"The upside of my downside"

From page 435 of this book

In a consequential moment of self-awareness, Ted Kennedy understood that his reputation as a womanizer enabled him to be an early activist for AIDS awareness and legislation. His well-known love of the ladies meant he knew he wouldn't face whispers that he was gay because he supported funding for AIDS education and research.

That was in 1989. I didn't meet my darling friend Henry until 1992. One of the first things that we bonded over was our activism. He supported my efforts as a volunteer for Bill Clinton's Presidential campaign. I was there when he needed help for Chicago's annual AIDS Run and Walk. But one thing we never discussed was Ted Kennedy's pivotal role in the crafting and passage of The Ryan White CARE Act.

How I wish we had! I would have loved hearing Henry's take on it all. He was both a proud gay man and a Christian, a product of Catholic schools in Puerto Rico. He was raised to consider JFK, our first Catholic President, a hero. I know he would have observations and opinions on Ted Kennedy's role -- as a Catholic and as a rather rapacious heterosexual -- on AIDS.

Yeah, yeah. I know. "Grief is a journey, not a destination." But I miss Henry so much it hurts. 

I lost both of my parents and my favorite uncle, but I am so much lonelier after losing John and Henry this year. I hurt more. Maybe because I'm not as young or resilient anymore. Maybe because those men were too young to die. Maybe because they were the family I chose. I don't know. 

But I didn't expect this book about Ted Kennedy to trigger legit sorrow. I hate it when grief sneaks up on me like this.