Saturday, June 23, 2012

What's another $38/month?

Illinois is in terrible shape financially and, on July 1, the aid my mother relies on to pay for her meds will be eliminated. She is freaking out because it means she won't be able to afford her prescriptions.

She is so upset that she hasn't been able to call Blue Cross/Blue Shield. BC/BS is the company where she has her Medicare Part B. I know because I'm the one who chose it for her, years ago, and I'm the one who gives her money for the premiums.

She wants me to figure out how to fix this because she's "not comfortable" talking to insurance companies. I pushed back, telling her that she is the one who has the BC/BS card in her wallet. She is the one who knows how much money she gets from her reverse mortgage and from social security, not me.

Plus, I am trying hard not to run things and stop bossing other people around in their personal lives.

And I resent that my mother has two other daughters -- more conventional women that she understands better than she does me, women that she believes are more beautiful than I am -- that she's not bringing this to. She brought it to me. She could ask the family patriarch who molested me for help, the one whose portrait is so proudly displayed on her new wall of photos. But she asks me. Now, when I am trying to get my own finances straightened out so I can be comfortable in my own retirement.

I love my mother. I want her to be well and with us for years to come. For that, she needs her meds. So of course I will help her.

I know my mother loves me as much as she is able. And I appreciate the good things I have inherited from her -- my love of nature, my ability to find joy in the little things.

I already give her about $200/month. I think I just found myself on the hook for another $38/month. I want to give it to her with an open heart. That's going to take some work, some prayer, some introspection.

Wish me luck!

1 comment:

  1. I got choked up reading this post and am moved by this.


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