The Gratitude Challenge – April 28

 

I am joining Kwizgiver in this. That's even her graphic I stole! In her words, "This isn't about perfection or keeping a streak. It’s just about noticing." I need to focus and, using my shrink's word, "unhook." 

 

The Prompt: What is one thing you’ve started noticing more because of this challenge? 

 

I'm going to try to continue noticing. I let myself get distracted and I sometimes miss small but meaningful things. For example, I woke this morning with my Connie Cat sleeping on the small of my back. It was a lovely feeling, but I realize it was also important. She doesn't do that when she's not feeling well, and I didn't notice she'd stopped more than a month ago. Perhaps if I had, I would have taken her to the vet earlier and made her well sooner. 

 

I suppose I'm ending the month grateful that I can evolve and improve. 

 

 

 

I prefer my drama on the screen

 

The TCM Classic Film Festival is almost upon us! My flights are booked. My hotel reservation is confirmed. Three of my four airport limo rides are lined up.* My girl cat, Connie, is healthy so I will miss – but not be worried about – her when I'm gone.

Thursday will begin with breakfast at Mel's with fellow festival goers. I'm seeing a former coworker for lunch at The Grove. Then Thursday evening the movies start. Four glorious days of old movies on the big screen!

It's Wednesday that's the problem. I had been looking forward to dinner with my oldest friend's adult daughter the night I arrive. She is in her late twenties now and has really gotten her life together. She's working on her relationship with her boyfriend, she has a good job as an optometrist assistant, is consulting a nutritionist to get to the bottom of her long-standing gastrointestinal issues. I held her as a baby and want to hear more about the positive direction her life is taking.

Of course, my oldest friend (her mother) is fucking everything up. As is her wont. 

After a period of being incommunicado, last week she resumed emailing and texting me. She can't stand her living arrangement. She wants to sell everything† and move back here. She has major health issues but can't get it together to submit her application for Medi-Cal. She says she really needs to know that I care about her.

Oh, for fuck's sake! I keep thinking about all the times I've reached out to show support but my efforts have gone unacknowledged. (I don't know why, exactly, but this one remains a bur under my saddle.) 

I responded as I always do. "Get yourself healthy. If you need help paying for therapy, let me know. Don't even think about coming back here because you'll still hate the weather and miss your cousin. Instead of searching for a new boyfriend, try to make friends."

Her response was a slap in the face. She doesn't want "a boyfriend," she wants someone to care about. She then attached a self-serving list of all the people she has "taken care of" during her adult life. They were all either her family or the family of men she's been involved with (I'd call them "fucks" and "fuck adjacent.") None were friends. Yet here I am, a mere friend, and she expects me to prove that I "care?"

Also, that list of people she's taken care was quite a re-write of history. More than one person she named extended themselves mightily for her, not the other way around, and at least two provided her with a roof over her head. When the person you're talking to doesn't share your reality, it's hard to find common ground.

My oldest friend lives in Hesperia, 90 minutes away from LA. I didn't invite her Wednesday night's dinner with me and her daughter because the logistics are beyond me. I only have about three hours to spend that evening – after all, my festival festivities begin Thursday morning – and I don't drive. 

Her daughter said she would get her mother there. But now I don't want to see her mother at all. I'm too angry.

Here's the push-pull of it all. I have known my oldest friend since Kindergarten. More than 60 years. I have loved her and have so many dear memories. So much laughter. So many treasured moments.

But for the last 15 years, this relationship has been hideously unbalanced. I feel an obligation to her and the times we shared, so I do what I can. 

But dammit! I'm sick of her drama! I've waited all year for this film festival – and with the Paramount deal, it may be the last one – and I resent her for throwing shade over it. I know she's bipolar, I know she's unhealthy. I'm sorry all of this is happening to her.

Still, there's a limit to how much I can give when I get so precious little in return.

 

*Gotta take care of #4 today. 

†This is stupid. She was evicted from her last apartment over unpaid rent and her car was repossessed.  

Sunday Stealing

Five Things You Didn't Want to Know but I'm Telling You Anyway

1) Has anyone ever told you they would love you forever? No. Unless it was my mom, I don't think I'd believe it anyway.

 

2) Who is the last person you were in the car with? The LYFT driver. I believe my most recent ride was home from the grocery store. I was heavily laden and my ankle is bothering me so I took the easy way.

 

3) Do you have big plans for tomorrow (Monday)? Not really. I have to work at the card shop tomorrow and I don't feel like it. (Waaah! I'm so lazy and whiny.)

4) How long do you typically spend in the shower? I can spend a lot of time in there. I enjoy my morning shower.

 

5) What were you doing at 7 AM yesterday (Saturday)? I was awake but still in bed, watching The Today Show.

 

Saturday 9

 
Saturday 9: Good (1995)

Unfamiliar with this week's tune? Hear it here.

1) This song begins with a guy realizing he's home alone. Do you enjoy being all by yourself? Yes. It rejuvenates me.

2) He watches the sun throwing shadows on the floor. Which room in your home lets in the most sun? The living room with its big, west-facing windows.

3) He sings that he may write a letter to his ex. If you were inspired to send someone a handwritten message, do you have stationery or notecards on hand? What about first-class postage stamps? Yes. I like writing letters and sending cards. BTW, one of the things I like best about Downton Abbey is how everyone is always getting important news via handwritten letter.

4) This week's band, Better Than Ezra, got their start in Baton Rouge. All the members attended LSU and played their first gig at Murphy's, a bar near campus. When you were in your early 20's, where did you and your friends go to socialize? Monk's Pub on Lake and Wells under the el tracks. I'm glad it's still there and just as divey as ever, giving a new generation a place to misspend their hours after work.

   

5) While the band refuses to disclose the origin of their name, many assume the "Ezra" they refer to is poet Ezra Pound. Do you often read poetry? Nope.

6) In 1995, when this song was popular, Michael Jordan "unretired" and returned to the Chicago Bulls. Tell us about a decision you wish you could undo. Nothing big. I just wish I'd taken better care of my teeth years ago. I'd be a healthier, wealthier woman today.

7) Also in 1995, Phoebe Buffay first performed "Smelly Cat." Do you recall what show she sang on? Friends.

8) Legendary New York Yankee Mickey Mantle died in 1995. How is your team doing so far this young baseball season? For the first two weeks of the season, I was resigned to mediocrity. Then BAM! Pitchers came off the injured list and the bats woke up. And will you just look at this! We're in first place and have won 10 in a row! I love the Cubs win or lose, but I gotta admit, winning is better.

 

9) Random question: What's in your garage, besides your car (lawn tools, holiday decorations, old paint cans, etc.)? I don't have a garage, which is probably a good thing because I'm sure I would fill it with crap. I seem destined to clutter.

 

The tiny center of my universe

My cat Connie is only 6.5 lbs. Yet she has dominated everything this month. Making her well has been my sole focus.

She had surgery on April 2. Since she received stitches, she had to wear the cone, I couldn't let her roam around the condo when I wasn't watching. She could get stuck or slip out of it. Also, she had to stay very clean, and left to their own devices cats can slip into the dustiest part of the house you just can't reach. So when I wasn't home or was asleep, Connie was locked in the bathroom for her own safety. She's such a sweet, adaptable girl! She never cried. She just made do with her makeshift litter pan (a shirt box I lined with a small trash bag) and her water dish (a Lean Cuisine tray, because it was shallow and wide to accommodate her cone). I kept her carrier in my bathtub because cats like small spaces and I thought she might like go in there to sleep. I enjoyed our special "girl time" together before bed, when I'd slather on moisturizer, brush my teeth and put in my mouth guard. 

It was also in the bathroom that she got her meds. I squirted two different liquids down her throat – an antibiotic and a painkiller. Then I had to apply ointment to an area which was an assault to her dignity and mine. Yet she never resisted. I think on some level she trusted that I was trying to make her well.

On April 18, the vet finally removed the stitches and declared her well. No more meds! No more cone! No more time in solitary confinement in the bathroom! There was much rejoicing.

I'm grateful. Grateful that it wasn't more serious. Grateful that I had the resources to get her the medical attention she needed. Grateful to get my bathroom back! Grateful that she's well in time for me to go to the TCM Film Festival next week. Grateful that she is her sweet little self again.

Most of all, I'm grateful to be able to sleep soundly again. People with human children – how do they do it? Do they just reconcile themselves to worrying for 18 to 21 years?

 

Thursday Thirteen #460

 Emergency! As winter gives way to spring and summer, weather around here can be very changeable. Storms can come up quickly and knock out power. I've lived here all my life and should be ready for this, but now that I think of it, I'm not sure I am. Here's how experts recommend we prepare in case power is knocked out for hours or maybe days.

1. Food that requires no preparation. I've got canned tuna and ham, dry cereal and protein bars. I might not be happy, but I'd be OK.

2. Bottled water. Well, I've got a pitcher of water in the fridge and a couple bottles. I know I should have more.

 

3. Pet care. Oh, they're in better shape than I am! I have plenty of food and litter for the cats. I gotta stock up on the water, though, for them as well as me.

 

4. Prescription meds. I'm good here, too.

 

5. Flashlights and batteries. Yeah, I need to attend to these. I know where my flashlights are – one is in the bedroom closet, the other in the kitchen – but I'm I should switch out the batteries. (C? D? Gotta check.)

 

6. Transistor radio. Oh, I'm very good here! My shower radio is always operational. I can't shampoo without my tunes.

 

7. Be sure your electronics are charged. Phone and laptop. I've got a small portable power station for this. Better make sure that's charged, too. I got it less for my electronics than to run a fan. I hate, loathe, despise and abominate extreme heat and would really suffer without a fan if I can't run the ac.

 

8. Sanitation. As a storm approaches, fill a couple buckets with water. I always forget to do this, but it's important. Why? If the storm interferes with your plumbing, you can pour water in the toilet to trigger an automatic flush. Similarly, you might need a bucket of water to wash dishes. 

 

9. Paper goods. Have you got enough paper towels and toilet paper? I do.

 

10. Garbage bags. You may need all sizes for after-storm clean up efforts.

 

11. Ice and ice chests. If the power is out for more than a few hours, you'll need to do what you can to save your refrigerated food from spoiling. I have the ice chests, ice and some ice packs ready for this.

 

12. Decide where you'll go in case of a storm/tornado. A basement is best but, if like me you don't have one, choose an interior room with no windows. For me, that's the bathroom.

 

13. Store your stuff. Make sure your car is in the garage, not the driveway. Don't leave lawn chairs on the deck.You saw The Wizard of Oz. You know what can happen. If your basement frequently floods, make sure nothing of value sits directly on the floor.

How about you? Are you ready for a sudden summer storm?

Please join us for THURSDAY THIRTEEN. Click here to play along, and to see other interesting compilations of 13 things.

April 22 – Gratitude Challenge

 

 

I am joining Kwizgiver in this. That's even her graphic I stole! In her words, "This isn't about perfection or keeping a streak. It’s just about noticing." I need to focus and, in using my shrink's word, "unhook." 

 

The Prompt: Share a book you are currently grateful for.

 

One Perfect Couple by Ruth Ware. I read this book last summer, but I'm grateful for it now because I just dropped it in the mail to my aunt for her birthday. This thriller, which is about a killer who is picking off the contestants on a reality show, is right up her alley. It makes me happy to think of my auntie being carried away by the plot.

 

 

WWW.WEDNESDAY

WWW. WEDNESDAY asks three questions to prompt you to speak bookishly. To participate, and to see how other book lovers responded, click here. 

PS I no longer participate in WWW.WEDNESDAY via that link because her blog won't accept Blogger comments. I mention this only to save you the frustration I experienced trying to link up.

1. What are you currently reading? Agatha Raisin and The Love from Hell by M. C. Beaton. Agatha is finally married to her long-time love! That's good news, or is it? Middle-aged Agatha and James are both set in their ways and unaccustomed to compromise. Tensions escalate and they have a huge fight. Unfortunately it was at the local pub in plain sight of their gossipy neighbors. Instead of going home together, Agatha goes back to her own cottage to sulk. The next day, when no one can find James but there is a conspicuous blood stain at his cottage, the local constabulary wants to talk to Agatha. 

 

This is book #11 in the series, so I know these characters well. Of course Agatha is innocent of wrong doing. Of course she's going to find out what happened to James and why. She's Aggie! (I even know she hates it when you call her "Aggie.")

 

2. What did you recently finish reading? Suitable for Framing by Edna Buchanan. Britt Montero is an award-winning reporter on the crime beat in Miami. She loves her job and she's good at it, having spent years nurturing an intricate web of contacts. All of a sudden, she's missing leads. Sources she depended on are not only coming through for her, they're pissed at her. What the hell? Meanwhile, the pretty young researcher Britt helped move from the paper's research department to the newsroom is becoming a star. All their coworkers seem to be enjoying the catfight.

 

The plot of this book is not especially imaginative. It reminded me of the classic 1950 film All About Eve. But in a way, knowing what was happening a little before Britt increased the tension. There was an awful, pervasive sense of inevitability throughout the story. Buchanan is a talented writer.

3. What will you read next?  I don't know

 

  

Sunday Stealing

More Questions from Steph

1) Are you the sort of person who can nap or sleep anywhere, any time? I suppose. I have an easier time falling asleep now than I ever have in my life. I think I'm finally (after three years) getting the hang of of retirement.

 

2) Have you ever walked in your sleep? I was quite the sleepwalker when I was a little girl. I was good at unlocking doors while sound asleep. My mom was completely freaked out about this and dragged me to the family doctor, a man she trusted implicitly. He didn't recommend counseling or a change in diet. He prescribed phenobarbital. Yes, a barbiturate for a seven year old! I don't blame my mom – she was doing the best she could with the information she had. But there I was, a second grader, on my way to The Valley of the Dolls.

 

3) Do you chat with your Uber/Lyft/taxi driver? Yes. I find it awkward to ride in silence.

4) Do you remember what you did on Valentine's Day? Not specifically. But I know it wasn't romantic.

 

5) How many laptops have you owned over your lifetime? 5 or 6 (<< estimate).

 

6) How many countries have you visited? 5 (Canada, France, Lichtenstein, Germany, Switzerland)

 

7) Did you/will you go to work today? Nope. I only work on Thursdays and sometimes Mondays.

 

 

 

Saturday 9

Saturday 9: Drive My Car (1965)

Unfamiliar with this week's tune? Hear it here.

 

1) Who would you allow, without hesitation, to drive your car? I don't have a car, but if I did, I think I'd be very careful about who drives it. I'm not a driver, but I imagine it's hard to get behind the wheel of someone else's car and get the seat right and the mirrors right and get familiar with all the thingamabobs on the dashboard. 

 

2) When you're riding in the backseat, do you use your seatbelt? Usually.

 

3) In this song, a young girl tells her boyfriend she wants to be a movie star. What were your aspirations when you were in your late teens/early 20's? Did you realize them? I wanted to be self-sufficient. I wanted to be a writer (although at the time I wasn't thinking of advertising). So yes, I realized them.

 
4) The song was reportedly inspired in part by the relationship between popular British singer Cilla Black and her future husband. Cilla wanted him on the record label's payroll, so he became her road manager and driver. Have you ever worked for, or with, someone with whom you were romantically involved? Yes. I used to always advise against it because my experiences weren't great. But I compare my romantic history to that of my oldest friend. She met her husband in a martial arts class, and they divorced. She met her long-time boyfriend through their sons, who were classmates, and they eventually broke up. She got involved with her most recent lover after they met on a dating app. Let's just say there have been tears. So I don't think it matters how you meet your partner. All relationships all fraught with risk.

 

5) Although this Beatles song is credited to Lennon-McCartney, it was written mostly by Paul. He recalls showing up at John Lennon's house with the tune ready to go, and lyrics they both agreed were "crap." John gave Paul the car theme, and he took it from there. When has someone recently helped you out of a jam? At the card shop, my manager helped me find something under the register. It seems every time I go in, someone has rearranged the supplies down there and I often find myself staring at but not really seeing what I'm looking for.

 

6) Paul also handles the lead vocals. When you hear a Beatles record, can you tell which band member is singing lead? Of course.

7) When it was first released, this record got a lot of attention for the intricate guitar work by Paul and George Harrison. It's got a lot of percussion on it, too, including cowbell and tambourine. Have you ever played either cowbell or tambourine? (Do you think it sounds like fun?) No. But Davy Jones of The Monkees always made the tambourine look like so cool.

 

8) Lava lamps were already popular in England but they weren't introduced to the United States until 1965. Today Walmart carries more than 20 different lava lamps. Have you ever owned one? I remember I had a little one on a keyring that I attached to my purse (the height of junior high cool).

 
9) Random question: Do you have a recurring dream? I have the same dream when I'm stressed. I get up, get off the train, and after the train doors close behind me I realize I left my purse on the seat. My wallet and my phone are going on to the next stop without me. I feel so helpless. I hate that dream.

 

 
 

Thursday Thirteen #459

Hello? Sometimes when I watch old movies or TV shows from decades gone by, I find myself distracted by and nostalgic for the technology we've left behind. Particularly phones.

First of all, I long for telephone conversations. You know, where you can listen to someone's voice instead of punching out abbreviated words with your thumbs. Second, I like the phone being rooted in my home or workplace, and away from me when I'm at a restaurant or walking up the street or in a car or bus. When I'm home or at work, I like to be connected. When I'm away, I enjoy being disconnected. Now it's almost the opposite. People text me when I'm home and my cell is in my purse or charging on the kitchen counter. Yet when I'm in public and I have my phone in hand, I see it right away. That's not how I prefer to communicate! I'm out of sync with my times.

And so I'm wandering down memory lane and posting a Valentine to all the phones I've loved before. 

 #1 The first phone I remember in my parents' kitchen. The first call I remember receiving was on a phone like this. It was from May, the cleaning lady who came by once a week. She called me on Sunday afternoon – she asked for ME – to tell me The Beatles were going to be on Ed Sullivan that night. I was 6. I was no only thrilled about seeing The Lads, I felt very grown up that I had gotten a call.

#2 A few years later we upgraded to this phone with buttons. It was either the late 1960s or very early 1970s. The one in the kitchen was yellow. It was at this point we became a three extension family ...

 

#3 Phones almost identical to this one also appeared in my parents' bedroom and the basement. It was easier on my mom because we had a 4BR ranch with the laundry in the basement, so she was able to answer the phone pretty much wherever she was during the day.

#4 In 1975, when I began working in an office immediately after high school, the phone on my desk was like this one, except mine was black and had only 5 lines. 

 #5 Rows of payphones like this were in train stations and hotel lobbies around the Loop. I used them often. It's from one of these phones that I generally let someone know that I was running late.

#6 Pay phones like this were all over, too. I seldom used them because they always seemed filthy. (So much old gum! Ick!) At least cleaning the ones in hotels and the train stations was someone's job. I don't know who, if anyone, was responsible for the upkeep of these phones.

 #7 The phone in my first apartment, ca 1978. My place was so tiny I didn't need an extension. It had a really long cord so I could carry it around with me. 

 #8 My 1980s boyfriend had one of the first cordless phones. He got it at Radio Shack and was wildly proud of it. He never liked talking on the phone until he got one like this.

 

 

 #9 In 2001, when I moved into this condo, I had two of these phones – one just inside the front door and one in the master bedroom.

 

 #10 These phones were, for a time, on the back of airline seats. I never used one, but I received many a call from one, always from bosses who were in love with idea of calling from mid-air.

 

 

 #11 My first flip phone. I found snapping it shut very satisfying, especially if I was displeased with whomever I was speaking to.

 

#12 My current landline phones. Still the best way to reach me at home. They are placed where the original ones were when I first moved in – by the front door and next to my bed. If it's not broke, don't fix it.

 

 #13 My current phone is not really a phone. It's mostly a camera and a vehicle for sending/receiving texts and summoning rideshares.

Do any of these phones look familiar to you? 

 

Please join us for THURSDAY THIRTEEN. Click here to play along, and to see other interesting compilations of 13 things.

 

WWW.WEDNESDAY

WWW. WEDNESDAY asks three questions to prompt you to speak bookishly. To participate, and to see how other book lovers responded, click here. 

PS I no longer participate in WWW.WEDNESDAY via that link because her blog won't accept Blogger comments. I mention this only to save you the frustration I experienced trying to link up.

1. What are you currently reading? Suitable for Framing by Edna Buchanan. Britt Montero is a journalist on the crime beat in Miami. In the mid-1990s, when this book was written, there was a tension between City Hall and the press, because telling the truth about what was going on in the streets was not always good for the tourism Miami depended on.* Britt loves her hometown but she is also a good reporter so she is always, always about getting the story. That's why Britt is upset that she may be losing her journalistic edge as she covers a string of armed carjackings. 

I'm rereading many mysteries – including this one – as I dedicate myself to purging my book collection. I recall little or nothing of the plot so I'm happy to have Buchanan carry me along one more time. This series is too intense to be called "cozy" – this one starts with a graphic description of a fatal car accident – but I like Britt and her best friend, a news photographer named Lottie. So I'm hoping this will be a good read.

*Is it still like this? I don't know. 

2. What did you recently finish reading? The Spellmans Strike Again by Lisa Lutz. Isabel Spellman, the eldest daughter of the San Francisco clan of private investigators, has a lot on her plate just now. She's investigating the disappearance of a butler whose wealthy old employer wants him back, and who Isabel suspects of defrauding the elderly gent. She believes a rival PI is dirty, and she wants to expose him. Her mother dislikes Isabel's sexy Irish bartender boyfriend and keeps calling the INS on him. Someone is stealing the doorknobs and towel racks from the Spellman home, but Izzy's parents insist this is normal and no big deal.

 

I love these books. They are wholly original, very funny, and filled with heart. Lisa Lutz obviously feels great affection for the insane little troupe she created. 

3. What will you read next?  I don't know

 

  

April 14 – Gratitude Challenge

 

I am joining Kwizgiver in this. That's even her graphic I stole! In her words, "This isn't about perfection or keeping a streak. It’s just about noticing." I need to focus and, in using shrink's word, "unhook." 

 

The Prompt: Recall a brief interaction with a stranger this week. What was a small moment of human kindness you witnessed or experienced?

 

This may not have, strictly speaking, happened within the past week. I've spent so much time at the vet with my Connie Cat lately that the visits have become a blur. But I found myself in the waiting room twice with a cat owner who also had a feline friend in distress. It's funny, I couldn't tell you what he looked like but I remember his green soft-sided cat carrier. Anyway, as we were leaving, I passed him and smiled in acknowledgement. He leaped up and got the door for me and Connie (in her bulkier carrier). It was a moment of connection, of camaraderie, of two people in the same difficult situation and I appreciated it.

 

 

Sunday Stealing

Tell Us Something

1. Can you touch your nose with your tongue? No.

2. What foreign language did you study in school? How much of it do you still remember? Hablo un poco español.

3. What recipe did you most recently prepare? Where did you get the recipe and how did it turn out? I microwaved a cup of Bob Evans mashed potatoes. I got the recipe – instructions, really – from the cardboard sleeve. They turned out predictably.

4. What song have you listened to over and over and over again? This one never gets old.

5. Are there currently any pets in your household? Are you considering adding another? I share my home with two cats. We're a happy household now and I'm not planning on any additions just now.

6. As an adult, have you ever performed with a drama group? (Student productions don't count.) No.