Saturday, September 15, 2012

Day for Night

I don't know how much of it is stress, or grief, or terror, or the remnants of my flu, but I don't sleep like other people any more. I become exhausted in the afternoons and sleep so that I can wake up after midnight. This is not smart.

My mommy died. 

I am overwhelmed. My mom had no life insurance. I have 30 days to come up with $10,000 to pay for the funeral, $2,000 for the burial and about $5,000 in estate/legal/court costs.

I now own a house, and all it's contents. And its reverse mortgage. Which means that until it sells -- and hey, good luck with that, Gal -- I'm now responsible for its insurance and maintenance and property taxes and utilities. Though while looking around for stuff, my nephew did find $1000 in cash and a never-used ATM card. (My mom didn't trust those cash machines.)

I am scared.

I was over at her house today, for the first time since she died, collecting tons of paperwork for the lawyer. I saw the vase of dried lavender stalks I brought back from Colonial Williamsburg. I saw her shower cap hanging on the back of the bathroom door.

She simply left the house one morning for a long Labor Day weekend. She not only didn't mean to leave me this mess, she didn't intend to leave me at all.

How I wish I had HER, and not her STUFF.


  1. Oh sweetie, I wish I could be there to help you (not that you need my help specifically but I just want to be there for you.

    re: your decision about Nora, I think it's a good one and yeah, you may end up with her anyway but at least you are thinking clearly now about it and are moving in the right direction.

    re: the money - holy moley, that's a lot of money. I had to pay for my mom's funeral too and the costs are enormous. I find that horrifying and having to deal with that stress on top of losing someone - well, not a good combination. I trust the Universe to assist you with taking care of financial matters in the best way possible.

    re: you - I know you know this but a reminder that grieving is a process. Some days you're okay with things and other days you'll be in the store and see something that reminds that your mom is no longer with you and break down crying in aisle 5. Just feel it, don't judge it and keep moving.

    I love you lots and lots and am here to talk to if you want. Been there, done that yada yada yada.


  2. having to deal with these issues and the loss of is overwhelming. i wish everyone would understand how important it is to make plans for our death. i didn't want to deal with it but i did because i am a control freak and wanted to spare my children. now it is done and paid for. any of you reading think about it...don't put your children in the same shoes our dear Gal is going through.
    Gal I am so sorry this burden is on your shoulders...but you will get through it..there will be painful days but we will encourage and cheer you on till the end.
    sending you much love, hugs and words of "you can do this" your way!!!

  3. Anonymous12:46 PM

    It is so easy to be overwhelmed when someone passes suddenly like that. Make sure that in taking care of her "stuff", you don't forget to take care of YOU. Sleep when you are sleepy, eat when you can, and make sure you are doing the best you can to look after yourself. Grief comes and goes, and often stays, but should only ever be a part of who you are.

    We are all here for you.

  4. I should stop in here more than twice a week. I suppose there are no words that I can come up with that will ease your pain and grief.

    I do want to say this: Your mom must have been a hell of a woman. She raised a woman that I've gotten to know through this blog. I really, really like that woman. IO am sure she was proud to have a crazy Cub fan and wonderful person as her daughter.

    I will have a good thought for you, your mom and your family.

    Your bud,


  5. Anonymous7:12 PM

    Oh hon, I'm sorry that you're having to deal with all this, as if losing your mother isn't hard enough on its own. I know you think they won't, but I sincerely hope your sisters step up to the plate and do what's right here. (And I do hope you have the strength to let them know that you DON'T have that kind of money, if they don't already realize that.)

    Thinking of you still.

  6. I'm so sorry you're having to do with all of this more or less on your own. Stress and depression can really play havoc with your sleep cycle, not to mention just being sick.

    I'm still thinking of you and praying for you as you navigate this.

  7. That is an enormous amount of stress to deal with on top of losing your mother. You are understandably overwhelmed on so many levels.

    Sending prayers and strength.


Sorry about adding Comment Moderation, folks. But look at the bright side, at least I've gotten rid of word verification!