Where Stable Meets Consistent, You'll Find Me

Photo by Robert McGowan on Unsplash

This is me. Or it would be, if I was younger and stronger and my breasts were still as high they once were.* I feel fine about my life right now. At this moment. Which is noteworthy because I've been worrying. A lot. 

I have friends and loved ones who are struggling. Some have financial issues, some have physical/emotional/cognitive issues, some struggle with both. My friend Mindy, on the other hand, "downsized" to a 3BR, 4BA home in a wealthy northern suburb and has been vacationing in places like Italy and Vietnam. 

When I was working, I better understood my life and my expectations of it. But in retirement, I've felt unmoored. Am I doing it right?

So this month I've been sitting down with the experts and have received their assessments. I didn't intentionally designate February for navel gazing, it's just worked out that way. This is what I've learned:

•  My primary care physician says my cholesterol and blood sugar are "stable." We discussed my spinal stenosis and arthritis but she is happy that I'm managing both with yoga, stretching exercises and chiropractic adjustments, not meds. No diabetes, heart trouble, or hip/knee replacements appear on my (immediate) horizon. In short, for an overweight 67-year-old woman, I'm fine.

•  My clinical psychologist says I'm "consistent." This was, particularly, in response to my concerns about "losing" words. "Lethologica," she called it. A word or phrase will be on the tip of my tongue and I just cannot retrieve it! Yes, it can be an early indicator of Alzheimer's but in and of itself, it's not. She says that in the four+ years we've been working together, my cognitive abilities have remained "consistent." She reassured me that she knows what to look for (she went to doctor school, after all) and if she noticed something amiss we would address it. In short, for a 67-year-old woman, I'm fine.

•  My Chase financial planner and I talked "wealth management." I don't consider myself a rich woman, and I'm not compared to Mindy, but my outlook is not at all dire, either. I can live as I do now for another 25 years. Then, he said, I'd probably have to "make changes" (sell my condo). I almost started to laugh. In 25 years I will be 92! I doubt I'll still be alive, but if I am, I'll already be in assisted living, funded by my long term care insurance and the sale of this condo. I am not worried about having to "readjust my lifestyle" at 92. So, for a 67-year-old woman who wants nothing more than to dine out regularly with friends, provide her two spoiled felines with quality veterinary care, and take a couple of trips each year, I'm fine. BTW, those are domestic trips. Mindy can have Europe and Asia. Right now I'm excited about The TCM Classic Film Festival!

Oh, I'm aware "fine" is not great. In the old Sears mattress ranking of "good-better-best," my life is the equivalent of a mid-priced Serta Perfect Sleeper. My apartment is a hovel. It needs new flooring, fresh paint (drywall in the living room), and a serious "de-junking." I'll look at all that after I have paid the big old special assessment I know is coming our way. 

I don't move enough. I don't drink 8 glasses of water a day, and I have to. My new boss at the card shop has been giving me incremental hours -- yay! -- but these longer shifts on my feet leave me exhausted. Seriously, after a 5- or 6-hour shift, I get home and take a two hour nap! So I can see a day when the wage won't be worth the wear-and-tear and I'll hang it up and retire altogether. 

But why borrow trouble? My late minister once said, "Don't waste your dread." Right now, I am fine. For the next five years -- as well as any of us can know anything about what the future holds -- I'll continue to be fine. 

I'm going to sit here for a moment and appreciate the fineness of it all and feel a little gratitude. And chug a cup of water.

 

*Or if I wore red lipstick or would ever allow myself to wear ammunition (!). But you get the idea.