Maybe because it's Sunday ...

I have been thinking a lot about my relationship with God and how we communicate.

Last week, I was feeling overwhelmed by life. I was worried about my health and my finances, exhausted from the pain and stress.

To bolster my spirits, I brought my loved ones with me to the hospital. I found a pair of socks my late mother had given me more than a decade ago. I wore a white cloth mask from my niece and a t-shirt from my nephew's college. 

After the procedure was over, after I knew I was safe and would recover, I prayed in gratitude. I thanked God for delivering me. It wasn't a formal prayer, not a Bible verse. Just a humble acknowledgement that I know whose child I am.

My Cousin Rose is far more conventional in the practice of her faith. Her approach to prayer is also far different from mine. Hers is both more formal and more constant. She invokes Bible verses and prayers she learned during church services. 

I prefer to wing it. I don't want to recite when I pray. It feels more sincere and heartfelt to use my own words when I talk to God. 

But I think I'm going to lift up prayers more often. Rose says it comforts her. I could have used comfort this week, and it was there for me. I just didn't avail myself of it.

It's just I look at our nation -- from QAnon crazy election deniers on the ballot to Hurricane Ian -- and I think, doesn't God have more important things to do than comfort me? Isn't it enough that He delivered me on the other side of my turmoil? Why be greedy and demanding?

But I realize that is narrow thinking. That is looking at God as if He were a person. He is infinite. He has the capacity to listen to me when I'm scared and overwhelmed. He doesn't "mind." I am His child. He loves me. He is, in fact, always there anyway, even when I'm not reaching out.

"Trust that the Lord will provide" and "You are never alone." That's what Rose always reminds me.

I know intellectually that she is right. I just need to get more comfortable incorporating this into my daily thinking.

I learned something this week. I am happy I did.