Monday, November 26, 2012

Happy Birthday to Me, Part 5

I have devoted much blogsplace to my tortured relationship with Kathy. Our relationship spans the decades, and it's been exhausting, at least for me. I had decided last spring to sever our ties.

I didn't want to have a big blow up. I didn't want to hurt her feelings. After all, I'm more than willing to accept that there's something inherent about me that sets her off (certainly my own sisters find that to be true). I just wanted her to go away. It was beyond time to end this little dance we do.

But she won't let me go! Over the past 9 months she has given me a no-reason-at-all gift, taken me to breakfast, sat through my mom's visitation and service ... I feel like I'm being wooed.

Yesterday she came out and took me to breakfast for my birthday, and gave me a big bag of chocolates as a gift. It was nice. And, since I couldn't bear the thought of throwing it away and Kathy is the only other grandma among my acquaintances, I gave her a small token that I was going to include in my mother's upcoming birthday gift -- a magnet I picked up in Colonial Williamsburg that says, "I may not have fame or fortune, but my grandchildren are priceless." It made her cry.

So I guess we're friends. I'm conflicted about this, because I'm not sure I can get past all that has occurred over the decades, and I think that being friends implies I can.

But she has been so sweet and loving and, even though she's never said it, I can tell she's sorry.

So she stays in my life. At arm's length, but she stays here.


  1. she must really feel bad...maybe she needed to know you were done with her to get a change???

  2. It takes a long time to build back trust. Your cutting off contact may have been the clue she needed to realize she needed to.

  3. I have a friend like this, too. It's toxic but I can't seem to end it although we have very little contact lately.