Get Away with Murder: The Shocking Inside Story of Violence, Loyalty, Regret and Remorse by Mike Gilbert. I found this book compelling from a human perspective. What if someone you like, work for and depend upon does something terrible? How much loyalty do they deserve? Add to all this the white hot spotlight that came with The Trial of the Century. All that public attention just exacerbated the Us vs. Them mentality inside Simpson's inner circle and skewed Gilbert's perceptions. I get all that and, at times, understood his attitude toward OJ. After all, Simpson had for years opened the Rockingham estate to Gilbert and his family. It was "Uncle OJ" who sent a bouquet to Gilbert's daughter before a dance recital and brought an antique lamp to literally brighten the room of Gilbert's mom, who was in assisted living.

 

But here's the thing: I don't like Mike Gilbert. He began the book with an anecdote from early 1992, chastising OJ for playing golf with then-President Clinton because Gilbert doesn't approve of Bill and Hill. Say what you will about the Clintons, but Bill never donned a black cap and gloves and cut the throat of a woman while her children slept upstairs, as Gilbert admits OJ would do within months of that day on the links. He takes a gratuitous swipe against Marcia Clark, saying she mishandled a witness. He'd heard the woman had been in rehab with Clark and the prosecutor was afraid the story would come out. Gilbert can't prove this is true, but there it is in his book. Most of all, there's Christie Prody. She's the young woman who hooked up with OJ after the trial and moved with him to Florida. Gilbert seems to blame her the drugs and debauchery OJ indulged in during those years. Like a young and penniless girl had that kind of power. Then – get this – Gilbert negotiated a deal for an OJ/Christie sex tape, ready to profit from their "debauchery" even as he judged it.

 

So I'm glad I read this for the view of life inside a moral tornado. I'm just sorry our tour guide was such an asshole.

3. What will you read next? I don't know.

 

 

We're not friends anymore

I never converse with my oldest friend anymore. I no longer even try. When I call her, I get the familiar voice mail message telling me her mail box is full. She doesn't answer my emails. I suspect this doesn't have much to do with me personally. I've come to believe she's avoiding creditors. I know she owes her former landlord $8,000 -- money she has no way of paying. Years ago, when she was on the verge of losing her car, she stopped answering voicemail and email, too.

Ignoring voicemail does not preclude her from making outgoing calls. She doesn't want to talk to me. I don't know why.

I hear from her regularly. She IMs me silly videos of old ladies laughing and falling down, doing yoga and falling down, getting drunk and falling down. Apparently this is how she sees our friendship. I kinda get it. When we saw one another regularly, from the time we were in first grade until she moved to California, we did laugh all the time. I can't recall the last time we laughed together.

When we were both working -- me in advertising, her in hospital administration -- we used to exchange long emails. Chatty and detailed. I know that, on my end, I'd add a few lines to the latest email between meetings or conference calls, or before I logged off for the day and went home. It seems counterintuitive that now, when we're not working, I never hear from her in any meaningful way. I kinda get this, too. Her life isn't going that well. She no longer has an apartment and is sharing a ranch house with three other seniors. They're like The Golden Girls -- they each have their own bedroom and share the kitchen, living room and bathrooms. I wish I thought she, Jonathon, Robert and Karen were like Rose, Blanche, Dorothy and Sophia, spending their evenings in the kitchen sharing their lives over cheesecake. I hope that's what's happening. The alternative is that she's consumed by depression or health issues. I don't like thinking that, so I brush it away. After all, there is nothing I can do about it from this distance. She doesn't pick up her phone and she doesn't answer emails. All I can do is give a "thumbs up" to the latest clip of old ladies laughing and falling down.

It bothers me that, as little as I know about her life, that's how much she knows about mine. She doesn't even seem curious. Naturally this hurts my feelings.

But I know she can't. With her bipolar condition, her health issues and her financial situation, every day must be a battle for her. Her cousin and her son, those two she loves more than everyone else, seem to have had enough of her drama and cut ties. I've concluded she just doesn't have the wherewithal to be an equal partner in this relationship. 

I love her. She holds my history and I honor that. So I will keep the lines of communication (such as they are) open. All that is required of me is to click on irrelevant videos. And to adjust to life without her. Because the friendship I knew is gone.

 

Saturday 9

Saturday 9: Flowers (2023)
   

Unfamiliar with this week's tune? Hear it here.

 

1) In this song, Miley Cyrus sings about gold as though it represents the best. Do you more often wear gold or silver? Silver

 

2) She also sings the praises of buying herself flowers. Are there any cut flowers in your home right now? Nope. When I was working every day in an office setting, I always had cut flowers in a vase on my desk. All year around. But now I'm afraid my cats would view the flowers as a salad bar.

 

3) She tells us she's going to paint her nails cherry red. Do you handle your own mani/pedi, do you go to a salon, or do you just let your nails go natural? I get a professional pedi several times a year and touch it up on my own between visits. I am not very good at this.

4) In 2019, Miley had vocal cord surgery, and her recovery required her to go weeks without uttering a sound. Would it be difficult for you to keep your lips zipped for a week? Depends on who is around. I could very comfortably go a week without seeing, or talking to, anyone. I would feel no need to seek out company. But if someone else so happens to be around, well, I will always be compelled to fill the silence. This is why Chandler is my favorite Friend.

5) Dolly Parton is Miley's godmother, and Miley singles Dolly out as the one who taught her "how to treat people well." Tell us about someone who was a positive influence on you. My Cousin Rose. Apart from the other women in the family, she was always independent and always went her own way. She let me see what was possible.

6) She is a massive Elvis fan and swoons every time she watches Blue Hawaii because he professes his love for Maile, pronounced "Miley." What movie have you watched many times? According to Letterboxd, I've seen Jailhouse Rock eight times. I'm sure I've seen The Wizard of Oz way more than that.

 

7) In 2023, when "Flowers" was released, actor Sir Michael Gambon died. Though he distinguished himself performing Shakespeare with the Royal National Theater, he is best known for playing Dumbledore in several Harry Potter movies. Who is your favorite Harry Potter character? I don't have one. I know nothing about the Potter universe, except that my niece is sure I would be a Hufflepuff. Which sounds cute.

8) 2023 was a busy year for England's Royal Family, with the crowning of King Charles III and the publication of Prince Harry's memoir, Spare. Do you have a favorite among the Windsors?

 

9) Random question: Do your siblings have children? If yes, are you close to them? Both of my sisters have kids. I'm close to the two who grew up near me, not to the two who grew up in California.

 

 

Where Stable Meets Consistent, You'll Find Me

Photo by Robert McGowan on Unsplash

This is me. Or it would be, if I was younger and stronger and my breasts were still as high they once were.* I feel fine about my life right now. At this moment. Which is noteworthy because I've been worrying. A lot. 

I have friends and loved ones who are struggling. Some have financial issues, some have physical/emotional/cognitive issues, some struggle with both. My friend Mindy, on the other hand, "downsized" to a 3BR, 4BA home in a wealthy northern suburb and has been vacationing in places like Italy and Vietnam. 

When I was working, I better understood my life and my expectations of it. But in retirement, I've felt unmoored. Am I doing it right?

So this month I've been sitting down with the experts and have received their assessments. I didn't intentionally designate February for navel gazing, it's just worked out that way. This is what I've learned:

•  My primary care physician says my cholesterol and blood sugar are "stable." We discussed my spinal stenosis and arthritis but she is happy that I'm managing both with yoga, stretching exercises and chiropractic adjustments, not meds. No diabetes, heart trouble, or hip/knee replacements appear on my (immediate) horizon. In short, for an overweight 67-year-old woman, I'm fine.

•  My clinical psychologist says I'm "consistent." This was, particularly, in response to my concerns about "losing" words. "Lethologica," she called it. A word or phrase will be on the tip of my tongue and I just cannot retrieve it! Yes, it can be an early indicator of Alzheimer's but in and of itself, it's not. She says that in the four+ years we've been working together, my cognitive abilities have remained "consistent." She reassured me that she knows what to look for (she went to doctor school, after all) and if she noticed something amiss we would address it. In short, for a 67-year-old woman, I'm fine.

•  My Chase financial planner and I talked "wealth management." I don't consider myself a rich woman, and I'm not compared to Mindy, but my outlook is not at all dire, either. I can live as I do now for another 25 years. Then, he said, I'd probably have to "make changes" (sell my condo). I almost started to laugh. In 25 years I will be 92! I doubt I'll still be alive, but if I am, I'll already be in assisted living, funded by my long term care insurance and the sale of this condo. I am not worried about having to "readjust my lifestyle" at 92. So, for a 67-year-old woman who wants nothing more than to dine out regularly with friends, provide her two spoiled felines with quality veterinary care, and take a couple of trips each year, I'm fine. BTW, those are domestic trips. Mindy can have Europe and Asia. Right now I'm excited about The TCM Classic Film Festival!

Oh, I'm aware "fine" is not great. In the old Sears mattress ranking of "good-better-best," my life is the equivalent of a mid-priced Serta Perfect Sleeper. My apartment is a hovel. It needs new flooring, fresh paint (drywall in the living room), and a serious "de-junking." I'll look at all that after I have paid the big old special assessment I know is coming our way. 

I don't move enough. I don't drink 8 glasses of water a day, and I have to. My new boss at the card shop has been giving me incremental hours -- yay! -- but these longer shifts on my feet leave me exhausted. Seriously, after a 5- or 6-hour shift, I get home and take a two hour nap! So I can see a day when the wage won't be worth the wear-and-tear and I'll hang it up and retire altogether. 

But why borrow trouble? My late minister once said, "Don't waste your dread." Right now, I am fine. For the next five years -- as well as any of us can know anything about what the future holds -- I'll continue to be fine. 

I'm going to sit here for a moment and appreciate the fineness of it all and feel a little gratitude. And chug a cup of water.

 

*Or if I wore red lipstick or would ever allow myself to wear ammunition (!). But you get the idea.

Thursday Thirteen #399

 13 Great SNL Castmembers. Sometimes I love the whole show, sometimes I'm just killing time until Weekend Update comes on. Some casts I barely remember because my Saturday social life took precedence. 

But none of that diminishes what Saturday Night Live has accomplished. I'll never sniff at the the talent and dedication that goes into putting 90 minutes of topical comedy, performed live, on air, week after week. And I understand it's like popular music in that every generation thinks theirs was best. While my funniest-ever was Gilda, a younger generation would insist it's Kristen Wiig. 

So I let Cory Woodroof, an entertainment writer at USA Today, rank the top 13 SNL castmembers.

13. Tina Fey.

12. Bill Murray.

11. Adam Sandler.

10. Kate McKinnon.

9. Dana Carvey.

8. Kristin Wiig.

7. Maya Rudolph.

6. Chris Farley.

5. Kenan Thompson.

4. Will Farrell.

3. Gilda Radner.

2. John Belushi.

1. Eddie Murphy.

PS My list would include Dennis Miller, Norm MacDonald and Colin Jost. I love Weekend Update!

Please join us for THURSDAY THIRTEEN. Click here to play along, and to see other interesting compilations of 13 things.

WWW.WEDNESDAY

 

WWW. WEDNESDAY asks three questions to prompt you to speak bookishly. To participate, and to see how other book lovers responded, click here. 

PS I no longer participate in WWW.WEDNESDAY via that link because her blog won't accept Blogger comments. I mention this only to save you the frustration I experienced trying to link up.

1. What are you currently reading? How I Helped OJ Get Away with Murder: The Shocking Inside Story of Violence, Loyalty, Regret and Remorse by Mike Gilbert. I recently watched Netflix docuseries on the murders of Nicole Brown and Ron Goldman and was introduced to OJ's agent and confidant. One of his comments really resonated with me. Gilbert wondered whether OJ was a good man who did a terrible thing, or if he was a terrible man who could occasionally do good. It reminded me of something our minister said while encouraging us to do prison work: Don't judge an entire life by its worst moment.

 

OK, but Gilbert eventually cut all ties with OJ and even wrote this book, which obviously is not a defense. How did he get here? I believe we each have a snapping point -- which is why I'm against citizens carrying handguns -- so I suppose it's possible that I could somehow find myself in his position. How do you deal with it when someone you love does something despicable?

 

I'm ruefully amused that in early 1994, Mike Gilbert didn't approve of OJ golfing with President Bill Clinton. Gilbert was all judgey about Bill while he was proudly representing a man who, within months, was going to commit a double homicide. Okeedokee.

 

Btw, this is a library book. I'm not yet sure of Gilbert's motives and don't wish to support exploitation with my cash.

2. What did you recently finish reading? Saving Graces: Finding Solace and Strength from Friends and Strangers by Elizabeth Edwards. This is a reread for me. I once again found it immensely moving, but it landed differently this time than it did 20 years ago.

 

Back then, I was shaken by Elizabeth's courageous candor about how the death of her son rocked her. She shamelessly recounted how she literally collapsed with grief in the grocery store when confronted with Wade's favorite soda. In 2006, I had to put the book down after that passage. It was too real, too raw. It shocked me that anyone would willingly share something (and she shared much in a similar vein) that made them seem so vulnerable, so wacky. As I made my way through these difficult passages, I realized Elizabeth was teaching me that it's OK to be weak, to struggle, to hurt and to be confused. That weakness, struggle, hurt and confusion are universal and can bring us closer to one another and those connections will ultimately bring us strength. I've internalized that. In the last 20 years, I've been more honest with my friends and loved ones. This past spring, after my friend John died, I very honestly called Joanna and Elaine and told them I was suffering. They each came through for me. I am grateful to them, and to Elizabeth Edwards for being my sherpa.

 

But in 2025 it hit me differently. I worked on the Kerry/Edwards campaign, and this time it was those chapters that made me the most emotional. We've lost so much in the last 20 years! Elizabeth recounts how shocked she was when, en route to a campaign appearance, a man held up a handmade sign calling her, "Fatso." Today the Oval Office is inhabited by a man who, while being deposed about a rape, said unasked that the female lawyer questioning him was not his "type." Good to know what our Predator in Chief's preferred "type" of rape victim is, I guess. (I'm not making this up. See it here.) After the 2004 election, John Edwards was reluctant to concede because of Republican shenanigans in Ohio. Come to think of it, in 2000 there were shenanigans in Florida. Apparently the Bush campaign was good at shenanigans. So why didn't I go to Washington, storm the Capitol and beat up a cop or two? Because Al Gore and John Kerry were patriots who were more concerned with the peaceful transfer of power than in possessing it by any means necessary. 

So this time around, Elizabeth's words have spurred me to fight for my country, like she did as a Vietnam-era college student. When one of her professors chided her, telling her no one in Washington was not paying attention to peace protests and asking why do it, she said she continued because she had to do something. Well now, I have to do something, too. Something more meaningful than hand-wringing posts like this and Facebook memes. I'm going to raise funds for candidates I believe in and work on local campaigns so that by the mid-terms, Trump's power will be diminished. (Don't worry, Elon. I will do all this legally and peacefully. No reason to shut down my blog and toss me in the Gulag.)

3. What will you read next? I don't know.

 

 

 

Saturday 9

Saturday 9: Cupid (1961)
 
Unfamiliar with this week's tune? Hear it here.

 

1) In this song, Sam Cooke enlists the help of Cupid, the Roman god of love, to help him get a girl. In Greek mythology, the god of love and lust has a different name. Do you know what it is? Eros.

 

2) Sam Cooke was inducted as a charter member into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. The museum and hall are located in Cleveland, OH. Cleveland is proud of the six major museums featured on its website. When did you most recently visit a museum? Before Christmas, Elaine and I went to The Art Institute of Chicago to see a special exhibit: The Great Wave. We also checked out The Thorne Miniature Rooms, and they really bowled me over. And, maybe this is just a corny Chicago thing, but I got to pose in front of the Art Institute Lions, all duded up for Christmas.

 

3) Sam went to Wendall Phillips Academy, the same Chicago high school Nat King Cole attended. Can your high school claim any noteworthy alums? Just me.

4) "Cupid" was released in 1961. One of the major news stories of that year was the death of Ernest Hemingway. Have you read any of his works? Yes. I love the spare and clean prose. I'm not always fond of what he says, but I'm crazy about how he says it.

  
Since February 14 was Valentine's Day...

 
5) Sweethearts, those small heart-shaped candies printed with messages like "Be Mine" and "Kiss Me," are top sellers this time of year. Did you enjoy them as a child? Do you enjoy them now? Didn't like 'em then, don't like 'em now.

 

6) While Valentine's Day is popular in Mexico, it's celebrated a bit differently than it is here. For our neighbors to the south, it's a day for love and friendship, with no distinction between romantic, familial or platonic love. Do you tell your friends you love them? Or do you reserve "I love you" for your partner and family? I tend to find myself saying, "Love you, too." I wish initiating it came easier to me. I think we all need more love these days.

7) In Poland, Valentine's Day, or Walentynki, is often celebrated with a gift of "tea and sweets" -- a tin of black tea paired with candy. Do you more often drink tea or coffee? Tea. I hate coffee. No, really. I hate coffee.

 

8) One of London's top accounting firms did a study and reports that in England, Valentine's Day is a 52%/48% affair. 52% of the participants planned on buying at least one card or gift, while 48% did not expect to spend anything on Valentine's Day. This year, were you one of the 52% or the 48%? I was one of the 48%. But I worked at the card shop yesterday (see post below), so I assisted the 52%.

9) A similar study in Rome showed that today's young lovers would prefer to share a romantic experience on Valentine's Day – a stroll through the gardens of Villa Borghese was a popular choice – than exchange gifts. Would you rather do something memorable for Valentine's Day or receive something you can retain as a keepsake? I'd rather have a keepsake. Which is why, I suppose, my condo is overstuffed and overflowing with stuff.

 

 

 

Hooray for Love!

What I like best about my job at the card shop is the little glimpses customers give me into their lives. Today was the first Valentine's Day I ever worked and I enjoyed it thoroughly for the small part I got to play in their celebrations.

1. The solemn girl. She looked to be in junior high. We get a lot of girls her age in our store but usually they come in as a rowdy pack. This one was alone. She went carefully through the various displays throughout the store. I was surprised to see her lingering so long in the baby shower section before finally landing on a Jelly Cat,  a mother cuddling her duckling. Last one we had in stock. It came to $52 and change. She withdrew her zipper pouch and carefully counted out $55 in haphazardly folded bills. 

"One of my favorites," I told her as I put the stuffed duck in a bag. "Glad to know they're going to a good home."

"It's for my mom," she said with quiet pride. I was touched. It probably took her a long time to earn that money. I can't imagine the mother who would not love such a gift from her daughter.

2. The picky husband. This is a generalization, of course, but men just head to our Valentine display and grab a card with a heart on it. But not this hubby. Be perused. He ruminated. He settled on a card that was dotted with Sweetheart candies. "Be Mine," "Kiss Me," etc. But I could tell by the way he dropped it on the counter he was definitely settling. I asked him if he wanted to check out our overstock and produced a small wire basket filled with ones and twos. He was so pleased with the card he found there he actually shook my hand and thanked me for my help.

3. Budget Romeo. This older gentleman was struggling to find a Valentine gift he could afford. I was touched by how frank he was about this. I took him to our sale table. We had some paper poinsettias left over from Christmas, now $2.00 each. We agreed that since red is the color of Valentine's Day, they were just as appropriate in February as they'd  been in December. He was happy that his purchase was less expensive and more festive than a single Valentine card.

4. Cat Daddy. My favorite! This man was checking out our Valentine's table but wasn't excited about anything he saw. Still he kept circling. He was buying a gift for his boyfriend and just didn't like anything we had. I suggested that maybe he was going about this wrong. Instead of trying to make a conventional Valentine gift fit their unique relationship, maybe he should choose the right present and we'll just find a Valentine gift bag to put it in. Voila! Turns out his boyfriend is a cat lover. Well! I knew just where to steer him. He ended up with an "Ask Me about My Cats" desk name plate and a cat mug. Plus a Valentine gift bag and tissue paper (<<< incremental purchase, good for the store's bottom line). 

I love love. I'm just not especially good at it myself. So today gave me pleasure.

Photo by Naomi Irons on Unsplash

Thursday Thirteen #398

The "joyful heart" edition. I'm working on my taxes, which is not the most fun I'm going to have this month. But I do enjoy this part: Reviewing my charitable giving. Every one of this contributions brought me joy. Giving grounds me and presents an opportunity to live my faith. Remember what we learned in Sunday School? "God loves a cheerful giver." 

So, without further ado, here are the 13 charities I donated to the most and most often during 2024. I've included links, if you're interested in giving.

1. My church

2. The local food pantry. To find a food pantry in your community, click here.

3. Harmony House for Cats. Chicagoland has many shelters, but for some reason this one doesn't get a lot of local buzz. That's why I've singled them out for attention and dollars.

4. Doctors without Borders. I'm grateful for this monthly donation because it stops me from being reactive. When I see a tragedy on foreign shores and I want to reach for my wallet, I pause and say to myself: DWB is there, so you've already helped.

5. Feeding America. While I prioritize my neighbors and neighborhood, I don't ignore the rest of the country.

6. Anthony Rizzo Family Foundation. My favorite ballplayer is my hero. Anthony Rizzo is always giving back and his joy is undeniable. One baseball fan said he's so happy, she suspects "Anthony Rizzo is really a golden retriever turned into a man by a good witch."

7. Greenpeace. I like thinking that I've helped leave a better world for the next generation.

8. Hephzibah Children's Association. Provides foster care and daycare for families in need.

9. Marine Toys for Tots. This one is my penance. I worked in advertising for 43 years, which means I did my part in commercializing Christmas and teaching wee ones to expect glorious stuff from Santa. What about kids whose parents can't afford stuff?

10. Fried's Cat Shelter. I do this in my uncle's memory. He was a cat lover and more than that, deeply touched by the Frieds' story. This Indiana shelter was started by Hans and Lucille Fried, Jews who fled the Nazis and ended up here in the Midwest. When they retired, they sold their home and bought a roadside motel, turning it into a no-kill shelter. It was Hans' way of giving back, and often said, "To save a life is more in conformity with God's law than to kill." Between the cats, the Frieds, and my favorite uncle, how could helping them not bring me joy?

11. The Night Ministry. The homeless are my neighbors. I want to help, but I often don't know how. The Night Ministry provides food, health care and human connection.

12. Metropolitan Community Church of Key West. This was Henry's church. I worshiped there with him many times. How he loved his spiritual home! He died this past year and I felt it keenly that he didn't have a formal service. So I did this, and it brought me comfort.

13. World Wildlife Fund. I do this in my mom's memory. Penguins, seals, elephants ... she worried that her not-yet-born great grandchildren wouldn't get to see those wonderful creatures and every Christmas she donated $10 to WWF. That $10 was a big deal to her. I like to think of how proud she'd be that I'm trying to expand on her good works.

Lest you think I'm a wealthy philanthropist ... I see a receipt here for $3 donated to Petco's animal organization. Yes, I'm deducting it.

Please join us for THURSDAY THIRTEEN. Click here to play along, and to see other interesting compilations of 13 things.

 

WWW.WEDNESDAY

 

WWW. WEDNESDAY asks three questions to prompt you to speak bookishly. To participate, and to see how other book lovers responded, click here. 

PS I no longer participate in WWW.WEDNESDAY via that link because her blog won't accept Blogger comments. I mention this only to save you the frustration I experienced trying to link up.

1. What are you currently reading? Saving Graces: Finding Solace and Strength from Friends and Strangers by Elizabeth Edwards. This is a reread for me. When I first picked it up almost 20 years ago, it had a major impact. I reached for it again now because I long to feel something powerful, something hopeful, again. 

It seems I am shocked anew every day. Our President wants to revoke birthright citizenship and signed that Executive Order on the holiday for Dr. King's birthday. Are Trump and his supporters really that ignorant of US history, or just that insensitive? Then our President mocked the idea of visiting the Washington DC plane crash site, saying, "It's the water. You want me to go swimming?" People who assaulted Capitol police on January 6 were pardoned because violence against cops is just ducky if you're willing to do it for him. And half my countrymen are applauding this! Most disturbing are the ones who quote Scripture all the time. Let's face it: Jesus was a man of color born on the West Bank. If he walked among us today, MAGA would try to deport him.

So I'm returning to Elizabeth Edwards, that gallant lady who endured so much. I recall her teaching me that sharing your fears and pain can strengthen your faith and your relationships and that is a lesson I need to hear again.

2. What did you recently finish reading? Agatha Raisin and the Wizard of Evesham by MC Beaton. The "Wizard of Evesham" is a hairdresser, Mr. John, known for his transformative styling talents and his way with the ladies. Even our hard-boiled Aggie is not immune to his charms. Though drawn to him, she also has reservations. Something about him seems "off." So she decides to snoop around. Is she doing this because Mr. John is up to no good, or merely because she's bored? Doesn't matter which because, soon enough, someone dies in his salon.

This is one of my favorites in the series. Watching Agatha manufacture "a case" at first, just because she wants something to do, was amusing. I've enjoyed her gradual acclimation to retirement. She is grudgingly fond of her more small-town neighbors, though she's snarky about them. Right after I finished this book, I ran into my down-the-hall neighbor. I was carrying a white drawstring trash bag toward the dumpster. "Where are you off to?" he asked. Um ... where did he think I was going? When I stated the obvious, he said, "OK, then." Like I need his approval to take out my garbage? Annoying as he is -- and he is -- I would hate it if something happened to him. Dear God, I'm Aggie!

3. What will you read next? I don't know.

 

 

The Ghosts of Christmas Yet to Come

 

 

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I posted the above to Facebook. I thought those who know me well would find it funny because I'm rather well known for my resistance to change. Most who responded got it. Their comments made me smile. But the one from my Cousin Rose annoyed the living shit out of me.

Be a good Christian and do 1 or 2. 

Oh, for fuck's sake. It was a JOKE! And it makes me wonder where Rose buys her cards.

Her comment burrowed so deep under my skin because of what it represents. As she ages – and Rose just turned 78 – she's more difficult for me to interact with. She picks at me constantly because I do nothing right. (My purse is too big. I worry too much about my friends. I drink at lunch.* I chose a Medicare supplement plan and not a Medicare advantage plan. I'd rather watch old musicals than Star Wars or Lord of the Rings. I could go on, but I'd start screaming.)

When I was 16 and she was 27, Rose was my goddess. My role model. My champion. I couldn't spend enough time with her. Now I avoid it. I maintain our relationship but I do it online or through the mail.

This makes me sad. I know Rose loves me. When she's not ragging on me, she can be enormously thoughtful. For example, for Christmas she made a $50 donation in my name to The Anthony Rizzo Family Foundation. It was so sweet, so perfectly Christmas-y, it made me cry.

Plus she's one of only two people left on the planet who held me as a baby. That's important. I honor that. So it upsets me that she's changing like this. 

She's not the only one. My friend Kathy, also 78, is in such cognitive decline that we haven't communicated for more than a year. Both her phone and her laptop now perplex her. I don't miss her. The last few years of our friendship were difficult and, I suspect, brought me more agita than they brought her pleasure. I doubt she misses me, or even remembers me anymore.

But wait! There's more! Bonnie died. She was a staple in our movie group, and it was hard for me to interact with her because she always lost the thread of every movie. But she was one of us and truly loved classic films, even the ones she didn't understand. I looked up her obit, hoping to find a charity listed that our group could contribute to in lieu of flowers. I was shocked by what I found. Bonnie, who died one day shy of her 74th birthday, had a master's and worked her way through school as one of Illinois Bell's only female telephone installers. She went on to teach journalism at one of Chicago's best colleges. Gloria Steinem once crashed in her apartment. I wish I'd known that woman, instead of the one who got confused by Little Women. But age robbed her of her energy and concentration.

I'm 67. What do my 70s hold? Will I be humorless and joyless, like Rose? Will my skull be filled with oatmeal, like Kathy's? Will people be shocked that I once had it going on, as I was shocked about Bonnie?

I don't want this to be happening. I hate change. I've had enough change already.

 

*I only have three drinks/week. I don't see how it matters if I consume them at noon or after six. I have explained this to her. She doesn't agree.