I wasted a great deal of Friday and Saturday being upset. And that's because my life sucks right now. I have work trouble, dental trouble, money trouble. I could feel like a victim, or I could ...
And so I have.
First, I called my oldest friend and unburdened myself to her. While sipping tequila. This was a fine but most temporary solve. For as soon as we hung up, my heart began beating out of my chest again -- ca-thunk, ca-thunk, ca-thunk -- like a character in an old cartoon. And I woke up with a headache.
Saturday morning, I listened to my shrink. She told me two important things: 1) my life does suck and I have to honor that I'm going through a difficult time and 2) these issues are not going to be resolved in the short-term, so I have to figure out how to live with them in the meantime. She's right. I can't keep obsessing and awfulizing or I'll miss the good things in my life. I'm going to the TCM Classic Film Festival later this month. I've been waiting for this for two years. I can't let these problems take that away from me.
I should listen to my shrink. I'm paying her and, well, she went to doctor school. So I'm taking her advice about bringing myself back to the moment -- a kind of remedial meditation technique she taught me -- and I took back a little bit of control. I checked out my dentist's website and there is a financing option, so even if I lose my job and insurance I may be able to afford at least some of the work.
Today, I paid attention in church. Sometimes God gets His message to me in the most round about fashion. For today, I didn't take strength from the sermon, the hymns or the prayers. No, it was the "story for all ages" that the pastoral assistant read to the kids before they went downstairs to religious education. It was a children's book that advises wee ones to draw upon and take comfort from their heritage. "Somebody, somewhere, at some point has been just as angry or scared as you are now."
That's true, you know. I'm in a rough patch right now. But I've been in rough patches before. My family and friends have been in rough patches, too. They don't last forever. We all come through on the other side.
And so, I watched a lot of baseball. Both Cubs and Yankees. Baseball makes me happy. I checked over the schedule for the TCM Classic Film Festival and plotted which movies I'll see when. I cuddled my cats (fur has tremendous healing properties). When stress and anxiety began to creep in, I employed those little tricks my shrink taught me.
I'm going to be fine. I don't know how, exactly. But I will be fine. I know I will relapse and freak out again and again as I make my way through this, but that's OK, too. "Somebody, somewhere, at some point has been just as angry or scared as I am now." It doesn't last forever.
Thank you for this post. I needed it too. Yep, sometimes life just sucks. Not fun. I love what your shrink told you. Sounds like what mine tells me. I also love the message you got in church from the child's book. Yes, God speaks to us in whatever way we will listen. You will be in my prayers tonight. You are going through a hard time, but you got this.
ReplyDeleteYour shrink is amazing. And the takeaway about heritage- -wow! Talk about clarity.
ReplyDeleteThis too shall pass. But in the meantime I'm sending you positivity and love.
Hang in there.
ReplyDeleteThat was a good message for the kids...and you! And probably for all of us. Sorry things are rough right now, but as the saying goes "this, too, shall pass" if we have the patience to wait it out. I believe God allows us these moments in the valley to teach us (or remind us) we can't do it alone, we need Him and we need others to weather it. Praying things begin to improve for you this week and going forward.
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