1. What do you think is the greatest television show of all time? My opinion on this changes, but right now I'll go with The Dick Van Dyke Show. The writing has stayed remarkably fresh -- it seldom seems sexist and it never devolves into racial stereotypes. Every episode is a mix of sophisticated and physical comedy. Dick Van Dyke is so good it's ridiculous, and I like Laura Petrie better than Mary Richards. It's rerun every night on the Decades cable channel.
|I'm in good company; it was Orson Welles' favorite show, too.|
2. Would you rather win a Nobel Prize or an Academy Award? An Oscar. I shall invoke a great actor and raconteur, Richard Burton, who reportedly said everyone wants an Academy Award because then they'll know how their obituary will begin. (He never won one.)
3. What one food would you banish from this earth if you could? I wouldn't. If I dislike a food, I think that's on me, not the food. However, if I could, I'd decree that raw tomatoes never again appear in my salads or on my sandwiches.
4. What’s the scariest story you’ve ever heard? Not the morning to ask me this. I woke up in a city recovering from a riot and a country battling not only a virus but crazy citizens who aren't even embarrassed when they refer to wearing a mask to protect their neighbors as "oppression."
5. Who is the most famous person you have ever met? Here's the story of the night I met Bruce Springsteen.
6. What’s something you’ve done that most people wouldn’t know or guess about you? I rode an elephant.
7. You’re strapped in a rocket ship about to go to the moon. Are you thrilled? Or terrified? Beyond terrified.
8. What is the correct way for toilet paper to sit on the roll? There is only one answer to this question.
|It's stupid how much I care about this.|
9. Talk about a mistake you made, or something you regret. I stayed too long in a bad relationship.
10. What would be the best gift I could give you? A thing: A Target gift card. I feel like I'm there all the time. An intangible: Serenity.
11. What makes you feel better when you’re sad or stressed? When I look at my cats curled up like fur shrimp.
12. What is the most romantic movie you’ve ever seen? So many to choose from! This morning, I'll go with It's a Wonderful Life. That scene when George and Mary are on the phone ... I cannot wait for that first kiss! Sigh.
13. What is the worst date you’ve ever been on? I've had my share of bad dates, but no single "worst" springs to mind.
14. What is the glue that keeps couples together? Loyalty. I think you have to decide to stay.
15. What was your first crush. Our next door neighbor's son, Billy. His black hair literally glistened in the sun. He was in his 20s, I was in Kindergarten. I used to soap his hubcaps as he washed his car in the driveway and he said I was such a good helper, he wanted to marry me. I was really pissed that he not only wasn't waiting for me, but, since my family was invited to the wedding, I had to watch him marry HER. (Her name was Sandy and she used a lot of hairspray.) He had an undiagnosed heart problem and died suddenly just a few years later.
16. When did your parents talk to you about the birds and the bees? Kindergarten. I was in the bathtub when my mom explained it to me.
17. What is your greatest achievement? I've been there for those who need me.
18. Were you close to your parents growing up? My mom, yeah. My dad, not so much.
19. What was the most life-changing event you’ve ever experienced? The 2016 World Series. I know that sounds superficial, but I love baseball. And I come from a family of Cub fans. I felt so connected to those who went before me, privileged to see something my dad, my uncle and my grandparents never did.
|The final out: It's in Rizz' glove!|
20. Have you ever had a falling out with a friend? What happened? Yes. It still hurts. Here's the story, if you want to read it. I just don't feel like rehashing it today.