Friday, April 18, 2014
I have resources. I should use them.
Wednesday was a bad day. It left me blue (see below).
I don't like being blue. I don't like accepting that I just have to take life as it comes. I wanted to do something about it!
So I articulated my worries about my job to the one person who can do something about them, the one person whose very job it is to listen and to help: my boss. While I was talking to him, I realized that I felt let down by my two teammates, but that I haven't been holding them accountable for their performance because I want us all to feel upbeat.
In short, I've been concentrating more on us being happy than I am on us being good. I am so worried about not being the bitch who can't get along with The Chocolate Covered Spider, not being the one who argues with everyone, that I've let standards slide. And yet feeling as though my coworkers are not doing their best makes me feel vulnerable.
Part of this comes from four of us sitting together in the Clown Car. I soak in everyone's emotions and feel responsible for the mood, for keeping us upbeat. It's exhausting.
And it ends now. I can change what I can change: I can make my boss more aware of our issues, because that's his job. I can insist that our account executive schedules the time it takes to get our work proofread, because that's her job. I can treat my art director like an adult and hold him responsible for his screw ups, because that's his job. And I can be more vigilant myself, because providing the client with our best product is my job.
But it's not my job to excuse bad behavior or take the fall when mistakes happen.
After talking with my boss, after dumping his fair share of the responsibility on him, I felt better. It's strange that sharing responsibility, I feel more empowered, but there you go.
And in the words of my fantasy older sister, Nora Ephron, I'm working on being the heroine and not the victim of my work story.