Thursday Thirteen #396

Questions I'd ask my cats. My friend Elaine is fascinated by this video and shared it with me. It got me thinking about the furry friends I share my home with. If there was no language barrier between us, what would I ask my cats?

1. What do you dream about? I can tell sometimes when they're cat napping that they are dreaming. I wonder what visions play in their heads.

2. Am I your mommy? Elaine and I discuss this often. She maintains her cats think of her as their mother. I maintain my cats know I'm not a cat and therefore can't be their mother. Who is right?

3. Where do you think I go? When I exit through the front door, what do they think happens to me? I know they can't perceive of things like yoga class or a job. So do they think I'm chasing birds and climbing trees? 

4. Do you miss outside? I never, ever let my cats out. Not under any circumstances. My oldest friend thinks it's fine for her cats to wander around a fenced yard. I'm very inflexible on this. She's simply wrong. A cat can get spooked by a bug bite or distracted by a rabbit and suddenly find a way over (or through a hole in) that fence. Similarly neighboring stray cats (or worse, a coyote) can find a way over (or through a hole in) that fence. Anyway, I wonder if my cats miss grass and leaves.

5. Do you get bored? I put a lot of effort into mixing up their food so they don't get chicken or salmon too many days in a row. Do they care? Or would a 365/always-the-same diet suit them just fine?

6. Why can't your food bowl stay in one spot? We go through it almost daily: I put Constance MacKenzie's food down in the kitchen and she eats most of it. Then she leads me into the hall, beckoning me to bring her bowl so she can finish it there. This is obviously important and quite logical to her. Why?

7. Why do you love sleeping on paper? Next to boxes, my cats love paper best. I get the box thing. Small spaces make cats feel secure and in control of their environment. But why is napping on an 8 1/2 x 11 sheet so satisfying?

8. What's with the left side of my body? Roy Hobbs always curls up to cuddle on my left side. Even if he has to pretzel himself to squeeze in while my right side remains open.

9. Why can't I cut your nails? Connie becomes The Amazing Cat with No Spine when I try to clip her nails. She'll flop from side to side like a fish on the floor of a boat. I don't understand this. She lets me touch her feet. She lets me look at her nails. But at the sight of the clippers she becomes passionately uncooperative.

10. Do you remember Reynaldo? Connie loved the skinny beige demon cat. They slept together entwined like a fur yin yang symbol. After he died, she was desolate, walking around the apartment calling to him. She plays with and grooms Roy Hobbs, but she's not in his physical space the way she was in Rey's. Does she miss him?

11. When you purr, is it sincere? Sometimes I think Connie purrs less out of affection or happiness and more in an attempt to charm me into giving her a treat. She can be awful cute and it often works.

12. What do you remember from your old life? I know Roy Hobbs was badly abused. Certain deep, male voices terrify him. Is that a sense memory? Or does he actually recall what he endured?

13. What could I do better? There are things that would be non-negotiable, even if requested. For example, I would never banish trips to the vet or provide an unlimited stream of treats. But I am committed to their happiness and comfort, and if Connie or Roy Hobbs have legit beefs I would be happy to mend my ways.

That's Mrs. MacKenzie on the left, Roy Hobbs on the right.

Oh, the conversations we would have!

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