Please help

Meet Socks and her last surviving kittens. They live on base in Afghanistan, giving affection and amusement and companionship to the soldiers who are there on our behalf. Soon those troops will move on, and they are heartsick at the thought of leaving these three behind to be euthanized, or worse.

The military does not support the transport of animals back to the US and does nothing to help. I suppose that turning a blind eye and not enforcing all the rules against it is a help. Anyway, it falls to us to help bring these sweet critters home.

Yes, we can save a lot of animals right here in this country with that kind of money. But here's the thing -- it's not only about Socks, it's about her troops. Surrounded by death and destruction, these soldiers have found something that touches their humanity. This deserves to be celebrated!

And it's always nice to support our troops.

The Puppy Rescue Mission has done this sort of thing a lot. Here's a third-party account of just one of their success stories.

Saturday 9

The song that inspires Bud this morning is from Walls and Bridges, my favorite solo Lennon.

Saturday 9: Whatever Gets You Thru the Night

1. What helps you get through the night? The Lads from Liverpool have kept me company on more than one occasion. As John would say, "'salright."

2. Do you ALWAYS keep an open mind? Nope.

3. Who is the wisest person you know? Depends on the topic. When I'm spinning out of control, my best friend tends to have the soundest, sanest advice.

4. Who is the strongest person you know? I hate for this to sound conceited but ... well ... me. I've been through a lot and remain a rather happy and hopeful person and I never stay down long.

 

5. How would we tell by your behavior if you are having a bad day? I swear more than usual and crave solitude more than usual and drink more vodka than usual. If I'm listening to Amy Winehouse, that may be a bad sign, too.

6. Does your ego sometimes get in your way? Yup.

7. Do you believe in Zen? If yes, can it be mastered? I believe we each can find our own inner peace. Does that count?

8. Do you believe you could teach someone, like your child, to be competitive? Nope

9. Do you believe home is not a place but rather a state of mind? Yup

Too hot, too long

It's been over 95º, sometimes (like today) over 100º, every day for the last 8 days. At night the mercury doesn't dip to less than 85º, so there's no opportunity for the sidewalks, streets and brick buildings to cool down. Pavement is beginning to buckle. The heat index -- the way the air feels on skin -- is 125º.

It continues into tomorrow. It has not been this hot, this long, since 1995. (THIS JUST IN: It hasn't been this hot, this long, here in Chicago since the 1940s.) It's hard to take. I feel like I'm being held hostage indoors -- just the two block walk from the el stop left my t-shirt stuck to my back with sweat.

Worse, the little window air conditioner in my bedroom has quit pulling its weight. It's better than just the fan -- much better, in fact -- but it's still not cool. I think it's all that unremitting afternoon sun. I have cleaned and recleaned the filter and removed as much cat hair as I could from every nook and cranny I could reach. I want to give it a fighting chance.

Tomorrow night it's finally supposed to rain and then (bliss!) finally dip down into the 70s. I dream of being able to walk outside again!

Trifecta

This weekend's challenge: Using between 33 and 333, compose something that includes: The world will end in three days.

He stands with his microphone on one of the Loop's busiest corners. He's there almost every day, hawking pamphlets and harassing passers by. Chicagoans tend to ignore him. I've never seen anyone give him a cent or take one of his brochures, though over the years I have witnessed him reduce unsuspecting tourists to tears of embarrassment.

"You, ma'am, are wearing the garb of a Muslim. According to our Lord Jesus Christ, you are going straight to hell." 

"God said Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve. You gay boys are going to hell!"

"Look at how that girl is dressed! You are an abomination. According to the Bible, Miss, you are a whore and hell awaits you."

"The world will end in three days. Are you prepared to look upon the face of Christ?"

"Better prepared than you are, you wretched old hate monger," I mutter under my breath.

Meme on the Fifth of July

Stolen by the blogosphere's premier American History teacher, Kwizgiver

1. Are you "proud to be an American?" Of course. I love my country.

2. Favorite Founding Father? Thomas Jefferson. I am in awe of his imagination and intelligence. As JFK (no slouch in the intellect department himself) said at a ceremony honoring 49 Nobel laureates: "This is the most extraordinary collection of knowledge that has been gathered at the White House at one time, with the possible exception of when Thomas Jefferson dined alone."

3. Favorite president? I find both JFK and Abraham Lincoln very inspiring and feel a real connection to their life stories. I especially like that the motherless boy who grew up in a log cabin and the heir to a fortune can both find their faces on our currency.


4. Biggest "Patriotic Moment?"11/04/08 in Grant Park, watching Obama's acceptance speech in person. It was my city and my country at its best.

5. Favorite patriotic song? America the Beautiful. Especially that third verse. "Oh, beautiful for heroes proved in liberating strife. Who more than self their country loved, and mercy than more than life." My throat gets tight whenever I think of it that way.

6. Favorite American cuisine? Cheeseburger

7. Happiest political moment of your life? Shit, I already used the Obama election in #4. OK, how about this -- Bill Clinton's 1992 election. It was the first successful election I'd ever worked on and it felt so right. I felt that we (my friends and I) finally had a President who understood us, after 12 years of (in the words of Don Henley) the "tired old men that we elected king."

8. Best fireworks display you've ever seen? Navy Pier, right on the Lake

9. America's gift to the world? The civilized transition of power

10. Favorite Bill of Rights right? I'm a big First Amendment girl. Freedom of speech, assembly, the press and religion are all very important to me. Especially after Rick Santorum rather amazingly, and distressingly, said that JFK's landmark speech on faith and the Presidency makes him "throw up." That anyone voted for Santorum after that makes me worry about how fragile these freedoms just may be today.

11. Favorite American Holiday? President's Day

12. Favorite D.C. monument? The Lincoln Memorial for my man Abe. But, in terms of placement and architecture, the Jefferson Memorial.

13. Your dream for America's future? That, to borrow from Obama, we remember that what unites us is greater than what divides us. It's past time to turn down the heat on the rhetoric, folks.

THURSDAY THIRTEEN #178

THIRTEEN FACTS ABOUT THE ANDY GRIFFITH SHOW

1)   The theme song does have lyrics: "Well now, take down your fishing pole and meet me at the fishing hole/We may not get a bite all day, but don’t you rush away/What a great place to rest your bones and mighty fine for skipping stones/You’ll feel fresh as a lemonade a-setting in the shade/Whether it’s hot, whether it’s cool/Oh, what a spot for whistling like a fool …"

2)   Andy Taylor was introduced on The Danny Thomas Show. The episode where the small-town sheriff stops Andy for a traffic violation served as the pilot for CBS.

3)   Frances Bavier appears in the pilot but not as Aunt Bee. Instead she’s an unhappy customer complaining about the local dept. store.

4)   Don Knotts does not appear in the pilot. Barney was added after Knotts suggested himself for the role. He knew Andy Griffith because they had recently appeared together on Broadway.

5)   Aunt Bee officially arrives in the first episode. She takes the bus to Mayberry from West Virginia to help Andy and Opie out after their housekeeper, Rose, leaves to get married.

6)   Barney Fife was proud of the septic tank he bought his parents for their anniversary (it was steel reinforced)  

7)   Aunt Bee was proud of her cucumbers, even though Andy and Barney referred to them as “Kerosene Cucumbers” behind her back

8)   In 1967 a young actor named Jack Nicholson appeared as a young drifter just traveling through Mayberry.

9)   Mayberry appeared in an episode of Star Trek. Capt. Kirk travels back in time and wanders up and down a Depression-era street. The set used was the Andy Griffith Show’s. The sign for Floyd’s Barber Shop is visible.

10)   Andy's son Opie is named after Opie Cates, an Arkansas born musician and radio performer from the 1940s. Both Andy Griffith and producer Sheldon Leonard were big fans.

11)  Andy and Barney always drove Ford Galaxies. The cars were donated by a local dealership and returned (and presumably repainted and resold) when the new models became available.

   

12)   Don Knotts won several Emmys for playing Barney Fife, and Francis Bavier was awarded one for her role as Aunt Bee.

13)    Andy Griffith was never even nominated for his role as Andy Taylor. He was, however, nominated in the 1980s for a role in a made-for-TV movie.

For more information about the Thursday Thirteen,

or to play yourself, click here.

Special July 4 Wednesday Sunday Stealing

Sunday Stealing: The Imaginary Meme, Part Eight

141. What's the difference between Stealing and other memes that you do? The author is a Beatle fan of the highest order. And, to borrow a phrase, you know that can't be bad. (WOOO!)

142. Best cartoon show ever? Rocky and Bullwinkle.

143. Does it matter to you if your significant other smokes? Yes.

144. Do you ever use your full name? Yes.

145. Do you get annoyed easily? Yes. Especially in this fucking heat.

146. Indecent proposal: Would you sleep with an attractive billionaire for millions of $? Yes. No. I'd do him because you stipulated I find him attractive, not because of the money. (That, dear sir, is the difference between a slut and a whore.)

147. Where do you draw the line? Between two points.

148. Have you ever been on a road trip? Yes.

149. What’s your favorite drink? Vodka. It goes with everything.

150. Which is better, amazing eyes or an amazing smile? Why? They both sound good. I like being amazed.

151. What was your first thought this morning? "Please don't let the power be out." It was. But it came back on, thank God. It's 100-fucking-degrees here.

152. Have you ever wanted to go to sleep and not wake up? When it's 100-fucking-degrees here. I really suffer in this heat.

153. Would you try to take over the world? I think the world would be better for it.

154. What is the most romantic thing someone of the preferred sex has done for you? Told me that he wished he had written Bob Dylan's "Emotionally Yours" for me.

155. Have you ever been asked to do something disgusting? No

156. How much cash do you have right now? $26 in my wallet, about $10 in quarters for laundry, and $60 tucked away in case of emergencies.

157. Tell us something totally random about yourself. I used to be afraid of Mark Harmon. No, really. He was so convincing as Ted Bundy in The Deliberate Stranger and I had a hard time getting past that. Here's a link to a clip. I warn you, he's very good at very bad. http://youtu.be/-1BWr2gjVvc

158. What really turns you off? Religious intolerance.

159. Has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity? Back when we were both young, I heard that I looked like Julie from The Love Boat.

160. You’re having a bad day. Who do you want to talk to? My best friend

161. Have you ever studied the Bible? Yes

162. What really turns you off? Religious intolerance hasn't become more acceptable since question #158.

163. What's a goal that you'd like to achieve? I'd like lose weight so I can wear cute clothes again.

164. Name one celebrity you hate, and why. Madonna. Because she's always been a brand first and an artist second (if at all). And because I think Cher did it all first anyway.

165. What’s your favorite store? Macy's 

166. What's one goal you’d like to achieve this year? I unfortunately haven't lost an ounce since question #163.

167. What's the first thing you notice about your preferred sex? I'm a sucker for thick, soft, shiny hair. A mop top, if you will.

168. Who is your oldest friend? How long have you known them? I've known my oldest friend since autumn 1962. We were in Kindergarten.

169. Do you like photography? Yes. What's not to like?

170. Pain or no gain? Huh?

171. What's something people say that you generally find annoying? "I could care less," when they obviously mean, "I couldn't care less."

172. How often do you change your myspace/facebook/etc profile? Seldom

173. Do you ever cook? I have a George Foreman Grill. Does using that count as cooking?

174. Have you ever been on a boat? Yes

175. What do you do most when you’re bored? Memes

176. What is your favorite musical instrument? Piano, I suppose.

177. What’s your phone ringtone? The one that came programmed on my phone

178. Have you ever been in a movie? (Either amateur of professional.) Nope.

179. Describe your life currently in five words. Held hostage by the heat

180. Where did you last fly to and why? My last flight was to Chicago. Because I live here. I had to come home from vacation eventually, even though I didn't want to. 

 

 

www.wednesday

To play along, just answer the following three (3) questions…

• What are you currently reading? Robert B. Parker's Lullaby. That's quite the title, isn't it? It's a Spenser mystery, with characters developed by the fabulous Robert B. Parker. After writing 39 Spenser books, Mr. Parker died and his estate hired author Ace Atkins to take over the franchise. I am happy (relieved) to report that the familiar characters are back, true to form, in this new mystery. I admit I was skeptical when I first picked it up, but now I'm a little more than halfway through and am thoroughly enjoying sleuthing with my fine old friends.

 
• What did you recently finish reading? Jack Kennedy: Elusive Hero by Chris Matthews. The author's voice is very familiar to me, thanks to Hardball and The Chris Matthews Show, and he writes rather like he speaks. It was as though I could hear Matthews as I read, which was kinda fun. As for the biography itself, it was interesting if not all together successful. There's not a lot new in it, but it's the prism through which Matthews looks at JFK's short life that makes it interesting. To Chris Matthews, Kennedy was, in many ways, a self-created man -- a pragmatic hero whose life was shaped by constantly confronting “the thin membrane between life and death.” If you're not familiar with John Kennedy's life, there are better books to read. If you are intrigued by the idea of a new twist on an oft-told tale, pick this one up.

• What will you read next? The Meryl Streep Movie Club by Mia March. “A novel of love, family and movie night.” It looks like chick-lit of high order and I'm anticipating a good summer read.

I Want Wednesday

I want the heat to end! Really. I feel like I'm held captive indoors on these 98º to 102º days. ENOUGH!

The versatile Mr. Griffith

I originally posted this back in 2009.  I have been so sad about the death of my Fantasy Father, Sheriff Andy Taylor, that I forgot about this movie. Andy Griffith could be a devastating villain, and in the age of Glenn Beck and Rush Limbaugh, his performance is even more impressive.

 

Bad Andy

Back in 1957, a virtual unknown named Andy Griffith played a virtual unknown named Larry "Lonesome" Rhodes. His easy, "aw shucks" charm covers a dark heart and massive ego. Thanks to his natural talent and a knack for knowing what the public wants, Lonesome rises rapidly from a 2-minute radio curiosity to a national TV sensation, selling his loyal audience on everything from his sponsors' products to the candidates who bribe him. He's a complete, charismatic fraud.

This movie, A Face in the Crowd, was made years before Andy Griffith became Sheriff Andy Taylor and put Mayberry on the map. It's rattling to see him as a hard drinking, coarse, cruel womanizer and opportunist. I guess I forgot he was an actor, not a small-town lawman. And the comparison between Rhodes and a certain right wing radio commentator who today is drunk with his own power and importance is inescapable.

If you get a chance to see A Face in the Crowd, don't miss it. I'm watching it on TCM right now and am hooked. 

 

 

My old Friends

Watching an ancient episode from the long-ago first season. As Janice would say, "Oh. My. God." Were they ever young! Matthew Perry's mugging was still funny but improbably broad. Jennifer Aniston spoke so much faster and in a higher pitched voice. I'd forgotten how adorable Matt LeBlanc was. (I'm glad that, unlike the cast, I haven't changed a bit since 1994.)

No cell phones, and the cordless phone in Monica's apartment looked like a brick with an antenna. 

I'm just sayin'

Yes, sure, the Cubs have a dismal record for the season.

BUT! (Yes, there's a "but!" Of course there is. There's always a "but" when a Cub fan talks baseball.) There's so much more to the story than just our lackluster .380 winning percentage.*

We just won four games straight and will go into the All-Star break a rejuvenated team. Samardzjia, LaHair and Rizzo are this season's unexpected new heroes. Castro and Barney are maturing nicely.

You watch: The 2012 season will be remembered as The Turning Point. It will get better from here.

Go, Cubs, Go!

*NOT the worst in the league, thankyouverymuch. The Rockies are just as bad.

I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas

We're in the middle of a heatwave. It's been between 90º and 100º every day for a week. It's unpleasant.

Partly because I don't do heat. Heat and I are not friends. I suffer in hot weather. I don't know how to say it more plainly.

So, to compensate, I always have the air conditioning on. And then I get cold. So I turn it down or off. And then I'm sweltering again. Over and over and over.

At work the air conditioning is on so ferociously that I have the heater blowing hot air on my sandaled feet.

At the health club, it was too warm and I felt positively saintly for logging 25 minutes on the treadmill.

In winter, when it's freezing, there's a camaraderie among Chicagoans. "Can you believe this?" we ask one another on the slushy streets or as we try to sit, side by side, on the el, even though our downcoats make it difficult.

In summer, we simply growl at one another.

At work, everyone appears either grumpy or washed out.

I'm going home now for my Wednesday off. It's supposed to be 99º tomorrow. My one gal's simple dream is to not speak to anyone, recharge my battery with lots of alone time, and feel better for my return to work on Thursday.

In tribute to my TV DAD

I always wanted Andy Taylor to be my dad. This clip demonstrates why.



I believe Andy Griffith was a most talented gentleman and I most sincerely hope he rests in peace.

Good news!

My best friend's dad, who lives near Colorado Springs, got word that he can return to his home. Which means it's not only still standing but inhabitable. No word on the extent of the smoke and grit damage.

I also haven't heard how it was within the family dynamics. Dad had been staying with the oldest of his daughters -- she who doesn't like anyone to mention her prodigious alcohol consumption.

Oh well, Dad is home. That's the important thing.

Trifecta

This week's challenge: Using between 33 and 333, compose something that includes the third definition of the following word:

FIREWORKS (noun)
3: plural
a: display of temper or intense conflict 
b: a spectacular display 

The fireworks weren’t anything new. She experienced them in every relationship. She was, after all, passionate. About many things. About most things. And when her energy rises and the air becomes electric, sparks just naturally ignite.

What's different this time, with him, is that when the fireworks display is done, it’s over. She isn’t oppressed by dread. She’s not worrying about the aftershocks. Because there won’t be any. They disagree, they argue, they reach resolution, they move on. Amazing!

When emotion overtakes her and her thinking is ruled more by passion than logic, he challenges her. And she gets her back up. But his umbrage never rises to meet hers. Instead he reminds her, “I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m saying you’re not clear.” Amazing!

She had grown up in a household where her father could not be questioned. He was inviolate, resolute and right. Anyone who disagreed with him could depend on being ridiculed. Demeaned. It happened to her, it happened to her mother. She fought unsuccessfully to protect her baby sister. She always felt bad about leaving home and abandoning the kid to that.

Then she wasted a decade with Stephen. With him, an explosion was always preceded by the tinkling of ice cubes. Then the tension escalated, inexorably leading to an eruption of verbal and physical violence. Followed by much sorrow, many regrets, romantic kindnesses and even gifts. She couldn’t relax  and enjoy these good times because it was difficult to predict when those dangerous aftershocks would hit. Along with the blame. This was all always her fault. She made him do it. If only she were more feminine, more acquiescent, none of this would happen.

There was none of that with this amazing man. He says with a smile that he wishes he was as passionate about anything as she is about everything.

They disagree, they argue, they reach resolution, and they move on … Amazing!

She loves this man.

Sunday Stealing

Sunday Stealing: The Imaginary Meme, Part Seven

121. Have you gone rock climbing? If not, would you? No. No.

122. Do you believe in forever love in a romantic relationship? Yes. Just haven't found it myself.

123. As a kid did you ever sneak anyone into your house? No.

124. Do you personally know anyone homeless? I know Kathy, who could no longer afford her own apartment and had to move in to her adult daughter's dining room.

125. Do you believe in aliens? Yes. And President Obama is on a "more just, more fair" way of handling their status. OH! You meant Muldaur/Scully little green men? No, I don't really believe in them.

126. Have you ever killed someone? No. I once "gave mouth-to-mouth to a bottle of tequila, but I lost her." (Quote courtesy of Robert Redford in The Electric Horseman.)

127. What would it take for you to sell your soul to a devil? There is no devil.

128. Top or bottom? Bottom. Sometimes it's really much nicer to let him drive. 

129. Are you happy with your career? Comparatively speaking. I spent yesterday with my friend, John, who is currently unemployed. That made me a bit more appreciative of what I have. While I'm often not crazy about the agency where I work, I really have an enormous amount of respect for the client I work for.

130. What's your favorite store to buy clothes? Why? Lately Macy's. It used to be Carson's (or Bergner's, depending on where you live). But Macy's has more petites, and I'm both vertically challenged and hate hemming things.

131. What is your eye color? Green. I have pretty eyes. There aren't many things about my appearance I'm crazy about, but I do have nice eyes.

132. Watching or playing sports? I love my Cubs. Let's watch this catch again, shall we?

133. Would you have plastic surgery? No. There are enough injectibles and topical treatments available these days that I don't think I have to resort to being (gulp!) slicked.

134. Name one website that you visit daily. Why do you read it? Huffington Post. Because every day there's at least one headline that pulls me in.

135. Are you going on vacation this year? If so, where?  I went to the Spa at Colonial Williamsburg in April, and I'll be spending New Year's here.

136. How do you align yourself politically? I'm a liberal.

137. Do you have any pets? Yes. Three cats: Joey, Charlotte and Reynaldo.

138. Do you believe in soul mates? Yes.

139. What’s one trait that you hate about yourself? My lack of judgement. Yesterday I had a ballpark hotdog, chicken tenders, fries and booze. I am paying for it today. I'm thinking maybe vegans may be onto something.

140. How long have you played Sunday Stealing? Since August 31, 2008.

Anthony Rizzo's first Wrigley Field HR!

John and I were at today's Cub game, celebrating John's birthday, and of course, I had a lovely time. Because the beer was cold, our seats were in the shade, we're good friends who are happy to be together, and BECAUSE I SAW ANTHONY RIZZO'S FIRST WRIGLEY FIELD HR!

Wrigley Field is steeped in romance and tradition and I can still feel the presence of Ron Santo and Ernie Banks and my beloved future Hall of Famer Greg Maddux, but watching Rizzo and Starlin Castro and Darwin Barney, I realize I'm seeing our future, too.



After the booze, the heat, the game, the hotdogs and the chicken wings, though, I really do need a nap.

Saturday 9

Saturday 9: Just Like a Pill

1. What was the last pill your doctor prescribed? Why? Fexofenadine. AllegraD, for allergies.

2. How well do you swim? Pretty well. I have endurance if not speed.

3. Who has a big mouth that you like? You mean other than myself? Kathy Griffin.

4. Do you believe in political correctness? To a certain extent. I don't like hate language.

5. Do you ever patronize people? I'm sure I do, though it's unintentional.

6. Do you or someone you know strive constantly to be perfect? Professionally, I have to remind myself that, at times, "good is good enough."

7. What song are you totally sick of and why? Nothing current comes to mind. But 70s soft rock (Barry Manilow, Air Supply, John Denver) causes me almost physical pain. It's played in restaurants and airports because programmers seem to believe it's inoffensive. They are wrong.

8. How old were you when you got cocky? Or did you never go there? Professionally? In my early 30s. Personally? Still waiting for it to happen.

9. When you compete with someone, have you ever gotten hostile? I am not competitive by nature.

Take Me out to the Ballgame!

Today, John and I are celebrating his birthday within The Friendly Confines of Wrigley Field!

The world looks a lot different today than it did when I ordered these tickets.

First of all, the Cubs suck (27-49). Normally this wouldn't bother me. The Cubs are my team and I just love baseball. But so many of the players are new this season that I haven't developed any real emotional attachment yet. So while I'm sure I'll have fun (Have you ever seen Wrigley Field? The bricks and ivy are so beautiful as to break your heart!), I'm not as into the individual balls and strikes as I normally am because I'm not as invested in what each at-bat means to my guys as I was last year at this time. Oh well, it happens. Every few years the team rebuilds and we go through this.

Secondly, John was let go earlier this month. I haven't told him this, naturally, but I'm worried about his future employability in our field. He has a stubborn, personal aversion to the Internet and social media (he just got his own email this week!) that will make it hard for him to sell himself as a well-rounded writer. No matter how fabulous his wordplay might be, it'll be hard for him implement it in the electronic media that's part of every business plan today … and it plays into the stereotype that older creatives (Gulp!) are out of touch. Also, John has a tendency (as do I) to sink into depression. It's one of the things that we recognized about one another when we first met more than 30 years ago. Outwardly, he and I couldn't be more different (black/white, male/female, gay/straight, tall/short, atheist/Christian), but there's a hyperawareness and sensitivity we share. And the downside to it is depression. So I welcome this opportunity to see him, spend time with him, and make sure he's OK.

Lastly, it's been so FREAKING HOT! Over 100º at times. But today it's predicted to be a touch cooler and less humid. I take this as a good sign.

Reynaldo!

At about 3:00 AM, Reynaldo decided it was time for me to wake up. He began knocking everything off the dresser and so I locked him and his makeshift litterbox out into the hall.

This morning I opened the bedroom door to find litter all over the hall. OK, so he buried a bit over enthusiastically. He's a cat. Allowances must be made.

Then I saw how he knocked all the picture frames off the bookshelf. Fine. He was bored.

And found the cereal boxes on the kitchen floor. GRRR!

AND A BIG HOLE IN THE WALL, caused by him pulling down the drapes.

He turned 8 in April. This is not kitten behavior. This is Reynaldo.

He is eating my hairbrush as I write this.

Remember that scene in The Miracle Worker where Annie tries to teach Helen table manners and the dining room is destroyed in the process? I feel like Rey and I are starring in our own low-rate dinner theater production.

Oh, well. He is in my life to teach me patience. He is my responsibility and I would never give him back or give him away. I must figure out how we can live together peacefully for the remainder of our lives.

And who I will leave his care to in my will, as obviously he will be the death of me.

Thursday Thirteen #177

THE THIRTEEN MOST POPULAR
SYNDICATED TV SHOWS

These are the programs that aren't created by or broadcast by major networks in prime time. They are purchased and shown -- often during the day, early evening or late night -- by local channels. According to TV by the Numbers, these are the highest rated:

1) The Big Bang Theory (reruns) -- an average of 9,476,000 viewers every day

2) Judge Judy

3) Wheel of Fortune 

4) Jeopardy

5) Two and a Half Men (reruns)

6) Family Guy

7) Entertainment Tonight

8) How I Met Your Mother (reruns)

9) Family Feud

10) Law & Order (reruns)

11) Law & Order: SVU (reruns)

I admit that whenever I hear "the doink doink," I sit down and start watching.  

12) Inside Edition

13) Without a Trace (reruns)

BTW, Dr. Phil comes in at #15, with an average of 3,400,000 viewers each day, and Dr. Oz is #20, with 3,164,000.

The Ellen DeGeneres Show would make this list, but it's summer and her show takes a big dip in the ratings when it's in repeats.

For more information about the Thursday Thirteen,

or to play yourself, click here.

 

Farewell, Nora

I have been reading Nora Ephron for as long as I can remember. She was an essayist for Esquire and I adored her. She was witty and sophisticated and the big sister I deserved. When I was in high school, she was living with Carl Bernstein of Watergate fame and hanging around with one of my great crushes, Robert (sigh) Redford, and one of my favorite authors, William Goldman as they all worked on All The President's Men. Her parents (Henry and Phoebe) actually kenw Tracy and Hepburn! It seemed too ambitious to want to be Nora Ephron. I just fantasized about hanging with her.

She went on to write books, and screenplays, and then to direct, and, being Nora, enjoyed success in each genre. I have seen all her movies and one of her plays (Love, Loss and What I Wore) and read all her books but the latest one. (It's too sad to call it her last.) But my favorite is Heartburn.

The movie is fine. But the book it's based on is better, as moving as it is funny. Here is my tribute to Nora -- her own words:


"I married him against all evidence. I married him believing that marriage doesn't work, that love dies, that passion fades, and in so doing I became the kind of romantic only a cynic is truly capable of being."

"And then the dreams break into a million tiny pieces. The dream dies. Which leaves you with a choice: you can settle for reality, or you can go off, like a fool, and dream another dream."

Today I feel like I lost a friend. I wish I'd known her and could have thanked her.

I Want Wednesday

I want everyone to take off their tinfoil beanies. Talking to my friend in the Keys last night, I was taken aback by how willing he is to see conspiracies. Not only is his former employer attempting to blackball him, but Mitt Romney is part of an evil cabal devoted to taking away all his rights as a gay man. He cites something supposedly said during the Romney boys' appearance on David Letterman (weren't they on with Conan?) as evidence. Huh? It gave me a headache.

I know that my friend's ongoing problem finding a job in his chosen field is depressing him. That's only natural. But this paranoia isn't healthy.

In response I told him that Mitt Romney is a perfectly lovely gentleman with whom we disagree on everything. That does not make him the Grand Wizard of All That Is Evil. And, while we're at it --

• Barack Obama is not a Kenyan-born Muslim working to eradicate Christmas
• George W. Bush did not participate in the 9/11 attacks
• The Clintons did not kill Vince Foster
• LBJ did not plot the murder of JFK
• The Kennedys did not kill Marilyn Monroe

Now, please, leave me alone with this shit. Thank you.

"Pity the Pretty"

That's the blurb on the cover of the Dec. 11 Allure magazine. (I just now got to it, so sue me!). The story talks about how difficult it can be to be pretty -- how, for example, when an attractive woman makes a mistake, it's assumed she's not trying. My first impulse would be a snort, if it wasn't for the experiences my best friend's daughter has had growing up beautiful.

With apologies to a reader named Jennifer who feels I write too much about my friends, my best friend shared with me how confused and ambivalent his daughter was at 12 and 13, when she was freakishly beautiful for a junior high school student. (Really, she did look like a miniature Michelle Pfeiffer.) The attention from older boys was scary. The resentment from other girls was sad. The praise from adults was embarrassing because it felt undeserved. As a result, she became both shy and passionately athletic. After all, when she makes a goal in soccer or reaches the end of the pool first, it's an objective, indisputable achievement -- made without the benefit of her platinum hair and high cheekbones.

It may sound strange to say this, but I am pleased to report that now, at 15, she has hit her awkward phase! In her most recent photos, her forehead is a little too round and her teeth are a little too big. Hurray! In short, she looks like a cute, scrubbed high school sophomore, almost indistinguishable from her girlfriends. Which is precisely what she longs to be.

Just because she looks average today, she still might be a great beauty again. Or perhaps she peaked at 13. One thing I learned from my obsessive Kennedy watching is that it's possible to peak too soon. I give you the example of Caroline and John Kennedy, Jr. She was an adorable little girl who never took a bad picture ... until she hit 10. He was an average little boy who grew up to be The Sexiest Man Alive.

At any rate, my friend's daughter now knows what Caroline Kennedy Schlossberg's life seems to illustrate -- that there are more important things for a woman to be than pretty.