Friday, September 02, 2011
I can't do this right now
I can't worry about my oldest friend, her kids and the tumult that is her life. When I last heard from her -- on Wednesday -- her son was having "a tantrum like a 2 year old" because neither of his parents can foot the bill for his $25,000+ college education. He was banging the walls again, which left her with a broken light switch in the bathroom. Her fault, he maintains, because she didn't heed his warning when he told her to "not fucking talk to him."
I called yesterday.
I called twice today. And I'm back to hearing nothing but crickets.
I know she picks up the phone, sees it's me, and puts it down. I hate that. She knows I hate it. I've told her. Since it isn't her goal to punish me, I know it's that she's overwhelmed by the mess that is her life since she moved to the Hills of Beverly. And I know it must be especially heart breaking because this move was supposed to solve all her problems.
I love her and I'm genuinely sorry this is all happening to her.
But my feelings matter, too. She knows how terrified I am. That's why she gave way to that generous impulse to drop everything and fly out here to be with me. And I can't spend any more time or effort reaching out to her. It's exhausting me when I can least afford to be exhausted.