What a difference a week makes

Monday night, my friend Nancy wished me a Merry Christmas. This meant a great deal to me because of what happened last weekend.

I had invited Nancy and her husband Paul to meet me for lunch. I was going to be in their neighborhood getting my hair cut. What we didn't realize was that their neighborhood was having its holiday festival. Certain streets and parking lots were closed for Santa, ice sculptures, wine tasting, etc. Nancy couldn't find a place to park and this had her in a very bad mood.

She started ranting about Christmas. How it disrupts everything. How, as a Jew, she feels alienated in her own country. How she feels like "less than 1%"* and all the lights and decorations just emphasize this.

I was shocked. She knows I am a Christian. She knows I celebrate Christmas.

It turns out Nancy was very upset and threatened by the continuing popularity of Donald Trump, even after he dined with Nick Fuentes and Kanye. Anti-Semites and Holocaust deniers are welcome at Mar-a-Lago, and Donald Trump -- former President and current nominee -- is just as popular as he was six months ago. This makes her heart ache and tells her hate is on the rise. 

I countered that this has nothing to do with Christmas. When people hang their lights, they are not actively trying to exclude her or make her feel unwelcome in her own country. They are celebrating the season of love. I pointed out to her that some of us -- like me -- are trying to get through this season without screaming. I didn't detail all that is going on with Henry, but knowing this Christmas will be our last together is weighing very heavily on me. I told her that sometimes the lights and the carols feel like a balm.

But she has a point. "Christian Conservatives" seem to reject that America was founded on religious freedom. Nancy's Jewish faith is just as valid as my Christian faith. Or the spirituality of those who don't worship at all. Or Muslims, Hindus, etc. Legislating Christianity is dangerous and anti-American (don't get me started on abortion; how many Christians explored how other religions regard when life begins before applauding this activist Supreme Court?). Thomas Jefferson, one of our Founding Fathers, insisted that political freedom and free thought would be at risk if we did not keep government out of the church and church out of government. James Madison, who wrote the Constitution, believed that worshiping if, when, and where we choose is unalienable and protected, and no faith is more legitimate in this country than any other. But what did Madison and Jefferson know about what the United States should stand for?

When Nancy and Paul invited me to dinner last night, I was apprehensive. I don't want to defend my faith, and I don't want her to feel compelled to defend hers. I knew the restaurant she chose would have lights in the window, a tree in front, and holly in each booth. 

It wasn't an issue. We talked about Paul's daughter and her on again/off again marriage. We talked about Nancy's project at work. We talked about my Cousin Rose inviting me to Tampa for spring training ... and ANTHONY RIZZO! We talked about Harry and Meghan's Netflix series, and how it reminds me of Joe Maddon's memoir. (Paul loves that I can somehow tie everything back to the Cubs.) 

As we slid out of the booth, I saw the shopping bag Nancy had brought along. On the way to the restaurant she had stopped at a gift shop for chocolates to give as part of her office Secret Snowman gift exchange. She actually seemed into it.

As we parted, she wished me a Merry Christmas. We hugged. I will treasure that. 

*I don't know where she got this stat.

Making it to merry

I went out Saturday night. Elaine invited me to join her at The Music Box Theater's annual Santa singalong. They show a double feature, It's a Wonderful Life and White Christmas, all day and between shows, Santa comes out, sits on the organ, and leads the audience in carols.

We had dinner beforehand at a neighborhood deli and I had my first kugel. Then we headed off to the theater.

First they showed my favorite holiday short. I originally saw it on Garfield Goose, which was mandatory viewing with my playground crowd. Hardrock, Coco and Joe was on often, but not every day, during the Christmas season so the suspense and anticipation this little Gal felt was very real. I was thrilled and delighted to see my three old friends again -- and on the big screen! 

 

Then The Big Guy came in for the singalong. It's true! I spent Saturday night in the company of Santa himself! 

Yes, I sang. God help me, I sang. I found the confluence of Andy Williams and Santa irresistible. 

Lest you think this was a kiddie or family event, it started at  9:45 PM. There were no children in attendance and plenty of beer cans were popped open during this portion of the program.

And then, of course, there was the Frank Capra tale of redemption that gets me every time.

It was after 1:00 AM when Elaine pulled up in front of my building. Before I got out she told me wait, and she produced a Christmas gift bag! An oversized cat mug, almond cookies, and a zen "cat litter" garden for me to rake and play with for "peace and mindfulness." 

My second unanticipated Christmas gift of the year! It's not gifts themselves (the bag from Elaine and the blanket from my former coworker) but what they represent that touch me. 

I'm struggling right now. I'm learning to adapt to my new, post-work life and doing it during the holiday season has been hard. This time of year is just fraught with emotion. Loved ones who have gone (my mom, my uncle) and the loved one who is fading (Henry) haunt me. I think I'm OK financially, but I don't know. I think I'm getting better physically, but I don't know. I've never been good with things I can't control, and now I'm engulfed by them. 

Finding support from unexpected places makes me happy, and I'm grateful. 

I'm hopeful that it will be a Merry Christmas after all.

Sunday Stealing

 THE YEAR IS ENDING

1. Wintertime comfort foods, habits, hobbies. Food? Mac and cheese. Habits? More moisturizer! Hobbies? I don't think I have any winter-specific hobbies.

2. Favorite seasonal/holiday music and songs. I love Andy Williams at Christmastime.

3. The people I want to spend more time with next year. My newish friends: Joanna, Elaine and Nancy. I love and treasure my friends of a lifetime, but I also appreciate the need to forge new connections. And that gets harder as we get older.

4. How much I could change my life in 1 year if I focused. Probably lots!

5. The valuable lessons I learned this year. That permanence and control are illusions in life.

6. How I’d describe 2022 in 10 words. Boy, dental work is insanely time consuming and very expensive.

7. My favorite reads of 2022. I'd recommend three biographies that gave me new insights into lives I thought I knew: Lady Bird and Lyndon by Betty Boyd Caroli, The Book of Joe by Joe Maddon and Tom Verducci, and All That Heaven Allows: A Biography of Rock Hudson by Mark Griffin

8. Best movies I saw in 2022 

9. Favorite TV shows/episodes of 2022 

10. Memorable experiences from 2022. I will spare you the litany of my health issues. Suffice to say, I'm happy and grateful to leave them behind.

11. Three people I enjoyed spending time with this year. My nephew. My oldest friend. My classic movie tribe.

12. How I handled challenges this year. Not all that well.

13. What I’m leaving behind in 2022. Getting up with the alarm clock each weekday morning.

14. How I changed most from beginning to end of the year. After 18 years, my employer and I parted company.

15. What I want to tell myself before the New Year. Change isn't always bad.

 

Saturday 9

Saturday 9: Just Because (1956)

Unfamiliar with this week's tune? Hear it here.

1) In this week's song, Elvis complains that his girl has confused him with Santa Claus. This time of year, Santa is prominent. Did you more recently hear Santa referred to in a song, see him in a holiday decoration or ad, watch him in a film or TV show, or maybe even met him in person, ringing a bell or asking kids if they have been naughty or nice? I watched Elf last night.

Did you realize Buddy actually knows Santa?

  

2) Finally Elvis just can't take it anymore and breaks up with her, just because. Is there anyone in your life who has a way of pressing your buttons and getting on your nerves? Oh yes! I won't say anymore than that because I'm trying not to let those funsuckers have such an impact on my mood.

Oh, yes I did.

3) "Just Because" is one of the last songs Elvis recorded at Sun Studio in Memphis. TripAdvisor recommends a Sun Studio tour as one of the top things to do in Memphis. Have you ever been to Memphis? If yes, what did you do? Yes. I've been to Memphis three times, and consequently have visited Graceland three times. BTW, the first time I went to Memphis, in 1987, I toured Sun Studio. Back then, it was still a working recording studio (don't know if that's still the case) and tours were still a new thing. My friend and I just showed up and even though it wasn't a specified tour time, the engineer working there said he'd take us through. It was just my friend and me -- two women traveling alone; I wasn't yet 30 and she was 38 or 39. As he took us through (it's really very small) he had to leave us a minute to take a phone call. So she and I were alone in the room where Elvis recorded this week's song, as well as "That's All Right, Mama" and "Good Rockin' Tonight." I took this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity and went up to Elvis' mic stand and, um, slid down it like a stripper pole. (Hey! Elvis was known for his suggestive moves. I like to think he'd appreciate mine.) After he finished the call, the engineer informed us that the mirror was two-way and he was watching us while he was on the phone. Instead of chastising me, he invited us to a party.

4) Elvis left Sun for RCA, a much bigger record label. As part of the deal, RCA negotiated for the rights to all his unreleased Sun songs. "Just Because" is one of them, and it was included on Elvis' first RCA album. Have you gotten a good deal on anything lately? Not yet. But I have a BOGO coupon for Boston Market that I'm using this afternoon. I love Boston Market.

5) In 1956, when "Just Because" was released, non-stick cookware was first introduced. Do you have any Teflon in your kitchen right now? I don't know if it's Teflon, but my George Foreman Grill has a non-stick grilling surface.

6) Elvis thought peacocks were beautiful and commissioned stained glass peacock panels for his living room. Do you have any stained glass in your home? Nope. But here's a photo of those Graceland panels.

7) He tried to keep peacocks at Graceland. One of the birds saw its reflection in Elvis' gold Cadillac and started pecking, ruining the car's expensive paint job. Elvis donated the peacocks to the Memphis Zoo. Have you ever had a bird as a pet? When I was very young, we had a blue parakeet. My mom had him before I was born, and she kept him in my bedroom because I liked him and having him there helped me sleep. One day he and his cage were just gone. My mom tried to explain to me that he'd died, but I was quite confused.

8) Elvis decorated the long Graceland driveway for the holidays with blue lights. His father teased that with the airport nearby, pilots might confuse their driveway with a runway. What airport is nearest your home? O'Hare (or ORD, as the tags on my luggage say).

9) When Elvis was alive, he kept the holiday lights up until January 9, the day after his birthday. That tradition continues at Graceland today. Conventional etiquette tells us Christmas decorations should go up the day after Thanksgiving and come down before January 6 (the 12th day of Christmas). Do you think it's ever too early, or too late, for Christmas decorations? Ah, my parents argued about this every damn year. My dad was very "day after Thanksgiving to New Year's Day." My mom would have kept the tree up until Easter if he'd let her. I think everyone should do as they want.

 

 

Merry Christmas to Sophia

I love the surprise gift I got from my former coworker. But it's the gesture, more than the electric blanket itself, that matters to me. That she thought of me and wanted me to have a Merry Christmas is what touches me. But my condo always runs hot and dry. I seldom even wear long sleeves in here, much less need an electric blanket.

So I returned it to Target and got a gift card. I didn't feel great about this, though. I don't know why, but I just didn't feel comfortable with what I'd done. On the way home I stopped at Whole Foods for some eggs. I was surprised to see their store Christmas tree. They'd had one in this spot for years, but in 2020 and 2021 there wasn't room because Amazon Locker had taken the space. The store had a remodel this year, freeing up room for the tree.

This is a special tree, decorated with little construction paper hearts from the kids at the local children's home. Some kids live there 24/7, waiting for appropriate foster homes or for their parents to get it together and take them back. Others are there because their working parents are taking advantage of the sliding scale daycare. Anyway, each heart has a kids' name, age, sizes and Wish List items. Since the children's home is, literally, next door, I'm happy to take an ornament and fulfill a Christmas wish.

I chose Sophia. She's 10. Her Wish List item is an Amazon gift card. Easy enough. But surely Santa Gal can do better for her than that. After all, I have that Target gift card in my wallet. I used it to get Sophia a green pullover. That seemed in the spirit of the season, in keeping with the intentions of the coworker who gave me the electric blanket.

Amazon gift card and a new top. That's what she asked for. But I thought about myself at 10. What was going on with me? I wanted to feel grown up. I was very into lip gloss and scents. I thought that might be true of Sophia, too.

That's when I remembered the little Body Shop strawberry gift set. I bought it during a clearance sale last spring, figuring I would give it along with a gift card to our admin for Christmas. I'm not working at the agency any more and had no use for it now. I thought the scented shower gel and body wash would be good for young Sophia. It would make her feel all girly and pretty, but it couldn't possibly be deemed "too grown up" by her parents or caregivers.

Pullover, gift card, strawberry gift set.  I feel good about this.

 

Starting to get it

I'm writing this Friday evening. Looking over the last two days, I think my retired life is slowly starting to take shape.

This transition has been tougher than I expected. My last day of work was October 27. So it's been one month and 13 days. In that time I've been to the dentist, the oral surgeon, the urologist and the hospital for an MRI. I worked with advisors from Fidelity to transition my employer 401k to a personal IRA. I've also made two trips to Illinois Employment and spent a ton of time on the phone regarding Medicare. I wasn't expecting it all to be this complicated. 

I've also had the blues. My dear friend Henry is fading. I suspect this Christmas will be rough. Tomorrow he is being released from the psych ward, where his dementia has been evaluated and his medications recalibrated. I must be realistic about this. I noticed a precipitous slide in his condition between Christmas 2020 and Christmas 2021. In the past year, he has been in the mental hospital three separate times. It's possible that next year he won't even know me anymore. I must enjoy this Christmas with him somehow because I appreciate it will be our last. My friend of 30 years is disappearing.

But I'm getting the hang of retirement. Since the insurance/unemployment/investment stuff is ironed out and I don't believe I have any medical/dental appointments for the next three weeks. My gifts are all purchased, the ones traveling out of state are on their way.

So I have had the luxury of kicking back. I've spent the last two days just chilling. Just doing for myself.*

•  I signed up for yoga! I need to chill the fuck out. Yoga should help with that. My chiropractor thinks it will be good for my back. Having somewhere to go at a scheduled time will help give my life structure. And it's free (or, more precisely, provided "at no additional cost") through my United Healthcare Medicare Supplement Plan. My first class is definitely next Thursday. I may also slip one in on Tuesday. We'll see.

• I got my Winter 2022 pedi. Same color as last year: Essie Mrs. Always Right. Mostly I enjoyed the pampering. It's been a while since I had anything resembling a spa treatment.

• I'm going to Hollywood! I got my pass to the TCM Classic Film Festival in April. It's my nerd passion and I'm indulging! Seems the crew from last year also got passes. It will be lovely to reunite.

* I started a box. Of stuff to take to Goodwill. This place is so overstuffed that I literally cannot walk through my den. I'm going to spend 10 minutes every day adding to that box. As I see the stuff disappear, I predict I'll feel lighter.

*Country Dew, I listened to you! Thanks.

Thursday Thirteen #287

Thirteen popular 2022 gifts. I'm done with my Christmas shopping, so I don't know why I keep reading stories recommending what I should buy. But I do. And so here's what I'm hearing are popular for this holiday season.

1. Gift baskets filled with munchies like popcorn, snack mix, pretzels, chocolate, etc.

2. Fruit cake. No, really. One site actually recommended giving fruit cake. But as part of a gift bag that includes gourmet coffee.

3. Charcuterie and cheese selection.

4. Wine pairing, a carefully chosen vintage and antipasti.

5. A centerpiece for friends and relatives you know will be hosting dinners.

6. A live table top pine that can be a decoration over the holidays and then planted outside.

7. Throw pillows, giving the recipient a quick and easy way to give their room an after-holiday refresh.

8. Matching potholders and dishtowels, similarly brightening up your friend's kitchen.

9. Facial mask and moisturizer duo for an at-home, DIY spa day.

10. Make up brushes, nice ones in a variety of sizes so your friend will start 2023 feeling pretty and pampered.

11. A beard kit, for the guy on your gift list who would appreciate things like balm, scissors and a special comb for his beard.

12. Gift card. Just add a personal touch by adding your own message.

13. Charitable donation. Make a contribution to your friend's favorite cause. Many charities, like PBS and the World Wildlife Fund, will give you a premium that you can give along with notice of the donation.

What about you? Are you ready for the gift-giving season?

Please join us for THURSDAY THIRTEEN. Click here to play along, and to see other interesting compilations of 13 things.

 

WWW.WEDNESDAY

WWW. WEDNESDAY asks three questions to prompt you to speak bookishly. To participate, and to see how other book lovers responded, click here. 

1. What are you currently reading? Christmas Every Day by Beth Moran. The book begins with the holiday party at a major London law firm. Everyone is abuzz because the firm's most eligible partner is rumored to be ready to settle down. What fabulous woman has captured his heart? Our narrator, Jenny, is sure she knows. After all, she's his personal assistant and secret lover. When she finds out that she will not, however, be his bride, she breaks down. Or rather, she publicly melts down. 

She loses her big city job and moves to a ramshackle rural cottage, left empty by the death of a grandmother she barely knew. As she rehabs the cottage, and her life, she makes friends with the village women. Together they support one another as they work toward the individual goals they vow to reach by next Christmas. And, in true romance novel fashion, she clashes with her gorgeous but grumpy neighbor, Mack.

This book reminds me of another I read last spring: Back in the Burbs by Tracy Wolff and Amber Flynn. In that book, set on this side of the pond, a Manhattanite loses everything in her divorce and moves into the suburban wreck left to her by her favorite aunt. She, too, clashes with a hunky neighbor. 

But that's OK. I just read a big, heavy historic volume filled with real-life horror and heartbreak (see below). Chick-lit that feels familiar and has a warm, fuzzy Christmas overlay is just what the doctor ordered.

2. What did you recently finish reading? Death of a President by William Manchester. This is the closest to an authorized account of the Kennedy assassination we have. Manchester was chosen by Jacqueline Kennedy to write it. She and Manchester later had a major falling out, but that was less about fact than detail.

I picked it up hoping to revisit the events as historic fact. There are so many hysterical theories out there and those get more play. But I'm not interested in lurid, tinfoil-hat conspiracies. I wanted to see what happened, hour-by-hour. How did the most famous murder of the 20th century take place? How did the principals behave in the aftermath?

While that's all here, I came away with a greater understanding of human nature than the crime. This book is about how people behave when confronted with an unacceptable reality, and how they move on to grieve. I found it compassionate, universal and compelling. It was also painful. Know that if you choose to pick up this 700+ page book, you may have to put it down and turn away at times.

3. What will read next? I don't know.

 

Perfect timing

If you read this humble blog often, you know I've been battling the blues a bit lately. While I was doing laundry, a package arrived for me. Big, and from Target. I hadn't ordered anything. I thought it might be from my friend Mindy, who has missed my birthday by a long way this year. 

It was a surprise. A massive, wonderful surprise. It's a heated microfiber throw (aka electric blanket) from a former coworker. "Have a warm and cozy Christmas, Gal. I miss you."

She's a Hindu and an Indian citizen, so she doesn't celebrate Christmas, but this is the second Christmas gift she's given me. Back in 2014, when she was an agency newbie, her desk was near mine. We didn't work together, but because of the proximity she felt she got to know me. She watched me when I didn't know I was being observed (making me kind of like a sitcom). She heard me rhapsodizing about the new bags I wanted and bought me one! Her note said it was because I am thoughtful and "spread the holiday cheer year around." I can quote it because I still have it. I tucked it into my address book for safekeeping. 

I try, you know? Every day I try to live my faith. Or, in classic movie terms, I try to be more Melly and less Scarlett. It means a great deal to me that she sees that in me. And that she has seen it in me when I was just going about my life, without knowing she was watching.

Since covid, we haven't seen one another often. The only time we were in the office together was for major events. She was very upset that I'd been terminated. I was something of a mentor to her.

In the 8 years between the handbag and the blanket, she has had two babies, been promoted twice (she's now a director!) and has spoken and blogged about being a woman of color in American advertising. If I acted as a mentor to her in any way,  I am proud of that.

Plus, her timing was exquisite. I didn't know I needed an electric blanket. It's always very warm in here. And yet today, this electric blanket was exactly what I needed.

PS I read the comments on the post below and those lifted my spirits, too. Thank you, ladies.

Scared and sad

Kathy and I have known one another for 40 years. Our relationship has been fractious at times because of her competitive streak. When we first met, I was a newly-minted copywriter enjoying my partygirl phase. Ten years my senior, she was a divorced mom re-entering the workforce as a creative supervisor. As time went on, I switched my energies from partying hard to working hard and I moved up the advertising ladder. She did not. I endured years of little digs about being a sell out. Kathy always maintained she could have had the career I did, but she wouldn't compromise her integrity. We both know that's not true, and she could be quite mean. 

She can also be very kind. When my mom died, she stayed to the end of the service, just in case I needed support. She drove me to my first colonoscopy. When I had covid in 2020, she called often and sent me a jigsaw puzzle.

For the last three years or so, Kathy has been struggling with some form of undiagnosed dementia. She has medicare, so I don't know why she hasn't seen a doctor. But she hasn't and won't. She used to insist, "I recently had a problem with my brain but it fixed itself." It's gotten so bad she doesn't even bother denying it anymore.

She feels isolated. Our mutual old friends have fallen away. She can be difficult and confusing to deal with. I'm hanging on, but it's hard.

Take yesterday. First she emailed me a photo of the Christmas card I sent her, writing, "Thanks. Perfect. If you answer here, I may not figure out how to answer. I'm aging faster than expected."

OK, I know that's a trap. She gets mad if I don't answer. I know she can't help it, but she's always been quick to anger and dementia hasn't helped. So I replied, "Glad you liked it. Have a Merry Christmas."

In the meantime, she clicked "like" on three of my Facebook posts.

Then she emailed me back, "You have fallen off Facebook. Are you OK?"

I emailed her a screen grab of a meme I posted along with her response. I wrote, "I post and you respond so our Facebook connection is working just as it should. Thanks for your concern."

"Awesome!" she replied. PHEW! She wasn't mad!

Every interaction is a dance through a minefield. 

I know she is lonely and she must be frightened. I worry about her safety. I know she has curtailed her driving and won't get behind the wheel with passengers, but she shouldn't be operating a car at all. She has adult grandchildren nearby and they have keys to her apartment, so I don't have to worry about her (to borrow from the commercial) falling and unable to get up. She mentioned in passing that both her daughter near Boulder and her sister near Seattle have suggested she move in with them, but she doesn't want to give up her freedom.

But I'm scared and sad. I wish this wasn't happening.

My oldest friend is battling clinical depression and other health problems. Henry is still in the looney bin. He may not be out by the time I go to Key West and I may be visiting him in a hospital ward on Christmas Day.

Sometimes all I want to do is nap. Can you blame me?

Sunday Stealing

From the Queen of Memes

1. What do men really want in a woman? I suspect every man wants something different.

2. Should marijuana be legalized? Hasn't it been?

3. Why did the cow jump over the moon? To get away from the cat and her infernal fiddle playing.

4. What do women really want in a man? I suspect every woman wants something different.

5. When you are having a really good day, what usually makes it good? Mary Richards. She is known for being able to take a nothing day and suddenly make it all seem worthwhile.

6. What can make your good day turn into a bad day? Friction and drama.

7. If you could "start from scratch" and turn back the clock for a re-do, what would you re-do? I'd go back about five years. My condo was in decent shape then. But I've neglected it and now my list of things to do is daunting. I wish I could go back, knowing what I know now, and then I'd be smarter and keep up with it.

8. Do you make a list when you go grocery shopping? Yes. And then I ignore it.

9. Do you buy more groceries when you're hungry? I don't think so.

10. Coupons. Use 'em? Not as much as I should!

11. Have you ever complained to the manager of your grocery store? No. I argued with a Walgreens store manager once, but he started it. It had to do with the checkout line. I don't recall the particulars, but he didn't like how I (and several other customers) had queued up. I was sick of him scolding us, so I handed him my basket of unpurchased items and said, "You're the manager, manage!" and I left. I remember this clearly because it's really not like me. I always try to be patient with employees who face the public, since I believe that usually the person whose job it is to deal with me is likely not the one who made the decision that pissed me off. However, in this case, he was the manager. This mess was on him.

12. Do you like to buy groceries at huge chain stores like WalMart? Or do you shop exclusively at food stores? I do most of my grocery shopping at Target. Once a month, I order from the independent grocery store on the other side of town. They're inconvenient and bit more expensive, but they do so much for the community that I try to support them when I can.

13. What do you typically have for lunch? It changes every day.

14. If you work outside your home, do you pack your lunch? I don't, but when I did, I didn't.

15. Tell us about your last lunch date and what made it special. Yesterday I had lunch with Nancy and her husband, Paul. It was emotional. All three of us are going through something. I'm adjusting to this new phase in my life. Nancy is Jewish and during this holiday season with anti-Semitism on the rise, feeling very much like an unwelcome minority in her own country. Paul is worried about his daughter, who announced she just left her husband (again). It was like a group therapy session with carrot cake. I hope we all felt better when we got home. I did, but I was also exhausted.

Saturday 9

 Saturday 9: Broken-Hearted Girl (2009)

Unfamiliar with this week's tune? Hear it here.

 

1) In this song, Beyonce admits her feelings for a man she doesn't want to love. Do you believe we can choose who we love? Or does the heart go its own way? I'm not 100% in either camp, but I lean toward the latter.

2) In the video for this song, Beyonce plays with a red rose. Florists report that the most popular colors of roses are: red, white or ivory, yellow, pink, peach or orange, and lavender or purple. Do you have a favorite? I admit it: I'm not crazy about roses. They cost too much and don't last very long. What's sadder to see in a vase than a dying rose? Now that I'm over my rant, I'll go with red or white.

3) The video was filmed in Malibu. Southern California is a popular vacation destination. Have you ever visited there? Have you ever lived there? I've been there on vacation at least four times and will be back this April for the TCM Classic Film Festival.

 

4) When Beyonce was just 12, she appeared on the show Star Search as part of a vocal group called Girls Tyme. The girls lost, but Beyonce said the experience taught her that she wanted to be a performer for the rest of her life. Share a memory from your own junior high years. I remember my posse, four of us who went everywhere together while we were in 7th and 8th grade. It was my first taste of freedom. I could go to Jack-in-the-Box (within walking distance) if I paid for it myself and I went with them. One of our moms would drive us to the movies and drop us off (instead of coming in with us). I especially remember the annual fun fair, a fundraiser for the nearby Catholic church where we bought little round pins to wear on our denim jackets. I'm still in touch with one of the girls. I refer to her on this blog as my oldest friend (because she is!).

 

5) As a girl, she helped her hairstylist mom by sweeping hair at the salon. Do you have a hair appointment coming up? Yes. Saturday I will be cut and colored. I guess my hair is kinda my thing. Last week, one of my young neighbors was riding in the elevator with me while talking to her mom on the phone. Her mom asked who she was talking to and she responded with my first name, which didn't seem to ring any bells. My young neighbor elaborated: "You know her! The white lady with the highlights and all the Cubs shirts!" There are worse ways to describe me. I'll take it.

 

6) In 2009, when this song was popular, Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg unsuccessfully tried to buy Twitter. Elon Musk acquired Twitter last month. What social media sites do you spend the most time on? Facebook and Twitter. I try to limit my Twitter exposure to baseball news. Everyone else seems to have forgotten their manners since Mr. Musk took over. I'm also not excited by the scantily-clad women who suddenly have appeared on my feed. I guess Elon has to make money somehow since more conventional advertisers are jumping ship. Oh well, I can scroll past what I don't like. I predict Musk will soon either blow it up or sell it.

 

7) Also in 2009, Sony sold floppy disks at most retailers. But things change fast in the world of tech and by 2011, Sony quit producing floppy disks altogether. Floppies were replaced by flash drives, which have been replaced by cloud storage services ... Do you still have any floppy disks? I may. I'm such a pack rat, I don't really know what all this overstuffed apartment contains.

8) In 2009, Michael Jackson died. Do you have a favorite Michael Jackson song? Man in the Mirror.

9) Random question -- We're having a Saturday 9 potluck lunch! What will you bring? Fruit salad. No one else seems to bring it, and it's easy.

I chilled out

I've been tightly wound lately. So when today I found myself with nothing I needed to do -- no doctor's appointments, no calls about insurance -- I did what comes most naturally.

I went to the movies.

The Fabelmans is a movie about movies. It's Steven Spielberg's onscreen autobiography, and it's affecting and tender. 

I also had a nice big gooey bowl of pasta. Snarkypants sent me a gift card for my birthday and specified it be used for lunch. I respond to direct commands, so I did. (Thanks, Snarkela.)

While I have discussed with my shrink that my natural tendency toward alone time may not always be the best option for me, and consequently have gone out of my way to be social (separate birthday celebrations with one of my former coworkers and with Joanna, road trip with Elaine, weekly movie group), days like this have their place, too. 

A word about Constance MacKenzie

Like me, my Connie Cat has bad teeth. She began her life with a hoarder, one of 26 cats in an apartment. When I adopted her, I was warned that her eyes and her gums were a mess because of poor diet. Look how wide those eyes are now. The photo below, taken when she first moved in here, shows how incredibly light sensitive her eyes were. Just keeping them open was a struggle.

The teeth are an ongoing issue, though. She's already had two teeth pulled and now we're looking at a third. This isn't surprising, really. At 11, she's approximately 60 years old in human years. Plus she had chronic gum disease for her first two years. 

Right now she's on an anti-inflammatory to combat a sore in her mouth. It might be an allergic reaction to her ceramic bowl -- since replaced with stainless steel. Next we have to have some bloodwork done. If she's in good shape, we'll schedule the extraction.

She is a sweet girl. She depends on me. As much as she hates the vet, I hate thinking of her being in any discomfort.

Stop, Gal, breathe

I admit it: I'm not doing very well as I adjust to this new period of my life.

A lot of it is because I'm navigating unfamiliar seas. I've never been this old before. I've never dealt with bureaucracies this often before. No, this is not going to become one of those tiresome "government fucks everything up" screeds. The issue that I had (now resolved) with the State of Illinois unemployment service was part my fault and part my former employer's. But it did take hours online, hours on the phone, and two separate in-person trips to iron out.

Now it's Medicare. I signed up for Part A (free Hospital Insurance) on September 1, more than 80 days in advance of my 65th birthday, and it was easy peasy. Got my card in no time. I didn't apply at that time for Part B (Medical Insurance). There's a premium for Part B, and it was redundant with the Blue Cross/Blue Shield I had through work. I didn't know on September 1 that I was going to lose my job.

Well, I lost my job on October 27. I applied for Medicare Part B on November 1, still in advance of my November 22 birthday, for coverage to begin on December 1. I was sure it was going to go smoothly. The insurance broker I've been using* wasn't as sanguine. He said that while he was certain I would eventually be covered beginning December 1, he didn't think I'd get my card by then. Too many other Americans are applying this time of year (December 7 is the open enrollment end date) and the system is overburdened.

He was right. I've been on the phone with Medicare three times, and these are marathon calls. (The shortest one was 40 minutes.) Why, I keep asking, if I have a email receipt saying my Part B form was received, can't I find online status of my application? Finally yesterday (December 1) I learned that my application was being reviewed.

Both the federal employee I spoke to on the phone and the broker seem confident that my coverage will be retroactive to December 1. After all, I qualify and I applied within the prescribed window. I have spoken to both my shrink and my chiropractor about this and they're both very, "Yeah, we get it." Both will continue to treat me without proof of insurance since I have that email receipt. And let's not forget that I've had Medicare hospital insurance for a while, so if something BIG goes wrong I can still confidently go to the ER for care.

And it's always my teeth. Forever my teeth. I feel like I've been going to the dentist every week for years now! While I was in the chair Tuesday (a 90 minute session), I was told that I had reached my 2022 maximum. I wasn't surprised. I've had a lot of work done.

When I said, "Ok, I'll see you all in 2023," this seemed very reasonable. After all, Tuesday was November 29. We're talking about skipping a month. ONE MONTH!

The hygienist, who was doing double duty because the billing specialist has the week off, was telling me that, since I'll probably blow past the deductible and hit the 2023 max pretty quickly next year anyway, I should just schedule work for December. I appreciate that she is concerned about how the temp crowns will hold up, but she shouldn't have brought it up when I was in the chair.

Here I am, with ten fingers in my mouth, staring at the ceiling, thinking, "Oh my God! I'll never be able to pay for all this!" It was depressing and stressful.

When I was able to take a break, I said to both her and my dentist, "I am paying for medical procedures on my liver and kidneys. That has to come first. If my GP was here, she'd say that my teeth can be replaced but my organs can't, so they have to come first."

My dentist said he agreed, and that January would be fine. The hygienist was still very "but the crowns!" And I understand her concern. They are temporaries and are only intended for use for a short time (hence the name). But there are realities of time and finance here.

My dentist said, "If these pop off, come in. Unless it's Christmas Day, come in. I'll replace them." He reiterated that as I was paying my bill on the way out. (By the way, I paid $800 that day.)

I'll be OK. When I got home -- away from the drilling and as the medication began to wear off -- I considered the cash I haven't budgeted for. Remember the unemployment I mentioned way back at the beginning of this post? I never included that in my financial calculations so I can use that for my medical bills. I had hoped to wait until November 2023 to begin receiving Social Security, but I'm eligible for those funds right now, too. I can use my "social safety net" money to pay these BIG bills without depleting my retirement funds.

But retiring is hard. Harder than I expected. Too many variables. Too many things I can't control. I wasn't expecting not working to be so much work.

*I suggest everyone contact an independent broker before you begin the Medicare journey. The amount of materials you will receive is dizzying, and it's hard to do on your own.

 

Reg is sad and I don't care

Apparently my friend Henry is still in the hospital. I gleaned that from Reg's 220+ word Facebook post. Mostly what I got from it is Reg visited Henry. The rest of it is Reg ruminating about how he has failed Henry. 

I agree with every syllable, but when I got to the end I wanted to comment, "Yeah, but when is Henry coming home? How is Henry feeling?" 

I didn't, of course. I'm angry, but I'm not cruel.

Besides, I don't know that Reg would even notice my comment. He's all about the emojis -- the cares, the sads, the loves. Most of the people who reacted don't even live in Key West and haven't seen Henry since the accident. Some haven't even met him. These are the people Reg wants to hear from. Not people who know the truth.

One woman -- unique in that she actually cares about Henry, knows him from church -- responded with: Now, while Henry is in the hospital might be a good time for you to talk with a therapist, a good time to just take care of you.

Yeah, like that's going to happen. 

We're now in December. I had made my peace with the idea that this Christmas will be the last time I'll ever see Henry. I'd kinda like to know if he will be out of the hospital, at home, or maybe in some kind of assisted living facility next time I see him. Or will I even be going to Key West for Christmas?

I will miss Henry. I love him.

Reg loves him, too. When I'm not mad, I'm sad that Reg's attitude precludes us comforting one another over what we have lost.

 

Thursday Thirteen #286

 

13 musicians we love. According to Amazon music, these are the 13 artists we most often claim as our most favorite.

1. The Beatles

2. Imagine Dragons

3. Taylor Swift

4. Morgan Wallen

5. Luke Combs

6. Queen

7. Bad Bunny

8. Post Malone

9. Elvis Presley

10. Eagles

11. Kane Brown

12. Ed Sheeran

13. Elton John

I admit I don't know 2, 4, 5, 7, and 11. But I'm thrilled that the Beatles are 1 and The King is hanging in there.

Please join us for THURSDAY THIRTEEN. Click here to play along, and to see other interesting compilations of 13 things.