A Job Well Done

It's been about 25 years since I first met my friend Kathy. At that point in my life, I was only incidentally a writer. Mostly I was a party girl. It was the 1980s, after all. Kathy is 10 years my senior and, even though we had the same job, we were at very different points in our lives. She was newly re-entering the workforce, a mom with 2 junior high school aged kids, and in the process of a divorce. We had so little in common during those days that I wonder why we became friends in the first place. But we have gone through a lot of changes together and remain friends to this day.

When Kathy left her husband, she allowed him to be the custodial parent. She loves her children and thought this through carefully. She had been a stay-at-home mom during their early years, cared for them through illnesses, helped them with homework, accompanied them to camp, etc. Her husband, who also loved his children, had been working and missed a lot of their growing up. Her concern was, if he didn't get to know them now, before they got into high school, he would never really know their children the way she did.

So it was Kathy -- not her husband -- who had to be satisfied with nightly phone calls, dinner once a week, and a sleepover every other weekend with her kids. 

I was surprised by how hostile other women, especially other mothers, were to Kathy's decision. "Oh yeah, your friend who dumped her kids." I heard that and similar unsympathetic comments. As a woman who has never been a mother, but who has always been a feminist, these comments confused me. She didn't "dump" her kids at a firestation, she left them with their father. Divorced men whose children don't live with them aren't looked down upon. I didn't see why Kathy faced such insensitivity. I still don't.

Especially because she turned out to be right.

Her relationship with her son and daughter always remained strong. Rocky at times, for sure, but they were never estranged. Even better, the kids became close to their dad. When Jill decided to skip college and get married, or when Kurt stumbled scholastically, Kathy and her ex-husband dealt with these issues together. Not as man and wife, but as a family. 

Recently, Jill was preparing to deliver her fourth child. Jill's husband (the same man she married right after high school graduation all those years ago) was working construction at a site far away from the hospital and wouldn't make a reliable Lamaze partner. Kathy is in sales now and on the road, and therefore not a good candidate for Lamaze partner, either. Jill has become so close to her dad that she impulsively asked him to be on deck to go through delivery with her. He tenderly reminded her how much a Lamaze partner sees and they both had a good laugh about it, and she asked her sister-in-law instead.

Last month, Kathy's ex had emergency heart surgery. At the same time, Kurt's wife was in the hospital, delivering her first baby. Because her ex couldn't drive so soon after surgery, two weeks later Kathy picked him up and brought him to Kurt's house, where they all celebrated the baby's first Thanksgiving together. Kathy and her ex gave thanks for his recovery and their fifth (!) grandchild.

Kathy doesn't feel threatened by how close her kids have been to their dad. She's proud of it. It hasn't all been perfect, nor easy -- for example, Kathy was hurt by her ex's subsequent romance with a woman she considered their friend, and upset with the way the lazy way he's maintained the house they still own jointly. (Now that she's 60 and had been hoping for the proceeds of the house to help pay for her retirement, she's very upset!) But when it comes to their kids, Kathy and her ex have always been supportive and inclusive of one another.  It began with her decision to let the kids live with their father. It helped diffuse the acrimony a husband and wife felt about the break up of their marriage, and helped them focus instead on their roles as parents.

I admire Kathy for making the brave decision. For bucking convention, absorbing the criticism of those who called her "selfish." For putting her children ahead of her own ego. For giving the children -- and now her grandchildren -- the gift of a loving, cohesive family.

It took almost 90 days, but …

THE NEW SOFA IS HERE! Meet "Troy," from Crate and Barrel. As with my recent laptop purchase, I was grumpy about having to spend the cash for Troy. But now that he's here, I'm happy.

Friday's Feast #26

Appetizer
Make up a word and give us its definition.
My word comes courtesy of my 9-year-old nephew. "Hospitician." He explains this is what he's going to be when he grows up. A hospitician is "someone who helps people by working in a hospital." It can be, but doesn't have to be, a doctor. A hospitician can also help people by "reading xrays and looking through a microscope."

Soup
What is currently your favorite song?

"River," a Christmas song written by Joni Mitchell. "I wish I had a river that I could sail away on …"

Salad
What’s at the top of your Christmas wish list this year?
To have a wonderful time watching that aforementioned nephew and his older sister enjoy their gifts. And then to relive each moment of it with my mother -- their doting grandma -- before we go to bed Christmas night.

Main Course
Name a scent that reminds you of someone special in your life.

Licorice throat lozenges ("Throat Discs") remind me of my late grandfather. I miss him.

Dessert
Who is someone on television that you feel probably shouldn’t be, and why?

Tori Spelling. She annoys me.

For more information, or to whip up your own feast, visit www.fridaysfeast.com

Now I can breathe easier

The Mitchell Report is out. Guess who's not on it. Go ahead. Guess. Guess who's Hall of Fame induction will never be in doubt. 

I swear, if either my beloved, Future Hall of Famer Greg Maddux or Ryne Sandberg had been mentioned in that report, I would have been shattered. Completely shattered, bereft, heartbroken … left with just Roy Hobbs to look up to!

THURSDAY THIRTEEN #45 -- Caring for Critters over Christmas

13 WAYS TO KEEP PETS SAFE THIS HOLIDAY SEASON

“The Gal worries.” It’s a phrase coined by my best friend and embraced by many in my life. Because if I’m awake, I’m worrying. And there is no time of year more worrisome than Christmas. I worry about neglected soldiers (Operation Shoebox) … and children who won’t get gifts (The Today Show Toy Drive) … And right now, I’m worried about pets. Your pets, my pets, stray pets. Here’s my attempt to make the holidays safer and a little more merry for the four-legged family members everywhere.

1. When it comes to mistletoe, hang it high. If ingested, mistletoe can not only upset a tummy, it might even cause cardiovascular problems.

2. While poinsettias probably aren’t as deadly as once thought, they’re still not good for dogs and cats. They can still cause nausea and diarrhea – which can be hard on both you and your pets.

3. Turkey leftovers are not for pets. They can tend to be greasier than your dog or cat are used to, which can cause indigestion. And poultry bones splinter too easily to be safe.

4. Keep chocolate off limits! It’s not good for cats and positively dangerous for dogs because it contains theobromine.

5. Candy wrappers aren’t any good, either. Aluminum and cellophane can appear irresistible to curious critters (like my bundle of feline energy, Reynaldo), but if swallowed, they can cause tummy troubles and intestinal blockage.

6. Ditto for tinsel.

7. Make sure your tree is securely anchored. This one comes from my mom. One night, when we were all asleep, our beloved family cat Tommy decided the Christmas tree simply needed to be climbed and he toppled it. That’s when she began running a bit of fishing line between the tree and a small hook in the wall. It’s almost invisible, but it does the trick!

8. Pets and tree stands. Every year, dogs all over the country suffer tummy troubles and occasionally even sores in their mouths from lapping up the water at the base of Christmas trees. It happens to cats now and again, too, so all pet owners should be careful.

9. Watch your pets when company arrives and leaves. Those open doors can be awfully tempting. I know, because Reynaldo is always ready to make a run for it. (Fortunately, I live on the fourth floor and until he can figure out how to use the elevator, there’s really nowhere for him to go. Besides, once out in the hall, he just calls me to join him. He seems to want us to run away from home together.)

10. Keep your pet in a quiet place during holiday parties. A lot of guests can mean a lot of stress for your dog or cat. Plus you can’t be sure that every invitee (especially the young ones) knows how to be gentle with your pet. A quiet bedroom is often the perfect place for your pet to spend a party.

11. Be careful in your garage! If you decide to keep your dog or cat in the garage during a party, make sure that it’s warm enough, and that there aren’t antifreeze spills. Antifreeze is positively deadly.

12. Keep an eye on your garbage, too. Ribbons, leftovers, candy wrappers … your trash can be filled with dangerous – but irresistible – stuff this time of year.

13. Be careful when you start your car. There are lots of sad strays out there, looking for warmth. And there are still plenty of cat owners who refuse to see the wisdom of keeping their cats indoors. So to make 100% sure that you don’t hurt a cat when you start your car, hit the hood or honk the horn before you turn the key.

I've also found that  I worry a little less about homeless pets after I make a contribution to my local animal shelter. If you're looking for a shelter that could use your help, visit www.petfinder.com.

Leave your link in the comments and I'll add you here. (I'm doing browser battle with my new laptop and may not be able to leave a comment on your blog, but I'll do my best to include you here. Thanks for your patience.)

1. Holly's in the Christmas spirit and shares it with her TT

2. Sandee has a funny take on The 12 Days of Christmas

3. Lori has some warm and witty tips for dads

4. Candy Minx revisits the 1980s

5. Chelle lists her favorite carols

6. Nicholas has another of his book TTs, as only Nicholas can write them

7. SJ's TT demonstrates how passionate she is about the holidays

8. Ellen b has devoted her TT to Handel's Messiah

9. No Nonsense Girl has a random, wacky TT

10. Malcolm has a musical TT

11. I just loved Greatfullivin's TT

12. Courtney's TT is a list of 13 miracles

13. WorksforMom's TT is so tacky it's delightful

14. Sandy explains a "strange December phenomenon"

15. Jenny McB takes on holiday/life questions, including ch-ch-ch-chia

16. Bookmama has a lovely TT about memorable gifts

17. Susan Helene Gottfried shows us how ShapeShifter got into the charitable spirit of the season

18. Yummy recommends some fascinating sites

19. Shesawriter has the most gorgeous movie TT!

20. Natalie's TT is enjoyably random

21. Damozel has a critter TT, too

22. Xakara owns up to her geek crushes

23. Joy Is My Goal has perhaps the ultimate Christmas TT

24. The Mocha Mom has a factual TT about herself and her family

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!


The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others' comments. It’s easy, and fun! Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

Thanks to Sparky Duck at Philly Transplant

You Are a Fruitcake!

You taste like nothing else in this world. And get ready, you're about to get tossed!

What Crappy Christmas Gift Are You?

"No religious test shall ever be required …

… as a qualification to any office or public trust under the United States." That's from our Constitution. Pretty nice document, that Constitution. I'm an unabashed fan.

"I accept Jesus Christ as my personal savior." That's what I have said in church. (Emphasis on the "personal.")

With those two statements in mind, I implore all the Presidential candidates to stop invoking Jesus and Christianity! There is no one way to worship Christ. No public figure (not even Tony Perkins or Pat Robertson) has a direct line to Jesus. And, considering that being Christian or even believing in God at all is not a requirement of the Presidency, I don't see how any of this is relevant anyway.

After all, we have a President now who insists that Christ "changed his heart." I am left to wonder what his heart was like before. He has lied to us, looked the other way when his staffers lied to Federal Prosecutors, endorses waterboarding, ignored the devastation of Katrina, underfunds social programs … He seems sure that Jesus won't mind any of that as long as he protects fetuses, stem cells and the sanctity of heterosexual marriage.

The Jesus I pray to and speak with doesn't agree.

So let's leave Jesus out of it. Let's accept Mitt Romney at his word when he says he's a Christian and leave it at that. Because, after all, it really is none of our business, nor a requirement for the office he's seeking. 

And in the spirit of the season, let's give Jesus a break. Let's hold Him in our hearts as our personal savior. Let's not parade Him around, just to pander for votes. Let's show a little more respect for the way others worship Him, and enjoy more privacy in and reverence for what is, without a doubt, the most personal relationship any of us will ever have.

Meet my new baby

Behold my first post composed on my new MacBook. Isn't it adorable? Faster and sleeker than my old iBook, I think I'm in love. Which is not to say that the iBook didn't serve me well over the last 5 years. But it was time to move on.

After the holidays, I have to find a nice, secure way to recycle my old laptop. Suggestions, anyone?

Nailah Franklin Update -- Bail denied

A judge has ruled that the accused killer of Nailah Franklin is enough of a threat that he must stay behind bars until his trial. Surveillance tapes, cell phone records and emails indicate that if he is the murderer, the act was most definitely premeditated. In one chilling email, he threatened to have Ms. Franklin "erased."

He didn't "erase" her, though. This 28-year-old woman lives on in the hearts of her friends and family. Warm and outgoing, involved with the Chicago Urban League, and busy with her career, Nailah Franklin was also a great deal of fun. She's remembered for her style, and how she loved shopping and "everything Oprah."

Give Me 5 Monday -- #3

This week's topic: Give Me Five things about Christmas/Holiday cards: buying them, getting them ready, sending them, receiving them, displaying them, tips for recycling them, getting/sending 'family newsletters', traditions, pictures, etc.

I love getting and giving Christmas cards, so this one will be fun!

1) I try to get my cards mailed over Thanksgiving weekend, and I'm usually successful. The holiday season is so short, and I want to squeeze as much festivity out of it as I can.

2) My cards are always from a charity I support -- usually the American Humane Society. I always have a backup card to send to my Jewish friends that only mentions "holidays," not Christmas.

3) Likewise, I'm very careful about which stamps I use. Most people get the Christian religious stamp. My Jewish friends and those who I know don't believe get the wintery fun stamps. After all, the point of the cards is to connect/reconnect/and celebrate with the people who matter in our lives, not to proselytize.

4) I have more than enough holiday address labels for my cards. In fact, I have more than enough holiday address labels for the rest of my life! It seems every charity sends them to me. I still haven't used up all the ones that feature scarecrows and jack o' lanterns, and now I'm swimming in reindeers and elves!

5) I always put a personal salutation or close in each card, and I never sign in red ink. I learned both of those tidbits of card-sending etiquette from my mom.

For more about Give Me 5 Monday, or to play along yourself, click here.

Manic Monday #5

For the holidays, are you a last-minute shopper or do you shop well ahead of time? Both. I had most of my shopping done well in advance, except for my mom. I still need to pick up one last thing for her. A nice thick moisturizer for her elbows? Or that Richard Avedon coffee table book on the Kennedys? I can't decide.

If you had to pick a new first name for yourself, what name would you choose? Elizabeth, because my name could change with my mood. I could be Liz or Lizzie or Bette or Betty or Lacey or …

What's worse, having expectations that are too high, or having no expectations at all? I don't know how to have no expectations at all, so I can't even imagine what that would feel like.

This is the authentic Manic Monday. Accept no substitutes! For more information or to play along yourself, click here.

Introducing a young "hospitician"

My nephew, a second grader, announced yesterday that he does not wish to be a soldier, a firefighter nor a police officer.* He wants to help people, but not in any way that places him in danger. So he has decided to be a "hospitician."

I had to ask him to elaborate, since, as best as I could tell, he made that word up. To those of us not in the know, a "hospitician" works in a hospital and could be, but is not necessarily, a doctor. My nephew is also willing to help others by "reading xrays and charts and looking through a microscope."

*I'm impressed that he never says "fireman" or "policeman." He very naturally assumes kids of either gender can grow up to hold any job. I'm proud to be a feminist and believe this is just another everyday example of how feminism has made a positive difference. It confuses me that many women within the blogosphere hold feminists in such low regard, and value victories like the one I mention above so cheaply.

Unconscious Mutterings #19

I say ... and you think ... ?

1. Master:: Masters Golf Tournament
   
2. Tour :: Guide
   
3. Input :: Download
   
4. Downtown :: The Loop
   
5. Pricey :: Expensive
   
6. Acceptable :: Decent
   
7. Terrace :: Balcony
   
8. Sunday :: "Driving slow on Sunday morning, and I never want to leave." Maroon 5
   
9. Payoff :: Lottery
   
10. Jack and Jill :: went up the hill …
    

For more information, or to play along yourself, visit Unconscious Mutterings.

Yesterday I met Mr. Stranger Danger

With transit cuts in the Chicagoland area (with more to come in the new year, but that's another post for another time), I had to take a different route to get to the hair salon. I changed buses in a neighborhood I've never been in before. A guy in a junker pulled up behind me, rolled down the window, and called out to me, offering me a ride. Fortunately I was wearing my iPod, so I could stubbornly insist I didn't hear him.

I'm pretty short (5'2) and was wearing a bulky winter coat with a hood, so it's possible that I looked younger than my newly-advanced years. This thought makes me angry. Why was this grown man offering to drive me … somewhere … anywhere? He couldn't possibly know where I was going. This pisses me off. He was taking advantage of the cold, cloudy weather and my assumed naivete.

Merry Christmas.

I wish I'd made a note of his plate.

Nailah Franklin Update -- An arrest

Remember her? I do. This is Nailah Franklin, the local pharmaceutical sales rep who was brutally murdered last September.

Police have formally arrested her former boyfriend. Separated from his wife, the father of a baby with another woman, this man has quite the arrest record for assault. He threatened Ms. Franklin after she ended their relationship. I choose not to include his name here because this story should never be about him.

Except to wonder why Nailah Franklin -- a beautiful 28-year-old with a solid education, a good career, and a legion of loving relatives and friends who remember her as "not a star, but a superstar," and speak of "her spirited and strong personality" -- wasted her time with such a man. That makes me so sad.

May those who loved her find justice, and may she rest in peace.

Friday's Feast #25

Appetizer
What was the last game you purchased? Cars Mater-National. SHHH! I'm giving it to my nephew for Christmas.

Soup
Name something in which you don’t believe. I don't believe there was a second gunman behind the grassy knoll.

Salad
If you could choose a celebrity to be your boss, who would you pick? Jennifer Aniston. She seems nice, and I worry about her, post-Brad.

Main Course
What was a lesson you had to learn the hard way? No one changes unless they want to. You can't want it for them.

Dessert
Describe your idea of the perfect relaxation room. Low lights, subtle fragrance, soft music, and me either soaking in a tub or getting a massage. Yum!

For more information, or to play along yourself, visit fridaysfeast.com.

Tagged!

Alison has tagged me for the "7 Random Things" meme. Here goes:

1) Part of why I enjoy watching Open Court on Court TV is that it gives me the opportunity to check out host Lisa Bloom's makeup. Like me, Lisa (right) has very fair skin, and her shadow/lipstick color choices run from subdued to unconventional.

2) Many Christmas seasons ago, my purse was stolen. Ripped right off my arm my a bike messenger, who pedaled away with it. While I wasn't delighted about the loss of my wallet with my cash and credit cards, I found what I missed most was my glasses. That night, when I took out my contact lenses, I was blind. So now I have a spare pair of glasses at home … just in case.

3) The best movie I've seen this year (so far) is Michael Clayton.

4) I took the RealAge Test, which revealed that while I may be 50 chronoligically, my RealAge is 46.

5) I can never remember my own cellphone number, and frequently have to look it up in my Franklin Planner.

6) I really would prefer not to mingle or chat when I'm at church. I find it a very personal time, just for me and God.

7) I feel naked if I leave home without my watch.

Now I think those are all new little Gal factoids, and I know they were pretty random!

I'm not tagging anyone this time around, but if you'd like to complete this, too, let me know so I can check your answers.

Why this book?

Last night was my last birthday celebration of the year. My best friend was in town, and oh, how I'd missed him. I was also CONSUMED with curiosity about my birthday gift! He began mentioning over the summer that he was wrestling with coming up the perfect present.

So imagine my surprise when I unwrapped this paperback. I've never heard of this book, much less asked for it. So I was surprised to learn that it was on the NY Times bestseller list on the day I was born. Also in the gift bag was a DVD of Bridge Over the River Kwai, the most celebrated the movie of the year I was born. Best of all was a press clipping about the Quarrymen, who played a small club in Liverpool the day after I was born. Fronting the group were an impossibly young (15 and 17, respectively) Paul McCartney and John Lennon.

It was a thoughtful, imaginative gift. My best friend done good.

THURSDAY THIRTEEN #44 -- It's beginning to sound a lot like Christmas

MY 13 FAVORITE

SONGS OF THE SEASON

1. White Christmas. “May your days be merry and bright, and may all your Christmases be white.” A sweet, enduring sentiment, and I especially love the pure, restrained, peerless rendition by Barbra Streisand.

2. Blue Christmas. By Elvis. Of course. Accept no substitutes.

3. I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus. When you hear John Mellencamp do this, you’ll just know that Santa rocks.

4. Santa, Bring My Baby Back to Me. If Santa heard Elvis' plea, he couldn't possibly refuse.

5. Merry Christmas, Baby. When the Boss sings this, I have very vivid fantasies about mistletoe and all its possibilities.

6. Sleigh Ride. I love Andy Williams’ "ring-a-ling" version. Maybe it’s cheesy. I don’t know, as I can’t be objective when it comes to Andy and Christmas. I so loved his Christmas specials when I was a kid!

7. The Christmas Song. “Chestnuts roasting on an open fire …” You know, I’ve never seen, heard or smelled chestnuts roasting on an open fire. And yet, this is one of the most powerfully evocative holiday songs. Go figure.

8. Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas. It’s always lovely, but no one does it like the lady who introduced it – Judy Garland.

9. River. “I’m so hard to handle. I’m selfish and I’m sad …” The holidays can be an emotional roller coaster for me, and this wistful Joni Mitchell song completely captures that spirit of the season. James Taylor did an exceptional rendition of this recently.

10. Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. But only by Dean Martin. Dino gets goofy and begins referring to “Rudy, the red-beaked reindeer.” Cracks me up every time.

And beyond Santa and Rudolph and snow, Christmas is about the birth of Christ the Savior. I love welcoming Christmas Day by singing these carols at the midnight service.

11. It Came Upon a Midnight Clear.


12. The First Noel.


13. Silent Night.


Include your link in the comments and I'll list you here
1. Samantha K shares what popped into her head this afternoon
2. Damozel shows us how to increase our blog traffic
3. Lori lists 13 of life's toughest lessons
4. Sandy Carlson is a biblical one about fear
5. Sandee highlights 13 very funny people
6. Shesawriter lists 13 men who are guaranteed to get your pulse racing
7. Chelle Y. loves holiday TV specials
8. Nicholas' TT is a literary one, this time highlighting the ladies
9. Greatfullivin takes a closer look at George and Mary Bailey
10. Mocha Mom tells us a little more about Mocha Mom
11. Malcolm's TT is a birthday tribute to Little Richard
12. Lori's TT is very wise and insightful
13. Jenny McB's TT is yummy
14. Works for Mom has some genuinely "unique" holiday gifts
15. No Nonsense Girl shares what's on her mind
16. Secret Agent Mama has an astrological TT
17. Candy shares 13 inspirational quotes
18. Fresh Girl has a warm, funny list
19. Natalie shows us why she's a Calvin & Hobbs fan
20. Adelle's TT also celebrates the season
21. Denise's TT is about St. Nick
22. Carrie Lofty tackles 13 questions
23. Mo and I are tracking with our lists!
24.




Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!


The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others' comments. It’s easy, and fun! Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

View More Thursday Thirteen Participants



Why you should always check for shoes

Yesterday I stopped at the ladies' room en route to our status meeting. Even though I was behind closed doors, I knew who had entered the next stall. One of my coworkers -- I'll call her "Brittany" -- is a bit of a germophobe and she always takes the tissue paper toilet seat covers from the wall dispenser with great flourish. She also only had a moment, since she was due in the same meeting I was. She concluded her affairs before I did and was headed out the door. Before she made it, her boss -- I'll call her "The Terminator" -- entered.

The Terminator and I have a complicated relationship. I hate her, and for some reason she refuses to accept this. She is a Vice President, a woman with good ideas, and the worst people skills ever. Rather than say that she doesn't know or needs to check on something (thereby fearing she'll lose our respect), she shoots from hip. Because of her stature, we act on her edicts. Since she's often wrong, we frequently end up doing double work. But that's OK -- she'll haughtily deny the direction she gave by saying, "Did I not make myself clear?" Because she knows I can't stand her, she spends more time on my efforts, giving me pointless direction I don't need in a fruitless attempt to "bring me to heel." Other times she tries to chat me up and compliments me excessively when I don't deserve it. I've known me for a long time and trust me, these are not the ways to win me over.

Sometimes I feel sorry for the old Terminator. She clearly feels she's in over her head and is terrified we'll find out. The thing of it is, she is smart. She is qualified to do this job. If she just wasn't so unutterably pushy and brittle, I might actually enjoy working with her. As it is, knowing that she actually cares what lowly little me thinks of her imbues me with a bratty, childish sense of power.

Anyway, Terminator intercepted Brittany and asked what she was doing for the first night of Hanukkah. Brittany was having people over but bemoaned the color of her candles. Since I didn't feel like dealing with them, and because I didn't think this conversation could last long, I stayed … put.

The Terminator took the opportunity to complain about how "obnoxious" Christmas is. How if she sees any more "red and green" she'll "puke." Her Kindergarten-aged daughter only gets to celebrate Christmas at her father's house, and the Terminator is sick of hearing her cry because the little girl doesn't understand why she can't have Christmas lights in her bedroom window at home. Then the Terminator started on "them." Why can't "they" devote more space in stores to Hanukkah? Why do "they" have to do so much for "their" holiday? Again, she said, "Christmas is obnoxious."

By now I was afraid I'd be late for the meeting -- and that I'd have a red ring forever imprinted on my ass -- so I stood up, zipped up and emerged from the stall. The Terminator and Brittany looked soooo embarrassed! They couldn't even make eye contact with me. Because I'm perverse, I wanted to put a hand on each of their shoulders and say, "That's OK. I forgive you both for killing my Lord."

Yes, I was offended by the Terminator. Not because she was Christmas-bashing. Yes, as a Christian it made me uncomfortable. But my faith is not so fragile that the Terminator's disdain for the non-religious traditions of Christmas can rattle me. Plus I have compassion for how hard it must be to try to raise her daughter in a Jewish household when her exhusband tempts the poor wee one with Christmas.

It's just that what she did was SO STUPID!

I could have been a client visiting the agency. Because she's a VP and in a position of power, I could have taken her to Human Resources and complained that she was creating a hostile workplace. It's scares me that a dumb bunny like the Terminator actually has power in this agency, yet not the sense to check for shoes before she starts bashing another religion.

Plus, let's face it, folks: We're in marketing, and we know that stores stock items based on supply and demand. If she wants to go to stores that don't have a lot of Christmas decorations, she needs to shop in a predominantly Jewish neighborhood. She understands demographics, she knows this.

It makes me happy that it was me that heard her. She knows I hold her in only the mildest esteem to begin with, and that this won't help. Tee hee. Tee hee.

My office was already decorated for Christmas, with a stocking hung on the bulletin board, Santa and snowmen in the window, and big bows on the file cabinet. But now that I know how much my obnoxious holiday bothers her, I think I have to go out and get a nativity scene to display. Would a life-size one be over the top? What about real animals? Too much, you think?

And now, if you'll excuse me, I have to start playing Christmas Carols. Tee hee. Tee hee.

Heads & Tails #12

Today's theme is the Number 3. I'm taking this opportunity to celebrate three of the best cats ever -- mine.

Joey is my ginormous gray and white tom. He really is huge, once actually frightening the cable guy. Poor Joe was turned in to the animal shelter at Christmastime, 1999, because his original family could no longer afford to care for him. Joey loves hearing his name, he loves having his neck scratched, he loves roughhousing with the other cats, he loves powernapping … Joey loves life.

Charlotte Anne is my tiny, tailless diva. She hates Joey. Only she knows why. Every day he tries to play with her, and every day she rebuffs him. This has been going on since she arrived in 2001. She joined us after a fire at the animal shelter -- unfortunately most of her background info was lost. Miss Thing is a picky eater who always has room for Friskies Tender Treats. She is also picky about her litterbox, and has been known to punish a particular spot on the hall carpet if things aren't to her specifications. She is a big help to me when I put my makeup on in the morning, sitting on the toilet seat, chatting with me and sharing her opinions.

Reynaldo is a skinny, beige streak of adrenaline. He was turned in to the shelter as a stray kitten in Fall 2004. I keep waiting for him to calm down and leave his mischievous kitten days behind. The long wait continues. For all his faults, he is very affectionate with me, submissive with HRH Charlotte, and the perfect rough-and-tumble playmate for Joe.

These three are a perfect example of why you should "make adoption for first option." Shelter animals make unique and completely adorable companions!

For more about Heads/Tails, or to play along yourself, visit Skittles' Place.

Manic Monday #4

What's the longest you've ever waited in line?
Well, on Saturday I waited more than 40 minutes, with wet feet, in the freezing rain, for an el train that never arrived. Since it happened so recently, it's very top of mind. Does that count?

It's been said that, "The best things in life are free." Do you think this is true? Why or why not?
Yes, I think it's true. And as an example, I'll use shelter pets. While technically not "free," they are certainly way, way less expensive than their bred counterparts. Yet they are just as loving, loyal, and adorable.

If you could go back in time and re-live one day in your life, which day would you choose and why?
I have two very different answers to this one. The first one is the day I broke up with the guy who, looking back, was the love of my life. I said something really mean to him. I'm not even sure I meant it. I just wanted to hurt him -- and I did. It's one of the few things I really regret. The other was a summer afternoon in the 1970s I spent talking with my grandpa. He explained the importance of the Hearst family to me (Patty's kidnapping saga was going on at the time). It was a beautiful day, it was just the two of us, and he was speaking to me like a grownup. I always knew he loved me extravagantly, but usually we talked about me. Or he made silly jokes. On this day, I learned he had a smart, serious side, too. We lost him shortly after that, which is why I treasure the memory so. I wish I had more time with him.

For more information about Manic Monday, or to participate yourself, click here.

Stolen from Kwizgiver …

… as all the best memes are.

EITHER/OR

1.Get kissed under the mistletoe or in the snow? Both :)
2. Santa or Rudolph? Rudolph … and Clarice
3. Stocking or presents? Presents
4. Egg nog or hot cider? Cider
5. Angel or star? Angel
6. Decorating the tree, or putting lights on the outside? This year, neither. But under perfect circumstances, the tree.
7. Warm cozy fires or sleigh rides? Fire
8. Family time or friend time? Some friends I consider family. (Kwizgiver's original answer; I love it.)
9. Expensive presents or presents that come from the heart? Is it wrong to want expensive gifts that come from the heart?
10. Snow ball fight or snowman? Snowman.
11.Coal or present? Presents.
12. Open presents quick or slow? Slow.
13. Diamonds or rubies? Not interested in either.
14. Caroling or Christmas movies? Movies.
15. Snowy days or ice days? Snowy.
16. Red or Green? Green.

QUESTIONS

1. Best Christmas present received? Blaze, a talking rocking horse
2. What’s the number one thing you want for Christmas? Lovely Body Lotion by Sarah Jessica Parker
3. If you were going out with someone, what would you want them to give/get you? Something personal and sweet
4. Have you ever been kissed under mistletoe? Yes, but not well
5. Age you stopped believing in Santa Claus? 10
7. Do you wake your parents? Yes, but not before 7:00 AM

Ah. spa!

Yesterday was almost totally a great day! A friend of mine celebrated my 50th by booking two spa treatments for my old, tired bones. First I had the most fabulous hydrotherapy treatment … citrusy steam, scrub and shower for all-over moisturizing. Then we broke for lunch, followed by the most delicious Swedish massage -- important for my poor, tragic, over-moused/over-clicked shoulder. It was wonderful! Pampering, food, and conversation combined left me feeling very zen.

Which was a good thing, because while I was being pampered and fed, an ice storm was taking place outside. The roads and rails were all screwed up. It took me 45 (so uneventful I don't even recall them) minutes to get downtown and 2 1/2 (my feet were soaked and it was so cold on the platform) hours to get home.

My mantra all the way was: "Ah, spa! Ah, spa!"

Unconscious Mutterings #19

I say ... and you think ... ?

1. Music :: iPod
   
2. Insanity :: Lunacy
   
3. Curtain :: Shower
   
4. Nickname :: "Mouse," a nickname my dad gave me when I was very young
   
5. Container :: The Container Store
   
6. Roast :: Pork
   
7. Thong :: Ouch
   
8. Purple :: sweater set
   
9. Holidays :: They're upon us
   
10. Christmas tree :: Maybe this year … but maybe not. My cat Reynaldo still has his destructive moments, and I wonder if trying a tree this year isn't just buying trouble.
    

For more information, or to mutter yourself, visit Unconscious Mutterings.

My tummy hurts

Yesterday I had the most terrific dinner ever! We went to Moto, where the food is delicious, creative and fascinating. Our ten-course meal began with an edible menu, personalized in honor of my birthday, included a Greek salad puree served cold and in a shot glass, bbq pork and baked beans (the beans were cooked, frozen in liquid nitrogen, and converted to thin, spaghetti-like strips that melted in my mouth), and a truffle that tasted like -- and, once in my mouth, had the consistency of -- cotton candy. It was all amazing!

But this morning I woke up with the ickiest gastrointestinal malady. DON'T BLAME MOTO! I know exactly what set this off. Yesterday, at lunch in the cafeteria, I tried the fish. As I was placing it in my "to go" container, I actually asked myself if fish from a buffet is ever a good idea. I should have answered "no." OH! How I wished I'd answered "no."

Friday's Feast #24

Appetizer

What is your favorite carnival/amusement park ride? Roller coaster or Tilt-a-Whirl (depends on which one has the shortest line)

Soup
How do you react in uncomfortable social situations? Depends. I either try to dive in and make it better by changing the subject, or I withdraw

Salad
On a scale of 1-10 with 10 being highest, how much do you enjoy discussing deep, philosophical topics? Again, it depends. If the person I'm talking with is interested in exchanging ideas, I'd say 11! If the person is devoted to changing my mind, then a 2. I like learning, not being lobbied.

Main Course
Did you get a flu shot this year? If not, do you plan to? No and no. I'm allergic to thimerisol, which is a preservative used in the shots.

Dessert
Approximately how many hours per week do you spend watching television? A GAZILLION! I'm a news junkie! I have MSNBC or CNN on most of the time. What if something happens and I miss it?

For more information, or to serve your own feast, visit Friday's Feast.

THURSDAY THIRTEEN #43 -- About a Blog …

13 FACTS ABOUT THIS VERY BLOG

I’m hooked on stats! The ones that follow are from Statcounter, Technorati and Blogger. I realize that keeping up with these stats is the geeky, silly, self-obsessed blogger equivalent of Googling oneself, but I can’t help it.

1. My Technorati “authority rank” (the number of blogs that link back to this one) is an even 80.

2. 23% of my visitors are from outside the United States.

3. Most international visitors come to my humble posts from Canada, but I have had five hits from the United Arab Emirates.

4. The visitor who found me over the greatest distance was from Queensland, Australia. Alas, that blogger never returned. (I’m sorry for whatever it is I did or said that offended you! Please come back!)

5. Domestically, I’ve had hits from all 50 states, but I am not exactly hitsville in Delaware. Only one blogger from Delaware has stopped by, and that person left immediately. (After only 1 second.)

6. The keyword used most often (14 times) to find this blog is “Nailah Franklin.” Ms. Franklin is the local woman whose death this past autumn touched me so. I have posted about her 3 times to date.

7. Thursday Thirteens bring me a lot of interaction. The post that earned the most comments (46) was my recent TT on “Tearjerkers.”

8. The oldest post that still attracts folks is my Thursday Thirteen from back in July – “13 women I want to hang with in Heaven.”

9. According to my own labels, I love memes and … BASEBALL!

10. Of my 90+ baseball posts, more than half have highlighted my beloved, future Hall of Famer (and now Padre), Greg Maddux. This surprised me. I thought I was more purely Cub-obsessed.

11. The famous person who has received the next most mentions is Paul McCartney. This does not surprise me. I’ve been in love with him since I was 6 years old.

12. Those little Adsense ads have earned me a princely $10.83 to date. I’m cashing out my 401(k)!

13. And now, in a public display of gratitude, I want to thank the following bloggers for honoring me with awards:

• “Be the Blog” and “The Friend Award” from Misty Blue
• “You Make the Smile Award” from Lori
• “Blogging Star,” “Sweet Treat” and “Community Blogger” awards from Alison
• “Nice Matters” and “Sweet as a Candied Apple” Award from Kwizgiver
• “Smile Award” from Tina
• “Thoughtful Blogger Award” from Mo
• “Rockin’ Girl Blogger” from Gabriella Hewitt

Just because I don’t display these awards all the time doesn’t mean that I don’t catalog, appreciate and remember them. When I began this silly thing, it was merely an online journal. How nice to enjoy back-and-forth with readers! I’m a very lucky blogger.

Links to other Thursday Thirteens.

1. This week, Holly blogs about a subject she's the undisputed expert on
2. Sandee has a not very typical Christmas-themed TT
3. Chelle Y shares her son's Christmas wish list
4. Let Ellen b (and her grandpa) make you smile
5. SJ highlights some unsportsmanlike comments she's received from Ron Paul supporters
6. Nicholas shares highlights of his DVD collection
7. Susie J helps out by sharing 13 great places to hide gifts
8. Works for Mom takes on those dopey holiday letters (it needs to be said!)
9. Lori lists 13 of her favorite movies
10. Malcolm has a cool TT about TV stars and their nationalities
11. Yellow Rose has a very random TT
12. Denise spotlights a little known (at least to this Gal) historical woman ruler
13. Greatfullivin encourages us to laugh
14. Secret Agent Mama gives close examination to peanut butter sandwiches
15. Wylie Kinson competes with People for the best list of the Sexiest Men Alive
16. No Nonsense Girl has a wise and enriching TT
17. Deb puts us in the Christmas spirit with her favorite carols
18. Cordia Amant has a book TT, and I love book TTs
19. Fresh Girl has a musical TT, too
20. Harlekwin -- who did the kitty banner you see above -- takes on the holiday blues
21. She's revealed herself! Grace is my visitor from the United Arab Emerites! And her TT is suggestions of what to do when your lifeline -- I mean, your ISP -- is down.
22. Beth lists the first 13 TTs she visited. This one's not listed, so go there looking for new links to click.
23. Candy's TT is really a love note to her hubby
24. Robin (from Israel!) has a TT about Hannukah
25. LA Day takes us shopping
26. Joy Is My Goal captures the spirit of the season with nativities
27. Carrie Lofty has a musical TT
28. Mom Huebert enjoys 13 simple pleasures
29. I am the diva shares the google searches that brought her readers



Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others' comments. It’s easy, and fun! Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!
View More Thursday Thirteen Participants



Heads & Tails #11

This week, the theme is MARK. Ms. Skittles inspired me with a priceless videoclip of Mark Lindsay from Paul Revere and the Raiders, a popular pop band of the late 1960s.

Since that period was important to my youth, I'm highlighting a couple of other Marks from the era:

• Mark Slate was a Brit -- veddy important in 1964 -- and right-hand man to April Dancer, The Girl from U.N.C.L.E. (He was played on the show by Noel Harrison, son of Rex.)

• Mark Lenard was an actor whose name you may not recognize, but whose characters you do. I knew him best as Aaron Stemple, the millowner on Here Come the Brides (1968 and 1969). He was also Spock's father on Star Trek and had a recurring role on Mission: Impossible.

For more information about Heads or Tails, or to play along yourself, visit Skittles' Place.

Point. Click. Give.

The Today Show makes giving to less fortunate kids sooooo easy! With their toy drive, all you have to do is select a gift from their Amazon.com Wish List (I purchased a Rubik's Cube for just $9.99) and it will automatically be sent to the charity. You don't have to wonder what to buy, you don't have to bother wrapping it, you can even do it while wearing your jammies and slippers! Consider brightening a kid's Christmas. Go to the Today Show's website for details.

To paraphrase Gene Kelly, "Gotta Meme!"

Here's today's Manic Monday meme. My boss is reviewing my work from last week, and I'm hoping that a fresh Monday meme will distract me from being nervous.

Which personality trait has gotten you into the most trouble? I can be very insensitive. Like my mom, I blurt. We both say things that we believe are self evident, and later find out they aren't. For example: I once asked a lover, who was about 5'5", if it bothered him that he wasn't tall. He looked completely stricken. I was so sorry.

If you had to gain 10 pounds what would you eat to gain the weight? Burgers. Or pizza. Or perhaps I'd combine them and have a pizza with a ground beef topping.

How is your private self different from your public self? Because I'm pretty deft with words, people think I'm confident. No, I'm just clever. There's a difference. I'm as (or perhaps more) wracked with self doubt as the next gal. Especially about my looks.

For more information, or to join the mania yourself, visit Manic Monday.

If I had to choose today …

… my candidate would be John Edwards. It isn't that I don't care about Iran, Iraq and Korea, because I do. But the other Democratic candidates have allowed foreign affairs to suck all the oxygen out of the debate. Oh, every once in a while we hear about health care and immigration reform, but mostly it's Iraq, Iraq, Iraq.

John Edwards keeps revisiting his "two Americas" theme and reminding us of our responsibility to one another. I especially like his idea about encouraging grocery stores to do business in low-income areas. I recently saw a story on our local PBS station about inner city kids and obesity. There are neighborhoods in Chicago that don't have real grocery stores, just convenience stores with aisle after aisle of chips and prepackaged cupcakes and refrigerator cases filled with frozen pizza. What produce they carry is very expensive and not exactly as fresh as it might be.

Edwards is doing what I believe a statesman should do -- he's using the system to amplify the voices of those we don't always hear.

Of course, when I look at the Democratic field, I am pleased and proud. Our side looks like America -- with a woman, a Black and a Hispanic all still viable candidates. No matter which one my Party nominates, I will be comfortable with my choice next November.

I hate it when this happens

My depression ebbs and flows. When I'm sad, it's a strong emotion, leaving me feeling like this lighthouse: isolated, irrelevant, and with few resources to help me stand up to the powerful forces of nature. Then it passes, and I feel like slapping myself. "What's with the self pity, Gal? This is, after all, YOUR life! If you don't like it, change it!" Of course, that healthy helping self loathing doesn't necessarily help, either.

Today I did do something productive, which gave me some respite from the "pushmi-pullu/I'm so blue-stop whining" whiplash. I took 4 pullovers, 2 purses, a blanket and a dozen plastic hangars over to the Goodwill store. It was not only a good deed, it freed up a little room in my armoire. Now I'm going to FINALLY hem those black slacks.

In addition to distracting myself from my whiny, slothful existence, I should also try some more positive self talk. This is not real, it's hormones. My life is fine. I have a job I'm good at, my finances are in decent shape, I still have my mom, my incredibly adorable cats are healthy, I've got a lot of diverse friends in my life … and my period is almost over.

Now where's that needle and thread?

Brazenly stolen from Kwizgiver

My mood has swung and I'm feeling bleak right now. Knowing it's just perimenospausal hormones screwing with my head doesn't make it hurt any less. "Nobody loves me, everybody hates me. Guess I'll go eat worms." Or perhaps I'll distract myself with this meme, which I found at Kwizgiver's place.

Completely, Ridiculously Random

What is the single largest item in your house? Bed
How well can you write your name with your non dominant hand? Not well at all
What color is your bedroom? Blue
What type of computer mouse do you use? None -- touchpad
What is your earliest memory? Leaning on the ottoman, looking out the window at "the old house" (I was about 3)
Have you ever jumped off of a high dive? No
Do you take vitamins? Yes
Do you like to color inside the lines? At times
What do you have set as your home page? AOL
Do you have your own radio? In the shower
Where would you hate to have to work? Food service
Who is on your speed dial? At home: nobody. On my cell: voicemail, cab company, work, my best friend, my theater buddy, work and the vet
Do you prefer lightbulbs or candles? Bulbs
How much money did you spend today? Less than $50
What are you sitting on right now? Sofa
Do you look at yourself when you pass by reflective surfaces? Yes
Would you ever get plastic surgery? No
Did you play with shaving cream when you were a kid? No
How big is your bed? No
Do you like the smell of axe? I don't know
What is your favorite flavor of lifesavers? The white mint. Is that spearmint, wintermint or peppermint? I'm confused.
Have you ever seen a volcano? Yes, but it wasn't currently active.
What is the best halloween costume you have ever worn? Harpo Marx
What kind of soap do you use? Tiramisu liquid soap
Can you snowboard? No
How many icons do you have on your desktop? Three
What is the biggest amount of money you have ever had at one time? $200
Do you understand how telephones work? Can I dial it? Yes. Do I understand the inner workings, or the satellite towers, etc.? No.
Do you write notes on your body? No
What is the prominent color in your closet? Blue
What is sitting next to you right now? My cat, Charlotte Anne
Do you believe in lots of conspiracies? No
Do you own any really old video game systems? No
Are you good at baking? No
Have you ever made your own clothing? No
How many doors does your house have? 1 (it's a condo)
Do you prefer tootsie pops or blow pops? Tootsie
Do you sneak into movie theatres? No
Are you a really fast text messager? No
Do you have anything you keep on you 24/7? Light in the dining room
Do you usually write in print or in cursive? Depends
What was your first job? Babysitting
Do you prefer crushed ice or cubed? Cubes
What print is on your plates or cups in your kitchen? Solid blue stoneware
Have you ever made a mixed cd for someone? Yes
What do you want to buy from an infomercial? the nifty "green" bags that keep produce forever
Do you believe that animals have souls? Yes
What word/phrase do you find really annoying? "Walk the walk"
Do you have a lava lamp or a black light? No
Do you find yourself not having enough electrical outlets? No
What is the longest you can wait patiently? With iPod -- forever; without iPod -- 10 minutes
Have you ever been under anesthesia? Yes
Are your fingernails long or short? Short
Are you afraid of bright colors? No
Has anyone ever accused you of being gay? Yes
Can you tell people honest things to their face? Yes
Would you rather eat grits or oatmeal? Oatmeal
Do you own a kite? No
Have you ever run down and up escalator or vice versa? No
What do you think of clothing for pets? Depends on how the pet is reacting. Sometimes dogs look miserable or embarrassed, and I hate that.
Do you tend to want things you cannot have? Yes, yes, yes
Is it true that you can be anything you want to be? No.
Were your parents honest to you about serious things when you were little? As well as they understood the issues at hand.
Would you ever dye your hair purple? It was called eggplant when I did it, and hey, it was the 1980s
Who do you think should play you in a movie? Carrie Fisher
Would you ever kill someone? I can't imagine a situation where I would
Do you prefer stripes or polka dots? Dots. Stripes make my ass look soooo big.
Do you dot your is and cross your ts? Yes.
Are you double jointed in any way? Just my index fingers
What kind of super power do you wish you had? Flying
Are you easily offended? Today, yes!
How often do you watch the news? Constantly
Do you have nightmares very much? No
Which power ranger was your favorite? Don't remember any of them
Did the movie Jaws ever scare you? No
Have you ever cried to get away with something? No
What do you think of feminists? Well, I am one, so I can't be objective
Are you friends with anyone famous? No
Do you lack common sense sometimes? Yes
Are you afraid of snakes? No
Do you use recycle bins at your house? Yes
How hot do you like the water in your shower? Closer to hot than warm
Do you ever walk around your house naked? All the time
What is your favorite art form? Words
Do you want to be bilingual? No
Is energy wasted on little kids? No
Do you lie to make people feel better? Yes
How many times a day do you look at the clock? Lots
Do you like to organize things? No
Are you going to have smile lines or frown lines when youre older? WHEN I'm older? Baby, I'm there. Mostly it's wrinkles around my eyes.
Do you floss your teeth every day? Yes
Do you like the game red rover? No
Which is better, thick crust or thin? Yes
How good are you at keeping secrets? No
What stupid little thing really stresses you out? Being waited on by that sullen, rude bitch Vicki who works at the local post office
Can you remember what you wore yesterday? Yes, jeans and a gold/green/brown sweater
Which Disney parks have you been to? World and Land
What do you think the drinking age should be? 18
Do you like to wear socks? Sure
What is the last cartoon you watched? I truly can't recall
What does your bed comforter look like? I have a nice, blue floral bedspread instead

Well, that certainly was completely, ridiculously, random, wasn't it? If you do it, let me know so I can check out your answers.

Why, you'd think I was a Cub fan or something!

Birthday gift tally:

Cub-related presents lead the way. I've received a Cubs glow-in-the-dark pen (selected by my second-grade nephew and paid for with his own money), a Santa-is-a-Cub-fan (of course he is!) ornament from my Mom, and a book about Cub fandom from my friend "John," who knows nothing about baseball except that it's healthy young men looking fine in tight pants.

Paul McCartney is a close second: I guess that's because it's hard to tell which I've loved longer -- my romantic troubadour or my heroes in blue. So far I've received a Beatle book from my oldest friend and a set of McCartney (solo) concert DVDs, also from "John."

Non-themed gifts include Robert the demonic doll, an afghan, various skin lotions, a book about evading zombies, the roses from my niece and nephew in California, and a gold and black watch (also from my mom).

I believe I still have two gifts left out there somewhere … unless I'm a greedy, presumptuous gal who should just be satisfied with birthday booty already received.