The Queen's Meme

The Green Meme

How green are you?

1. Do you recycle? Yes, I'm a good little recycler. Paper in one bag. Plastic, glass and aluminum in another.

2. Have you ever hung clothes on a line instead of using the clothes dryer? Does draping them over the shower rod count?

3. Do you walk or bike to work to save energy? I don't own a car, so I get high points here.

4. Do you use a water filter for your tap water or do you buy bottled water? I chug good old tap water all day.

5. How many trees do you kill each year buying new books? OK, I get low marks here. But I love my books. I don't consider keeping a library as bad as printing out memos I don't real need hard copies of.

6. Have you ever considered recycling your cellphone? Considered? Yes. Followed through? (Lowers head in shame.) No.

7. All you need are a few simple non-toxic ingredients like baking soda, vinegar, lemon, and soap to clean your home. Are you willing to throw away the bottled chemicals? Anyone who knows what a lazy housekeeper I am knows how willing I am to never touch a cleanser again!

Reveal the greenness of your soul. Click here!

Movie Monday

This week's movie topic is all about Weight...

Share on your blog movies featuring those who want to lose or need to gain extra pounds, linking back here for others to see.

Death Becomes Her. Fat Goldie loses Bruce Willis to willowy but bitchy Meryl Streep, and loses a ton to get him back. (Yes, that really is Goldie Hawn. I swear!)

The Mirror Has Two Faces. Babs works out like a demon to look hot for hubby Jeff Bridges, though to be honest, I didn't feel she looked especially pudgy before all that time at the gym. (Maybe she added muscle tone.)

Bridget Jones' Diary. Oh, how she agonized about her weight! It made her so easy for me to relate to!

Two unexpected expenses

Oh, goodie. Found out this weekend that my eyes have gotten worse over the last year. So instead of spending $100 this month for replacement contact lenses, I am spending more than $600 on new glasses and a new set of lenses. I economized this year over last year -- this year's glasses cost the same as last year's, even though I added photogray lenses, because I stayed "on the wall" and rejected the saleslady's entreaties to select a pair of more expensive frames "from the case."

Then the air purifier tower in my bedroom started grumbling and rumbling. Even with a clean filter, the noise continued. So I know it's just the motor has worn out. No surprise, really, since of the two towers I bought a couple years ago, it's the one nearest the cat's commode (and I have three cats and two boxes) so it's been working extra-hard for more than two years. I comparison shopped and ordered another one from Overstock because it was cheaper in both sticker price and shipping cost than Amazon. I paid with Paypal so that I could use the money I raised by selling books on eBay toward the new appliance.

Both the glasses and the air purifier are important for my health and I want to economize, but not scrimp. Still, I'm not happy that I spent more than $700 on stuff I didn't really budget for and certainly didn't enjoy this weekend.

Oh, well ... sometimes it sucks to be a grown up!

Tuckered out

I don't recall how we got onto the subject last night, but my mother was talking about how great anti-depressants are. I don't necessarily disagree, having been on them for just over three years myself. But my mother was rhapsodizing how much better they work than talk therapy. "I'm one of those people who puts my past behind me."

One: I don't intend to be on anti-depressants for the rest of my life, the way my mother is. This is a result of menopause. When it's safe for me to cast them aside, I shall.

Two: She knows how long I've been in therapy, and how important it is/has been to me. I think she feels I blame her, because the thought of my therapy makes her defensive. It leaves me weary.

Three: My mom has said some really crappy things to me over the last six-eight months. I have chalked it up to her still dealing with stuff ... especially her anger at her sister-in-law, my Aunt Jo. My aunt wants to have a closer relationship with me, and my mother sees red whenever she hears my aunt's name (even though they haven't spent time together since the Clinton Administration). If she, like Charlie Sheen, is able to cure herself with her mind and just put her past behind her, then why is she so pissy?

I confronted her about #3 Saturday night. I told her I'm not trying to change her, that I love her as she is, but that she really does have to be haunted by the people and things from her past because they do color her present. That her anger overrides her compassion and common sense and she blurts things that hurt my feelings.

She said she was sorry, that she didn't realize I was "so sensitive," that when certain subjects come up she doesn't even include me "in the equation," and that from now on she will be more careful. She reiterated that she does love me, and I reminded her that I love her and sometimes still need a mommy. Hurtful things bother me more when they come from her because she's supposed to love me, she's supposed to have my back.

I am glad we cleared the air, I hope she is, too, but it's left me tired, tired, tired.

Sunday Stealing

Sunday Stealing: The Burnt Toast Meme

Cheers to all of us thieves!

1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought? "Good morning, Beaker."

2. How much cash do you have on you? Approximately $40

3. What’s a word that rhymes with DOOR? Pour

4. Favorite planet? Uranus. Tee hee. I said "anus."

5. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone? The cab company dispatcher calling to tell me my cab had arrived. I didn't pick up, seeing as I was in the cab already.

6. What is your favorite ring tone on your phone? An instrumental version of "And I Love Her."

7. What shirt are you wearing? It says, "Celebrate the South."

8. Do you label yourself? I try not to.

9. Name the brand of the shoes you’re currently wearing? I'm barefoot.

10. Bright or Dark Room? Bright

11. What do you think about the person who took this survey before you? Most likely charming and wise, since only the best people play Sunday Stealing.

12. What does your watch look like? I have several. The one today has a light brown leather band, a plain white face and big black numerals.

13. What were you doing at midnight last night? I don't remember exactly. Either reading or paying bills.

14. What did your last text message you received on your cell say? From last Sunday, it was about the Oscars.

15. Where is your nearest 7-11? An el stop away.

16. What's a word that you say a lot? "Really?" It's seeped into my vocabulary through Seth Meyers. (Sorry about the crappy audio.)

Saturday 9

Saturday 9: Medicate

1. Do you take a lot of medication? More and more as time goes by. When I was a kid, it was just an OTC Flintstones vitamin a day. Now I've got three prescriptions I take every day.

2. Name one of your flaws and tell us about it. I can be very impatient with people. I want what I want and I want it NOW!

3. Have you ever won first place? If yes, tell us about your victory! Long ago movie critic Gene Siskel had a trivia contest in the Chicago Tribune. Yours truly won $500.

4. Who is the last person to make you smile? What was happening? A coworker wished me luck on Monday morning's big client presentation.

5. Describe a time when you should have tried harder. This past week, I fell off the diet bandwagon with a thud. I was stupid and lazy. I purchased and practically inhaled some Fannie Mays without much thought or even enjoyment. Picking up the candy was an old habit I should have tried harder to break.

6. What are you best at? I am a very good friend.

7. If someone was going to make a movie or TV show about your life, who would play you and why? Carrie Fisher. We're the same height and age, we share a sensibility, and now, as we're in our 50s, a weight problem.

8. Name 3 things that you think are strange. Charlie Sheen, the birther movement and the Gyro-Bowl.

9. What is one lesson you have learned in the past 12 months? The Beatles were right all along: "Pride can hurt you, too."

Oh, where do I begin?

There is a major institute of higher learning just outside of Chicago. Like many schools, it has classes on, and a department that studies, human sexuality. After class, 100 of the 600 students enrolled in class stayed after for a not-mandatory, completely voluntary discussion with a pair of self-described Kinky People (or KPs). The conversation turned to bondage and female sexuality. the KPs insists that it can be efficient and gratifying for women, and they hope they could remove the stigma that bondage is painful, violent or unpleasant.

IF YOU ARE SENSITIVE, YOU MAY WISH TO QUIT READING NOW.

At this point, the male KP laid out a towel as the female KP undressed. She laid down on the towel. The male KP took out a phallus attached to a fast-moving power tool and used it on the female KP. The female KP was quite pleased with this demonstration, which she hoped would prove that sex toys often considered outside the main stream can be fun for women.

While none of the students complained, and no one has implied that either of the KPs were there under duress, someone tipped off the press. The story has been all over the newspapers. The KPs have been photographed (clothed, thank God) and giving interviews.

WHY AM I SHARING THIS WITH YOU?

Mr. KP works at my agency! On a major account -- though, blessedly, not the one I work on. Naturally it's an account with headquarters right here so our clients likely have seen the coverage of Mr. KP's "class work." It wasn't that long ago (2/08) that my agency received tons of unwanted media attention because one of our executives took a header out of a high-rise window into Friday rush hour traffic. Now this. Isn't the Recession enough? Do we need this, too?

It's one thing for the KPs to have participated in this demonstration. The college is internationally recognized and they may have truly believed they were helping people better understand human sexuality. Fair enough. I'm not going to judge them for that.

BUT GIVING INTERVIEWS? Really, people? The college was more than willing to keep the KPs identity secret. But no, they came forward. What were they thinking?

I have been alternately laughing and shaking my head about this all day.

Oh well, at least it's taken my mind off Charlie Sheen.

I went over again this week

I have exceeded my Monday through Friday calorie limit already, and I still have one day to go. Observing my food diary I see two glaring problems -- I have had only two, 30-minute workouts this week and that hasn't burned up enough calories, certainly not enough to make up for all the chocolate I consumed Tuesday.

Bad Gal! It's not worth it, it's really not. And I must remember that.

I like them

I'm nearly halfway through The Lincolns by Daniel Mark Epstein. He has just been nominated for President. I'm almost tempted to stop reading now because I'm enjoying this book so much, have grown so fond of this couple, that I hate what I know is about to happen to them: War, the loss of another child, the death of Mary's family members on the Confederate battlefield, and, inexorably, his murder. As if that's not bad enough, Mary's widowhood includes bankruptcy, madness and the death of a third son. So much loss is almost impossible to consider, but not confronting it won't stop it all from happening to these two. (I feel this way when I read about Princess Diana, like if I put the book away before she goes to Paris, I can somehow undo what happened next.)

I'm including these photos with this post, rather than the book cover, because they were Mary Lincoln's favorites, taken, she was fond of saying, "when we were young and so desperately in love."

I get it now

I happened to come upon an article about "emotional affairs," defined as when a man and a woman who are otherwise engaged become romantically involved without sex. This story was told from the wife's point of view. She talked about how her husband's non-sexual attentions to "the other woman" kept him from being with her completely, and how betrayed she felt when she thought of him confiding things about their marriage, and their life together, to this interloper.

The advice she was given? Insist that her husband sever ties with the other woman completely. No more phone calls, gifts or emails. Yes, it would be painful for her husband, but he must tell his platonic lover that his marriage is the most important thing in his life.

Gulp.

It got me thinking about my relationship with my best friend, and all the hiccoughs and fits and starts it's suffered over the past year or so. This has caused me a great deal of pain. This friendship means so much to me. I have come to depend on his counsel and look forward to sharing gossip and jokes and hopes and dreams. I find it comforting that many of the very qualities that others find most wearying about me, he seems to value … or even treasure.

I never thought about how our closeness must have felt to the one who was excluded -- his wife.

I have met her and reached out to her. She was not interested in my friendship. I thought it was because she was snobbish, or insecure, or messed up. I still feel that way. But I never considered how much pain accompanies snobbishness, insecurity and messiness.

I thought about all that I know about her -- the pain caused by her parents' divorce, the abortion when she was a senior in high school, the sense of betrayal she felt when she learned of how her father cheated on both the mother she loves and the stepmother she idolizes ... All of these things came up gradually, as he was sharing how hard he was trying to make his marriage to this complicated woman work. It never occurred to me how much she may resent how much I know about her.

When I confide my secrets to him, I always know in the back of my mind that he may share them with his wife. That doesn't stop me. I trust that, if he chose to tell his wife my secrets, he would do so with compassion and sensitivity.

The thing of it is, this was my choice. She didn't get a choice. He and I just began dissecting her over drinks one night and it's continued for years.

No wonder she hates me.

Then I thought of the conundrum my best friend has been presented with. What to do with me? I know he loves me, trusts me, enjoys me. It must be awful to consider severing our relationship -- especially since he's the one who cultivated it at first and he knows we have never been physically inappropriate and I have never done anything wrong. Not only would he miss me, he would have to deal with the guilt of causing me pain.

What a mess! How could anything that was born out of love and generosity cause so much pain to everyone involved?

So I get it now. The reason why we no longer talk on the phone every time he gets into the car -- whether he's off to choose an anniversary card for his wife or picking one of his daughters up from ballet -- is that he can't and shouldn't. His marriage is his primary relationship. He and his wife are both children of divorce and are committed to giving their girls a better childhood than either of them enjoyed. I appreciate, support and admire that. (A photo of him swing dancing with his youngest at the school Daddy-Daughter Valentine's Dance hammered this home.)

I also treasure that he still takes the time to be available to me every day, Monday through Friday, just as he did when we worked together all those years ago. He encourages me and comforts me. Now that I understand the tightrope he's walking, our friendship means even more to me.

I get it now. It would have been nice if he could have articulated all this to me himself. For a man so comfortable explaining his feelings about so many, many things, he's been very awkward about this. But who among us is perfect? The important this is: I get it now.

I told him that last week. I told him how the "a-ha" washed over me. Without going into the detail that would leave him feeling embarrassed and/or compromised, I told him I understood why we don't chat anymore and that it's OK -- "if you could, you would, but you can't, so you won't." And I reminded him of the quote from Let's Take the Walk Home that epitomizes our relationship: "We are the lattice that makes room for the rose."

This made him very happy. Making him happy makes me happy. So now I hope that all three of us live happily ever after.

I Want Wednesday

I want 3:30 to get here already! I have a meeting -- an internal creative presentation. Once that's done, we can get started on the next step, which is preparing for our trip down to show the client on Monday.

She's the top

My niece is not only in the top 10% of her graduating class, she's in the top 10% of the state in terms of her SATs (or was it her ACTs?). Aside from education being important for its own sake, this means she gets money for college. YEA!

The only snag is that the money has to be used at a school in Illinois. Of the three colleges she has her sites set on:

• One is state-of-the-art and nationally respected, but very expensive and in Denver
• The second also has a great reputation and is right here in Chicago
• The third if OK, affordable, and in Muskegon

So the second one would seem like the obvious choice, right? Especially now that she's getting money. Well, not so fast. She's so eager to get away from home that she's leaning toward the third choice.

I'd like to see her get the most marketable degree she can afford, and that would be the college here in the city. But I'm staying out of it. OK, I'm trying to stay out of it ... but it's hard.

But the important -- and very happy -- takeaway is that my niece is one of Illinois' top scholars!

10 on Tuesday

Ten Completely Batshit Things Charlie Sheen Has Said Lately

It's unfortunate that he's unraveling before our eyes. It's even more unfortunate that I find myself unable to look away. I mean, I know he's ill, perhaps bipolar, and likely in a great deal of psychic pain. But unlike repellent Mel Gibson, Charlie manages to be colorful and imaginative. Oh yeah, and completely batshit.

1) "I closed my eyes and in a nanosecond I cured myself."

2) "I am on a drug. It's called Charlie Sheen."

3) "I don't have burnout in my gearbox."

4) "There's a new sheriff in town, and he has an army of assassins."

5) "Funny how 'sleep' rhymes with 'sheep.'"

6) "I'm a veteran of the unspeakable."

7) "I am special and I will never be one of you."

8) "Touch my children and I will eat your hands off your arms."

9) "Borrow my brain for, like, 5 seconds and you'll be like, 'Dude, I can't handle it.'"

10) "I'm rolling out magic, bro."

And, because no mere list of 10 can contain Charlie ...

11) "I have a 10,000 year old brain and the boogers of a 7 year old."

The Queen's Meme

1. When is the last time you returned a library book? Around Halloween. It was called Happy Times, and it was overdue.

2. Is there anyone you'd like to see return to your life? My grandpa. He died when I was in high school, just as I was learning what a wise, interesting man he was in his own right -- as opposed to just being the loving grandpa who laughed at every one of my jokes, kept the supply of cookies coming and gave great hugs.

3. Have you finished your income tax return? Yes. And I'm expecting my refund to be direct deposited into my checking account on or before 3/11. (Not that I'm too eager or anything.)

4. Do you ever return things to the store for refund, credit or exchange? Have you had a bad experience with customer service over this issue? Tell us your story. Yes. No. The only place I've had consistently had trouble with customer service is at the US Postal Service and they don't take returns.

5. You would like to see your favorite movie named The Return of Katie and Hubbell.

6. Is there something you're still waiting to be returned to you? My youthful energy level.

7. You are in a canyon. On the other side stands your beloved. You stand and shout something to him/her making a large echo. What do you want to hear in return? "As you wish." (Highly romantic Princess Bride reference.)

8. If you could turn back and go in the reverse direction in your life, making things better for yourself and those you love, how would your journey begin? "If I could turn back time, if I could find a way, I'd take back those things that hurt you and you'd stay ..." Yes, it kinda corny. But it's enduring because don't we all have things we would love to take to back?

Avoid the dungeon! Participate in The Queen's Meme by clicking here.

Through the eyes of a child

As part of his class' observation of President's Day, my 11-year-old nephew had to give an oral report on a President. He chose Bill Clinton. I was fascinated to hear about #42 through his eyes.

• He was born Bill Blythe

• His father died in a car accident before Bill was born

• He and his mother lived with his grandparents in Hope, AR

• They moved to Hot Springs when she got a better job in a bigger hospital

• His mother married a man named Roger Clinton who adopted Bill

• He played saxophone in the high school band

• He admired President Kennedy and memorized Dr. Martin Luther King's "I Had a Dream" speech

• He went to Yale and Oxford, and these are very good colleges

• He met his wife Hillary at college

• He was Attorney General and Governor in AR

• When he was President, there was a low crime rate and peace between England and Ireland

• His daughter Chelsea brought a cat, Socks, to the White House

• She found Socks when he was a kitten, living under a bush near her piano teacher's house

• Socks wrote books and is the first cat to have his own video game

• At first Socks didn't like Buddy, the President's dog

• He was impeached and acquitted

• He is one of the most popular former Presidents

• He had heart trouble and is now a vegan

• Socks died of cancer recently

My nephew got an A-. He lost points not for content but because he didn't look at the audience as he spoke about Bill Clinton.

Movie Monday

This week's movie topic is all about Memorable Oscar Moments... Share on your blog memorable moments that stood out for you, linking back here for others to see.

As a Katharine Hepburn fan and Oscar junkie, I'd like to include a photo from that night in 1982 when she accepted her fourth Best Actress Award, a feat most likely never to be duplicated. But I can't because The Great Kate didn't do awards ceremonies, saying they gave her "dyspepsia." So instead I'll post a photo of her On Golden Pond costar's victory that night. Henry Fonda was unable to attend because of fragile health, so daughter Jane accepted on his behalf. Instead of going to after-awards parties, Jane (still in couture) delivered the Oscar to its wheel-chair bound owner. Because of the movie's subject matter, because she produced it for her dad, and because of their publicly tempestuous father-daughter relationship, I found this enormously touching.

C'mon, aren't these two just the cutest damn Oscar winners you've ever seen? Oscar night, 1998, Matt Damon and Ben Affleck accept the award for best original screenplay for Good Will Hunting. I fell a little in love with both of them that night (I mean, as dates, they brought their moms!), and over the years they have given me no reason to reassess my crush.

Sunday Stealing

Sunday Stealing: The Seven Deadly Sins Meme

Cheers to all of us thieves!

1 - Pride. Seven great things about yourself.
I am the proud possessor of:
a cute nose
green eyes
lightening fast fingers upon the keyboard
a flexible writing style
almost unlimited patience with kids and critters
enduring optimism
a healthy sense of humor

2 - Envy. Seven things you lack and covet.
A waist
Long, straight hair
The ability to carry a tune
Natural grace
Self discipline
A poker face
Long, slender fingers

3 - Wrath. Seven things that piss you off.
Bullies
Litter bugs
People who think Glen Beck makes sense, and insist on sharing his "wisdom"
"Space hogs" who take up the locker room bench with their iPods, gym bags & water bottles
Parents who don't keep a vigilant eye on their kids
Adults who don't keep track of civic/political matters (It's part of being a grown up, folks!)
Anyone refers to a woman as, "Dude"

4 - Sloth. Seven things you neglect to do.
Launder the curtains in my bedroom (they were originally white, honest!)
Keep up with the paperwork here at home
Get to work on time
Dust
Make a list before I go grocery shopping
Work out as often as I should
Put my shoes away (I can see 6 pairs from here)

5 - Greed. Seven worldly material desires.

Money
Exposed brick walls
Shiny, hardwood floors
A real Marc Jacobs bag (not a knock off)
Tivo
iPad
A big yard so I could have more pets

6 - Gluttony. Seven guilty pleasures.

Following the Casey Anthony case
People's Court with Judge Marilyn Milian
Valley of the Dolls
70's pop
McDonald's
Catsup
Pogo

7 - Lust. Seven love secrets.

Oh, please. I have the sex life of a nun. And not by choice!

I'm Lovin' It!

Since tomorrow is the Oscars, the cable channels are presenting some of the great award grabbers. Right now I'm luxuriating in All About Eve. Nominated for 13 Oscars, winner of 6, and a movie that not only gave us a very young Marilyn Monroe but Bette Davis spouting this great line of dialog, "Fasten your seatbelts! It's going to be a bumpy night."

Saturday 9

Saturday 9: Monday, Monday

1. How does your day usually go on Monday? Once I get up and get my mind around the fact that it is indeed Monday morning, it's OK.

2. Who was the last band you saw live? The E Street Band. BROOOOOOCE!

3. When was the last time you purchased something over $50? Last Sunday I took my friend Kathy out to celebrate her birthday.

4. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? Nope.

5. Do you wish you were someplace else right now? Nope.

6. Tell us about the last wedding that you attended. My former boss/theater buddy Barb's wedding. She was so happy, and the wedding was such a perfect reflection of her and her groom, that I forgot how much I hate weddings. I was like the Grinch, and my small heart grew three sizes that day.

7. What's annoying you right now? How messy my condo is.

8. What is your best skill/ability? Why? I can wiggle my ear. Because it cracks children up.

9. If someone asked a friend of yours, "Hey, what is one thing your friend is exceptional at?", what would they say about you? Why? My friend Kathleen once called me "an exceptional friend." I am very proud of that.

Austerity update

Earlier this month I whined and complained about financial straights that I have gotten myself into. I was undoubtedly more honest about it here than I have been with the people I come to face-to-face with in my real life. That, combined with the supportive responses from Kwiz, Snarkela, Vivian and Silver Neurotic helped me get a grip on my self made mess and start improving my situation.

So I have begun bringing my lunch to work and questioning every expense. Instead of just donating a couple of new books I have sold them on eBay, which won't buy me a house in the country but it does help me stay on budget. I have even (gasp!) cooked at home! And tomorrow, instead of renting the Oscar-nominated Winter's Bone so I can see it before the awards Sunday, I will attend the free showing at the local public library. If I find extra in my wallet, I do not look at it as "found money" to have fun with but instead do something useful with it -- like adding it to my CTA pass.

The result is that I have stayed on budget for each week and been able to add a little to my household "slush" fund (the money I turn to if a smaller unexpected expense turns up -- like a super-sized bill for snow removal at my mom's or a gift for a baby shower at the office). While using the money responsibly doesn't necessarily give me the quick high of a new purse, it does pay off in serenity over the long term.

Thank you, ladies, for the perspective and the inspiration!

Uh-oh!

This week I'm going over my Monday-Friday calorie allotment. Looking over my food intake, I realize the problem isn't the Girl Scout cookies (150 calories for 4) nor the Starbuck's hot chocolate (tall, skim, no whip -- 290 calories). It was giving in to laziness and going to Taco Bell and McDonald's rather than going with something more nutritious. 900 to 930 calories for a junk food lunch is just too much!

Oh well, I'm learning and adapting and will change my behavior. That's the important thing.

"Thanks, dear. Love you!"

Talked to my oldest friend in real-time, as opposed to swapping emails, on Thursday. The news about her health is mixed (OK, it's bad; she's not healing as expected and could be looking at another month off). But she sounded good, which she laughingly attributed to Percocet but I suspect is because her prodigal son is visiting to help out as she recovers.

She also very graciously expressed her gratitude for the help I've given her since her move -- including recommending a laundry service and a website that will arrange for Fat Burgers to be delivered directly to her door. (Yes, I know the finer things in life.) She expressed an interest in spending a week here in Chitown this summer and my return visit to see her in Los Angeles this December. And she ended the call, "Thanks, dear. Love you!"

So yes, her life is saturated with drama and yes, much of it has been unnecessary. And yes, she often allows herself to get caught up in it. But she is also tender and loyal. Even if these good qualities sometimes get overwhelmed by the stuff in her life, I must remind myself that they are always still in there somewhere ... to be appreciated and treasured.

That's what friendship is, after all, isn't it?

Father/daughter

A friend and her hubs just bought a pair of new cars. A nice, sedate gray VW sedan for her and a chartreuse Ford Fiesta for him.

Huh? What?

He went from a Clinton-era earth-toned car that he drove into the ground to a brand-new, sleek and brightly-colored Fiesta? How did this happen?

Well, it just so happens that their 15-year-old daughter was his date to the auto show last weekend. He denies it, of course, but it seems obvious that the lass who's on the verge of getting her driver's license did some intense, and successful, lobbying when she had his ear.

Or, as my friend said, "She has her father wrapped around her little finger."

On another bright note -- though not as bright as their new car -- they were able to afford these two new cars in part because she got a big bonus at work. This is wonderful news because she works very hard in a tough industry and deserves it. And because she's the second person I have heard of to receive a bonus in the last 90 days (the other being my best friend, who received an iPad as his Christmas bonus). Here I was beginning to think that those lucky enough to receive bonuses were creatures of fable, like unicorns. So maybe this means the economy finally is turning around!

I can't help finding this satisfying

A friend of my oldest friend's is one of those imminently resistible women who manages to be both highly opinionated and ignorant at the same time. I keep close cyber-tabs on this dumb bitch because she was once deeply embedded in my oldest friend's life -- staying with her, traveling with her, emailing and talking to her on the phone for hours on end, and costing my fragile friend a great deal (and I mean that literally, like thousands of dollars).

This woman is a conservative Republican of the nutjob variety. Meaning that her Facebook page has included depictions of Obama as Hitler, references to "The Kenyan," and the fabulously witty "OBAMA stands for One Big Ass Mistake America." Trust me, if I didn't love and worry about my oldest friend so much, I wouldn't read this mind-numbing crap.

Now here's where it gets fun. She's a schoolteacher! At the junior high level. In the Cleveland area. (Hence my nickname for her: The Madwoman of Ohio.) And now, with Governor Kasich following in Wisconsin's Walker's footsteps and appearing determined to take on -- and break down -- the teacher's union, the dumb bitch is suddenly quite vocal. Her Facebook page looks more than a bit like one of those dangerous Obama socialists who are ruining this country.

She resents that her salary is on the conservative Buckeye Institute's website (I searched the database and found she makes $68,000/year). She is furious that anyone feels that this is a "sweetheart deal" negotiated by her union because she is the sole support of four people -- her husband has been laid off often during the past few years -- and she needs the benefits. And don't get her started on that mythic "three month vacation" that she doesn't get (even though I know she refers to it as such when planning Lucy/Ethel misadventures with my oldest friend).

Oh, and this is rich: "What saddens me most is that teachers and all the other public servants are being disrespected." Gee, Teach, has anyone put a little Hitler mustache on you yet?

Don't get me wrong: I'm pro-union, and I don't even belong to one. I voted for Illinois Governor Pat Quinn, knowing he was going to raise our taxes (I feel that it's only right I pay more, since I voted twice for Blagojevich and need to do penance). And besides, I don't see how destroying collective bargaining will help balance the budgets in Ohio or Wisconsin.

BUT for a woman who decries welfare and benefits and hand-outs and "socialism" for everyone else, my friend's friend is sure whiny all of a sudden. I suspect FOX may be on the verge of losing a viewer.

Tee-hee.

Gotta give him credit

As part of his book tour, Donald Rumsfeld appeared on The Daily Show. He clearly knew that Jon Stewart wasn't going to be an easy interview, and that this appearance wasn't going to sell a lot of (any?) books. And yet there he was -- not ducking any questions, always retaining his grace and even a modicum of humor.

Yes, he's a condescending elitist. Yes, he made dangerous and really sucky decisions about Iraq. But he was Secretary of Defense, not President. He was serving George W. Bush and he did so consistently and with stoicism.

So yes, I still think he's a dick, but he's a dick for whom I have grudging admiration.

I truly believe he thinks he did the right thing and views himself as a patriot. Here he is on 9/11, bravely entering the Pentagon after the plane hit (you can see the smoke from the fire). With his title, and at his age, he didn't have to go toward the danger. But he did it because he it was the right thing to do.

Which is why I always find it in me to bestow a good, old-fashioned Illinois "atta boy" to Donald Rumsfeld.

I Want Wednesday

I want to always be this busy at work. The days just fly by!

Mayor Emmanuel

It still doesn't sound right. I mean, "Mayor" and "Daley" is how the Lord intended it. Still, if Richard M. Daley insists on abandoning us ... I mean, RETIRING, this is the best possible outcome. After all, Rahm is familiar. He's been on my radar since those long ago 1990s when we were both Clintonistas.

The most encouraging thing about the final results is that Carol Mosely Braun is finally done. City Clerk Miguel del Valle did better than she did, which is heartening because he had no money and minimal name recognition but he did offer dignity, values and genuine ideas -- three things Carol's campaign was completely devoid of.

Results: Mayor of Chicago

Source: Associated Press | 99% of precincts reporting

Updated 12:47 a.m. Feb. 23, 2011

Emanuel 55.2%

Chico 24.0%

del Valle 9.3%
Mosely Braun 9.0%
Van Pelt Watkins 1.6%
Walls 1%

$4.20!

Behold Disney Princess Snow White Ballerina Barbie. (Phew! Barbie dolls have so many names these days!) She retails for $9.99, but I got her for a mere $4.20 at Kohl's yesterday. It makes me happy that I can both economize and have a bag of goodies for Toys for Tots and other drives this Christmas. I just have to pay attention and keep it top of mind all year around.

10 on Tuesday

The 10 Best Oscar Races Ever

I've said it before and I'll say it again: Often when I watch the Oscars, I slap my head and disparage the Academy's choice. But there have been some years, and some categories, where all the nominees were deserving and the race would have been too hard to call, even for Oscar geeks like me. For example:

2003 -- Best Picture
The Aviator
Finding Neverland
Million Dollar Baby (Winner)
Ray
Sideways

1991 -- Best Picture
Beauty and the Beast
Bugsy
JFK
The Prince of Tides
The Silence of the Lambs

1977 -- Best Actress
Anne Bancroft -- The Turning Point
Jane Fonda -- Julia
Diane Keaton -- Annie Hall
Shirley MacLaine -- The Turning Point
Marsha Mason -- The Goodbye Girl

1982 -- Best Picture
ET
Gandhi
Missing
Tootsie
The Verdict

1972 -- Best Supporting Actor
Eddie Albert -- The Heartbreak Kid
James Caan -- The Godfather
Robert Duvall -- The Godfather
Joel Grey -- Cabaret
Al Pacino -- The Godfather

1968 -- Best Picture
Funny Girl
Lion in Winter
Oliver!
Rachel, Rachel
Romeo & Juliet

1967 -- Best Actor
Warren Beatty -- Bonnie & Clyde
Dustin Hoffman -- The Graduate
Paul Newman -- Cool Hand Luke
Rod Steiger -- In The Heat of the Night
Spencer Tracy -- Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

1950 -- Best Actress
Anne Baxter -- All About Eve
Bette Davis -- All About Eve
Judy Holliday -- Born Yesterday
Eleanor Parker -- Caged
Gloria Swanson -- Sunset Blvd.

1940 -- Best Actor
Charlie Chaplin -- The Great Dictator
Henry Fonda -- The Grapes of Wrath
Raymond Massey -- Abe Lincoln in Illinois
Laurence Olivier -- Rebecca
James Stewart -- The Philadelphia Story

1939 -- Best Director
Frank Capra -- Mr. Smith Goes to Washington
Victor Fleming -- Gone with the Wind
John Ford -- Stagecoach
Sam Wood -- Goodbye, Mr. Chips
William Wyler -- Wuthering Heights

With the Oscars this Sunday,
this is this year's last 10 on Tuesday devoted to the Academy Awards

Well, this was a first

I had my initial, baseline EKG today. It was part of my annual physical. I told my doctor that after short, sudden spurts of activity, it takes me a while to breathe normally again. She said that while it wasn't anything she was too concerned about -- after all, I wasn't experiencing any pain or tightness in my chest -- she thought that now it was time to take my first EKG. It came back normal.

While my bloodwork won't be back for days, she feels that just about everything about me looks normal to her. Interestingly, I was the one who brought up my weight. In her words, it's "something to keep an eye on," but she wasn't that disturbed about. Considering how disturbed I am about it, that was good news.

Movie Monday

This week's movie topic is all about Non-Existent Sequels... Share the movies lacking that next installment that you'd be first in line to see. Be sure to link back here to the Bumbles.

Please note: I'm not suggesting that any of these movies be made. I'm just listing movies that had characters and plots that I wanted more, more, more of, even after the lights came back up.

Good Will Hunting. This is the one who inspired this meme. How does Will adjust to his new life away from the old neighborhood? Did he ever reconnect with Skylar? Does he ever see Chuckie again? Do we ever get to see Matt and Ben onscreen together again?

Titanic. OK, I know, I know. The boat sunk. But we know how Rose's adult life began and how it ended, but what happened in between? There she is in a new country with a new last name, but nothing else. Literally, nothing else! I'd love to have known what happened next. And, speaking of epics ...

Gone with the Wind. What happens when Scarlett returns to Tara? Does she get it together and pursue Rhett, or does she fall back into old patterns and give it a shot with Ashley? What of her career? She still has the lumber mill at the end of the movie. We'll never know, of course. I don't care how many faux sequels have been written. The only one who knew what happens next was Margaret Mitchell -- after all, she knew Scarlett back when she was called "Pansy" in the original manuscript -- and she took the knowledge to her grave.

Sunday Stealing

Sunday Stealing: The Very Late Meme

Cheers to all of us thieves!
1. Make a list of 5 things that you can see without getting up: TV, work bag, purse, snow globe, my cat Joey

2. How do you style your hair? Right now it's short, too short

3. What are you wearing now? Jeans, t-shirt

4. What's your occupation? According to my just-completed tax return, I'm an Associate Creative Director

5. What do you hear right now? A Totino's pizza roll commercial

6. Who was the last person you hugged? Ann. Technically speaking, she hugged me, but I was involved so it counts, right?

7. What is/was for dinner? Don't know yet. I'm celebrating my friend Kathy's birthday at a new restaurant, and I'm not yet familiar with the menu.

8. What did you do today? Downloaded a couple audiobooks, a few loads of laundry ... boring stuff

9. Dog person or cat person? I have cats because I live in an apartment and I'm gone a lot. But I have an affinity for dogs, too. And hamsters. And horses. And bunnies. I like critters.

10. If you had to change your name, what would you change it to? The Gal Herself

11. What was the last thing that you bought? Lavender-scented scrub. I love it.

12. If you could afford to go anywhere in the world, where would you go? Boston, Atlanta, New York ... Those are all cities I have really enjoyed but haven't visited in a while. The "afford" part comes not the price of airfare as the time off work. In today's economic climate, I'd prefer my boss not know how well he could do without me for another month.

13. Where do you see yourself in five years? Right here. On this sofa. Though I hope by then I'll have had it reupholstered. It's really a mess.

14. Where's your birthmark? Middle of my right thigh.

15. What are you doing this weekend? Tsk, tsk. You're not paying attention! I already told you I'm taking my old friend Kathy out for her birthday dinner.

16. Which book are you reading at the moment? "Good in Bed" by Jennifer Weiner. It's better than I thought it would be.

17. The last movie you've seen? "Blue Valentine." Great performances but, oh! So depressing!

18. What are you doing tomorrow? For sure -- fasting and getting my annual physical/blood test. Maybe -- dropping off a box at Goodwill and shopping the President's Day sale at Kohl's in search of bath towels.

Abe Rocks

I'm watching an awesome National Geographic special on Illinois' own. I'm not really learning anything new here -- I've been reading about Honest Abe my whole life -- but it's a very sophisticated dramatization that makes wonderful use of Lincoln's actual quotes. The man's eloquence and character humble me.

It's being offered via Comcast's ON DEMAND, and National Geographic is re-airing it on Sunday, March 13.

Saturday 9

Saturday 9: Gimme Three Steps

1. Has anyone ever got angry with you for flirting with their partner or date? Yes. At at a friend's birthday party, his wife was soooo mean to me! And he and I weren't even flirting! We have just known each other for a long time and shared a private joke or two. It was so silly. He'd never cheat on her. She's very beautiful ... and more than a little scary.

2. What is your favorite movie line or speech? (Set the scene so we appreciate it in context.) "I'm a bagel on a plate full of onion rolls!" That's Funny Girl Fanny explaining why, even though she looks different from the other show girls, she's just as appealing.

3. What is something that has happened to you that you would consider a miracle? I narrowly missed being completely creamed by a speeding cab.

4. What do you try to stay away from? Cigarette smoke

5. What is it too late for? It's too late for me to die young.

6. If you could write three newspaper headlines, which would come true, what would they be?
a) DALEY TO CHICAGO: I'M STAYING!
b) CUBS WIN WORLD SERIES
c) SIR PAUL WEDS THE GAL HERSELF

7. When was the last time you apologized to someone? I feel like I'm always apologizing. Friday I left a typo in a manuscript.

8. If you find out now that you would very well known after you die, what do you think it might be for? (Feel free to pick an accomplishment that you have yet to do.) I'd like to be remembered as a "true friend and a good writer," which is how Wilbur remembered Charlotte in Charlotte's Web.

9. Are you easily angered or able to handle every situation calmly? Both. In that I am easily angered but I work hard to keep it under control.

Who knew?

I gave blood again today. In addition to an excused early absence from work and a load of good karma, I have been earning Lifesource points that I can redeem for gift cards at Target, McDonald's, iTunes, etc. It's the Brighten Life Program. How cool!