Look who got a single!

Hopefully Anthony Rizzo's hitless streak is over. Judging by his reaction to landing on first base, I suspect I'm not the only one who petitioned the Lord for solid contact today. 

In other news, the Cubs prevailed over the (hiss!) Cardinals in an amazing see-saw game. And the Cubs spectacular radio play-by-play man, Pat Hughes, was inducted into the Hall of Fame.

What a day!

God I love baseball!

One week and $38 later

Yesterday I took my Social Security form to the UPS Store. There'd been no word from the postal service about that envelope's whereabouts. I've been so fixated on how vulnerable a missing form containing my address, signature and SSN makes me to identity theft that I rather forgot it meant that Social Security doesn't have my forms.

I certainly wasn't going back to my local post office. I'd spent $8.80 for Ground Advantage and got nothing (literally) for my pains. When I checked USPS Tracking all I kept seeing was that my envelope was "received" 7/14. No movement, no updates as to its whereabouts.

So I turned to the UPS Store. I printed a cover letter, explaining to the lucky Social Security bureaucrat who receives it that this form was a duplicate, the original lost in the mail. And, of course, a new version of the form for me to sign. And then, of course, I had to have it sent with tracking and recipient signature. Total: $38.36. 

But I'm already getting notices from UPS, letting me know where my package is every step of the way. So it was worth it.

Except for this: As of 10:44 this morning, my original envelope somehow turned up. After a week of languishing somewhere, it's on its way to the Social Security Office. 

On the one hand, I've now spent $47 for a form to travel 12 miles. Which sucks.

On the other hand, it's good news. After all, it means no one is using my SSN to obtain a fake passport or a lease on a Ford Explorer from a dealership in Rancho Cucamonga. And that's not small.

Saturday 9

You'd Be So Nice To Come Home To (1943)

Unfamiliar with this week's tune? Hear it here.

 
1) In this song, Dinah Shore goes on about listening to the breeze. Is it windy, breezy, or still where you are today? It's pretty still.

 

2) The August moon is bright in Dinah's musical fantasy. Let's look at your calendar. Is anything special coming up in August (birthdays, anniversaries, vacation getaways ...)? Classic film murder, mystery and mayhem at The Music Box.

 

3) Dinah was one of TV's pioneers. Her first show was a 15-minute variety show that ran two nights/week in 1951. What's the most recent show you watched? I'm watching a Dick Van Dyke Show rerun as I answer these questions. I'm enjoying it thoroughly.

4) She followed that in 1956 with the Dinah Shore Chevy Show. It was an hour long and sponsored by the car company. At the end of every show Dinah encouraged her viewers to "see the USA in your Chevrolet ..." Today Chevrolets are still the most popular cars manufactured by General Motors. Tell us about your car. No car

5) From 1970 to 1991, Dinah hosted daytime TV talk shows and found tremendous success, winning 6 Emmy Awards and repeatedly appearing in the Gallup Poll of America's most admired women. Do you remember her? Yes. I'm sure she was a lovely lady, but I didn't get her show at all. Too much cooking and grandma music. (Of course, now the music I like is considered grandma music, so ...)

 

6) Dinah was such an avid golfer that, in 1972, she founded one of the LPGA's major tournaments. Though now officially titled The Chevron Championship, it's still often referred to as "The Dinah Shore" in her memory. Do you golf? If not, would you like to learn? Nope. It looks like I'd need to buy a lot of accoutrement and I have enough stuff around here.

7) In 1943, when "You'd Be So Nice To Come Home To" was popular, so were tablecloths. It was common to have cotton tablecloths for everyday use, fun and festive ones for 4th of July and Christmas, and linen for formal occasions. Do you use tablecloths in your home? Nope. I've been known to use a Bounty paper towel as a placemat. I'm a very low-brow kinda gal.

 

8) Beatle George Harrison was born in 1943. Which of the Fab Four is your favorite? If you have to ask, you don't come here often.

 

9) Random question: Would you rather live on a houseboat or in a trailer? I'm told that houseboats are never still very long and can be smelly, and yet, I'd still like to try it.

A few quarts low on compassion

Let me preface this by saying Twitter is a hellscape. So I suppose I shouldn't be surprised that cruel memes about Hunter Biden's drug addiction are the order of the day. The thing that saddens me, though, is how many of the meme-makers and meme-spreaders are self-proclaimed Christians.

Addiction is a disease, not a character flaw. Would these same Trump supporters mock Hunter Biden if he had a physical disability? Maybe. After all, it didn't bother them when their candidate made fun of reporter Serge Kovaleski. Apparently among these particular Christians, mocking the afflicted is a real knee-slapper.

If addiction hasn't touched you personally, you're lucky. It's estimated that 20.4 million Americans abuse alcohol, illicit drugs or prescription medication. Each of those 20.4 million Americans is someone's relative, friend, or neighbor. Do the math. A shit-ton of our fellow citizens are coping with this in a very real way. If you're not among them, maybe instead of stigmatizing Hunter Biden you should say a little prayer that your loved ones have been spared.

When I went to Sunday School, I was taught that "whatever you did for the least of our brothers and sisters, you did for me." I don't understand how making fun of someone with an illness fits with that. I guess instead of the Book of Matthew, their New Testament has The Book of Schadenfreude.

I will be so very grateful and relieved when Trump's grip on my countrymen and my faith is loosened.

Five days and still no word

I hate the postal service. There's a form I had to return to Social Security. It has to be returned by mail -- no downloading, no fax. Naturally, since it's regarding Social Security, it includes my SSN.

I was uncomfortable mailing this. So instead of dropping it into a mailbox, I took it to the post office. I handed it to a clerk, who said it was going Ground Advantage. For $8.80, it would travel the 12 miles from my neighborhood to the local Social Security Office and would arrive in 2-5 business days. A signature would be required upon receipt. I had a tracking number.

Here we are, five days later, and according to USPS Tracking, my envelope has just been "received." There is no record of it moving from my local post office.

I called the #800 on the receipt. I said, "My envelope has been lost or stolen, hasn't it?"

No, I was told. It's likely just not been scanned for some reason. It's probably on its way.

Probably.

I was given a "case number" and was advised to call again Monday.

I called the Social Security office and asked if it had been received. Not yet. The representative I spoke to was exceptionally nice and understanding and told me they flagged my name/number and will call me if/when the envelope is delivered.

But here's the thing: my SSN, address and signature are floating around out there somewhere. Yes, I am certain I will be the victim of identity fraud because of this.

I am very, very stressed by this.

The Girl with the British Dunhill Lighter

I just had the caulk around my tub replaced. It was a rather delicate procedure because I have a tub liner. But now it's done and I'm a happy gal. I love my time in the shower and that black-spotted caulk was a sad way to start the day.

When the handyman was telling me the rules of the road of maintaining the new caulk I could hear my friend Henry's voice in my head. Before his 2018 accident, he loved doing his own work around the house. He knew The Home Depot on Roosevelt in Key West the way I know my local Target store.

He became proficient with bathtubs back in 2001. Sick of renting but not yet able to afford a house, he bought a trailer home. His partner, Reg, was not eager about it. He didn't like the idea of being "trailer trash" and besides, this particular trailer was in disrepair, which is how Henry was able to afford it. So here's where they netted out: They would continue living in the home they were renting until Henry was able to get the trailer "livable," by Reg's standards. Henry was teaching at the community college so his schedule was unconventional. When he wasn't working at school, he'd race over and work a bit on the trailer. 

While this was going on, Reg met a new friend at the hotel where he worked. I'll call her Jane. She was a Brit who had just moved to Key West. The room that she rented wasn't working out. Reg told her about the trailer and said she could stay there until she found a new room. Yes, she knew she'd have Henry hammering around her at all hours. Yes, she'd have to live out of her suitcase. No, she couldn't cook (no stove yet). But she'd have running water, lights and a refrigerator. She had a safe place to lay her air mattress for a couple weeks.

After Henry replaced the grout and caulk around the tub, he left a note on bathroom door, telling Jane not to use the  shower for 48 hours. This was 2001, so texting wasn't yet a thing. But he wrote another note with the same instructions and dropped it off at the hotel where Jane and Reg worked. Henry and Reg discussed it -- Reg would reiterate this to Jane and she could wash her hair and handle her personal hygiene at the bathroom sink for the next day or two. Reg said he was pretty sure if Jane asked housekeeping nicely, they'd let her use a hotel bath before they cleaned the room. So they had a plan. 

Except that, when Henry returned to the trailer the next day, he could tell she had used the shower. Reg pleaded with Henry not to confront her and swore he'd handle it. I don't know how it was resolved. But, by the time I arrived in Key West for New Year's, Henry and Reg were settled into the trailer and Jane had her own place.

It was the holiday season and Jane came by for a drink so I got to meet her. She had an adorable accent and I really wanted to like her. But ...

She had just flown back to Key West from NYC, where she'd spent Christmas with friends. And, oh! How she squawked about airport security! It took forever and they took her expensive lighter away. 

Think back: this was just less than four months after 9/11. She was going to the city where the Twin Towers had fallen. Maybe because she wasn't American, she didn't understand what a heartbreaking violation that was. But I couldn't bear it. After all, I had just flown from O'Hare to Miami to Key West. I'd seen the TSA signs at the airports and at that point, lighters and matches were not allowed. I pointed that out to her.

"But it was a British Dunhill Lighter!" Jane exclaimed. "And I'm not a terrorist." 

I drained my drink and bit my tongue. Reg really liked Jane and I didn't want to make the party tense. 

On the way to my hotel, when we were alone, Henry said he could read my mind. "You think Jane is insensitive and racist." 

"Yes," I admitted. "She's obviously not a terrorist because she's a little white blonde girl and her lighter is expensive." I added that it was immoral for her to give the TSA grief when we were all just trying to find our way in this post-9/11 world.

Henry went on to say that she was "entitled," one of the first times I'd heard the word in this context. He explained that here she was, a barmaid with no home, and he and Reg gave her a safe place to live when she needed one desperately. Even though Henry is highly educated (a professor at the college!), he is also gay and Puerto Rican. Therefore she felt comfortable ignoring his request about the shower.  He told me she probably felt it was similarly beneath her to ask the mostly brown-skinned girls in housekeeping at the hotel for help. Clearly TSA rules applied to others, not to her (or her British Dunhill Lighter).

"In Key West we believe in the human family," he said. "I do not think she will be happy here."

By the end of 2002, when I returned to Key West, she'd left Key West and neither Henry nor Reg knew what became her.

Henry was right. I miss him. So much.

Thursday Thirteen #318

Thirteen benefits to seeing a chiropractor. It's estimated that 65 million Americans suffer from back pain. I'm one of them. When my back gets tight and uncomfortable, I call on my chiropractor. It's improved my quality of life tremendously.

As with anything, there are good chiropractic practitioners and not-so-good ones. Also, we're each individual, and what worked for me may not work for you. 

But life's too short to live with pain if it can be avoided or alleviated.  So if any of these 13 points resonate with you, perhaps you should consider chiropractic treatment.

1.   Headaches: Adjustments may reduce the frequency or help prevent them altogether.

2.   High blood pressure: Regular adjustments may help lower your levels. 

3.   Back and neck pain: If you're stiff and sore when you wake up in the morning or rise from a chair, adjustments may help.

4.   Surgery prevention: Adjustments may be able to prevent or delay the need for back, neck, or knee surgery.

5.   Colic and ear infections: Careful adjustments have helped babies.

6.   Athletic performance: Weekend warriors report adjustments improved their ability to bike, throw, or run.

7.   Better posture: Regular adjustments are especially important for office workers as it can help you sit up straight at your workstation.

8.   Neurological conditions: Patients with ongoing neurological conditions, like multiple sclerosis, have improved their quality of life by regularly seeing a chiropractor.

9. Sciatica: By adjusting your spine to a functional state, you may reduce the regular shooting pain. (Mine was in my right calf and thigh.)

10. Range of motion: Adjustments can help increase flexibility and range of motion in the joints.

11. Reliance on medication: By reducing pain, adjustments can help you reduce the NSAIDs you take each day.

12. Immune system: Adjustments promote a healthy nervous system, which can result in a more robust immune system response.

13. Sleep quality: Pain interferes with sleep, so adjustments can bring a more restful night's sleep

Please join us for THURSDAY THIRTEEN. Click here to play along, and to see other interesting compilations of 13 things.

 

WWW.WEDNESDAY

 

WWW. WEDNESDAY asks three questions to prompt you to speak bookishly. To participate, and to see how other book lovers responded, click here. 

PS I can no longer participate in WWW.WEDNESDAY via that link because her blog won't accept Blogger comments. I mention this only to save you the frustration I experienced trying to link up.

1. What are you currently reading? Eligible by Curtis Sittenfeld. The Bennets have five unmarried daughters: Jane, Elizabeth, Mary, Kitty, and Lydia. Mr. Bennet tends to the family fortune and makes rueful asides. Mrs. Bennet is a social climber who is fixated on her daughters' marital status. You think you know this story? Not this version. It takes place in modern day Cincinnati. Liz is visiting from New York, where she writes fro Mascara magazine. Dr. Fitzwilliam Darcy is a sharp-tongued surgeon, as gifted as he is flinty.

I'm enjoying this book enormously. The writing is clever but also emotionally resonant and has really drawn me in.

2. What did you recently finish reading? Onassis: An Extravagant Life by Frank Brady. A very straightforward biography of a man who rose from the ashes, built an empire, achieved international fame, and died before age 70. 

Onassis' story begins with unspeakable tragedy. The Turkish military took over the Onassis hometown of Smyrna (now Izmir) and intentionally burned it to the ground, killing up to 125,000 Greeks and Armenians. His aunt, uncle and baby cousin were burned alive. Another uncle was hanged. His beloved grandmother was beaten to death in the street. His father was imprisoned. At 16, Aristotle Onassis was the head of his family.

His moral compass was way off, but after enduring all that, why wouldn't it be? As he built his fortune -- first in tobacco, then in whaling, then shipping and finally aviation -- he paid no attention to labor laws or fair employment practices. He had no allegiance to any flag. He did whatever it took to succeed.

 

I didn't like him, but I felt compassion for him. No matter how much he achieved, he seldom seemed happy for very long. He was fascinating, charismatic and irrevocably broken. While I admit that many of his business dealings confused me, Brady's narrative kept me involved. If you interested at all in Aristotle Onassis, I recommend this book.

 

3. What will read next? I don't know.

 

 

My heart is broken

Anthony Rizzo has not hit a home run since May. No homers in June. No homers in the first two weeks of July.

Yankee fans are starting to turn on him. I suppose this is to be expected -- Yankee fans booed Aaron Judge at home during the playoffs last year -- but it's still anathema to me. As a Cub fan, I've never booed one of my own in my life. There are players I haven't like (Carlos Zambrano springs to mind) but I sat on my hands. I never booed. 

Do these boo birds think he wants to strike out? Do they think his lack of production reflects lack of effort? Do they think booing helps anything?

Fortunately the Yankees don't play at home until Friday. Maybe by the end of the week, Rizz' bat will awaken and he will silent the naysayers.

Time for Joy 2023

Every year I take the August Happiness Challenge. Here's a brief explanation of the Challenge: "Each day in August you are to post about something that makes *you* happy. Pretty simple. And, it doesn't even have to be every day if you don't want it to be. It's a great way to remind ourselves that there are positive things going on in our lives, our communities, and the world."

You're invited to join me. Visit me with a link to your daily August happy, and I'll come read it. I've found that experiencing other peoples' everyday pleasures is a great mood lifter.

It helps if your August Happiness Challenge posts are marked with an icon. Just something that means "happy" to you. Here's a pair of my past happys.

THE HAPPY BEGINS AUGUST 1!

New and improved

The annual library book sale was early this year, in July instead of August. This is just one of many changes since covid caused everyone to re-evaluate everything.

It's now smaller, but more lucrative. For decades, the sale was done a certain way. Books were collected for nearly two full months and then the high school cafeteria was transformed into a book store. The result was a massive number of books and long lines of book lovers, waiting to get in. That Friday night was an event. 

But there was a considerable cost attached to that. The high school demanded payment for the space, and it was expensive. Not unreasonable -- we live in a time when students are the target of mass shooters -- so there were security guards all day and into the evening, first when the books were donated and sorted, then when the sale tables were set up, and finally for the sale.

Also, with all those donations, a heartbreaking number of books were destroyed. Even though Sunday was free to schools, hospitals, daycare and senior centers, as well as us volunteers. The book sale committee wasn't aware of any organization who would take the leftovers at no cost, and with what was being paid for high school security, they didn't want to cut further into profits.

Covid gave the committee an opportunity to look at the sale with fresh eyes. Instead of using the high school, it was decided to hold the sale in the library's conference rooms. (A room for children's books, another for cookbooks, etc.) This saves the cost of the high school security guards and -- I love this! -- it gets people into the library. Let them see everything this community jewel has to offer.

Donations were limited to four weeks. There simply isn't room at the library to collect and then display a high school cafeteria's worth of books. Instead of destroying the books left over, Better World Books agreed to come and pick them up, if we packed them into the cartons we provided. (The first day I volunteered I literally spent hours making Better World Books boxes.) Thank you, Better World Books!

I spoke briefly to the new Vice President of the library's "friends" and she told me this new way of doing thing has made more money for the library than ever!

This year, on volunteer free day, I only got one book for myself. A William Goldman book from the 1980s I somehow missed called Heat. I still love books and have two going at any time, but I'm borrowing more from the library than buying. My home is just over stuffed!

I did leave with free books for my aunt (she loves Michael Connelly), a paperback of Key West short stories for my friend Patrick, a study of Bruce Springsteen for Mindy, and some DVDs for my oldest friend. Now all I have to do is pack them up and ship 'em off.

One thing hasn't changed: Every year there's a book donated in bigger numbers than any other. A book many of my neighbors bought and then decided not to keep. I suspect it's a tome chosen by local book clubs.

This year, the winner of this dubious honor has been here before. My Life by Bill Clinton is back at #1, first time since 2009.

2022, 2019, 2018 and 2017: The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

2016: The Help

2015: The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet’s Nest

2014: The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

2013: The DaVinci Code

2012: Sixkill (a Spenser Mystery)

2011: The Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood

2010: Scarlett, the Sequel to Margaret Mitchell’s Gone with the Wind

2009: My Life by Bill Clinton

2008: The DaVinci Code

2007: The Nanny Diaries

2006: The Corrections

Sunday Stealing

SUNDAY STEALING

1. What are the 3 most important things everyone should know about you? I love (in alphabetical order): baseball, The Beatles, and cats.

2. What is the strangest thing you believed as a child? That I was adopted. My older sister and I are 16 months apart. She had an elaborate baby book, I had none. My mother explained this first by telling me mine was lost when we moved, then (this is the truth) she didn't have time to maintain one for me because caring for two babies concurrently was hard for her. I accepted neither answer. Obviously there were no baby photos of me because my parents hadn't adopted me yet. Fortunately, my favorite uncle was just 16 when my mom asked him to be my godfather and coincidentally he had just gotten his first camera. He was so into both me and it that he was able to show me ample photographic evidence I'd been in the family all along.

3. Thinking of school classes, which were your favorite and least favorite? English was my favorite, and I hated math. This is because I was good at English and I sucked at math.

4. What is your favorite fast food? Soft tacos from Taco Bell. (The only Mexican food my finicky gut can tolerate.)

5. What song comes closest to how you feel about your life right now? "Beautiful Boy," when John sings "Life is what happens to you when you're busy making other plans."

6. Have you ever taken martial arts classes? Nope

7. Does your life tend to get better or worse or does it just stay the same? Yes! In some ways it's better, in some ways it's worse, and in some ways I'm consistent.

8.What arts and crafts have you tried and decided you were bad at? All of them. I don't understand how I can have such pretty handwriting and yet be so terrible at drawing, painting, stitching, etc. I mean, don't they all require manual dexterity?

9. What is the truest thing that you know? God loves me.

10. Are you more of a giver or a taker? I think it evens out. As the Lads sang, "And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make."

11. Do you make your decisions with an open heart/mind? I like to think so.

12. What is the most physically painful thing that has ever happened to you? Last September I endured four consecutive nights terrible, rolling pains across my gut. I had to pace, soak in the tub and take painkillers just to get through the night. Then in the morning (poof!) I was fine. On Friday I went to my doctor. She could find nothing "imminent" wrong with me, suspected diverticulitis or IBD, and scheduled tests for a few days hence. That night it was so bad I called her around midnight and she told me not to wait, to go to the ER. After 8 hours of tests and bag after bag of fluids, I was told I had a massive kidney stone. Or, to quote the attending physician, "a big honking kidney stone." He was impressed, telling me it was the size and shape of "one of those little houses in Monopoly." Imagine how much a hotel would hurt!

Self portrait

13. What is the most emotionally painful thing that has ever happened to you? I know this will sound strange, but the Trump Town Hall on CNN last May was very, very painful for me. Hearing the audience laugh along with him and cheer him when he made fun of E. Jean Carroll was terribly disturbing. I was molested by a relative in 1974 and date raped in 1987. I didn't report either incident at the time because I was frightened, humiliated and sure I wouldn't be believed. Hearing that laughter, listening to those cheers, brought it all back and reinforced what the much younger Gal believed. The most awful moments in my life would be disbelieved or mocked. And yes, Hillary Clinton was right, a sizable percentage of my countrymen (and women) are deplorable. This makes my heart ache. 

14. What is your favorite line from a movie? It's from a song from a movie. It's kind of like sorbet for my soul after answering #13. "Because there you are standing there loving me, whether or not you should. So somewhere in my youth or childhood, I must have done something good."

The Sound of Music, of course. Sigh.

15. Can you eat with chopsticks? Nope

Saturday 9

Saturday 9: Touch Me in the Morning (1973)

Unfamiliar with this week's song? Hear it here.

1) In this song, Diana Ross sings that nothing good lasts forever. Do you agree? I believe that none of us stays the same, so maybe it's true. Back in 2017, my movie group watched Apartment for Peggy, a 1948 movie about newlyweds who take a room in the home of a retired college professor. The unconventional multi-generational household enhances the lives of everyone involved. Anyway, six years ago, I related to Peggy. I wondered what it would be like to set up housekeeping in someone else's home. In 2023, now a retiree myself, I felt a great kinship to the professor. Certainly the movie hasn't changed, so I must have.

But then again, some things truly are a joy forever: the crack of a baseball bat, time alone with a good book, a cat's purr, Paul McCartney's voice ... So I guess my answer is a solid, "I don't know."

2) She sings about a happy past with her lover, and the strength she'll need to face tomorrow alone. Do you find yourself more often remembering the past or anticipating the future? I spend way too much time doing both. I'm trying to stay more in the moment. As former Cub manager Joe Maddon used to advise my guys,* "Take care of the minutes and the hours will take care of themselves."

3) In the 1970s, Diana Ross had young daughters. To spend maximum time with her girls, she would sleep all day when they were in school. That way she could have dinner with them, bathe them and put them to bed before going to the studio and recording all night. Have you ever worked the night shift? Nope

4) Diana has five children altogether. There's a 16-year age difference between her oldest daughter, Rhonda, and her youngest son, Evan. Studies have shown that when there's a big gap between siblings, parents consider the older kids "built-in babysitters." In your family, were the older kids ever in charge of the younger ones? Yes. Sometimes I felt stuck with my kid sister. Sometimes I enjoyed her. But I spent a shit-ton of time caring for her. We're 8 years apart.

5) She says her favorite sweet treat is Famous Amos Chocolate Chip Cookies. Do you have a favorite cookie?

I'm a simple gal with simple tastes

 
6) Around the time she recorded this song, Diana Ross considered making a movie called The Bodyguard. She was to play a singer who received death threats, and Steve McQueen would portray the man hired to protect her. Scheduling conflicts prevented the movie from being made. It wasn't filmed until 1992, and then with different stars. Without looking it up, can you name stars of The Bodyguard? 

I didn't have to look it up; this movie was insanely popular in 92

7) In 1973, when this song was #1, Norman Mailer was atop the best-seller list with his controversial biography of Marilyn Monroe. Do you often read biographies and memoirs? Yes. I'm currently reading one about Aristotle Onassis and it's fascinating. He had a truly abysmal childhood, witnessing atrocities when the Turkish military took over his hometown of Smyrna. His family lost everything, his grandmother was murdered in the street, his uncle hanged and his father imprisoned. I think this totally messed him up and left him a few quarts low of empathy. (I had no idea. I just always thought of him as Jackie's second husband.)

8) Also in 1973, another Motown singer, Stevie Wonder, was injured in an automobile crash and still has a scar on his nose to show for it. Have you ever been in a car accident? Nothing more serious than a fender bender. (Knock wood.)

9) Random Question: What's the last thing you borrowed or lent? I borrowed the Onassis book from the library.

 

 

*Joe attributes it to Lord Chesterfield. 

My small heart just grew three sizes

My favorite most ball player, Anthony Rizzo, raised $1 million last weekend with his Swing for the Fences auction. The money will go to help families battling pediatric cancer.* The Anthony Rizzo Family Foundation provides grants to help parents pay for meals and parking at the hospitals while their child is in treatment, rent or mortgage so they don't have to worry about the roof over their heads as they fight cancer, and daycare for any siblings so parents can accompany the patient to chemo treatments. Over the years he's provided therapy dogs to Joe DiMaggio Children Hospital in Hollywood, Florida, taken patients from the Children's Hospital at Montefiore in New York shopping at the flagship FAO Schwartz store and built the family waiting area at Chicago's Lurie Children's Hospital. All year around he sends personal letters to young patients, encouraging them to "dream big."

This week he was asked who he'd put on his baseball Mount Rushmore.

Right there with Babe Ruth, his Yankee teammate Aaron Judge and his boyhood idol Ken Griffey Jr. was Ernie Banks. Mr. Cub. The first baseman I grew up watching. The man who christened the ballpark at Clark and Addison "The Friendly Confines." 

My favorite Cub named The Greatest Cub. A part of his heart is still in Chicago.

Could I love Anthony Rizzo more? No.

God, I love baseball!

*This is not a charity that focuses on research or treatment. If that's where your heart leads you, check out St. Jude's. 

It's a brand new day, and I still hate her

My darling friend Henry has always believed that if he loves you and he loves me, you and I will love each other. A lovely notion, but not practical. Over the 30 years of our friendship, I can think of at least three dear friends of his that I've been thrown together with and had to pretend to adore because if I didn't, he'd be hurt or disillusioned. But to be honest, I couldn't stand them. (And that doesn't include his husband Reg, who pisses me off more with each passing day.)

One of these friends of a friend is Kate. She was an associate creative director Henry worked with briefly before he met me. She and her girlfriend palled around with Henry and Reg and, being Henry, he was sure she and I would also get on like a house afire. I pretended to, but I always found her competitive and pretentious. You see, as advertisers, we were creative but we didn't produce art. We sold people shit they didn't need. I'm not embarrassed about my career and I'm proud of much I accomplished. Advertising is important to marketing and commerce. But I ain't F. Scott Fitzgerald and Kate isn't Hemingway, no matter how high-flown her rhetoric.

I'm the only one in our merry band who is still in Chicago. Henry and Reg moved to Key West about 25 years ago. Kate broke up with her lover and started anew in Washington DC. She married a similarly successful woman and they built themselves a fine life. A country cabin in Virginia for long weekends in summer and winter getaways to Italy, Spain and, just last year, Cuba. 

I admit it: I resent the living shit out of Kate. For though, since Henry's accident, she has given considerable lip service to loving Henry and Reg, she is not there for them in any meaningful way. She ♥'s Reg's Facebook posts about how hard their lives have been, but that's the extent of her involvement. Oh yes! To be fair, she did pay their mortgage one month back in 2018, while Henry was still in the hospital. That was generous and most appreciated. But her checkbook has not opened again.

Yet every three months or so, she reaches out to me. Always after she's checked in with them. An hour on the phone, once a season. That's her involvement. Which would be fine, if she didn't feel the need to instruct me about them. How hard Reg has tried (we can debate this), or difficult Henry is (you think I don't know that?). It occurs to me that she spends as much time recounting her calls to me as she does talking to them. I don't know why she bothers, except to share her superior understanding of the situation to me. Why do I bother? Because she always says she has something important to share with me. She never does.

I have suggested all the ways she could help them. Maybe instead of driving to Fredericksburg, they could fly down to Key West for the weekend to spend some time with Henry and give Reg the break from caregiving she insists he needs. Oh, she can't. Busy, busy, busy. What about in the winter, when it's too cold enjoy the cabin? Why not go down then? Oh, she can't. Busy, busy, busy. It really burned my ass that they flew OVER Key West to vacation in Cuba! It didn't occur to her to add a few days to her trip to spend some time with these "dear friends" that she claims to care so much about? Come to think of it, in the 25 years Henry and Reg have lived in Key West, she's visited once. ONCE! And that was before Henry's accident.

She reached out to me Wednesday afternoon. To tell me all about Henry and Reg. Am I aware that Reg is drinking too much? Yes. Duh. Do I realize that Henry has not been receiving the cognitive and occupational therapy that was recommended years ago? Yes. Duh. Does it bother me that Reg sold the house without lining up anywhere for them to live? Yes. Duh. Do I know how "insane" Henry has become? No. NO. 

All this hand wringing about how hard this has been for Reg, who has a functioning brain and is the responsible spouse, and no compassion for how confusing and terrifying life can be for Henry! He doesn't understand why he has to leave Key West. It upsets him to see his belongings thrown in a dumpster or sold. He is scared that Reg is just doing all this to be rid of him. "Insane," Kate? No! Henry is vulnerable and suffering from dementia and the untreated after effects of a bike accident and a TBI.

I disagreed with her assessment of Henry as "insane." She agreed "impaired" might be a better word. Ya think? I told her about how dear he can still be, about how during our call last week, frightened and agitated as he was, he was concerned about my unending dental work. Kate dismissively deemed that "typical gay guy and straight girlfriend." What a bitch! I responded that as Henry fades away, that thoughtfulness is a cherished memory.

I woke up this morning still mad. But then I thought it through. The upside to dementia -- how's that for a phrase? -- is that Henry no longer understands or cares that I don't like Kate. Now that the end of Henry's journey is near, I don't have to be concerned about missing anything important by avoiding her. Therefore I'm not dealing with her anymore. 

There's something liberating about that.

Photo by engin akyurt on Unsplash