Saturday, April 17, 2021
1. The best story your parents or grandparents tell about the good ole days. When my mom was a little girl during WWII, she spent a few late summer weeks each year with her grandparents. They didn't live on a farm, but it was during rationing so they kept chickens and traded the eggs with their neighbors. Anyway, this was her favorite end-of-summer tradition: she would choose the buttons, rickrack and bows that her grandmother would use to make her a new back-to-school dress ... out of a chicken feed bag! It sounds sad, but the way my mom told it, you could tell the memory delighted her. The decorations were sold by a door-to-door "notions" salesman, and when my mom saw him come up the walk with his case, she thought life couldn't get any better.
2. The best things in life are... Books, baseball, the Beatles, and cats.
3, Things that drive me batty. People who excuse thoughtless, hurtful or rude behavior by using words/phrases like "truth bomb" and "keeping it real." They aren't honest and authentic, they're just selfish boors. (And usually wrong.)
4. A place I'd like to live and why. The Palmolive Building, right here in Chicago. It's a historic old building (that rotating light at the top was added to help Lucky Lindy find his way!) and it provides awesome views of The Lake and Michigan Avenue. And it used to be Playboy's national headquarters. I think Hugh Hefner was a dreadful, dangerous man, so the idea of an old-school, unreconstructed feminist like me putting her feet up there is appealing.
5. The best thing I've ever found. I don't know if this counts as "found," but the ATM at the local convenience store gave me two 20s instead of one, and no receipt. I asked the kid who worked there what to do -- expecting him to give me a phone number to call or something -- and he pretty much told me to go away. No one had ever asked him anything like this before and it genuinely annoyed him to be confronted by a new problem. The bank never deducted any money from my account, so I got $40 free. I was perpetually broke in those days, so I mightily appreciated the good fortune.
6. The best thing that happened recently is. Anthony Rizzo got a triple. I've been very worried about him this season. His bat's been cold and I hate it when he's not doing well.
7. I admire people who... remember to give. Here's another picture of Anthony Rizzo, this time with the service dog he provided to The Joe Dimaggio Children's Hospital in Hollywood, FL.
8. What makes me special. Aw, hell. I'm just an all-around great gal.
9. I am looking forward to... the end of the pandemic.
10. Things that scare me. Clowns, squirrels, and the Cubs not extending Anthony Rizzo's contract.
11. Complaints I have. Selfish assholes STILL complaining about the mask mandate. More than 565,000 Americans have died of the virus and they insist on making this about themselves. BTW, Douches and Douchettes, you do realize that when this is over, you'll still be mandated to wear shoes in public. Does this interfere with your toes' right to "live free?" (Oh, you don't like being referred to as a douchebag? Pardon my truth bomb. I'm just keepin' it real.)
12. I could never live without... caffeine.
13. Things that make me laugh. Here are two of my favorite jokes:
a) Larry the Lobster played the harp in Tommy Dorsal's band. One night they were performing a swimphony at the undersea disco run by his friend, Sam Clam. After the show, a fishy shook her tailfin at him. He put his harp down so they could swim circles around the dance floor. Then he swam home. "Oh, no!" he exclaimed, "I left my harp in Sam Clam's disco!" (You know, like "I Left My Heart in San Francisco." Yuk yuk.)
b) A grandmother is watching her grandson play on the beach. He's wearing a sunhat, shoveling sand into a bucket. A huge wave comes and takes him out to sea. She pleads, "Please, God, save my only grandson. I will live a blameless life if only you return him to me. I beg of you, bring him back." And a big wave washes the boy back and his bucket back onto the beach, good as new. She looks up to Heaven and says, "He had a hat."
14. What is a new skill that you would like to learn? I want to learn Spanish.
15. What brightened your day today? The Cubs got 13 runs!