Here's to our favorite favorite son

It's Abraham Lincoln's birthday. You're welcome, America. Hell, you're welcome, World.

Sunday Stealing

Sunday Stealing: The Disappearing Questions


1. Last movie you saw in a theater? I saw Hidden Figures last weekend, and really enjoyed it.

2. What book are you reading? Wonderland, by Ace Atkins. It's a Spencer mystery, so it's set in Boston ... so I've been daydreaming about Boston lately.

3. Favorite board game? I always liked Sorry because you could sliiiiide your game piece.

4. Favorite magazine? People.

5. Favorite smells? Cinnamon apple. Lavender. Currently, my favorite scent to wear is Black Pearls.

6. Favorite sounds? My cats' purr. (Either one. Connie is smaller, but her purr is deeper than Reynaldo's.)

7. Worst feeling in the world? Helplessness.

8. What is the first thing you think of when you wake up? What day is it?

9. Favorite fast food place? I've really been jonesing for McDonald's lately, so I must go with The Golden Arches.

10. Future child’s name? At this stage in my life, there certainly is no "future child."

11. Finish this statement. “If I had lot of money I’d….? Finish my bathroom! I need new tile in there so badly! But, alas, there's always something else around here in more immediate need of repair.

12. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal? No.

13. Storms – cool or scary? Almost always cool.

14. Favorite drink? Coke.

15. Finish this statement, “If I had the time I would….”? Get the livingroom ready to be painted. That's the home improvement project that precedes my new bathroom tile.

16. Do you eat the stems on broccoli? Sure.

17. If you could dye your hair any color, what would be your choice? I was a redhead for decades. If I were to dye my hair again, I'd go back to red.

18. Name all the different cities/towns you’ve lived in? My answer to this is really boring. I've only ever lived within 8 miles from my girlhood home.

19. Favorite sports to watch? Only 51 days until my guys begin defending their championship. (Not that I'm counting or anything.)

Anthony Rizzo is my favorite Cub.

20. One nice thing about the person who sent this to you? Yes, our host Bud is funny. We all know that. But he also has integrity. He's a very good guy.

21. What’s under your bed? Stuff.

22. Would you like to be born as yourself again? Sure. I might make better choices the second time around.

23. Morning person, or night owl? I like the time when night becomes morning.

24. Over easy, or sunny side up? Over easy.

25. Favorite place to relax? My living room

26. Favorite pie? Strawberry rhubarb

27. Favorite ice cream flavor? Mint chocolate chip

28. Of all the people who play, how many of the posts do you usually read? Not as many as I should. I visit/comment on everyone who plays Saturday 9, and that takes a lot of time ... It's a lame excuse, I know, but really, I have to back away from the keyboard sometime!

ONEWORD: Sharpening My Focus

FOCUS

verb

to concentrate: to focus one's thoughts

I want to end 2017 by being able to point to concrete achievements. To do that, I must focus. 

I spent Saturday being present and really thinking about every cent I spent. I took a Lyft to the vet for Reynaldo's prescription kibble, but instead of a car or the bus, I walked home. En route, I stopped at the Mom-and-Pop grocery store, because I like to support small, independent businesses. But I also got a bargain -- a $1.99 box of Creamette mostacciolli on sale for just 79¢ (perfect for my bag of food pantry donations).

A few blocks later was our village's thrift store. It's a two-story house with basement, which means three stories of bargains. I'd just said Friday that after three months, I was sick of my sweaters already and wanted something new. Well, hell, I thought, why not take a look? After all, this thrift store splits all the proceeds among 5 local charities (2 daycare centers, an infant health clinic, the food pantry and the animal shelter).

I got two sweaters -- a soft purple/gray pullover from Old Navy, and a dark gray off-the-shoulder jersey knit. FOR $5!

I was going to stop at a coffee shop for lunch, but I really wasn't hungry. Why spend money on food when my heart's not in it? So I went home and took a nap.

Then my friend from Key West called me. We had a drink together over the phone (OK, mine was Dr. Pepper, but he doesn't know that). We blabbed for two hours and really reconnected ... and it didn't cost me a cent.

I feel loved. I feel smart. I feel focused.
 

Saturday 9

Saturday 9: Love Yourself (2015)

1) In this song, Justin sings that he doesn't like to admit he's wrong. When did you most recently cop to a mistake? I don't know if this counts because I didn't say I wrong, but during a meeting on Thursday I kept admitting how confused I was.

2) He also complains that his girl doesn't like his friends. Who is someone that you've met recently and liked? Lauren. She's new to Chicago and new to our agency and every now and again I get a kick out of hearing her observations. For example, she's obsessed with public transportation. She's from a small town out East where everyone drove, and this business of taking buses and trains just delights her.

3) Justin first performed this song live on The Ellen Degeneres Show. Who is your favorite talk-show host?

4) Young Mr. Bieber recently had his credit card rejected ... at a Subway Sandwich Shop. Think about your last trip to a fast food restaurant. Did you pay with cash or plastic or your phone? Cash.

  
Even though we're featuring a lack-of-love song, this is the last Saturday  9 before Valentine's Day and so this morning we shall focus on the upcoming holiday. 

5) In Victorian England, it was considered bad luck to sign a Valentine. Have you ever received an anonymous card from a secret admirer? Years and years ago, I got a Valentine from Paul McCartney. It said, "I was wrong. I'll leave her. I love you." It was actually stamped and postmarked London, England. I never knew for sure how I got it. I suspect the instigator is a friend whose sister traveled a lot on business. Or maybe Sir Paul finally came to his senses.

6) Retailers report that approximately 3% of pet owners buy Valentines for their furry friends. Have you ever purchased a gift for a pet on a special occasion? Yes. I buy Christmas gifts for my niece's and nephew's pets (that's three cats and a turtle).

7) It was once believed that if a maiden ate a heavy meal before bed on February 13, her dreams that night would reveal the identity of the man she would eventually marry. Do you find that eating too close to bedtime disrupts your sleep? Yes. But this doesn't stop me.

8) The postmaster in Verona, Italy, reports that Shakespeare's Juliet Capulet still receives love letters. Without looking it up, can you give us a quote from Romeo and Juliet? "A rose by any other name would smell as sweet."

  
9) Necco's Sweethearts -- those little candy hearts that say things like "Be Mine" -- are Valentine Day's top-selling confection. Sam never could stand eating these candies. Do you like them? Ew. Ick. I hate them.

Fascinated

I don't know why this fascinates me so, but it does. In preparation for next week's sitdown with my accountant, I collected all my 2016 receipts. I gave to 26 charities in all, and here are my Top 10, the ones I donated to the most.


My church

Tree House Animal Foundation -- a cageless, no-kill cat adoption center

Greenpeace

Harmony House for Cats -- One of Chicago's smaller shelters, and it's struggling


Greater Chicago Food Depository -- I send them money. I drop canned goods off at my local food pantry.

Operation Shoebox -- My entire 2016 donation to this group was postage. I collected and sent sample-size toiletries throughout the year. This organization packages them for our troops.

Feeding America -- A national group that combats hunger

WTTW -- Chicago's PBS station

Toys for Tots

Puppy Rescue Mission -- This wonderful group reunites soldiers with the animals they adopted in Afghanistan and Iraq


I'm proud of my charitable impulses, but I hope that in 2017 I give more.

WWW.WEDNESDAY

To participate, and to see how others responded, click here. 

1. What are you currently reading? Wonderland, by Ace Atkins. I just picked it up, but I'm happy to be spending time again with Spencer, Robert Parker's most famous creation. Henry Cimoli was a bit player in previous books, good buddy to Spencer and Hawk. In this volume he moves to the fore. Developers want to buy the condo building where Henry lives. In fact, they rather brutally insist on it. So Henry hires his old friend Spencer to help him keep his home.

2. What did you recently finish reading? Royal Sisters by Anne Edwards. A sympathetic look at Elizabeth and Margaret Rose before and after the older sister became Queen Elizabeth II. I found myself unexpectedly touched by the two love affairs at the center of the book: Princess (now Queen) Elizabeth and Prince Philip, and Princess Margaret and the divorced commoner Peter Townsend. A decorated RAF pilot, Capt. Townsend was a genuine war hero. It's shocking to me that he was considered "not good enough" for the Queen's younger sister, especially now, when divorced Prince Charles is about to ascend to the throne as the husband of divorced Camilla. But Margaret's ill-fated affair was 60 years ago, not so long after the Edward/Wallis mess. Queen Elizabeth didn't think she could put the country, or the Church of England, through more turmoil, so Margaret was stuck with a broken heart. So unfair!

 
3.  What will you read next? A biography from my tall TBR pile.

Finally!

After Jackie and Manchester by the Sea, I was beginning to associate movie going with heartache. Thank God for Hidden Figures!

It's America at our best. Always evolving, willing to right our wrongs. In today's political climate, this is an especially important and moving message.

Hidden Figures is a hit, nominated for three Oscars, including Best Picture. It's the story of three women who performed the calculations at Langley that led to John Glenn's orbit around the earth.

In 1962, women were not allowed to attend Cabinet meetings, even though the information disseminated was vital to the work they were doing. There were restrictions on what they could wear -- no slacks, of course, and minimal jewelry (only Jackie-esque pearls). It was worse for these women. Being black, they couldn't attend the classes required to progress in their careers or even use the nearby "whites only" ladies' room. It only seemed like the system was conspiring against them because it was.

So what did they do? More. They worked harder, and better. They overcame. They succeeded. And they made history.

Of the Oscar-nominated movies I've seen, Hidden Figures is by far the most conventional.* But that makes it the most accessible. I've read that middle school girls in St. Louis and Milwaukee have gone to the movies to see this and received class credit. Taraji P. Henson, who plays "the girl" John Glenn depended on and trusted, spends a great deal of time here in Chicago filming Empire and recently bought out a Southwest Side theater to allow those who can't afford a ticket a chance to see it.

That makes me happy, too.

*Of the Best Picture nominees I've seen, Hell or High Water is still my favorite. It's available OnDemand. Like Hidden Figures, it's a uniquely American story, with a tragic inevitability that reminded me of Bonnie and Clyde or In Cold Blood. And it has a pair of wonderful performances at its center -- Oscar nominee Jeff Bridges and Chris Pine are the antagonists on a collision course. See it, see it, see it. Warning, though: It's more violent than I would have liked.

Godspeed, John Glenn

With the orgy of grief over 2016's celebrity deaths -- beginning with David Bowie and continuing through Debbie Reynolds* -- one was undeservedly overlooked. I'm ashamed of myself that his passing without barely a notice from me.

John Glenn changed the world. And then kept trying to improve it. He was an example to us all by living with tenacity, decency and courage.  

•  He dropped out of college to enlist after the Japanese attacked Pearl Harbor. He became a fighter pilot and during WWII and Korea won six Distinguished Flying Crosses.

•  In 1962, he became the first American to orbit earth. It was a perfect, five hour flight. President Kennedy awarded him the NASA Distinguished Service Medal.

•  For more than 20 years he served as Senator from Ohio. He authored the Nuclear Non-Proliferation Act, which declared nuclear devices a threat to the United States and world peace.

•  In 1998, he returned to space. He was 77 when he volunteered himself as the subject of weightlessness on seniors.

He and his wife Annie were married for 73 years, until his death two months ago. She's a hero in her own right. For while she was married to a photogenic media magnet who almost always had a microphone in his face, Annie stuttered. So badly that it was rumored that she was either deaf of "retarded." Her solicitous husband did what he could to preserve her privacy and dignity.

In the 1970s, she finally received treatment she could respond to and used her newfound voice to become a crusader, in Ohio and beyond, for those with disabilities. I was aware of this in real-time but didn't really pay too much attention. Of course John Glenn and his wife were doing great things for others. That's what John Glenn did.

John Glenn, like Muhammad Ali, was an American original and an American hero. The 1960s were the years that shaped my sensibilities. And these two gentlemen shaped the 1960s. I owe them a great deal. We all do.

Seeing Hidden Figures this afternoon reminded me of Col. Glenn. I'm going to say a prayer for him tonight, and I'll apologize for not doing so on the night he died.

*Only in death would those two be mentioned in the same breath!

Sunday Stealing

Sunday Stealing: The Racquet Questions

01  What is the worst nickname that anyone has ever called you? When we were in junior high, my older sister used to call me "Butchy Boy." Because she wanted to make me feel ugly.

02  Have you got a favorite flower? Marigolds. They were my grandpa's favorite flower.

03  Do you add a sauce, ketchup or other artificial flavorings to your food? Depends on the food.

04  Describe yourself using only words that begin with the letter 'T'. Time-honored (so much more flattering than "old") and talented.

05  What is/was your lover's pet name for you? "Moonbeam."

06  What is your least favorite color? I look terrible in yellow.

07  Who did you vote for in the last election, and did they win? I was with her. Haven't you heard? She didn't win.

08  What is/was your grandfathers’ names? Roy and Albert.

09  What is the best present you ever received? Blaze. When I was 4, I wanted him desperately. Santa came through. I'll always remember coming into the livingroom and seeing him under the tree.

10  What is 17 1/2% of 97 + 42 x (6 / 2) – 137 ? [Editor's note: Holy shit!] I was promised there would be no math.

11  What would be the best possible way you could die? Suddenly and painlessly in an accident of some sort.

12  Given the choice of absolutely anything, what would be your dream job? I think I'd enjoy being a pet sitter.

13  What position do you sleep in at night? On my side.

14  What is the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to you? Back when I still wore skirts, the wind caught one and blew it up, a la Marilyn. Unlike Marilyn, I wasn't wearing panties under my hose.
 
15  Who is your favorite fictional character? Jo from Little Women.

16  What food do you hate most in the world? Raw tomatoes. They make my skin crawl.

17  When was the last time you were ill? Last year at this time, I was battling c. diff.

18  If you were transformed into a wild creature, what would it be? An okapi. I love them. So gentle and unique.

19  What was your favorite toy as a child, and whatever happened to it? My plush Lassie dog. She's in my closet.

20  What's the most amazing thing you've ever seen? Game 7 of last year's World Series. I'm still not over it.

Aren't my guys just the best?

 

I got the "old cat" dish out

Reynaldo is going to be 12 this year. If he were a human, he'd be about 65 years old.

He's still lively, social and affectionate. But I can tell his vision is beginning to fail him. He's always eaten out of the big beige and black bowl, but lately he thinks his bowl is empty when it's not. I don't think he can see the kibble against the black anymore.

So I dug out the blue/white bowl for him. It was a gift to me from my late uncle. Decorated like the tiles at Hemingway's Key West home. This bowl was first used by Tara, decades ago, back in my old apartment. Then by my beloved Joey. And now Reynaldo.

I know this is the natural order of things. We all grow older. But Rey is right here as I post this, and accepting that these things happen does not make it any easier.

"Seven spots on his brain"

I went to see The Bodyguard with my friend Barb. We had a lovely dinner and, since we took it on its own terms, we enjoyed the play. But the news she had wasn't good.

Her husband John is battling lung cancer. His lungs have responded well to chemotherapy, not eradicating the cancer but slowing its growth, but the disease has spread to his brain.

"Seven spots on his brain," she said with an apprehensive casualness. She reminded me of a toddler who falls down and watches for your reaction before she starts to cry. I tried to remain impassive.

"Oh, I didn't know it had spread. How will they treat it?"

She told me they "zapped" his brain -- I didn't ask how many times -- and think that "did the trick." They're waiting for test results. It's not the brain cancer that's the problem, it's the fact that the lung cancer spread that is disturbing to his oncology team.

Then she went on to tell me about the house they're building in Hilton Head. It's already $20,000 over budget and still nowhere near done -- mostly because of the elevator she added. He will never be able to walk up stairs again. So she's come out of retirement to freelance. Between his doctor appointments and her new job, she's fallen behind in preparing their current home for sale. She's simply too tired to keep packing as she'd planned.

I feel like telling her, "You're never moving to Hilton Head! He'll never be strong enough!" But I am her friend. My job is to be supportive, and so I simply let her talk.

We never talked about her surgery. She had a mastectomy last year, which went well. Her breast cancer is, blessedly, in remission. But her reconstructive surgery has been very complicated. She's suffered infections and setbacks. It was scheduled for last November but had to be postponed.

I couldn't bear to talk about that over dinner. Instead I let her complain about Donald Trump. She hates Donald Trump, and I think ranting about Washington gave her hectic, complicated and suddenly sad life a veneer of normalcy.

 

And I will always love him ...

… until I move on to my next crush.

HE is Judson Mills,  the best thing in the touring company of The Bodyguard. Maybe he is a good actor. I'm willing to believe he is. He's just not called upon to do much in this show -- except be strong and studly and look good without his shirt. And he was sublime in those areas.

He's in the Kevin Costner part. A leather-lunged lass named Deborah Cox is in the Whitney part. She sings well, but it's something of a suicide mission. The producers added some of Whitney's other hits to the show -- "So Emotional," "The Greatest Love of All," "All the Man that I Need" and "I Wanna Dance with Somebody" -- and those songs are so indelibly connected with Houston that it's hard not to hear the original in your head when someone else sings them.

The play itself is dumb. A bad idea, poorly executed. The source material isn't that good. The staging is ham-handed (the audience actually giggled at the video image of the cartoon-crazy stalker).

And yet I really had a nice time. Judson Mills/Frank Farmer is hot. He has a moment during the encore when he snaps his cuffs and grabs Ms. Cox for a twirl and my old heart went pitter patter.

Also, it's because we bought tickets to this turkey that we got face-value tickets to Hamilton the moment it opened in September. Hamilton was as innovative and smart as this was predictable and dumb. As wonderful as Hamilton was, not a single person in the cast made my old heart go pitter patter.

Saturday 9

Saturday 9: Some Guys Have All the Luck (1984)
 
Unfamiliar with this week's tune? Hear it here.

1) Do you consider yourself lucky? Want to hear how lucky I am? So far this year I've won a whopping $6 in the Illinois State Lottery. And it only took me $10 in tickets to do it!

2) When did you last risk money in a game of chance (lottery, raffle ticket, slot machine, etc.)? How did you do? This very week I won $1 on $2 worth of lottery tickets. Jealous, aren't you?


3)  There's a major football game this weekend. Will you be watching? Do you have any money riding on the outcome? I won't be watching. And now that I think of it, no one came around selling squares for a pool at the office this year.

4) The composer of this song, Jeff Fortgang, is an interesting guy who's had two disparate careers: first pop musician, then Yale-educated clinical psychologist. It's possible that many of the patients who see him for help with anxiety or depression have no idea that he wrote this song. What's something your coworkers (or, if you're not working, casual friends) would be surprised to know about you? Most everyone I know in real life would be surprised to know this blog exists.

5) Similarly, fans are often surprised to learn that this week's featured artist, Rod Stewart, is a history buff who loves reading about WWII. Is there a period of time or historic event that has captured your interest? I'm a mid-century girl. The 1860s and the 1960s both fascinate me. Talk to me about Kennedy and Lincoln. Let's discuss Mary and Jackie. I love immersing myself in those eras.

 

6) Rod met his current wife as the result of a dare. Penny Lancaster, then in her 20s, spotted the decades-older celebrity in a bar and only approached him because her friends bet her she didn't have the guts to talk to him. Are you, like Penny, vulnerable to peer pressure? Can your friends talk you into doing things you might not otherwise do? Not anymore. I'm too old for that.

7) Rod vividly recalls being 11 years old and going to see  Little Richard perform in a film comedy called The Girl Can't Help It. When you were a kid, did you enjoy going to the movies? What do you recall seeing? One of my more vivid cinematic memories is the re-release of The Parent Trap. My oldest friend and I were in third or fourth grade. Her mom was in the hospital and her dad got the idea of dropping us off at the movies while he visited her. Her dad and my mom had a summit and my mom agreed to this and so it was the first time I ever went to a movie without an adult. Thrilling! My friend and I felt soooo grown up and sophisticated, sitting together surrounded by those babies who still needed their parents to see a movie in the theater. And it took my friend's mind off worry about her mom, which in retrospect I see was probably the point.

8) The lyrics tell of when Rod's car overheats and he calls a friend, who doesn't come through. Tell us about a time recently when you were there and helped a buddy out. He's not a buddy, I don't even know his name. But I hung around in the laundry room a minute or two after I finished folding, waiting for the neighbor whose clothes were done and sitting in the washers. I wanted him to know there was time left in the dryers. I probably saved him 50¢! But it wasn't the money, of course. Washing clothes in our laundry room can be depressing, and I was happy to provide even a tiny bright spot.

 

9) The lyrics mention that "some guys do nothing but complain." Who do you know who is like that? Do you have a friend, relative or coworker who just always seems to find fault? A different neighbor. Peter. The Saddest Boy in the World. I ended up waiting on the platform with him as we were both leaving work. We had to wait two minutes in the cold for the next train. He was complaining but I reminded him 2 minutes is less than the time it takes to microwave popcorn. Then he started complaining that the train was pausing too long at the stops. We're dry and warm, I reminded him. He complained about the new construction around our condo building, how he can't breathe for all the dust and debris it's kicked up. I told him I was sorry but I hadn't even noticed it. Every moment of our 45-minute ride together was like this. By the time we got home, I wanted to kill myself. 

Happy. Sad.

Ah, money! I'm sorry I spend as much time thinking about it, and worrying about it, as I do!

First I was happy. I got an alert from Expedia that airfares to Las Vegas had dropped. I went to American Airlines' website and found I could get a roundtrip ticket that had been $450+ for $160. YEA! I prefer flying American because I think their O'Hare terminal is easiest to navigate, and if I pay with my AA credit card, I get priority seating and extra miles. At $160, I can use my card, get all those benefits, and pay it off in full, saving on interest. Look how happy I am!

Then I was sad. I got a letter from my condo management company that I owe $167.08. I owe this because I am a moron and I paid the wrong amount on each of my four installments for the (ew! ick!) building bed bug extermination.

Then I was happy. Because I have been more responsible with my money as of late, I could cut a check for this amount from my "household expenses" fund. Good Gal!

Then I was sad. Because my check on 31st just doesn't go far enough.

I am a delicate flower with an artistic nature. I shouldn't be spending this much time thinking of filthy lucre.

ONEWORD: Wearing my FOCUS

FOCUS

verb

to concentrate: to focus one's thoughts

I want to end 2017 by being able to point to concrete achievements. To do that, I must focus. 

Financially, so far this month I'm doing OK. I'm ending this weekend with cash in my wallet, which will make it easier for me to afford my pre-theater dinner with Barb this Wednesday. YEA!

Domestically, though, I've been struggling. My place is a mess. I'm over run by paper and books and cat hair and bread crumbs. Once I do my laundry, grocery shopping and bill paying, I feel I've done all the "homework" I should be expected to do and let myself get distracted by something/anything else.

So I made two investments ...

A pendant from My Intent. It says "FOCUS," and itreally does help me stay on track. I realize that focus is an issue in all areas of my life -- the other morning I lined my eyes but got distracted before I put on the mascara! It amuses me that I like this pendant so much. Years ago -- it feels like another lifetime now -- I had a lover who believed that if he wrote his goal down, he would bring them nearer within reach. I teased him about this mercilessly. And now look at me, wearing my ONEWORD around my neck.

A new vacuum cleaner. A Shark Navigator, to be exact. It's neither as lightweight, nor as cute, as my little green Bissell Aeroswift, but lightweight and cute just wasn't getting my carpet clean. The suction on this new machine is so strong, it felt like it was leading me around the apartment. I love that when I walk around barefoot, I no longer feel like I'm strolling along the beach.

Start spreading the news

I'm going to turn 60 here. My oldest friend and I already have our room reservations and she's so excited, she's already booked her flight. I'm waiting a little while because I'd like to pay cash for it, and that will require my tax refund. And that's OK, because we aren't leaving for 296 days.

This means that we will be in Las Vegas for Thanksgiving. Last year, one of New York, New York's restaurants -- Nine Fine Irishmen -- had an "Irish Thanksgiving" meal for $29.99. Roasted corn/sausage chowder or green salad, turkey breast with gravy or glazed ham, stuffing and mashed potatoes and green beans, and pumpkin pie or bread and butter pudding for dessert. All this sounds very good, except I don't know why the Irish would celebrate Thanksgiving. But never mind. Very little in Las Vegas makes sense.

While I like the idea of celebrating a holiday in Glitter Gulch, I am worried that we won't see any good shows. Oh well, I'm sure we'll find something to do. Like laugh. she and I laugh a lot, and Vegas traditionally gives one a lot to laugh at.

Sunday Stealing

Sunday Stealing: The Cool Guy Questions


1.) When was the first time you ever swore or said something profane? I don't recall the first time. One early, memorable adventure in cursing does come to mind, though. I ran down the basement stairs barefoot and couldn't stop when I saw the broken jar. So I landed on shards of glass. I fell on my ass and cradled my bloody foot, saying, "Goddamsonofabitch." My mom, who had been around the corner in the basement laundry room, appeared. I thought she'd ooh and aah over my foot. Instead she slapped my head and told me not to swear.

2.) Have you ever had unrequited feelings for someone?/Have you ever been friendzoned? I've been the victim of unrequited love, and I've had to friendzone someone. I actually prefer the former. It's very hard to hurt someone.

3.) What's a false assumption a lot of people have about you? People think I'm younger than I am. Thank God!

4.) Have you ever questioned your sexuality? Nope.

5.) If you could bring one person back from the dead, who would it be and why?

JBKO. I have so much to ask her! About Hillary, about Trump (she knew them both). About life in the White House, about living on a floating palace, The Christina. Most of all, I'd ask her how she did it. How did she take a really painful life and make it look so effortlessly graceful?

6.) What did you do on December 12th last year? I was going to the doctor a lot before Christmas. I don't recall if I had an appointment that day exactly.

7.) When was the last time you truthfully told someone you hated them? A boyfriend and I called Rod Stewart's "Have I Told You Lately?" our song. And often, when he really got on my nerves, I'd change the lyric to, "Have I told you lately that I hate you?"

8.) What is your opinion on this song? What about this song? Links don't work.
9.) In less than four sentences, describe the entire plot of the last book you read. Girl moves across country to Key West with her boyfriend. He cheats on her. Someone gets dead. She gets accused. (An Appetite for Murder.)
10.) Describe the appearance of the most untrustworthy person you can think of (they can be a person you've met or a made up person). Are they male or female or neither? What about their appearance makes them untrustworthy? My long-term, long-ago ex is the most untrustworthy person I can think of. Nothing about his appearance made him untrustworthy. He looked gorgeous. He just behaved like a complete and utter shit.

11.) What is the most cringe-worthy thing you've ever seen? Donald Trump mocking that disabled reporter. If you applauded it, Hillary is right and you are deplorable.

12.) What is your biggest regret? Staying with the man mentioned in #10 for as long as I did.

13.) Do you have any cousins? When was the last time you saw them? I saw my cousin about six months ago but chat with him via Facebook all the time.

14.) Describe the worst birthday you've ever had. The very day I turned six, someone murdered the President in Dallas and my birthday party was cancelled.

15.) When was the last time someone provoked you to the point of violence? Never. I've been so angry that my knees literally gave out, but I've never been tempted to strike out at anyone else. Yet.

16.) OH NOES!!!! Someone has gotten you to drink a truth potion and now you have to truthfully answer every question you are asked!!! What's the worst possible question someone could ask you? I'm sorry but no one specific thing comes to mind.

17.) Describe, in detail, your first serious relationship. Describe how it ended. First he deflowered me, then he dumped me. There was some lovely stuff in between and I'll always be a little in love with him.

18.) Introduce your best friend. Tell the story of how you met. She moved in across the alley and showed up in my Kindergarten class. We've been friends ever since.

19.) To the introduced friend, has our interviewee lied in any of these questions? Are you surprised by any of these answers? She might be able to come up with an interesting answer for #16.
20.) To finish up, what is your biggest irrational fear and how did you get it?

Clowns. When I was 8, I saw a movie called The Greatest Show on Earth. A doctor is unjustly accused of killing his wife and avoids prosecution by joining the circus. He always wears his clown makeup so he won't be recognized. I missed the "unjustly accused" detail and was just terrified of his pointy "I-killed-my-wife" smile. Incidentally, the clown was played by Jimmy Stewart. I could well be the only person on earth who has ever been frightened by George Bailey.