In Praise of 5 Missing Lbs.

I lost 5 lbs.! It's amazing how it has changed my outlook on life.

Years ago I was a size 6. At the time, I thought that was great. Looking back at old photos, I realize I was a bit too thin. Plus there's the fact that it didn't come naturally to me. I was a size 6 thanks to compulsive exercise and an unhealthy fixation on what I ate. I'm not a pretty woman and I wasn't a pretty girl. But I thought if I could have the best-possible body, I'd be attractive. It didn't help that in those days I was involved in a very destructive relationship and then trying to make sense of its aftermath. I weighed myself twice a morning (before I got into the tub and then again before I got dressed for work) and kept a diary of the lbs. My self worth was so dependent on my weight that I'd be filled with self loathing if the scale read anything over 109 lbs.

I grew up a bit and decided I was paying entirely too much attention to the bod. So I became a workaholic. Moved from copywriter to creative director and traded the stationery bike for a laptop computer. And found myself a size 14.

I hated how I looked, but I told people (and, less convincingly, myself) that this was a good thing. I should be defined by my brains and accomplishments, not my dress size. And besides, I had a nice bust for the first time in my life. I tried very hard to ignore that everything else developed, too. I was glad, even grateful, for my business success because it helped

Then I got my cholesterol results. As Paul sang with Wings, "Hi, hi, hi." So I decided to get healthy. In addition to Lipitor, I modified my diet and decided to move more. I bought a pedometer and tried my damnedest to get 10,000 steps in. I forsake the elevator and trot down the four flights of stairs every morning. I try to do 20 minutes of cardio 3x/week.

My cholesterol is down 100 points. I have lost 5 lbs. And I'm a size 12.

I'm going to try to keep regarding this as a health issue. I'm going to strive to think of this not as one aspect of my personality, not something that defines me. I'm going to work at keeping it in perspective.

But I'm also going to enjoy the fact that I have a waist again.