April Challenge -- Day 11

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Your current relationship. If single, discuss that, too.

Short answer:

Longer answer:

•  After years of therapy, I have identified a fear of genuine intimacy (the fear that if someone really, really knew me, they wouldn't like me).

•  I spent too long in an abusive relationship and don't trust my choices.

•  I am very, very set in my ways and doubt that I have the capacity to change.

•  I find myself exhausted by too much time surrounded by people.

It's funny, but I'll post all this to my blog but would be loathe to say it out loud to most people in my life.

 

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April Challenge -- Day 10

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A fruit you dislike and why.

Tomatoes! I love ketchup and tomato sauce, but raw tomatoes make my skin crawl. It's a tactile thing. The skin is too soft to contain the squish inside. And the insides are all runny and awful.

 

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But right now, I'm fine!

I was miserable Thursday night and Friday morning. I was uncomfortable Friday and Saturday. Since Saturday night, I have felt fine.

So what's going on? It looks like kidney stones. My doctor wants me to have a CT scan to be sure. At any rate, she doesn't think it's serious. Painful, but not deadly.

So Tuesday, I have to have a chat with my boss. I don't feel comfortable traveling hours downstate to our client's office for a presentation. Not if I could cramp up again, like I did Thursday night.

I've had to cover for him a lot lately. Maybe it's time for him to cover for me. I can present over the phone. I can do that, even if I do have another attack. It's the travel that has me frightened.

Snow Much for Opening Day

Yes, Monday's Cub game was snowed out. Yes, it was disappointing. But at work we got free hot dogs anyway -- the head of our office is a massive Cubs fan -- and the news was filled with these rather amazing snow scenes.

Aren't my guys just the cutest in all of baseball? Why yes, they are!

As Cub manager Joe Maddon said, some of these players are from places like North Carolina, Nevada and Puerto Rico, so April snow is amazing and delightful. For some of us, it's ho-hum. I'm glad I was able to see it through their eyes.

April Challenge -- Day 9

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Your thoughts on ageism.

I'm a 60-year-old woman in advertising, which is a young person's industry. It makes me feel marginalized and invisible.

To put a finer point on it, I'm about to begin working with a friend's daughter.  She just scored an internship at our agency.

This could be karma biting me in my fat ass, as I recall being disdainful of the dinosaurs I worked with at the beginning of my career.

If you're interested in seeing the April Challenge prompts and joining in, click here.

Sunday Stealing

CURIOUS AS A CAT

1) Do you think you’d be a good writer? What kind of writer would you like to be (fiction, children’s books, magazine, etc.)? Every two weeks, an ad agency puts money in my checking account in exchange for the words I write, so yeah, I guess I'm a good enough writer. If I wasn't in advertising, I think I'd be a good essayist. I love Nora Ephron's work at Esquire. I don't think I'd be that good, of course. But I think it would be fun to try.

2) I wish I had enough money to ________. Not worry about money.

3) If you had to enter a competition for the "Most Uselessly Unique Talent," what would your talent be? I can pronounce the alphabet as a word.

4) When it might hurt their feelings, how do you feel about telling your friends the truth? I hate it. I don't relish hurting anyone's feelings.

5) Peanut or plain? Peanut.

6) Is there someone you would like to take your place in life for one day? Who and why? I'd like to change places with my cat Reynaldo for a day. I think the experience would help us better understand one another and make us better roommates.

7) What do you think is the ugliest thing or event on Earth? The Holocaust. We should learn from it and always remember how easy it was for politicians to demonize "others," and convince us the different ones are the root of our problems.

8) What is your least favorite of your personality traits or quirks? My laziness.

9) I wish I could see ________ because _________. Heaven, I have questions for loved ones there.

10) Tell us your favorite children's story. When Ferdinand was a baby bull, he didn't want to rough house with the other bulls, he wanted to smell the flowers. It was kind of lonely, because the other young bulls were into play fighting and Ferdinand was the only one into flowers. But it made him happy, so his mother encouraged him. He grew up to be very big and very strong. When matadors came looking for bulls to fight, they saw Ferdinand in the pasture and were impressed by his size. He was smelling the flowers and just happened to be stung by a bee. This frightened and hurt him and made him mad so he started snorting and stamping and running around. The matadors took this to mean he was fierce and they took him into the city for a big bull fight. When he entered the ring, Ferdinand was delighted by the pre-fight ceremony because it includes pretty ladies with flowers. He dropped down, like he did in the pasture, and just enjoyed the flowers. The matadors realized Ferdinand was going to be a bust as a fighter and returned him to the pasture, where he lived happily ever after among the flowers.
                          
11) What do you keep in the trunk of your car? I don't have a car.

12) Describe your perfect, rainy afternoon. Curled up on the sofa with a snack, watching the Cubs win on the road in another, sunnier city.

13) Tell us about your favorite way to get lost in a simple activity — running, chopping vegetables, folding laundry, whatever. What’s it like when you’re in "the zone?" It helps to have headphones with me.

14) What parts of nature do you like best? I like water. Whether it's an ocean, a lake or a puddle, it's seldom still. Watching it move is hypnotic. When it is smooth and still, it's pretty, too.

15) What's the kindest act you have ever seen done (either to/by you or another)? Oh, golly, this is hard. One of the kindest things anyone has done for me lately was when my friend Kathy drove me to/from my colonoscopy. First of all, no one wants to waste a day doing that. Secondly, when I told her I needed a ride somewhere, she said "yes," without waiting to hear when, where or what for. I appreciated her generosity so much!

April Challenge -- Day 8

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A book you love, and one you didn't.

Looking over the books I read last year, there was one I enjoyed way more than I expected to, and a book I expected to love that I found unreadable.

I loved Prince Charles by Sally Bedell Smith. It was a sympathetic portrait of a man it's not easy to like, and a peek into a world that's as restrictive as it is privileged.

I hated Chaos by Patricia Cornwell. Dr. Kay Scarpetta is such a compelling character, and Cornwell can write so well, that this book made me mad. Kay behaves like no human would ever behave. Cornwell returns to the well one too many times when it came to the villain. I didn't even finish it.

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Her name was Mary Jo Kopechne

My more vivid memories of that summer are the astronauts. I was 11, and it felt like the whole world had just changed with the moon landing.

1968 had been a scary year to be a kid. Dr. King and Bobby had been assassinated. Riots in the streets. Vietnam raged on every night on the news. But 1969! The astronauts and the moon landing! Yea!

Chappaquiddick seemed like a storyline from one of my mom's soaps. The Edge of Night, The Secret Storm and As the World Turns. A group of people met at a beach house for a reunion to celebrate and remember their time working on late Brother Bobby's campaign. Senator Ted Kennedy took one of the girls to the ferry. His car went off a bridge. She died, he lived. It was sad, but oh! The astronauts! The Cubs had a legendary team that summer, too.* The Beatles were singing "Yellow Submarine."

Then I heard my dad tell a joke. He and my mom had another couple over, and after he thought I was asleep, he stood in the hallway outside my door and shared a knee slapper with that ended like this:
"But Ted, what if I get pregnant?" "We'll cross that bridge when we come to it."

The next day I confronted my father. I told him I didn't think it was nice to make fun of the dead girl. He said he didn't think it was nice of little girls to listen to adult conversations. I wanted to point out that he had the adult conversation in front of my bedroom door, but didn't. I could tell I was pushing my father's buttons. It's not too much of a stretch, though, to say that joke aroused my nascent feminism. It wasn't right to make fun of that dead girl.

"That dead girl" is why I recommend the movie Chappaquiddick. Mary Jo Kopechne is played by Kate Mara. She has lines, she has motivation, she is a real character in the story of her death. There is nothing that implies that she and Kennedy had a sexual relationship, just as there is no evidence that points to that. She was not a party girl. She was not a groupie. She is treated with the dignity she deserves. Has always deserved.

I believe Ted Kennedy panicked in the water that night. It certainly wasn't heroic, but I understand it. People forget that, in 1964, he was trapped in a wrecked plane and was hospitalized for months afterward. Being in physical peril like that again could have triggered a powerful impulse to flee.

What I've never understood is the cowardly way he behaved in the hours and days afterward. This movie doesn't white wash any of that. I do, however, believe that he spent the rest of his life in public service, trying to make up for it. That counts for something with me. Whether that evens the ledger is up to God.

The Kennedy storyline here isn't new, though. It's her. It's Mary Jo Kopechne. She's the story here. She's why you should shell out your hard earned dollars to see this movie. Because all these years later, she finally gets a moment of attention.

The real May Jo Kopechne. RIP, gallant lady.

*Though they suffered a legendary fold, too. Ever hear of the 1969 Mets?

Saturday 9

Saturday 9: Nights on Broadway (1975)

Unfamiliar with this week's tune? Hear it here.

1) It's estimated that there are more than 200 separate streets called "Broadway" in the United States. Does your town have a Broadway? Yes, Chicago has its own Broadway. The cool(er) kids live there.

2) Think of the last time you celebrated well into the night. What street were you on? South State Street. I was still home by midnight.


3) The Bee Gees blame it all on those songs that go straight to the heart. What love song always makes you go, "aw ...?" This song completely breaks my heart because I lived it. And it makes me wonder, why hasn't Vanessa Williams had more hits?

 

4) Even though their sound depended on tight harmonies, all three Bee Gees were heavy smokers, which is not good for the throat. What habit do you have that wish you could break? My laziness.

5) In addition to the three Gibbs who sang this song, there was a fourth brother, Andy, who also had hit records. But did you know the Gibbs' had a sister, Lesley? Your turn: share some trivia that's rattling around in your head. All bugs are insects, but not all insects are bugs.

6) "Nights on Broadway" was recorded in Miami. When you think of Florida, what comes to mind? Family. My dear friends, Reg and Henry, are in Key West. My aunt is in Port Charlotte. My cousin is in Tampa.

7) In 1975, when this song was popular, Sony introduced the Betamax and JVC gave us the VCR. Sam admits she was glad to see VCRs go because she never could program hers. What about you? Do you adapt easily to new technology? Well enough to get by in this millennium. I'm good on my smartphone and decent with social media (though I still don't know how to use The Cloud). I adore my DVR. I'm not comfortable with Alexa or Siri, though.

8) The Bee Gees' greatest success came two years later, in 1977, with the soundtrack to Saturday Night Fever. Have you ever seen the John Travolta movie? Yes. My favorite line: "He hits my hair."


 

9) Random question -- Your mail carrier is very attractive, and flirts with you each day when dropping off the mail. Would you a) ignore it or b) let the carrier know, firmly but politely, that you're not interested or c) complain to your local post office or d) subscribe to more magazines and order more stuff to guarantee that the mail carrier comes every day? Now we're talking about someone I'm attracted to, right? Well then a combination of A and D. I'd enjoy it, but I'd be too shy and embarrassed to let on.

April Challenge -- Day 7

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What tattoos you have, and their special meaning.

Well, this is an easy one. I don't have any tattoos.

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I didn't know!

My cousin is a musician by trade. He recently changed his Facebook profile pic to a photo of himself, looking a bit forlorn, riding the el ... wearing a porkpie hat and a sousaphone between his legs. It's a funny shot because the instrument is as big as he is, and naturally, he's the only one on the train carrying one.

His mother -- my aunt -- commented that our grandfather would have loved the photo because he often told her the story about holding down a second job, years before she was born, during the Depression. Monday through Friday, he worked construction at the not-yet-open Brookfield Zoo. On Friday and Saturday nights, he went into the city to play bass with a dance band for tips. Not a tall man, he always said that he was aware of the amused looks he got on the trolley car, balancing a bass that was bigger than he was. But he was going downtown to make honest money to feed his family, so he held his head high.

I was always proud of my favorite grandpa for helping to build The Lion House (now home to the zoo's rain forest). But I truly had no idea he'd ever been a professional musician!

He was such a wonderful guy. He loved gardening and was proud of his marigolds and snapdragons. He loved building things, like the backyard swing where I spent as much time as possible. He loved American history the way only an immigrant can, and taught himself about the different Indian tribes. He loved Hollywood movies, especially those starring Carole Lombard. And, of course, the Cubs. The Cubs are my birthright.

Now I know he played bass, too. He's been dead nearly 45 years, and I just learned that about him! How I wish the adult me could talk to him, because I think he had a lot to teach me.

He was a champ

Two things you need to know about my old tomcat, Reynaldo. 1) He loves routine. He likes his litter box right where it is. He sleeps in exactly the same spots every day. I am supposed to wake up and come home at approximately the same times. 2) His favorite time of day is mealtime. Breakfast is when I get up in the morning. Dinner is when I come home at night.

He has been known to act up if 1 and/or 2 are disrupted. I don't think he means to be bad. It's more like there's a terrible problem that I must be made aware of.

Well, Thursday night into Friday morning, I was in terrible pain. I was desperate to relieve it and when all else failed, I soaked in the tub. By the time the pain subsided, it was dawn ... and I was just then getting back to bed.

THIS IS NOT IN ACCORDANCE WITH REYNALDO'S SCHEDULE.

I was worried that Rey would do what he often does: knock everything off my dresser until I wake up or, just to mix it up a little, comb my hair with his nails until I wake up.

When I finally got out of bed for the day, it was about 10:00. My good boy was tucked behind my knees, quietly comforting me and keeping me warm. When I began to stir, he moved up chest and curled up there. No disruptions. Just sweetness.

It's as if he knew I was feeling poorly and wanted to help.

Who's a good boy? Reynaldo is a good boy!

Misery!

 It's back. The horrible pain in my gut returned with a vengeance on Thursday night. Really, it was pre-dawn Friday monring. There was no blood in the bowl this time, but the ache just above my crotch left me unable to sleep or even think about anything else. I finally got the idea to soak in the tub for a good long while, but by the time it helped it was 6 AM.

I shot an email to my boss, letting him know I'd try to be in by noon. I made it before 1:00. Advil and work actually helped. I was super productive. (Of course, looming deadlines will do that to you!) The young woman who shares our little cube did the sweetest thing for me: she arranged to have the dog who was visiting the office today stop by for a house call to cheer me up. Actually, the dog was rather tuckered out by the time he made his way over here and barely gave me a wag, but I appreciated her gesture so much.

As fate would have it, I stopped by my doctor's office Thursday night to leave a follow up urine specimen. Strangely enough, I felt just fine while I was at the doctor's office. Results should be back on Monday. Fingers crossed that it isn't anything too hard to treat.

April Challenge -- Day 6

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Someone who fascinates you, and why.

This year marks the 50th anniversary of his murder, and to borrow a phrase, "attention must be paid."

John F. Kennedy is the one who captures the ink and the imagination. He was elegant and witty. He was a war hero. He handled considerable physical pain, day in and day out, with stoicism. He saved the world from nuclear holocaust. And -- I'm paraphrasing Chris Matthews here -- he died in an open car on a sunny day, waving at adoring crowds with a beautiful woman at his side.

But then there's Bobby. There's little to his story that lends itself to fairy tale. The runt of the litter enlisted in WWII and was disappointed that he was unable to rise above the rank of seaman apprentice. He was sarcastic and rough edged. He didn't charm, he steam rolled. Whether you were a ward committeeman or a mob boss, if you got in his way, he flattened you.

But he changed. He evolved. The man he was for the first 36 years of his life wasn't the one laid to rest at just 42. Beginning in the White House, as his brother's Attorney General, and beyond, he developed empathy and a passion for the plight of the underdog. Then there was his priggish side. Whereas President Kennedy famously said, "Life isn't fair," Brother Bobby was offended by the injustice in the American South of the 1960s. Then, when his brother was murdered, Bobby let his grief enhance him, not cripple him. It was his personal pain that sensitized him to the suffering of others, and emboldened him to take on a sitting President regarding the Vietnam War.

That capacity to change fascinates me and inspires me to try to be better.

50 years ago, Bobby lost consciousness on a hotel kitchen floor, his bloody head cradled by a busboy. Juan Romero was a 17-year-old immigrant who pressed his rosary beads into Bobby's hand and recited prayers with him on the filthy linoleum. It's so fitting, it breaks my heart.

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April Challenge -- Day 5

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A place you would live but haven't visited.

London. They speak English, so that's a good start, as foreign countries go. And ever since I watched Upstairs, Downstairs, I have imagined myself living in a narrow apartment in a building like this one:

It's not even in the Top 5 of my daydreams, though. That's why it doesn't bother me that a building like this is probably in Belgravia, which means the rent is likely a gazillion pounds/month.

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April Challenge -- Day 4

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10 Interesting Things About Yourself.

Are these interesting? You be the judge.

1) Classic Arizona Birkenstocks (the two buckle style) are the best shoe for me because the heel well provides essential support after my plantar fascitis and the strap covers my bunion. (That sentence made me feel so old.)

2) I am age obsessed. Every once in a while, apropos of nothing, I find myself thinking, "Shit! I'm 60!"

3) I never cried when my mother died. I don't know why. I certainly do miss her.

4) I wonder if I would like me if I met me.

5)  Between November and April, my back itches soooooo much! I think it's because the heat in my home is so drying. Every morning, when I get out of the shower, I reach for the Vaseline Moisturizing Spray. I live in terror that Vaseline with discontinue it, and I will spend all next winter rubbing my back up against door frames. 

6) The Way We Were is my favorite movie, and here's my favorite line: "Wouldn't it be lovely if we were old? If we'd survived all this?" When times are tough, I often imagine myself looking back on them.

7) Again with the movies: Every day I try to be a little more Melly and a little less Scarlett.

8) There's a lot about baseball I love, but near the top of the list is this: no sudden death overtime. Just extra innings. Everyone gets the same number of outs. Baseball is so symmetrical, so fair. Life should be more like baseball.

9) Whenever I go outside during daylight hours, I look at the sky. Even on rainy days. The sky comes in so many colors and I love them all.
 

10) I wish I didn't get so disappointed in my friends. I wonder if the fault isn't mine. Maybe I expect too much and I'm not fair.

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WWW.WEDNESDAY

WWW. WEDNESDAY asks three questions to prompt you to speak bookishly. To participate, and to see how other book lovers responded, click here. 

1. What are you currently reading? American Heiress: The Wild Saga of the Kidnapping,Crimes and Trials of Patty Hearst by Jeffrey Toobin. I have never known what to make of Patty Hearst. After she was kidnapped, did she willingly join her captors and engage in domestic terrorism? They say she did. Or was she frightened for her life during their entire 19 months together? She says she was.

Jeffrey Toobin is familiar to me for his work as a CNN legal analyst. He writes well. The book is told chronologically, including many details about the long ago 1970s that put the kidnapping in context. Post-Watergate, pre-internet America was such a different place than it is now. Our attitudes and concerns were so different, so was the way we processed information. So far, Toobin is effective at setting the scene and establishing the cast of characters of this incredible real-life drama.

2. What did you recently finish reading? Love the One You're With by Emily Giffin. I wish I could recommend this book. Giffin writes well and gave me some moments that were so compelling I felt like I was right there with our heroine, Ellen, as she tried to decide between her husband, Andy, and that ex she just can't forget, Leo.

Yet I ultimately found the book annoying because of the characters. It literally took Ellen pages to think of something about her celebrity photo shoot that occurred to me almost instantly, and I'm not that bright. Neither of the men is very well drawn: Andy is simply too good (and a little too simple) to be true, Leo is a rather obvious "bad boy." 

In short, I enjoyed it while I was reading it -- the dialog and the descriptive passages are that good -- but then later, when I thought about what I just read, I thought, "What the hell?"

3.  What will you read next? Maybe another biography? Or a mystery. My TBR pile is stacked dauntingly high with both.  

 

A man died on this date

Sometimes when men become martyrs, we forget that they were once men. Last Christmas, when I was changing planes in ATL, I discovered an exhibit devoted to Dr. Martin Luther King. It was this collection of everyday items that most touched my heart: The 60's-era transistor radio he carried, the wristwatch he wore, and his reading glasses.

I'll let smarter people say more eloquent things about Dr. King on the 50th anniversary of his death. I just want anyone who sees this today to remember that 50 years ago today, a man was gunned down on a balcony. And that was a tragedy.

April Challenge -- Day 3

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Your first love.

February 1964. My mother told me that I said, "He's so pretty, it hurts to look." I still feel that way. The lyric helps, too. "Close your eyes and I'll kiss you/tomorrow I'll miss you/remember, I'll always be true." I was six years old, and this was a little girl's vision of perfect love. I have seen no reason to reassess.

I memorably saw him perform this live. It was in the hot summer of 2011 at Wrigley Field. Yes, Wrigley Field! The home of my Chicago Cubs! It was one of life's perfect moments.

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April Challenge -- Day 2

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Your earliest memory.

The sun is shining. I'm looking down at my hand, pressing it on the red and white ottoman. I'm trying to steady myself. According to my mom, I was about a year old. We moved just months after my first birthday, and that ottoman didn't make the move.

Most adults really don't remember anything before the age of 6 (unless there was a trauma), so I have questioned the veracity of this memory many times. It's weird because I remember just that -- nothing before and nothing after. Just that flash, that little moment in time.

But here's what clinches it for me: there are no color photos of that old living room, so if I didn't remember, how do I know the ottoman was red?

If you're interested in seeing the April Challenge prompts and joining in, click here.

Sunday Stealing

Thought Provoking Questions

1. What Are Three Things You Need To Buy? 1) Another bra. I discovered a brand/size I like, and now I want one in another color. Beige? Rose? 2) New undies. 3) I'm running low on sweet relish.


2. My Biggest Hope Is________. Maintaining my independence for the rest of my life.

3. What Was The Last New Thing You Tried? I had lunch in a new restaurant. I'm glad I did. My ham/cheese panini was delicious and gooey.

                       
4. What Mood Were You In Today? It's Easter Sunday and I just got back from church. I feel hopeful and grateful.

5. What would be a better name for the color of goldenrod-colored paper? I see no reason to change the name.

6. Where did you get your silverware? Most of it, I bought. Some of it I inherited from my icky grandmother.

7. What artifact from this past week would you have bronzed as a keepsake and heirloom? I had a fortune cookie with my egg foo young yesterday. It said, "Your plans will come to fruition." That would be nice.


8. What was the most recent ceremony you attended? Easter morning service.

9. What east Asian cuisine is good for your Seoul? Something egg-y. Egg foo young, egg drop soup.

10. What life lesson did you learn the hard way? We can't change people.    

11. What do you wish you spent more time doing five years ago? Exercising


12. What gets you excited about life? The Cubs! (2-1)

13. Have you done anything lately worth remembering? I want to always remember my interactions with Napoleon and his humans, Caleb and Randi. I have learned so much about how some of my neighbors are living.


14. What does your joy look like today? My fur family is happy and healthy.

15. When you are 80-years-old, what will matter to you the most? I hope I will be able to take joy in the little things: walks in the sun, listening to the Beatles, watching the Cubs. Maybe by then, the other distractions will be boiled away and I can focus on the lovely little moments.