Self Talk

Where did my discipline go?

When I was in my 30s, I used to work out 5x a week (alternating between cardio and machines). Now I am filled with self loathing because I can barely squeeze 10,000 steps a day. (And my size 12 shape is an unfortunate reflection of this.)

When I was in my 30s, I volunteered at two animals shelters (onsite in one, doing the newsletter for another). Since the Kerry campaign ended, all my contributions to the common good are by check.

When I was in my 30s, I could limit myself to one caffeinated beverage a day, regardless of the day's stress level or workload. Now there's a Red Bull or Classic Coke in my hand at all times.

I tell myself that I'm not as hard on myself as I once was. I remind myself that as I got older and my paychecks increased, so did my responsibilities, so I can't be expected to live at Bally's anymore. And in my head I hear Jeff Goldblum from The Big Chill:

"Don't knock rationalization. Where would we be without it? I don't know anyone who'd get through the day without two or three juicy rationalizations. They're more important than sex. Have you ever gone a week without a rationalization?"