Wednesday, September 19, 2012

The Root of All Evil

There is no hell in the afterlife. I know this because I have recently experienced it here on earth.

No one in my immediate family has any money, it seems. This includes my older sister, who had been bragging about how important she is and how well her job is going, yet now tells me she's broke. And boy, is she ever mad at me.

Apparently I am supposed to pay the utilities and property taxes on our mother's house until it sells for $200,000 so that we can break even with the reverse mortgage. Not make money, mind you. Break even. That house is worth $150,000 in this market. She refuses to believe it because the lot is so huge. She thinks someone will pay $200,000 for the land and tear the house down and build apartments. Why would someone pay full price for a home to level when they can buy a foreclosed property for a fraction of that?

She also is willing to wait 3 to 6 months to enjoy the mythic bonanza of riches that we will reap. The thing of it is, the bill from the funeral home is due within 30 days. I have paid $4000 on it already. Another $6400 is due. I am on the hook for it. I told her that all her plans for storage lockers and garage sales and Craig's List and real estate deals don't help me when that bill comes due.

She started yelling at me. And yelling at me. She called me a martyr and said I was grating on her. She told me she doesn't have to give me anything on the funeral home bill. I told her that's just what I always expected her to say.

It was ugly. One niece started to cry until she threw up. The other one hid in the basement.

Then she hugged me and started to cry and said we were sisters. Gee, that explains why she was always around the house. She said that she's broke but promises that, within 30 days, she will "make a dent" in the remaining $6400.

I'm on the hook for it.

My mom's will is clear. I am in charge. If I can't handle it, my kid sister takes control. Only if both of us relinquish control does my older sister get involved. This is not what I wanted. This is not what I expected. But my mother did it for a reason.

I invited my older sister to meet with me and my lawyer to be nice. I didn't have to. Before she arrived, he made it clear to me that as executor, he is MY attorney. He will advise me and answer any of her questions, but he will only take direction from me.

We're going to get three estimates on the house this week. Then what I'll do is call the bank and tell them to take the deed to the house in lieu. That will free up my mom's checking account and her handful of shares of Met Life stock. That will put us to about $9000.

Out of that will come legal costs, my mom's final bills and the storage until until we can have a sale to dispose of her belongings. And my uncle's final belongings. My kid sister can't pay anything, but she's going to handle the lion's share of packing and disposing. It's an emotional and hard job, so I don't begrudge her.

My older sister is a cunt. But she's now back in California where she belongs.

On a brighter note, I think the service went well. My aunt/godmother stayed glued to my side. Four good friends came by and stayed for a good while. I got through it and it's over.


  1. Oh lordy, you MUST be pissed to bring out the c word, Gal!

    Deaths and then money issues often bring out the worst in people and in your sister's case, looks like that's some pretty ugly stuff even before the worst is out there.

    Please continue to use all the support you have available (lawyers, etc) to take care of things making sure you are the priority.

    That's one of your big challenges now - and I know it will be hard on your inner peace-maker/conflict-avoider but stand tall and do what's needed.

    (I know I'm full of advice these days. I'd come over and drink cocktails with you and let you wail to me if I were there. Then I'd go thrash your sister for being so awful. I'm a marvelous advocate and you do not want to hurt people I love. (that's you, btw.))

    I sent you a little giftie to cheer you. Make sure you get it from wherever you pick up your apartment's gifties!)

    Love you.

  2. How miserable! I'm so sorry you have to go through all this, but I'm glad for the members of your family who are pitching in.

    Take the meds, (I hope they work for you) get some rest while you can.

    Be well.

  3. Ahhh, the sister dance... I'm so sorry your sister is being unreasonable.

  4. I really don’t understand why they can’t accept their part of the funeral expense for their own mother. I would go take out a loan to help pay my part.
    If you never spoke to them again…I would understand. I am so sorry you are being subjected to such bad behavior and rudeness.
    I truly pray this will be over with soon; that our precious Lord will provide a buyer for your mother’s home and you can be out from under this misery.
    Sending lots of hugs...