"Because I want to still love him."

I have two nephews. The younger one is sweet and thoughtful and quiet. The older one is an alpha -- big and blond and charming. The younger one is by far the brighter bulb, yet he idolizes the older.

The younger one was touched deeply by the Bernie Sanders campaign. He was inspired to become a election judge, the first step in what promises to be a lifetime of involvement. The older one posted memes like this.

Now there could be a lot of reasons why the older one does this. 1) His Beevis/Butthead side laughs at chlamydia. 2) He's in the Navy and military culture doesn't encourage free thought or sensitivity. 3) He's incredibly immediate, and since he doesn't think beyond hitting "post," it doesn't occur to him that he could be offending his biggest fan.

But it did and it does. I asked my younger nephew what's going on with the older one -- specifically I wanted to know if he may be getting married soon, because I'd want to send a gift.* I was surprised to hear my younger nephew say, "I don't know. I don't follow him on social media anymore."

"Why not?"

"Because I want to still love him."

This made me so sad.

So it's come to this. Our political discourse has become this coarse and this cruel. This casually cruel.

We're so in love with labels. My "progressive" cousin believes his own mother is "a racist homophobe" because she voted Trump. My "conservative" aunt calls her oldest son's political activism "puerile." They didn't talk on Christmas. They didn't talk yesterday, on his birthday.

Now my two nephews aren't communicating directly.

I read the other day that progressives believe it's "important" for Rachel Maddow to call Paul Ryan and Donald Trump racist. I remember when the Right believed it was "important" for Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton to label "radical Islamic terrorism"

I do not like this President. I cannot actually comprehend that he is, indeed, President. I struggle getting my mind around the fact that he was elected.

But he was. And I want to understand why. I don't want to understand Trump, I want to understand the Trump voter.

I refuse to believe that half the country is racist and hatefilled. Certainly it's possible that Donald Trump is, but labeling him as such just makes his supporters feel disrespected and they will dig in.

I refuse to believe that Bernie Sanders ever wanted to be a wrecking ball and destroy the fabric of the government he's participated in for more than 25 years.

I refuse to believe that Hillary Clinton is a disease-ridden felon.

I refuse to believe that Barack Obama is just about anything I've heard him called by the alt-right.

But it seems I'm alone in the minority. It feels like my fellow Americans are obsessed with labeling one another, stereotyping one another, dividing us into "us" and "them."

I don't like what it's doing to my family or my country.

*No matter how old he is, he'll always be a big, dumb kid and I'll always have a soft spot in my heart for him. Regardless of his politics.

Just in case

I bought this jacket yesterday at Carson's (that may be Bergner's or Bon-Ton or Younker's in your part of the world). It's lined, and the sleeves hit me correctly. I got 35% off, which made me happy.

Unzipped, it looks less casual. I'm going to wear it with a white blouse and black slacks, accessorizing it with a silver chain/pendant.

I'll wear it for a client presentation, but I bought it in case I need to go on interviews. As I near 60, I'm less and less confident that there's another full-time job in advertising waiting for me, so I want to hang on where I am as long as I can.

But I have no idea what the future holds, and it's good to be ready. I should also develop an online portfolio. I haven't yet. I think that would make my perilous situation feel more real.

Sunday Stealing

Sunday Stealing: The TV Shows Questions

1. Name a TV show series in which you have seen every episode at least twice: Friends and MASH come to mind

2. Name a show you can't miss: This Is Us


3. Name an actor that would make you more inclined to watch a show: Alan Alda. Loved him as Hawkeye and enjoyed him on The West Wing. There's a rumor that he might go on tour with Love Letters, and if he does and he comes to Chicago, I'll be there.

4. Name an actor who would make you less likely to watch a show: Larry David. I know everyone else in America thinks he's funny, but I cannot stand him.

5. Name a show you can, and do, quote from: Friends. "We were on a break." "Could you BE more ..." "He's her lobster."

6. Name a show you like that no one else enjoys: NCIS


7. Name a TV show which you've been known to sing the theme song: "When you find your own true love, you will know it by his smile and the look in his eye ...." Appointment TV for every girl in my junior high school. (What? You don't remember Bobby Sherman?)



8. Name a show you would recommend everyone to watch: This Is Us

9. Name a TV series you own: An entire series? None. I have the first three seasons of Moonlighting, but I didn't invest in the last two seasons because I didn't like them the first time.

10. Name an actor who launched his/her entertainment career in another medium, but has surprised you with his/her acting chops in television: Let's spin this the other way. Who knew Gidget and The Flying Nun was such a wonderful actress?

 

11. What is your favorite episode of your favorite series? The episode of Friends where Joey puts on all Chandler's clothes and Monica fixates on whether the message she left on her ex's answering machine was "breezy enough."

12. Name a show you keep meaning to watch, but you just haven't gotten around to yet: The Crown

13. Ever quit watching a show because it was so bad? Seinfeld. I know, I know. Everyone but me loves it. But I thought it was hostile and depressing.

14. Name a show that's made you cry multiple times: Downton Abbey. Just remembering when Mr. Carson consoled Lady Mary after the death of Matthew, I well up. "You cry, m'lady. You have a good cry." Couldn't we all use a Mr. Carson in our lives? 

 
And that's just one episode. Remember when Lady Sybil died? Remember when Isis the Dog died? Remember WWI?

15. What do you eat when you watch TV? It changes. Lately I've been reaching for Ritz Crackers.

16. How often do you watch TV? Constantly.

17. What's the last TV show you watched? Right now, I'm watching a special on about TCM's Robert Osborne. I adored that man.

 

18. What's your favorite/preferred genre of TV? Sitcoms, I suppose

19. What was the first TV show you were obsessed with? Batman. When my favorite uncle was in Vietnam, this little gal used to keep him up to date with every episode. He was so amused by this he kept those letters, which we found after his death. It made me so happy to know that my oh-so-serious ramblings about Gotham City brought him some comfort when he was in that faraway jungle.

20. What TV show do you wish you never watched? It's a tossup -- Curb Your Enthusiasm or Seinfeld. I hate to keep ragging on those shows, but you keep asking!

21. What's the weirdest show you enjoyed? Autopsy: The Last Hours of ... on REELZ. (Don't judge me.)

22. What TV show scared you the most? Here Comes Honey Boo Boo.

23. What is the funniest TV show you have ever watched? Friends 

Saturday 9

Saturday 9: Along Again, Naturally (1971)

1. Friday was St. Patrick's Day, March 17th! Did you celebrate with green beer or a green milkshake? No. Though they did garnish the dessert tray in the cafeteria with green frosting kisses, and I took one.

2. Did you remember to wear green? Yes. My green Izod sweater.

3.  What color do you look best in? Green.

4. This week's featured artist, Gilbert O'Sullivan, was born in Waterford, Ireland. Waterford is famous for Waterford Crystal. Do you have glassware that you save for special occasions? Yes. Gray smoke tumblers and juice glasses. I don't know what I'm saving them for, since I never entertain.

5. This week's featured song includes the line, "To think that only yesterday I was cheerful, bright and gay." How were you feeling yesterday? I was feeling a little overwhelmed. Shoutout to ZIPPI for her wise words and sensitive support. (Thank you.)

6. It begins with reference to a wedding that didn't quite come off because the bride left the groom at the altar. When were you most recently at church? Was it for a holiday service, a regularly scheduled service, a special event (a wedding or baptism)? It was a regularly scheduled service. With my minister and congregation, but not at my church. Our building is still being renovated! Originally they told us it would be done for Christmas Eve, 2016, but when that didn't happen, they stopped giving us a date certain. While the Lutherans who lend us their church every week are very gracious, I don't like going there. I know it's not supposed to matter where I worship, but it does. I want our building back. My church feels like home.

7. In 1971, when this song was popular, Malibu Barbie was a big seller for Mattel. This doll had a perpetual tan. For a human to achieve this, a tanning bed or self tanner is usually required. Have you used either method to give yourself a tan? I fake-baked for a while years and years ago. I liked the look, but boy, being trapped in that tanning bed felt creepy. I'm happy and relieved to report that on Wednesday, during my annual visit with the dermatologist, he said he found "only minimal" sun damage.

8. In March, 1971, James Taylor appeared on the cover of TIME magazine. What's your favorite James Taylor song? This song has been covered dozens of times, but no one does it better than James. Perhaps Joni Mitchell originally wrote it about him?



9. Random Question: What word or phrase do you hear yourself saying too often? "The thing of it is, is ..."

Soon, Gal, Soon

I'm always happier when I have baseball. And it all begins again Sunday, April 2. (Though they won't play in front of this beautiful old scoreboard until April 10.)

Look how pretty!

Got this for half price at Kohls. You can't tell from this photo, but there are buttons at the shoulder. This will dress up my jeans and will work from spring all the way into fall. Color me happy.

"It's not an excuse! It's the truth!"

So a fresh-faced young man shouted into his phone. I don't know what he was trying to justify, nor can I be sure what he said was accurate. But it did strike a chord with me, because it reminds me of conversations I used to have all the time with my family in the bad old days.

I've been thinking about those awful days an awful lot. I don't know why, but I don't think it's healthy or productive. I'm thinking of resuming therapy to work through this.

But here's the thing: my shrink retired and moved to Boston. Do I really feel like starting over with someone new?

Also, I'm working hard at digging out of debt. Do I really want to add another monthly bill?

Or am I trying to put a price on health?

Hmmmm ....

Oh, shut up

Many of my Facebook friends follow Jim Wright, a "forward thinking progressive." Sometimes he's funny. His writing is always clever. Usually he's hostile. He is, frankly, too partisan for this old-school liberal. I'm a Kennedy Girl. I think public service is honorable, and I believe compromise yields results. The ideological purity of zealots like Jim Wright (or Steve Bannon) gets into the way of getting things done for the people of this country.

But that's a small quibble, really. He's a good writer and we have free speech in this country. I would prefer people not be seduced into his "us vs. them" worldview because I agree with Barack Obama that what unites us is greater than what divides us. But whatever. I'd also prefer people not obsess on the Kardashians and the Duggars.

But Jim Wright moves from his usual edgy and descends into offensive when he starts in on John McCain. "Johnny Walnuts," as he likes to call him. He makes fun of how, when presented with Trump's ridiculous accusation about President Obama and wiretaps, McCain snarled in his "gravelly war-hero voice" and "shook his gnarled fist in the air."

John McCain cannot shake his gnarled fist in the air because, in 1967:

•  He broke both arms as he ejected from his fiery warplane.

•  He was then captured, and as a POW had his shoulder shattered by one of his captors.

Consequently, John McCain cannot lift his arms. He even needs help to comb his hair.

John McCain in a propaganda photo from Hanoi

Jim Wright's military background doesn't make his Facebook post "informed." It makes it even worse.

Hillary Clinton's "deplorable" label should not be reserved for the alt-right. I was disgusted by Trump mocking Serge Kovaleski of the New York Times, and I'm disgusted by Jim Wright.

Let's try not to become what we hate.

WWW.WEDNESDAY

To participate, and to see how others responded, click here. 

1. What are you currently reading? Chaos by Patricia Cornwell. It feels like forever since I spent any time with Kay Scarpetta. (In fact, it was Bone Bed in 2012.) I see she's back in Massachusetts. She's called upon to solve the mystery of how an otherwise healthy young woman could be killed by lightening on a clear and cloudless moonlit night. I'm looking forward to the usual cast of characters -- Benton, Marino, Lucy - plus Kay's kid sister Dorothy who is visiting from Florida. We don't see much of the irresponsible but more creative sibling. I imagine that having the stylish and madly intelligent Kay as big sister wasn't easy. Looking forward to seeing how their relationship colors the mystery.

2. What did you recently finish reading? Prince Charles, by Sally Bedell Smith. Someone once said that actor Peter Lawford wouldn't even be the star of his own biopic, so overwhelmed was he by the star power of his relationships with Marilyn, JFK and Sinatra. That observation reminded me of Prince Charles, because as I read this book it seemed he was forever being upstaged by his more charismatic relatives. First his beloved mother, The Queen; of course, Diana; his charming sons, William and Harry; now William's photogenic family. It's odd to read a biography of someone who feels rather like a supporting player in his own life story. 

As for the book itself, it was easy to read and interesting. I just wish that, when writing about his first marriage, Ms. Smith didn't stack the deck so neatly in Charles' favor. I appreciate that Diana was mercurial and that the marriage wasn't easy, but I don't see her as a villain. It looks to me as though there were no victors in the War of Waleses, only victims.

 
3.  What will you read next? I don't know. Maybe another biography?

I want

My all-time idol, JBKO, rather cannily observed that, "People like to believe in fairytales." I admit I'm one of those people. And that's why I find these photos so enormously touching.

Here you see Prince Charles and his sons at Diana's funeral. By now Diana and Charles had been long separated and officially divorced. He had returned to the woman Diana believed he never left. She had been involved with James Hewitt, Hasnat Khan, and Dodi Fayed. The rancor between Prince and Princess had abated. It's almost as though space had afforded them the luxury of civility. They spoke often about parenting -- they both loved their boys -- and schedules and royal engagements.

It would be easy to assume that when these photos were taken, Charles' overriding emotion was concern. He was, of course, worried about his sons. He knew he had an official role to perform and he wanted to deserve the respect of his subjects. And I'd believe concern was all that's going on here if not for one thing:

He's wearing a blue suit.

This most hidebound of men certainly knew that Royals wear black and only black for mourning. He owned a black Savile Row suit custom-made for such occasions. But his sons knew he wore the blue suit in tribute to their mother. Diana always told Charles she liked him best in blue.

I want to believe that this Prince understood and respected that he was 19-year-old Diana Spencer's First Love. I just finished a new biography of Prince Charles and it details, excruciatingly, the warfare between husband and wife. The author, clearly pro-Prince, wants us to take sides in the War of the Waleses. I refuse.

The blue suit tells me that he knew she loved him and that, once upon a time, he loved her, too. That they were happy once. Yes, their marriage was doomed from the start. But isn't it possible for even epically incompatible people to be in love, at least for a time?

This old Gal really wants to believe that.

A window into my world

As we prepared for the first major snowfall in months, I went to Walgreens to pick up the essentials:

•  Coke
•  Toilet paper
•  Catfood

Sunday Stealing

Sunday Stealing: The Eight/Ten Questions

TEN TO START:

1. Are you single? Yes

2. Are you happy? At times

 

3. Are you bored?  Seldom

4. Are you naked? At times

 5. Are you a blonde? No

6. Are you moody? At times

7. Are you a lover/hater? Depends

8. Are you hot/cold? Right now, I'm like Goldilocks: "Just right."

9. Are you Irish? Less than 10%.

10. Are you Asian? No.

TEN FACTS:

1. Name: The Gal Herself

2. Nickname: Gal

3. Birth mark: Right thigh

 

4. Hair color: Light brown with highlights

5. Natural hair color: Light brown

6. Eye color: Green

7. Height: 5'2

8. Facebook Mood: Happy all the time, because social media is such a fake place

9. Favorite color: Blue

 

10. One Place to Visit: For some reason, this is what popped into my mind. It's the darling little waterfall at the base of Ouachita Mountain in Hot Springs, AR. I long to go back. It's an intimate, sweet little town and it feels like my secret place. If I had the money, it would be my solo getaway this year. (But I don't have the money.)

 

TEN THINGS ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE.

1. Do you believe in love at first sight? "Yes, I'm certain that it happens all the time."

2. Do you believe in soul mates? Yes.

4. Have you ever been hurt emotionally? Of course.

5. Have you ever broken someone’s heart? Regretfully.

6. Have you ever been cheated on? Yes.

7. Have you ever liked someone and not told them? Yes.

8. Are you afraid of commitment? Yes.

9. Who was the last person you hugged? My friend, Barb.

10. Who was the last person you kissed? A man I had no business kissing.

TEN THIS OR THAT.

1. Love or lust? Ideally, both.

3. Cats or dogs? Cats. I like dogs, and would have one if I could, but I can't imagine a feline-free life.

4. A few best friends or many regular friends? Best friends.

5. Television or internet?  Internet, because I could watch YouTube.

6. Chinese Or Indian? Chinese.

7. Wild night out or romantic night in?  Romantic night in. If you see Mark Harmon, let him know.

8. Money or Happiness? Ideally, both.

9. Night or day? "Night or day, you are the one. Only you beneath the moon or under the sun." If you see Mark Harmon, let him know.

10. Skype or phone? Phone.

TEN HAVE YOU EVER.

1. Been caught sneaking out? Yes.

2. Been skinny dipping? No.

3. Stolen? No.

4. Bungee jumped? No.

5. Lied to someone you liked? Yes.

 

6. Finished an entire jaw breaker?  Yes.

7. Cheated on a lover (yes kissing counts...)? No.

8. Wanted an ex bf/gf back? Yes.

9. Cried because you lost a pet?  Yes.

10. Wanted to disappear? Yes.

TEN PREFERENCES IN A PARTNER.

    1.   Smile or eyes? A lover with no eyes would be creepy.

2. Light or dark hair? Dark.

3. Hugs or kisses? Ideally, both.

4. Shorter or taller? There is no one shorter than me.

5. Intelligence or attraction? Intelligence is attractive.

6. Romantic or spontaneous? Spontaneous.

7. Funny or serious? Funny.

8. Older or Younger? There is no one older than me.

9. Outgoing or quiet? Outgoing

10. Sweet or Bad Ass? Sweet. An old "bad ass" is just sad.

TEN HAVE YOU’S.

1. Ever performed in front of a large crowd? If presentations count as performance, yes.
 

2. Ever done drugs? Yes.

3. Ever been pregnant? No.

5. Ever been on a cheer leading team? No.

6. Ever Been on a dance team? No.

7. Ever been on a sports team? Volley ball in junior high. I was dreadful.

8. Ever been in a drama play/production? No.

9. Ever owned a BMW, Mercedes Benz, Escalade, Hummer or Bentley? No.

10. Ever been in a rap video? Why, yes. See if you can spot me. (Clue: I look terrific in uniform.)

 

 

TEN LASTS.

1. Last phone call you made: Walgreens Pharmacy

2. Last person you hung out with: Coworker
 
3. Last person you flirted with: Different coworker

4. Last time you worked: Friday afternoon
 

5. Last person you tackled: Jay Cutler

6. Last person you IM’d: Friend

8. Last person(s) you went to the movies with: This question makes me sad because I missed my movie meetup Saturday night

9. Last thing you missed: My movie meetup Saturday night

10. Last time you did the nasty: I've never considered it nasty

 

There's something about the spinach and cheese croissant

Friday just got away from me. I ate a ton of Girl Scout cookies at my desk, expecting them to hold me over until after my lunchtime workout. Then my boss came in and sat down and I ended up conversing about work instead of working out.

By the time I looked at the clock, it was 2:30. I wasn't really hungry (all those Do-Si-Dos) but I had to get away from my desk for a minute. So I went to the post office and on the way back, stopped at Au Bon Pain.

They didn't have much left to choose from. But I was drawn to the spinach-and-cheese croissant. Hot and gooey. And spinach gave it the patina of nutritious. I snarfed it down without really remembering it. When I got home Friday night, I still wasn't hungry, but had a bowl of cereal for dinner because I didn't want to wake up in the middle of the night, voracious and jonesing for ice cream.

Saturday morning I was soooooo sick. Smelly, voluminous, boy-this-hasn't-happened-in-a-long-time kinda sick. I went back to bed and didn't get up until 1:00. I got it together to go grocery shopping, but that was it. I even missed my classic movie meet-up (and I looooove my classic movie meet-up).

This gave me a lot of time to think. I recall having the ABP spinach and cheese croissant once before.  Guess what happened.

Lesson learned.