My valentine to movies

I've been watching a lot of movies lately. A wide variety. Both at home and on the big screen at my local theater, and I've enjoyed every moment.

It's long been fashionable to say, "They don't make 'em like they used to." It's also incredibly lazy and elitist. For example, let's take a closer look at a popular 2022 movie that felt like a throwback to the classics I love.

Ticket to Paradise is a romantic comedy of errors starring George Clooney and Julia Roberts. It's lightweight, the cinematic equivalent of a candy bar -- you enjoy it while you're consuming it, but you're not really going to remember it after it's over. 

There were a ton of such movies in Hollywood's Golden Age, and Clooney and Roberts remind me of the stars of those days. They are beautiful, charismatic, and as comfortable being elegant as ridiculous. 

Clooney reminds me of Cary Grant. Exquisite in a tux, but just as winning in a wig made from a horse's tail or swinging from a railway crossing gate (I Was a Male War Bride). And both men have made aging an artform.

Julia Roberts reminds me of Jean Arthur. A clotheshorse, a designer's dream. A smart cookie, able to succeed in a man's world without sacrificing her femininity. She's just as comfortable being the beauty who inspires love poems as she is the faux mobster mall who spins tall tales with a cigarette dangling from her lips (The Whole Town's Talking).

Here are other modern movies I've seen recently that I highly recommend. Each is more consequential and thought provoking than Ticket to Paradise.

The Fabelmans. Steven Spielberg's autobiographical look back at the disintgration of a family and the birth of an artist. Someone from my movie group snarked all over it, calling it "self indulgent." I thought it was honest and intimate.

The Whale. Brendan Fraser is a morbidly obese recluse who knows his life is slipping away and wants to make his life and relationships right before he goes. Fraser is magnificent. The movie felt exploitative to me, displaying and exposing him like a freak. But Fraser transcends the tawdry and touched my heart with just his eyes.

The Banshees of Inisheren. A tiny Irish island is populated by idiosyncratic characters, including Padraic, Colm and Siobhan. One day Colm decides to end his long friendship with Padraic. No incident sparked this; Colm just decides there's more to life than listening to Padraic (who is, if we're honest, rather thick). The end of a friendship can be as heartbreaking and confusing as the end of a romance. Siobhan is Padraic's sister, and as much as she loves her brother, she knows can't help him with this. This movie has been described as a dark comedy and there were moments that made me smile, but I don't think it's funny at all. 

A Man Called Otto. I loved this little movie. A widower (Tom Hanks) concludes everyone he meets is an idiot -- neighbors (especially), store keepers, customer service at the utilities, everyone. Marisol moves in across the street and she insists he engage with her and her family, helping him see the good in life.

Thursday Thirteen #293

A dose of glamor on for a gray winter's day. When I was a kid, I thought Elizabeth Taylor was silly. Always with a cigarette and/or drink in hand, wearing loud caftans and gaudy jewelry, getting off planes or boarding yachts. Then I got into classic film and came to appreciate her as an actress, rather than a celebrity. I also understand now that much of the over-the-top public behavior she exhibited had to with addiction to pills and alcohol. Her much publicized trip to rehab may have saved lives. The same for her AIDS advocacy. And so I consider these 13 facts something of a tribute.

1. Her full name was Elizabeth Rosemond Taylor Hilton Wilding Todd Fisher Burton Warner Fortensky. She was married 8 times, divorced 7, and widowed once. She outlived five of her seven husbands and had four children and 10 grandchildren.

2. While I'm an unabashed fan, it's true not everyone was. In the early 1960s, the Vatican denounced her for "erotic vagrancy."

3. She was 10 when she made her first movie, There's One Born Every Minute. She made more than 45 more. She was nominated for four Oscars and won two. 

My favorite Liz movie moment

4. Her first Oscar was for Butterfield 8, a movie she hated. I think she was fabulous in it. During the first 10 minutes, not a word is spoken. Her character, Gloria, wakes up in a strange bedroom. She wanders around in her slip, trying to remember how she got there. She comes upon her torn dress on the floor and is alternately disgusted and turned on by the memory of what she did last night. She's about to slip into a coat she finds in the closet so she can go home when she spots an envelope with her name on it. It's filled with cash and the note says, "Is this enough?" She's furious. Gloria may be a slut but she's no prostitute. She takes her lipstick and scrawls "NO SALE" on the bedroom mirror. We learn that Gloria is self destructive and has poor impulse control and makes bad decisions, just by watching her facial expressions, how she moves and what she does. No dialog. I believe Elizabeth Taylor was an underrated actress.

5. She became a published author at age 14. Nibbles and Me was about her pet chipmunk. She wrote it herself and in longhand.

6. She was the first actress to earn $1,000,000 for a single film. One million in 1961 would be $9.5 million today.

7. The money she made from her films was dwarfed by the profits made from her fragrances. The first actress to introduce her own perfume line, she was the most successful by far. One of her scents, White Diamonds, remained one of the world's best sellers for 20 years.

8. The Elizabeth Taylor AIDS Foundation has donated nearly $40,000,000 to patients living with AIDS. Today, 25% of the profits her estate collects for her likeness goes to the foundation.

9. Before she started her own foundation, she worked extensively with AmFAR, an organization devoted to AIDS research and prevention. In 1990, she testified before Congress on behalf of the Ryan White CARE Act.

10. In 1992, she appeared on the cover of Vanity Fair holding a condom. Today it looks quite tame, but at the time it was controversial. The press coverage it received got people talking about safe sex, which was exactly what she wanted.

11. She was born with an extra set of lashes and very thick eyebrows. Cinematographers attributed her beauty to those lush lashes and brows.

12. She helped get rid of pay toilets. She first encountered them while campaigning with then-husband, Sen. John Warner, in the late 1970s. When she learned they were quite common all over the country, more often in ladies room than mens, she convinced Warner to sponsor a law banning them in airports and bus and train stations.

13.  She began taking pain killers for chronic back pain in the 1950s when she was in her 20s. She went into the Betty Ford Clinic in 1983, where she admitted she was addicted to pills and alcohol. She was the first celebrity, after the former First Lady herself, to publicly discuss her rehab at length. In 1988, she relapsed and returned to the Center. She hoped her candor would help educate the public.

Please join us for THURSDAY THIRTEEN. Click here to play along, and to see other interesting compilations of 13 things.

WWW.WEDNESDAY

WWW. WEDNESDAY asks three questions to prompt you to speak bookishly. To participate, and to see how other book lovers responded, click here. 

PS I can no longer participate in WWW.WEDNESDAY via that link because her blog won't accept Blogger comments. I mention this only to save you the frustration I experienced trying to link up.

1. What are you currently reading? Agatha Raisin and the Vicious Vet by MC Beaton. Agatha is a successful London PR exec who retired to a quiet village in the country. She's bored and lonely for romantic companionship. She has a crush on her neighbor, but he seems uninterested so she turns her attention to the handsome new vet. He's as strange as he is good looking, though. He's a vet who doesn't like cats or dogs. No one seems sorry when he turns up dead. The police declare his death an unfortunate accident, but Agatha decides it's murder and sets out to prove it.

Agatha is funny heroine for a cozy mystery in that there is nothing cozy about her. She is bossy and surly and, even though she made her living in public relations, has no talent for dealing with people. I'm enjoying my second outing with this lusty old girl.

 

2. What did you recently finish reading? Deliberate Cruelty by Roseanne Montillo. In the 1950s, Ann Woodward had it all. Blonde and beautiful, she married into one of New York's top banking families. She found herself in the world of the social register, with a showplace in Manhattan and a weekend place in Oyster Bay she whimsically called The Playhouse. Then, one awful night (Halloween weekend, no less) she found herself in a deadly scandal and she lost it all.

Truman Capote was extravagantly talented and prolific. He was writing short stories, novels and even a Broadway musical. His star was on the ascendant. He ran into Ann Woodward, no longer welcome in New York, in St. Moritz. They disliked one another on sight and exchanged heated words.

 

Twenty years later, when Ann was virtually forgotten and Truman's career had peaked, he needed material for his next "non-fiction novel." He made Ann the subject of his roman a clef. Terrified of renewed and very harsh public scrutiny, she committed suicide before the excerpts were published in Esquire.

 

Ann Woodward was not the only New York society woman Truman Capote exploited in his short story. Once Esquire hit the stands, his phone stopped ringing. In no time, he was a pariah, just as Ann had been. Losing his place in cafe society devastated him. He never finished the novel that was excerpted. In fact, he never published another book, finding refuge in drugs, drink and playing court jester at Studio 54. While it took him longer to kill himself, his end was just as final as Ann's.

This well-written book is about talent, money, and privilege. It's about dreamers who are willing to sacrifice to make their dreams come true. It's the tale of two tragedies, and I was riveted.

3. What will read next? I don't know.

I know the signs

I don't like what I'm seeing from my oldest friend. When I try to call her, she doesn't pick up and my calls don't go to voicemail because the mailbox is full. I asked her about that and she said she just doesn't pick them up. There's no need, she explained. "I can look and see who called."

1) This means that she sees that I'm calling and just isn't picking up. Well, fuck you very much.

2) When this happened before it was because she was trying to evade calls from creditors. I don't imagine she has much in the way of credit cards anymore. This time I suspect it's her landlady. The landlady wants my friend -- who is on a month-to-month lease -- gone. The place could bring in more rent from a tenant who can afford to pay more. My friend knows she has to leave. She says she's looking for affordable housing farther south in California, closer to LA, nearer her cousin and her daughter.

The daughter I understand. The cousin? Not at all. Her cousin is not there for her on a reliable basis. Here's a post I found from more than a decade ago, and I still have the same gripes. Though with time, I think I understand that the problem may less be with the cousin than with my friend's idolatry of her. Maybe Sharon is just a tired 70-something who doesn't have the bandwidth to give my friend the support she needs, and maybe my oldest friend should recognize that their relationship is rather one-sided and move closer to her son, in Texas. After all, her son invited her.*

3) She spends all her free time answering questions on Quora. Yes, I'm snooping on her there because I'm worried about her. Fewer than 20% of her posts even get an upvote, much less a response. And some of the responses appear, at least to me, to be bots. Quora seems to have replaced her fan fiction, which she's abandoned after seven stories. Her early ones, about the Keanu Reeves character John Wick, grew quite a readership. One of them has been read 31,000 times! (Imagine that!) But her subsequent efforts have met with dwindling success and audience participation. I think this is a substitute for real friendship.

4) I know she's bipolar. I am afraid she's navigating treacherous waters these days without much support. I can't support her if she won't pick up the phone.

I feel very helpless.

 *One of her reasons for not joining her son was actually well though out. She's concerned that there isn't quality medical care nearby. That may be. I was heartened to hear that she was responding out of something more than Sharon worship.

I shouldn't have ordered the lasagna

It seemed like a good idea at the time. Warm, gooey goodness on a dreary day. Very little chewing involved for my still-sore jaw. I know I'm no longer supposed to have spinach (damn kidney stones) but I figured it's mostly pasta and cheese anyway, right? And just this once won't be so bad ...

It wasn't the spinach that got me. I thought I tasted a bit of pepper in there. If there's enough pepper for me to identify it, I'm usually in trouble. 

But still, she persisted.

Last night and this morning were distinctly unpleasant.

Oh well, at least I had a coupon! Next time I go there, I'll stick with the individual pizza.

Sunday Stealing

THE QUESTION MEME

1. What is your favorite accent? I love Dick Van Dyke's accent in Mary Poppins. Apparently he's the only Englishman in the history of the empire to speak this way.

2. What is your favorite animal? My favorite wild animal is the okapi. They look like a magical mix of a zebra and a giraffe, but they don't have any zebras in their bloodline. They are related to the giraffe, though. They are quiet herbivores who can run very fast. I'm such a fan.

3. What is your favorite band? How I love the lads!

4. What is your favorite childhood book? The summer between first and second grade, my family visited Springfield to see where Lincoln lived and this was my souvenir. I remember reading it over and over on the long drive home.

5. What is your favorite color? Blue.

6. What is your favorite drink? Coca-cola.

7. What is your favorite flavor of ice cream? Mint chocolate chip.

8. What is your favorite place on the planet? Within the friendly confines of Wrigley Field.

9. What is your favorite sandwich? A burger. I haven't had one in forever! Maybe I'll try one today.

10. What is your favorite swear word? Fuck

11. What is your favorite thing to wear? Jeans and a t-shirt

12. What is your favorite food to eat on a rainy day? Mac-and-cheese or clam chowder

13. What is your favorite food to eat on a sunny day? Hot dogs

14. What is your favorite number? 7

15. What is your favorite snack? This week I've been devouring donut holes at an alarming rate.

Saturday 9

 
Saturday 9: Hurting Each Other (1972)

Unfamiliar with this week's tune? Hear it here.

1) This week's song was written by Gary Geld and Peter Udell, who also wrote 1962's "Sealed with a Kiss." What was in the last envelope you sealed? I sent a donation to PAWS Chicago to help with their good works and to thank them for the calendar now brightening my kitchen wall.

2) In "Hurting Each Other," Karen Carpenter sings she wishes she and her lover could stop making each other cry. Have you most recently shed a tear in the last week, the last month, or longer ago than that? It was in mid-December, before Christmas, when I cancelled my trip to Key West and realized I may never see my friend Henry again.

3) One of the Carpenters' first records was a cover of the Beatles' "Ticket to Ride." Both Karen and Richard were huge fans and nervous about how the Beatles would react to their version. They were thrilled to learn that Paul McCartney responded by saying Karen had "one of the best female voices in the world." Tell us some news you received recently that brightened your day. I'm excited about one of the movies announced for the 2023 TCM Classic Film Festival, and even more than that, I was happy when I was alerted to the announcement by fellow film nerds who know how much I enjoy this one. I like being part of this obsessed little community.

Russ Tamblyn will be on hand to introduce the movie

4) Karen died in 1983, but her musical partner and big brother Richard is still with us. He has said he grew up a big fan Top 40 radio, listening every morning as he got ready for school and every afternoon while doing homework. When you were a kid, did you like to study with music or the TV on? Or would you prefer quiet? I have had tinnitus for as long as I can remember, so white noise is my friend. It distracts me.

5) Karen and Richard spent their teen years in Downey, California. It has the distinction of being home to the nation's oldest, still-operating McDonald's. It's been on the same site on Lakewood Blvd. since 1953. Tell us about a business in your neighborhood that seems to have always been right there, in that spot. Our local movie theater has been in the same spot since 1936.

6) The siblings may have had a squeaky clean public image, but Richard did have a brush with the law while in Downey. The Carpenter family lived for a time in an apartment complex, and one of their neighbors -- a policeman -- objected to Richard "banging on the piano" at all hours. When did you most recently interact with an officer of the law? I've passed police officers on the sidewalk in our shopping district but we haven't interacted. They are very friendly, though. Usually they're chatting with someone.

7) In 1972, when this song was popular, Mark Spitz was America's premier Olympian, winning seven Gold Medals. A poster of Spitz wearing his red, white and blue swim trunks and all seven medals was a top seller. Can you recall a poster that decorated your bedroom wall when you were a kid? These very pictures adorned the back of my bedroom door beginning in 1964.

8) Also in 1972, Liza Minnelli was encouraging us to "come to the cabaret." Without looking it up, do you know who Liza's famous parents were? Judy Garland and Vincente Minnelli. They fell in love while making Meet Me in St. Louis.

9) Random question: Are you a better student or teacher? Teacher

 

Call me "sweetheart." Or "honey," if you prefer.

I had quite the dental adventure on Thursday. I'm still a little swollen and a little discoloration is visible along my jawline, but I'm fine. I only needed the prescription-strength painkiller Thursday into Friday, and it looks like I'm healing well.

It's the oral surgeon who really suffered.

I had a double crown lengthening -- hard tissue (that's what the bill says). More tooth is required to affix the two side-by-side permanent crowns. So the surgeon cut away my gums to expose bone. Then he filed and reshaped them and stitched me back up. He told me this would take about 45 minutes.

It was more than an hour. The position on my lower left jaw -- midway between my front teeth and my back molars -- as well as the shape of my mouth made it harder for him to access the area for the reshaping and stitching. He had a hard time finding the right angle and the right tools to complete the procedure.

Let me state it plainly: I was in no pain. I wasn't enjoying myself, not by a long shot. I was dealing with the icky noises and smells and sounds that go with being in the chair for a long procedure. But I was, as they say, comfortably numb.

I knew there were complications by the mumbled conversations behind my head. The surgeon kept changing his position and sending the hygienist away for different tools. And he was giving me unnecessary words of encouragement.

"You're doing great, Sweetheart." Um, I'm not actually doing anything.

"We've got this, Honey." Again, I'm immobile and have contributed nothing to this situation but bad teeth and an apparently freakishly small mouth. He was doing all the work.

"We'll get you cleaned up, Sweetheart." This was when we were finally done. What I thought was water spraying onto my cheek and jaw was, apparently, mixed with my blood and I guess I looked like I was in a horror movie. I didn't see it, though. As he promised, my face was dabbed clean before I could see my reflection.

I'm aware that in today's world, men and women don't exchange endearments in a professional setting. On the one hand, "Sweetheart" and "Honey" confirmed my suspicion that he'd encountered unexpected complications. On the other hand, I was comforted that he cared about me and was committed to doing a good job. After the nightmare of what happened in June of 2021 in a different dentist's office -- when the hygienist removed a permanent crown instead of them temporary one -- that's not small.

Thursday Thirteen #292

My 13 favorite books of 2022. Are you familiar with Goodreads? They keep track of your reading stats for you. Goodreads enables me to share which books captured my attention this year.

I read 48 books in all, and these ranked highest. While I recommend all 13,  I gave the first four 5 stars, the rest 4.

1. Lady Bird and Lyndon by Betty Boyd Caroli (biography)

2. Furious Love: Elizabeth Taylor, Richard Burton and the Marriage of the Century by Sam Kashner and Nancy Schoenberger (biography)

3. The Book of Joe by Joe Maddon and Tom Verducci (baseball memoir)

4. My Darling Husband by Kimberly Belle (thriller)

5. The Marriage Lie by Kimberly Belle (thriller)

6. Heartburn by Nora Ephron (fiction)

7. The Girl He Used to Know by Tracey Garvis Graves (fiction)

8. Girls on Film by Alicia Malone (non-fiction)

9. The Death of a President by William Manchester (non-fiction)

10. The Perfect Mother by Aimiee Molloy (thriller)

11. Every Fifteen Minutes by Lisa Scottoline (mystery)

12. Too Much and Never Enough by Mary Trump (biography)

13. Beatles '66: The Revolutionary Year by Steve Turner (non-fiction)

Compiling this TT, I have such vivid memories of what I was doing/thinking/feeling when I was reading these books. I enjoyed looking over my Goodreads compilation.

Please join us for THURSDAY THIRTEEN. Click here to play along, and to see other interesting compilations of 13 things.

WWW.WEDNESDAY

WWW. WEDNESDAY asks three questions to prompt you to speak bookishly. To participate, and to see how other book lovers responded, click here. 

PS I can no longer participate in WWW.WEDNESDAY via that link because her blog won't accept Blogger comments. I mention this only to save you the frustration I experienced trying to link up.

1. What are you currently reading? Deliberate Cruelty by Roseanne Montillo. In the 1950s, Ann Woodward was a disgraced American socialite, a widow with money and more than a whiff of scandal, living in St. Moritz. Truman Capote was a fledgling writer on vacation. Their paths crossed, sparks flew, a feud began. 

Twenty years later, when Truman was world famous and Ann virtually forgotten, he needed a topic for his comeback novel. He wrote a scorching, thinly-veiled "fictional" account of Ann's life. The attendant publicity humiliated her anew, and she committed suicide before the excerpts were published in Esquire.

This well-written book is not only about how a feud became fatal, and how Truman heedlessly used his immense, God-given gifts to destroy, it's about how similar Ann and Truman were. They were both desperate to escape hardscrabble, small-town childhoods. They each created a persona that would enable them to star in New York society. It's perhaps these similarities that helped them get under one anothers skin with deadly results.

 

2. What did you recently finish reading? Elizabeth Taylor: The Grit and Glamor of an Icon by Kate Anderson Brower. One of the world's most beautiful women, one of cinema's most recognizable stars, Liz led quite a life. Child star who transitioned to sex symbol. Superstar with jewels, husbands and Oscars. Philanthropist and mogul. It makes for a great read. This book doesn't disappoint.

It's not the best book on LaLiz I've ever read, but it's one of the most complete. One of her husbands, Senator John Warner, cooperated with the author and provided some interesting insights into their life together and her attitude toward her husbands (she really did remain close to all but one of her exes). If you're new to the subject, this is a good primer.

3. What will read next? I don't know.

No, I didn't send $1,200 to Thao in Colorado

I woke up this morning to an alert from my bank. I had "suspicious activity" to review. Apparently a Zelle transfer for $1,200 to a new cell number had appeared.

I'm very grateful the bank caught it and put a hold on it until they heard from me. Not only do I not know anyone named Thao in Colorado, I currently only have $820.95 in my account.

As Chase's fraud department and I went through recent account activity, it seems someone tried to set up an Apple Pay account and abandoned the effort. No, it was not me.

I had to change my username and password, as well as the password on the email account connected to my bank account. 

Upon reading my travails of yesterday (post below), Country Dew wondered if I wouldn't rather pay "with a chicken and a loaf of bread." That does seem attractive, doesn't it? I also now long for landline phones with rotary dials and checks with a cashier checking the signature. For while all this progress makes my life easier, it also leaves me more vulnerable.

Monday Monday

I didn't think Mondays would suck now that I'm retired. I was wrong. 

It started with the drugstore. I'm having extensive dental work Thursday and expect to be prescribed pain killers. I called the pharmacy to let them know I have a new drug plan. After waiting on hold for quite a while, I finally got an actual pharmacist. I explained what I wanted to do.

"Did you know you can update this information online?" he asked. No, I didn't know that. I don't have an online account. It's my corner drugstore. My doctors call in prescriptions, I pick them up. Why do I need an online account?

"OK. But we're talking now. Can't you just update my information over the phone?"

"You may find it easier to do through your online account," he said.

"But I don't have an online account. Can't we just do this now?"

"It's easy to set up an online account."

Dawn came slowly to this old Gal. "Are you saying I can only do this online?"

"Yes." 

So, between waiting on hold, discussing this with the mealy-mouthed pharmacist, setting up my online account and inputting my information, switching to my new drug plan took a half hour.

It gets better. Or worse. 

I'd been rather obsessively checking to see if the automatic withdrawal for my vision/dental went through. It was processed on the third of last month, but I thought (hoped) maybe because of the New Year's holiday it was late for January. When Sunday, the 8th, it still hadn't gone through and the website showed it as late, I walked a check over to the post office and dropped it in the mail.

Then Monday they sent me a message, saying they "couldn't find" my bank for the automatic withdrawal. This confused me. First of all, my bank is JP Morgan Chase. It's the largest financial institution in the country. If they didn't have the data from my account, surely someone else in their system had Chase and the same BIN. Second, it went through in December. So what happened?

This phone call took more than an hour. Everyone is sorry. They couldn't explain to me exactly what happened, but they were pointing at my former employer.* Like the pharmacy, they can't correct the mistake over the phone. I asked them to direct me to the portion of the website where I can do it myself.

Um ... that window won't appear until my check clears. That could be a week.

I have a big dental procedure planned for Thursday. Do I have coverage?

Um ... as soon as the check clears, it will be retroactive to January 1. That could be a week.

I have a big dental procedure planned for Thursday.Will my dentist get paid?

Um ... On Thursday the dentist will likely be told I don't have insurance.

What am I supposed to do?

"I'm sorry, ma'am."

After more than an hour on the phone, getting this result left me dispirited. I called my dentist's office and explained what happened, expecting to be rescheduled. The woman who handles billing was achingly patient. She said, "We'll just wait to put the claim through until your check clears."

"Are you OK with this?" I didn't want their small, independent business to be screwed because of the snafu.

"It's insurance," she sighed. "It happens all the time."

I wonder if she, like me, fantasizes ending a marathon call with the insurance company by drop kicking her phone through the window.

*This doesn't make sense to me, but I'm willing to blame my former employer for everything, including when the bakery doesn't have the little muffins I like. 

My first time experiencing this

This is the 45-ft. Christmas Tree on display at The Walnut Room. This has been the place to celebrate Christmas in Chicago for decades, first when it was Marshall Field's, now as Macy's. 

Remarkably, I'd never been here before. When I was a kid, it was because my father refused to drive into the city and was almost pathologically opposed to public transportation. When I first moved out on my own, I didn't come here because I was always broke.

And then? Well, life got away from me. Often, too, you take for granted the things in your hometown that impress outsiders.

Well, last night I met John and Mindy and her husband Alan for my final holiday celebration of the year. It was my first time here (John's idea) and we were among the last diners to enjoy the holiday menu and see the tree before it came down today. 

It was a nice but strange evening. I'm in touch with Mindy regularly and John all the time, but they seldom interact directly. They had a lot to catch up on, and some of it was pretty basic. (Like John didn't know one of Mindy's sons had gotten married and the other engaged.) Also, John was kind of moody. I know his foot was bothering him because he had his cane. I think he felt bad because we three all have vacations planned and he doesn't. John seems happy enough with his day-to-day life, but it's very neighborhood-centric. He goes from home to his local bar (where he is very popular and has lots of friends) and that's it. No travel, no movies or theater, no pets or hobbies or events to discuss. And that's fine, that's his choice. If he doesn't like it, he can change it. (Listen to me. That's harsh, isn't it? There are things in my life I could "just change" but I don't. Why should I expect more from him?)

Oh well. I had fun, even if he didn't. My chicken pot pie, spiked hot cider and Frango Mint cheesecake were frigging AWESOME! And I was happy to see Mindy's new engagement ring (after nearly 40 years of marriage). Her son gave her original ring to his bride, and she so she got a skating rink! She loves it and Alan is so proud.

Word Salad

Posted to me on Facebook by my old friend Kathy:

Geez I am so tickled (and very appreciative) that there are bits of our lives gently wandering into our current emotional pathways. My only "problem" is the slower response of my 75 year old brain... Remember I AM more than a decade older and even without that you were always "quick on the draw!" Still tickled...

I have no idea what this means.

It sounds as if she is continuing a conversation or responding to correspondence, but I haven't communicated with her in weeks.

I wish she hadn't posted it this way, on my Facebook feed. All of her Facebook friends, and all of mine, can see it, and it's blather. I'm not sure all those people realize how cognitively impaired she's become. To save her embarrassment, I was going to take it down. 

But I didn't because if I didn't respond, I might hurt her feelings. So I gave it a ♥ and moved on.

Except I haven't moved on. This makes me very sad.

 

Saturday 9

It's Not Unusual

1) In this song, Tom Jones wants to know what's new in his girl's life. Here at Saturday 9, we're concentrating on the new year. What do you hope will be new and different in your life during 2023? I'd like to be healthier. I know I'm looking at a ton of time at the dentist, but if I reduce the hours spent with doctors I'll be a happy, grateful old gal.

 

2) He sings that he has flowers for his special girl. Are there fresh flowers in your home right now? Nope. I love flowers and wish I did, but I'm afraid the cats would take one look at them and say to themselves, "YAY! Salad bar!"

 

3) He also wants to spend hours with her. What is something you'd like to spend more time doing in 2023? Yoga. I just started last month and I'm not good at it at all, but it's already helped me with my aching back.

4) Before his music career took off, Tom Jones supported himself by selling vacuum cleaners. Could your home benefit from a once-over with a vacuum right now? Hell to the yes! My kitchen and bathroom floors could use a good scrubbing, as well.

 

5) Memorabilia from Tom's 1990 world tour was available eBay and the bids went up to $599 a jacket worn by the stage crew. Have you ever bought anything at an auction (online or otherwise)? I have bid on eBay auctions, though today it's more of a marketplace than an auction site.

6) Tom's adult grandson, Alex, represented Wales in rifle shooting in the Commonwealth Games. Is there a sport you'd like to try, or get better at, in 2023? Is yoga a sport?

7) In 1965, when this song was popular, Tom Jones made a new friend, Elvis Presley. Tom had a meeting at Paramount Studios to discuss recording a song for a movie soundtrack and Elvis was finishing a film. It was the beginning of a friendship that would continue for the rest of Elvis' life. Did you make any new friends in 2022? I don't know that she qualifies as a new friend, since I've known her for years through my movie group, but I began hanging out with Elaine in 2022. We even took a two-day road trip to together. I'm basically an introvert, so that was a big deal.

8) Also in 1965, The Sound of Music premiered and became one of the most successful movies of all time. Have you seen it? Yes! The first time I saw it was on a field trip with my Girl Scout troop when I was 7. We took a bus to one of the BIG theaters in the Loop, with a massive neon marquee outside. It was quite exciting.

9) Random question: Were you like those shoppers we saw on TV, in line at a retailer after the holidays to exchange a gift that wasn't quite right? I did return a gift, but it was well before Christmas.

 PS If you have a WordPress blog, please know I can't comment on your post unless you've changed the settings.

He didn't know I was in my underwear the whole time

I didn't get any of the tasks done Thursday that I intended to. First, I slept in. Then I became fixated on Kevin McCarthy's multiple attempts to become Speaker of the House. Next thing I knew it was after noon and I was still in my pajamas! I was disgusted -- with my own bed hair and sloth as well as by the disfunction of the Republican party and headed into the bathroom for my shower. I'd just shed my nightshirt when I heard my phone. It was Jamie.

Jamie is a Senior Vice President at my last place of employment. He's very smart, very enthusiastic, very nerdy. We didn't always agree but we did always enjoy working together. When my client let the agency go, the agency kept Jamie. He's upper management, three rungs higher than I was on the corporate ladder. Far more valuable horseflesh. With my client's departure he's been concentrating on new business pitches. The agency is looking at a $10 million deficit for 2023, so acquisition is very important.

But I'm outta there. Why was he calling me? I simply had to know! Was it an accidental butt dial? I knew he was searching for a new job. We talked about it before I left in October. One prospective employer was located in the Merchandise Mart and I told him what a great old goddess that building is and what an easy commute he'd have. But that job fell through weeks ago. Through Facebook I knew Jamie, his wife and little girl had gone skiing and had a nice holiday season, but he wouldn't be calling me about that.

Amazingly, he wanted my advice.

Jamie has accepted a job on the client-side, as opposed to another advertising agency. It's a major bump in salary. Plus, this well-known company recruited him. Having a billion-dollar employer come to you has to be flattering. That's all good news, right?

When Jamie tendered his resignation to the agency where I used to work, they told him how much they wanted to keep him. They said how important he was. They promised to match or even better the salary he was just offered. He had become very emotional about the place where he's been working the last two and half years, and he wanted a "reality check" before he made his final decision, so he turned to me.

Really? Me?

We talked for more than two hours. I reminded him at the outset that I'm still bitter about the agency, how my client was treated, and that I was literally let go while in the Recovery Room. He said he understood that, but he wanted my opinion anyway.

So I gave it to him. From the side of my bed, while in my underwear.

1) Management wanted to see the offer letter from his prospective new employer. That's at the very least bush league, if not completely unethical. Why would he want to work with such people?

2) If on January 5 they're already $10,000,000 in the hole for 2023, there are going to be layoffs in the very near future. Does he want to be involved in deciding who stays and who goes? If they don't approach those numbers, there will likely be another round of layoffs later in the year. Isn't Jamie worried that his increased salary will mean a bigger target on his back?

3) NOW they are giving him an increase? He's been there more than two years and hasn't even had a performance review in that time. (My last performance review was before the pandemic.) The Chicago office is not that big. If human resource matters were a priority, reviews and raises could have been handled. Are they benignly incompetent or just cheap? 

4) We agree that they don't put clients first. Even when Jamie and I disagreed on the content we gave our client -- and we did disagree often -- we were always on the same page when it came to giving them our best efforts. Where he and I both clashed with management was when it (too often) seemed we were interested only in giving our clients what we wanted to give them, not what they asked for or what they needed. We both saw that the agency did things on the cheap, giving too much day-to-day responsibility to new employees just out of school or with little training. Why would he want to work with such people?

5) I reminded him how he felt in real time. How while on the one hand he was working weekends regularly and cancelling vacations, and on the other hand Corporate was kicking back his expense reports over things like a $150 bill for afterwork drinks. That $150 tab meant nothing to the multi-national corporation that owns the agency but it meant something to him. In the fall, after missing Memorial Day and 4th of July and Labor Day with his little girl, after submitting and resubmitting that expense report, he didn't feel valued. Why does he think 2023 will be any better?

6) This one I believe is universally true: Accepting a counter offer is like reconciling with an estranged ex. The relationship will never be as strong as it was before. You cheated. You slept with another lover. Now you're back. You're always going to be viewed with suspicion from here on out.

He agreed with me on all counts. He said he just needed to talk it through with someone who knew all the players. He thanked me.

Then it was my turn. I reminded him of a decision I made almost exactly a year ago that I still regret. At the time, I was worried that my constant battling with management was detrimental to my internal teammates so I let one go. I didn't argue and presented some creative I didn't really believe in. In retrospect, I feel like I let my client down by not fighting for what was right. We gave him something weaker than he deserved. BUT, Jamie reminded me, he accepted it. The client is not a child. He could have kicked it back to us. He didn't. I should "let it go."

Let it go.

That's what we both have to do. We worked for a great client, but in a toxic workplace. We have to quit trying to make it what we wanted to be and let it go.