Saturday 9

 Saturday 9: Pass Me By (1965)

Unfamiliar with this week's tune? Hear it here.

 

1) In this song, Peggy Lee tells us she wiggles her toes in the sand. Have you been to the beach yet in 2023? Do you expect to wiggle your toes in the sand when you're on vacation this year? I was just in Tampa (see post below), and here are my freshly pedicured toes in the sand.

 

2) She also sings that contemplating nature can be fascinating. What flora and fauna can you see from your window as you answer these questions? I'm posting from my bedroom, where unfortunately the view is of the roof next door.

3) With this song, she's telling everyone to take her as she is or leave her be. Does that reflect your attitude? Or are you a "people pleaser" who worries what others think of you? Less so with each passing year. To borrow from Peggy, if you don't happen to like me, thank you kindly, pass me by.

4) These lyrics were written by Carolyn Leigh. She began her career as an advertising copywriter but, since she showed a flair for poetry and rhymes, she was urged by a music publisher to write lyrics. Have you ever tried your hand at poetry? Only when forced to. I have strengths as a writer, but poetry is not among them. To be honest, I don't enjoy reading poetry, either. (Do you respect me less?)

5) This song was composed for the 1964 movie Father Goose, starring Cary Grant. Are you a fan? Do you just vaguely know the name? Or are you wondering what a Cary Grant is? I love Cary Grant! So versatile! Adept at physical comedy, romance and drama. And damn near perfect. Here's his actual passport picture. Doesn't he look like he just walked off a movie set?

 

Always impeccable

 

6) This was a top-20 hit for Peggy Lee. As a girl in North Dakota during the 1930s, Peggy lived above the train station where her father was depot agent. Today that depot is home to a museum which features a Peggy Lee Exhibit. Have you recently visited a museum? While I was in Florida I visited the Tampa History Center. 

 

I love a pirate ship

7) Designer Bonnie Erickson was also grew up in North Dakota and used her girlhood idol as the inspiration for her most famous creation: Miss Piggy. A diva with flowing blonde hair and jewelry, the puppet was originally called Miss Piggy Lee. As the character gained in fame with The Muppets, the name was shortened to Miss Piggy because Bonnie didn't want to offend Peggy Lee, whom she genuinely admired. Tell us something you have done recently to spare someone's feelings. I kept my opinion to myself. As I get older I find that I don't need to share every thought that crosses my mind. Often "keeping it real" is unnecessary, hurtful and rather narcissistic. That's not who I want to be. I'd rather be kind.

8) While Peggy Lee often changed her hairstyle with the times, she was always a blonde. She considered those lustrous locks her trademark. Are you having a good hair day today? Yes.

9) Random question: What's the perfect way to spend a lazy afternoon? Eating pizza and watching a great movie, like Holiday with Katharine Hepburn and the estimable Mr. Cary Grant.

 

Tampa recap

I haven't posted much about my trip to Florida because it was four complicated days. Because my relationship with my cousin is so complicated. When I was growing up, Rosie was my idol, my role model, and my champion within the family. I love her for that. My unhappy adolescence would have been damn near unendurable without her. 

But now I'm 65 and she's 77. It's different now than it was when I was 15 and she was 27. I don't need her to show me the way anymore, and her incessant "nudging" makes me crazy. Everything I do is suspect or at the very least up for review. Everything is an argument. Why, after she said she'd pay for lunch, did I offer to leave the tip? What's the point of that? Why, after shopping for souvenirs, didn't I slip the shopping bag into my purse? Have I considered how much money I'd save if I didn't have cats? Even this: How can I prefer the original Magnum PI to the remake when "Tom Selleck has always been so annoying?" Most infuriating -- and, I suppose, amusing -- is that I "care too much" about my friends. I'm "too involved." I have to acknowledge that "they have a right to do as they choose." Um, Rose? Don't I have a right to do as I choose?

But there's this: she loves me very much. This whole trip, centered around the Yankees spring training, was because I love baseball. My first night there she hosted a pot luck in my honor with all the Florida cousins. ("Everybody wants to see you, Gal!") We visited the museum along the Tampa Riverwalk because she knows I love museums and the Chicago River Walk. We went to super-touristy John's Pass -- definitely not her thing -- because I like little shops.

She wanted this trip because she worries about me "worrying too much." She wanted to see for herself that I'm OK. How can that not melt me? Also, we experienced my visit very differently. I wanted to slip into her room and smother her with her pillow as she slept. When I was at the airport, waiting to board my plane home, she texted me dates when the Yankees play the Rays so I can come back for a regular season game. (Not gonna happen.)

And there's this: I'm 65 and she's 77. How much time do I think we have? As it is, right now she's one of two people left on earth who held me when I was a baby. She walks with a cane. I've already outlived my dad. I want to appreciate her when I can.

Now here's an overview of the trip (except for the Yankee-Tiger game, which I covered off on here.)

Riverwalk and Tampa Bay History Center. I admit I love this nerdy stuff, and so does Rose. We enjoyed different parts of the museum -- I loved the pirates and sports stuff and I learned she has a love of cartography.

2008 with Tampa was Cub Manager Joe Maddon's first trip to the World Series

We had a lovely lunch at the Museum, too. The Columbia Cafe has great food and a lovely view of the Riverwalk. While the Chicago River Walk has its charms and is still my favorite, I admit I'll never see this sign here.

Part of why I'm happy to be a Lake Michigan girl!

I learned that modern-day Tampa has cable cars between tourist attraction. Not buses painted to look like cable cars. ACTUAL CABLE CARS! I wish we'd taken one, but Rosie is very car-centric and public transportation just doesn't occur to her.

At John's Pass, we ate seafood and ice cream, shopped, and took a boat ride where I saw beautiful colors, big birds, and DOLPHINS!

It's like he wanted me to take his picture

Thursday Thirteen #300

 Thirteen top reasons we visit the doctor. It seems that as I get older, my body is rebelling more and more. I shouldn't complain -- two of my dearest friends walk with canes and two others are suffering cognitive decline, so I guess I'm doing OK and and I'm feeling better as a result of all this medical attention. But reflecting on this inspired me to research why we go to the doctor.

In 2021, this is what brought us to the doctor. (Covid isn't included because for that, it seems patients were routinely advised to go to the ER.)

1. Shortness of breath
   
2. Abdominal pain
   
3. Hypertension
   
4. Headaches
   
5. Fever
   
6. Nausea
   
7. Cough and congestion
   
8. Urinary tract infection
   
9. Earaches
   
10. Dizziness
    
11. Diarrhea
    
12. Weak or tired
    
13. Muscle aches
    

Please join us for THURSDAY THIRTEEN. Click here to play along, and to see other interesting compilations of 13 things.

WWW.WEDNESDAY

WWW. WEDNESDAY asks three questions to prompt you to speak bookishly. To participate, and to see how other book lovers responded, click here. 

PS I can no longer participate in WWW.WEDNESDAY via that link because her blog won't accept Blogger comments. I mention this only to save you the frustration I experienced trying to link up.

1. What are you currently reading? Little Girl Blue: The Life of Karen Carpenter by Randy L. Schmitt. I admit I have a love-hate relationship with The Carpenters. I love Karen's voice, I hate the syrupy arrangements. I always wondered what Karen could have achieved if she'd had a solo career. Apparently I'm not alone. 

So far the author seems to agree with me. While I was thinking primarily of her recording career, he maintains Karen might have blossomed on her own personally, as well, had she escaped her family. I appreciate how sensitive and compassionate this portrait is so far.

2. What did you recently finish reading? Jackie & Me by Louis Bayard. This historic romance novel puts a new spin on an oft-told tale: the courtship between Sen. John F. Kennedy and Jacqueline Bouvier. But the "me" in the title isn't JFK, it's Lemoyne Billings, Kennedy's lifelong best friend. Mr. Bayard imagines the relationship between Jackie and Lem, two outsiders welcomed into The Kennedy Clan because they were with Jack.

 

This book is about a lot of things: how Jackie and Lem became friends through loving the same man; about what they each gained and gave up by giving themselves over to a family literally oozing with money with power; how Lem lived as a closeted gay man in the 1950s; Jackie's evolution from quiet, lonely and unsure working girl to iconic political wife. 

While it held my interest and is very well written, it's important to remember that it's fiction. No one knows for sure what Jack said to Lem about Jackie or what Lem said to Jackie about Jack. This is Bayard's take on a fairy tale, and I enjoyed it on those terms.

3. What will read next? I don't know.

 

It began with Mimi

I've been very lucky with this blog. In the 17 years that I've been chronicling and sharing my life, I've met some really terrific people. Bloggers who lift me when I'm down, who have expanded my world view, who have recommended books. I am very frank here, and I feel like my readers know me better than many people I encounter in real life, where I pull my punches and worry more about appearances.  

One of my first blog buddies was royalty: Queen Mimi of Bloggingham. She's warm and funny and real. An advocate for peace and the founder of Blog4Peace, because words matter. She began reading my posts early on, which means she's had a front row seat for my evolution. Her respect and affection matter to me.

Which is why I was delighted to return from a getaway to Tampa and find a big box of goodies from Bloggingham waiting for me! Chocolates and peeps. Scented, girly stuff. A handwritten note from the monarch herself. Plus a pitcher from Italy and a liberty blue plate.

Beautiful. Thoughtful. Perfect.

I had purchased postcards in Tampa to send to friends but had misaddressed one before I could write the message. I was going to throw it out but didn't. (Snarkypants would say I was responding to a "ping" from the universe.)  It turned out to be a nice, colorful vehicle for a thank you note, sent from my humble Chicagoland home to the Castle.

As does this. Thank you, Mimi.

Saturday 9

Saturday 9: Wagon Wheel (2013)

Unfamiliar with this week's tune? Hear it here.

1) This week, Darius Rucker sings about hitching a ride to reach his lady love. Have you ever thumbed a ride? No. My parents and teachers emphasized that it was dangerous. Besides, there was a bus that ran between the malls/movie theaters, and when I was in high school that's where I always wanted to go.

 

2) Along the way, he loses his money in a poker game. Successful poker players are good at bluffing, or misleading others about about their cards. Are you good at bluffing, whether at cards or in life? I am about as transparent as a glass of water.

3) Darius began has career as the lead singer of 90s soft-rock band Hootie and the Blowfish. Today he's a country singer. Let's say you're stuck in traffic and only one radio station comes in clearly. Would you prefer it play soft rock or country? Soft rock.

 

4) Darius Rucker will be on tour throughout 2023, playing dates all over the country and making a couple stops in Cancun. Have you ever visited Mexico? If so, where did you go? No. I'll never go to Mexico because you know what they eat in Mexico? Mexican food. 

 

Mexican food is my downfall. You look at this and say, "Yum!" I look and say, "Thank God for the 1000 sheet roll of toilet paper."

 

 

Photo by Roberto Carlos Román Don on Unsplash

5) Darius has lent his talents to fundraising for The First Tee, a non-profit that teaches children "life lessons, self-confidence, and resilience through golf." Did you participate in organized sports as a youngster? If yes, what did you play? The gal was not an athlete.

6) A big sports fan, he has six TVs in his home so he can watch several games at once. His largest set is 70". When it comes to TV screens, do you believe bigger is better? Or are you just as comfortable watching from your laptop or phone? I'd rather watch TV than my laptop or phone.

 
7) In 2013, when "Wagon Wheel" was popular, fans were flocking to the movie theater to see Catching Fire, the second in the Hunger Games series. Are you a Hunger Games fan? Not at all.

8) Also in 2013, the word "selfie" was added to the Oxford Dictionary. Do you take a lot of selfies? No. I don't know if my arms aren't long enough or what, by any selfie I take with my phone looks awful. The ones I take with the Photo Booth app on my laptop aren't so bad.

9) Random question: If we paid you $5,000, would you get Saturday 9 tattooed on your right forearm? No, but thank you for offering.

 

 

Start spreading the news

 

Steinbrenner Field just starting to fill up

I went to my first ever spring training game but I didn't watch my beloved Cubs. It was Tigers vs. Yankees in Tampa. But in my heart it was a Cub game, because it was a reunion of two 2016 Cubs superstars, Javier Baez and my favorite Anthony Rizzo.

Javy got a hit for the Tigers. Rizz didn't play but I got to watch him in the dugout. He also appeared with the Military Veteran of the Game and signed his ball. I found myself being very sorry I didn't get to see Aaron Judge (was he even at the park?) and was very happy that the Yankees won because I got to hear Francis sing, "New York, New York" as we filed out.  Here's my souvenir cup in my kitchen. I'm afraid I may have been seduced by the Evil Empire.

I did not sing "Take Me Out to the Ballgame," though. I'm not that big a slut. That is reserved only for The Friendly Confines of Wrigley Field.

I ended up sitting between my Cousin Rose and a very drunk 20-something Detroit Tigers fan who was vacationing in Florida. He enjoyed talking baseball with me, since his girlfriend seemed barely interested in the game and he was very knowledgeable. 

No wonder! He mentioned wistfully that he once struck out one of the Tigers hitters who was in the lineup that night. "Huh? What?" said I. My seatmate explained that this aspiring major leaguer was two years ahead of him in high school in Michigan and they played against one another in a conference game. I said, "You must have been very good to strike out an upper classman."

"Yeah," he said sadly. "I went on to play A Ball for Cleveland but I got hurt and they cut me."

I was shocked. I assumed that if a player got injured during a game, the team would pick up the bills for his surgery and rehabilitation. Apparently they are under no obligation to do so. As this young man told me, "They hadn't invested enough in me yet to pay it."

Man, that is cold.

When it looked like foul balls may come our way, he told me not to worry, he'd catch them. He showed me his glove. It was a pro glove. I wanted to cry. Imagine, getting so close to your dream and not being able to achieve it through no fault of your own. Here he is, barely 25* and he has to reset. 

I told him he has a better story than anyone else in the stands, that he has a smarter perspective on baseball than anyone else in the stands, because he actually played pro ball. I reiterated that he should be proud. He shrugged and said, "I'm in sales now. It's cool."

But here he was, at a spring training game, watching a player he once bested face Yankee pitching. That player is in the dugout with Justin Verlander, he's in the stands with me.

But he still loves the game, and bringing his pro glove to the game, that makes my heart both ache and sing.

That's baseball.

*My best guess

Thursday Thirteen #299

 Thirteen facts about Titanic. I recently saw the 25th anniversary re-release of the movie on the big screen and was engrossed anew. It's not only a well-made movie, it's a monumentally compelling real-life event. So I'm revisiting it.

1. The ship was almost as long as three football fields. That's longer than most 21st century ships. However she wouldn't be as breathtaking on today's seas because nowadays cruise ships are considerably wider than Titanic.

2. Today's ships are taller, too. Titanic had 10 decks, while today's usually have 12 to 14 (13 being considered unlucky).

3. It had four smokestacks but only three were functional. The fourth was added purely for visual appeal.

 

An actual photo, not an artist's rendering

 

4. In 1912, the first-class swimming pool was the height of luxury. (Today's Carnival Magic has two pools and multiple hot tubs.) Titanic also offered first-class passengers a library, a gym, and a squash court. Here's a sign of the times: there were two barber shops on board, but they only catered to men. The ladies either depended on their maids to do their hair or (in second/third-class) handled it themselves.

5. Each first-class stateroom on Titanic included a queen-sized bed, separate sitting room, and private bath. The furnishings were Louis XVI.

6. While much is made of the first-class luxury on Titanic, second-class passengers traveled in style and comfort, too. They had four-poster or bunk beds, not berths built into the wall. Each stateroom had a desk with stationery and a sofa. Second-class had its own library and gym. The men had their own smoking room and access (if requested in advance) to one of the barber shops.

7. Even third-class passengers on Titanic had electricity, running water, and a toilet in each barracks-like cabin. This was far better than third class on most ships at the time. Families on Titanic could travel together, too. It was more common in 1912 for ships to segregate third-class as men on one end, women and children on the other.

6. Each day on Titanic started with a hearty breakfast, no matter which class you found yourself. Third-class could choose between oatmeal or herring or scrambled eggs with ham; second-class had many breads to choose from as well as oatmeal, herring or bacon and eggs; first-class had omelettes, or smoked salmon, or eggs with steak or pork chops and their choice of potato. Back in 1912, it seems the only fruit served at breakfast was in the preserves.

8. While we're talking about food, here are the last desserts served on Titanic: plum pudding in third-class; ice cream with fresh fruit in second; first class passengers could have apple, date and walnut pudding, chocolate and vanilla eclairs, and ice cream with fresh fruit. (I don't believe first-class passengers had to choose and could have gorged themselves on all three if they wished.)

9. Titanic was built to accommodate 3,547 passengers. 2,200 made its first/only voyage. Just 700 survived.

10. The ship took off with just 20 lifeboats, enough to carry 1,100 people. The first lifeboats launched weren't filled to capacity because many passengers didn't grasp the enormity of their situation and took a "wait and see" attitude over being lowered into small boats and riding through icy water.

13. While the loss of life was tragic, it wasn't shared evenly. 62% of the first class survived. 75% of the third class perished.

13. For you numerologists: Titanic took 3 years to build, sustained a 300 ft. gash, and took 3 hours to sink.

Please join us for THURSDAY THIRTEEN. Click here to play along, and to see other interesting compilations of 13 things.

WWW.WEDNESDAY

WWW. WEDNESDAY asks three questions to prompt you to speak bookishly. To participate, and to see how other book lovers responded, click here. 

PS I can no longer participate in WWW.WEDNESDAY via that link because her blog won't accept Blogger comments. I mention this only to save you the frustration I experienced trying to link up.

1. What are you currently reading? Jackie & Me by Louis Bayard. This is historic fiction about the courtship between Sen. John F. Kennedy and Jacqueline Bouvier. But the "me" in the title isn't JFK, it's Lem. Lemoyne Billings, Kennedy's lifelong best friend. Mr. Bayard imagines the relationship between Jackie and Lem, two people who loved the 35th President and the only two I can think of that he invited into The Kennedy Clan.

The thing I like best about this book so far is the author/Lem tells us from the get-go that there were many "Jackies" familiar to the public: regal First Lady, gallant widow, jet-set wife to a billionaire, New York working girl, and good mother/keeper of the flame. We know little about who she was before. Jacqueline Bouvier, diffident about her future, struggling to craft the life she wants for herself while conforming to what's expected of her.

 

Bayard gets some things wrong (example: Jackie only worked for Vogue for one day and quite a bit before she was introduced to Kennedy at the Bartlett's dinner party). This kind of thing bugs me because there's so much drek out there about The Kennedys -- Jackie herself called it "the river of sludge." But so far there's no damaging misinformation. And it's nice to see Lem get his sliver of spotlight. There's Jack & Lem by David Pitts, but beyond that, Lem is just that guy with JFK in just about every group photo throughout the years. I know Rose Kennedy expected him at Hyannis Port and Palm Beach for every holiday, that he tenderly squired young Rosemary Kennedy to social affairs, that he was a guest at The White House during the Bay of Pigs invasion, and Eunice Shriver delivered his eulogy. He really was "in the room where it happened."

2. What did you recently finish reading? Killers of a Certain Age by Deanna Rayburn. The book opens with four warm and witty friends celebrating their retirement. These lovely 60-something women have worked together for 40 years and their employer for has rewarded them for their years of service with an all-expenses-paid cruise. Perhaps I should mention that these old girls have spent their entire adult lives as paid assassins, and the organization they worked for has no intention of letting them enjoy their golden years. 

 

From the moment they discover the cruise is a trap, the book is filled with action and tension. After all, their very lives are at stake. It's occasionally very funny, too. I liked the quiet moments when the women reminisced and shared their feelings about "the job." I mean, it can be hard to root for paid assassins, and finding out about their inner lives helped me stay on their side. I just wish this was the first of a series, but alas, no.

PS Thanks to Kwizgiver for turning me onto this book.

3. What will read next? I don't know.

Trying, but not succeeding

I have two friends who are doing the best they can. Kathy is rapidly losing it because of dementia. My oldest friend is bipolar. I have no idea how their lives feel to them. I try to (using Stacy's wonderful phrase) "meet them where they are." Or,  in classic movie vernacular, when I deal with them I try to be more Melly and less Scarlett.

But it's hard.

Kathy takes the simplest things and complicates them. Because she doesn't understand what's going on. Example: I posted on Facebook that I was treating myself to lunch because that night was my condo association meeting "and those get togethers diminish my will to live." 

Most of my 102 Facebook friends understood that I was being flip. Not Kathy. She wrote some long rambling comment about being with me in spirit and that when the weather gets warmer and and her "feet are firmly on the ground again," she will drive the 60 miles from her home to mine. Dear God, no! A woman with Kathy's cognitive issues should never, ever get behind the wheel of a car! Shit, she can't even remember when/if she received a package from me, or recognize a building in her own neighborhood.

I didn't say that, of course. I responded with "thumbs up" and moved along. 

Two hours later she commented to me again, wondering, "Are we still connected? Why so quiet? I feel like I'm wandering in circles ..."

Oh, for fuck's sake! It's just Facebook. Pre-teens have mastered it. I didn't say that, of course. I responded with, "Scroll up and you'll see your original comment and my positive response. We're connected. All is good." That satisfied her.

My oldest friend ignores me for long periods. This month I sent her an article about Bobby Hull's passing. No response. I've tried calling her. She doesn't pick up and her voicemail is full, so I couldn't even leave a message. When we talked about this last month, she explained that she doesn't bother to listen to/delete her voicemails because every so often she picks up her phone and sees who called.

Never mind that this is childish and, I suspect, her way of ignoring the landlady who wants her to move out. It's also her way of avoiding me. She as much as told me she looks at her phone, sees it's me who is calling, and chooses not to engage.

Well, fuck you.

Instead she has been IM-ing all day with pictures of snow outside her window in Southern California. I responded to the first with a photo of the snow outside my living room window. I ignored the rest. This is inane drivel. Besides, I'm not a housemaid she can summon by ringing a bell. 

Did I mention fuck you?

I'm being full metal Scarlett and I know it. Kathy posts incessantly on Facebook (11 times so far today) and comments when she doesn't understand what she's saying because it's the only way she feels like part of her old world.

My oldest friend gets so paralyzed with depression she can't respond. Or she knows she's making choices that aren't in her own best interest and I'll yell at her.

I want to be a good person. I try to be a good person. I know I come up short. But at least Kathy and my oldest friend don't know how I'm feeling. While my insides may be Scarlett, I'm working hard to keep my demeanor Melly.

Saturday 9

Saturday 9 -- Mahler: Symphony No. 8 (1968)

Unfamiliar with this week's tune? Hear it here.

1) Mahler's No. 8 is sometimes referred to as "Symphony of a Thousand" because it was scored for a large orchestra and choral force. Do you often listen to classical music? No, no. Never, never. Nuh-uh-uh. 

2) This piece has solos for each of the main vocal ranges: soprano, alto, tenor, bass. Do you know which range your voice is in? In junior high, my music teacher declared me an alto. But I think that's simply because she needed more sound from that part of the choir. I'm tone deaf and can't carry a note in a bucket.

Photo by The Nix Company on Unsplash

3) Historians tell us Mahler kept fit by swimming and riding his bike along the Alpine trails. What's your favorite form of exercise? In December I began doing yoga. I'm not good at it (at all!) and I don't really enjoy it yet. But while I don't like doing it, I like having done it. I'm proud of my commitment to getting myself to the studio and I like how much better my back feels.

 4) Mahler could be difficult to work with because when it came to his music, he was a stickler over even the most minor details and wouldn't give an inch. Would you rather work as part of a team or on your own? I was a writer by trade and that's a rather solitary endeavor. There were parts of my job where I enjoyed collaborating (like brainstorms), but for the most part I thrived on my own.

5) This week's featured artist, Leonard Bernstein, said his father didn't want him to pursue music. Instead the elder Bernstein wanted his son to either join the family business (a beauty supply company) or become a rabbi. Did your family try to influence your choice of career? No. I don't recall ever discussing it with my dad at all, and my mom just wanted me to be happy.

6) Bernstein's best-known work is West Side Story. Without looking it up, can you name a song from this beloved Broadway classic? "When you're a Jet, you're a Jet all the way from your first cigarette to your last dying day."

7) Born in Lawrence, MA, Bernstein "went home" when he performed with the Boston Symphony Orchestra at Tanglewood in Lenox, MA. Tanglewood has played host to a variety of musical artists. In 2022, Ringo Starr, Bonnie Raitt, and James Taylor all performed there (with James Taylor scheduled to return this summer, as well). What's the first concert you ever attended? Bobby Sherman. 1970. I swooned over the hair, the teeth, the fringe and the swively hips.

 

8) In 1968, when Bernstein released this album, a sitcom called Mayberry R.F.D. premiered. It was a spin off of the highly successful Andy Griffith Show, which ran from 1960 to 1968 and is still broadcast and streamed today. Were you an Andy Griffith Show fan? Yes. Sheriff Andy Taylor remains my favorite TV dad.

 

9) Random question: When people ask for your advice, what do they usually ask you about? Usually work stuff or pet stuff. I'm really not good with relationships or money.

 

Well, that was intense

The call with Rita didn't go as I expected. She's a former co-worker, a more junior writer that I hired and mentored at my last job. I like to keep the lines of communication open because last time I saw her, when we were toasting our time together, she hugged me and whispered, "You're like the mother I never had." It never occurred to me that she viewed me that way, but I was touched and am eager to honor that. So every couple weeks I reach out: an email, a get well card after her leg surgery, a postcard from the road, etc. Then she calls. Typically she tells me about her kids (a preschool son and two preteen stepdaughters) and her job and she asks me if I'm ready to come out of retirement and work with her at her new job. The calls are usually about 45 minutes.

Not yesterday. 

She was done working for the afternoon, her stepdaughters were doing homework, her son was with (great) grandma* so she she settled herself on the back porch with a beer and a joint and decided it was time for "a real catch up."

We started with work. She excitedly told me about a success she'd had and I told her -- writer to writer -- that her headline was clever and seamless and that I was proud of her.  I also told her I wasn't surprised. More than talent, I told her that her passion for her client's business will carry the day. I reminded her of what I always told her when we worked together: put the client's interests first and you'll succeed. "Don't try to be sophisticated or blase. Your clients want to hear how much you care."

Then we pivoted to the kids. She got surprisingly emotional. Not about the children but about the breadth of our conversation. 

"I miss this." Said with surprising intensity.

"I'm always here," I replied. She said that wasn't what she meant. Talking to me, bouncing with equal emphasis from the professional to the personal, she realized how lonely she had become. 

She told me she and her husband don't communicate. She said things had changed with her best friend. She wanted to talk about it.

"Sure," I said. I didn't expect what came next.

Tears. Lots of tears. 

She and Brian no longer share a bed, and she stopped enjoying sex with him three years ago. He had a DUI with their son in the car, and she can't forgive him for that. He lied to her about going to a strip club.

I wasn't aware of any of this. There was more.

She thinks she's in love with her best friend. Girl-on-girl romantic love. Last fall, her friend's husband jokingly suggested a threesome. This emboldened Rita to confess her sexual feelings to her friend, who doesn't reciprocate. They're still friends, their kids still play together, but it's not the same anymore. She misses their easy give-and-take and fears that by confessing her attraction, she "ruined everything."

Rita and Brian have agreed to "co-parent but live separate lives." She doesn't want his daughters to go through another divorce. But she wants love and companionship, and she no longer loves her husband.

Gulp. I'm so over my head here!

She also told me I was the first person she was sharing this with. She has her "work friends," those that she discusses "career stuff" with, but they tend to be childless. She has her sister, also a young mother, but Rita is afraid her sister will "judge" and "blame" her for "blowing up" her family. Her relationship with her best friend is now strained. 

Again, I feel honored that Rita trusts me with all this. But, I reminded her, I'm a barren spinster and my advice is coming to her through that prism. Maybe, I ventured carefully, the romantic feelings she has for her best friend aren't born of sexual desire but loneliness. It might make sense for her to expand her circle of friends away from her identity as a career woman or a mommy and base new relationships off something more personal. Something that's hers and hers alone. I told her that I joined my movie group looking for information and appreciation of classic films and came away with Will ... and Joanna ... and Elaine ... and now Karen. These are friendships that have grown organically and comfortably.

"You need to find your tribe," I told her. Then her sexual/romantic confusion will lessen when she finds the companionship she craves. Or not. What do I know? I did tell her, though, that if she goes to gay bars, she will find sex. Liquor does that. She needs to make clear-headed decisions ... for the sake of her family and her fragile, wounded heart.

She told me she likes to draw and would love to pursue that, but ... She already feels guilty being away from her son as much as she is, between her job and P/T. I told her to check that at the door. One night a week away from her little boy is not going to wreck him. Especially if he is in the care of his father! Besides, he'd understand. He goes to school during the day and makes pictures, she will go to school at night and make pictures. And maybe the best gift she can give her son is healthy, happy mother.

After about two hours, she seemed calmer and more peaceful. I hope I helped. Or, to borrow from the Hippocratic Oath, I hope I did no harm.

 *Post-surgery Rita can't drive, so on the days she has P/T, her grandmother drives her and then keeps the little guy overnight.

 

Photo by Quino Al on Unsplash

Thursday Thirteen #298

Thirteen most profitable movies of all time. It costs $9 to see a movie at my local theater. That's why this list of box office champs with all those new millennium titles seems like bullshit to me. After all in 1939, movie goers saw Gone with the Wind for 25¢. In 1965, a ticket to The Sound of Music cost about $1.00. So the following list, which is adjusted for inflation, makes way more sense to me. 

By the way, this is based solely on tickets sold. TV, rental and streaming revenue is not included. I imagine if it was, you'd see The Wizard of Oz on this list, too.

1. Gone with the Wind (1939)

2. Star Wars: Episode 4 -- A New Hope (1977)

3. The Sound of Music (1965)

4. ET, The Extra-Terrestrial (1982)

5. Titanic (1997)

6. The Ten Commandments (1956)

7. Jaws (1975)

8. Doctor Zhivago (1965)

9. The Exorcist (1973)

10. Snow White and the 7 Dwarfs (1937)

11. Star Wars: Episode 7 -- The Force Awakens (2015)

12. 101 Dalmatians (1961)

13. Star Wars: Episode 6 -- The Empire Strikes Back (1980)

I'm beginning to think I'm the only one on earth who's not into Star Wars. How about you?

Please join us for THURSDAY THIRTEEN. Click here to play along, and to see other interesting compilations of 13 things.

WWW.WEDNESDAY

WWW. WEDNESDAY asks three questions to prompt you to speak bookishly. To participate, and to see how other book lovers responded, click here. 

PS I can no longer participate in WWW.WEDNESDAY via that link because her blog won't accept Blogger comments. I mention this only to save you the frustration I experienced trying to link up.

1. What are you currently reading? Killers of a Certain Age by Deanna Rayburn. Billie, Mary Alice, Helen, and Natalie have been friends and coworkers for decades. Now it's time for retirement. The organization they work for has rewarded them for their years of service with an all-expenses-paid cruise. The thing of it is: it's a trap. These lovely 60-something friends are highly-trained assassins, and there are some jobs you simply can't walk away from.

It's a fascinating premise and so far, every page is dripping with girl power. Or perhaps I mean granny power.

PS Thanks to Kwizgiver for turning me onto this book.

2. What did you recently finish reading? Who Is Maud Dixon by Alexandra Andrews. Florence is a low-level publishing employee who believes she's destined for great things. She's convinced she must be talented because God wouldn't put such a burning desire to be an author in someone who can't write. When she loses her job and finds herself with few resources, she's not worried. The universe is looking out for her, she just knows it. For a while it looks like she's right. The mysterious, best-selling author Maud Dixon offers her a personal assistant job and they're off to Morocco. She realizes Maud is living the life Florence wants.

 

Florence does that a lot: imagining herself in some other woman's life. First there was a highly respected stage and screen based out of New York that Florence followed and began dressing like. Now there's Maud Dixon. It's not a healthy way to live.

This twisty book has more than one character who seems to believe she's absolutely fine, but as readers we see they are most emphatically not. Their behaviors are neither normal nor justified, no matter what they seem to think. This story is about what happens when two such people find themselves in the same orbit. Reminds me of The Great Gatsby. Jordan told Nick she didn't have to be a careful driver because she was sure other drivers would watch out for her. Later, when life doesn't go her way, Jordan says, "I met another bad driver, didn't I?" In Who Is Maud Dixon, two "bad drivers" collide and the results are explosive!

3. What will read next? I don't know.

Saturday 9

Saturday 9: Saturday Night's Alright (1973)

Unfamiliar with this week's tune? Hear it here.

 

1) In this song, Elton John tells us it's 7:00 PM on Saturday evening and he's ready to rock with his friends. What will you be doing at 7:00 this evening? I don't know. Nothing planned. I had a rather busy week and I am looking forward to unstructured time so maybe I can accomplish something (like watching this week's movie group film or adding some jewelry and tchotchkes to my February Goodwill bag).

 

2) His sister is ready to party, too. The lyrics tell us she looks cute with "a handful of grease in her hair." What haircare products would we find in your bathroom right now? Shampoo, conditioner, hairspray. And a can of mousse that I never use but won't part with because you never know when a hair emergency will arise that only mousse can solve. (An example of why is why my home is so overstuffed.)

3) He sings that by Saturday, he's had it with the aggravation and discipline of the past week and now he's ready to cut loose. How did last week treat you? It was more complicated than I would have liked: took my Connie Cat to a vet appointment  a couple towns over for a consult and while the news was (gratefully) pretty good, it was expensive and stressful; my microwave suddenly crapped out; got my taxes done (never fun); found myself tied up in red tape with the Illinois Department of Employment Services (aka unemployment) and while every person I spoke to was kind and helpful, the issue still isn't resolved.

4) This Saturday night finds Elton and his friends "packed pretty tight" in their bar of choice. Agoraphobics have a hard time feeling safe in busy, crowded places. How about you? Are you comfortable in a crowd? It doesn't bother me.

5) The lyrics were written by Bernie Taupin, Elton's frequent collaborator. Bernie ranks this near the top of his favorite Elton John records. What's your favorite? First of all, I'm surprised this is one of Bernie's favorites because his clever lyrics are nearly unintelligible. I've been hearing this song since high school and truly didn't know Elton was singing, "She's with me!" until I looked up the lyrics for this meme. Anyway, this would be my favorite. (Reminds me of my schoolgirl crushes on middle-aged dream men.)

 

6) Elton has turned his bad eyesight into a hobby, claiming that over the years he has purchased well over 200,000 pairs of glasses. Do you wear glasses? If so, how many prescription pairs do you own? Four pair: two with my current prescription and two with a recent-but-still-obsolete ones. I keep meaning to donate the old ones at the Walmart Vision Center, but I go to Walmart so seldom .... (Note to self: Make a trip to Walmart!)

 

7) Elton once had to cancel an international tour because of an emergency appendectomy. Do you still have your appendix? Yes.

 

8) In 1973, when this song was popular, M*A*S*H was at the top of the ratings. Who is your favorite M*A*S*H character? Hawkeye, of course. Alan Alda was one of those middle-aged dreams referred to in #5. (Watching this clip, I still think he's pretty perfect.)

 

 

9) Random question: Who is the wisest person you know? Depends on the situation. I'm fortunate to have many really good people in my life I can turn to for wise counsel.