To a special Graduate of the Class of 1975. I spent all summer dodging invites and info about my 50th high school reunion. I really had no interest in it. High school was a turbulent time for me, for my family (my parent's marriage unraveled quickly and in ugly ways), and the country (Vietnam and Watergate) and I did not wish to revisit it.
But I have been thinking about Her – the 17-year-old gal who donned a cap and gown and walked through the auditorium to get her diploma in June, 1975. Here is what I would tell Her.
1. Take care of your teeth. First when I was in my 30s, and then again in my 60s, I spent a fortune at the dentist. Maybe if I'd been more vigilant in my teens and 20s, I could have saved myself time, money and pain.
2. Cut your hair. From the back, my mane of wavy, light brown looked lovely. But my face is too round to be framed by long hair. I finally cut it when I was in my mid-20s and it was a game changer
3. Mother does not know best. I love my mom and I miss her. But when it came to my appearance, she gave me bad advice at every turn. From clothes to makeup to hair, she never seemed to see me as I was ... and I trusted her. Once I moved out of the house and began paying attention to other women in my life and took tips from magazines, I developed my own style and looked better for it.
4. Be grateful you don't look your age. How I would cringe when anyone – especially men – saw me as younger than I was. Maybe it's my deep dimples or the oily skin that hasn't wrinkled that much, but I still don't look my age and I gotta say, it's pretty terrific.
5. Don't squeeze your zits. I can still see the scars from those days.
6. Stay out of the sun. You will never tan. You will only burn, peel and damage your skin. It's like the long hair thing. Doesn't matter what the style happens to be, it's not for you.
7. Don't obsess on the unibrow or the stray hairs on your big toes. It's hormones. One day – soon – you will go to remove those offensive dark hairs and suddenly they won't be there anymore. All that embarrassed worry was just wasted energy.
8. Go to college. Do I think a degree would have made a difference in my career? Not at all. But I spent decades dying inside whenever anyone in a professional setting asked me where I went to school. If I had at least an associate degree, I would have felt like I belonged in The Club.
9. Ride those rails! Break ranks with your family (see #3) and follow your heart. You are not a small-town girl and your future is indeed in the great City of Chicago. It's full of opportunity and diversity and it will change your life in wonderful ways – and Donald Trump can fuck himself.
10. Tell Uncle Ted you love him. He was my favorite uncle and often my champion when I was growing up. Now that he's gone, I truly can't recall a time I told him I loved him. While I am confident that where he is now he knows, it might have done both of us a lot of good in the moment if I'd said it.
11. Continue to ignore your older sister. I can reassure you that she will always be toxic and never worth the effort. As you suspected 50 years ago, she is indeed like the Periodic Table of Elements in that she will always be completely irrelevant to your life. Unlike algebra, she can harm you.
12. Your love can't make anyone stronger, healthier or happier. It's a mistake I have made over and over (and over) in my life. There's a limit to the impact I can have on someone who is unwilling or unable to change. I either have to accept them as they are or move on. Funny, I know it's true as I write it, and yet it still sounds cold and harsh. At 67, I still have some evolving to do.
13. Nurture your passions. In some important ways, you will never change. You will always find joy in cheering the Cubs and cuddling a cat, and you'll be celebrating your 68th birthday watching Sir Paul McCartney in concert.
Please join us for THURSDAY THIRTEEN. Click here to play along, and to see other interesting compilations of 13 things.
I really enjoyed your post. You gave me a lot to think about. My sister just went to get 50th. I went to my 50 for class of 1973. The saddest part was looking at the poster boards of classmates from 72-75 who had passed on. If I could go back, I would have asked my parents more questions.
ReplyDeleteOh--this is fantastic!
ReplyDeleteGreat TT. Family estrangements are tough; I'm in the middle of one that involves, well, the entire family. But sometimes they are necessary. I would tell my younger self to move away - far away - and not look back.
ReplyDeleteI dodged all my 40 year reunion stuff, too. Not worth the effort. Having recently learned I'm neurodivergent, I would definitely have loved to let my younger self know this and that what I experienced was normal for my brain type. Would have saved me a lot of grief.
ReplyDeleteThis is a very thought provoking post. I am thinking about so many of these things now. Class reunions? No thank you. I went to one of mine and one of my husband's. That was enough. Mother...yes, mine truly had no good advice about fashion or hair to give a teenager. I would tell my younger self to let the hair grow and embrace the curls. I have that oily, younger looking skin, too (in spite of the fairness, freckles and burns).
ReplyDeleteThis Thursday 13 idea is pretty great. Your #11 is the best and gave me a chuckle. I have some advice for myself too, but it depends on the day whether I listen or now.
ReplyDelete