I won't rehash this sad story again. I wrote about it. I discussed it with Brian, the other board member. Most important, I discussed it with my shrink.
I am afraid in my own home.
My gut told me that having this week's condo association meeting would just exacerbate a volatile situation and could put me in actual danger. My "good girl" proclivities told me not to make waves and inconvenience everyone.
While talking to my shrink, I realized: I have power.
Because I am on the board, they can't have the meeting without me.
After our session Saturday, I sent a message to the management company and to Brian saying that I want the meeting rescheduled to give Neighbor Kevin time to cool off and digest the cease-and-desist order (since it was mailed, he may not even have it yet). I closed by saying, if they can't accommodate me, I hope they understand why I will not be in attendance.
Brian responded that he understood. The meeting will be rescheduled.
This, right here, is why I'm in therapy.
Professionally, I am very comfortable fighting for what's right. I always keep my client's best interests in mind and will step on toes to deliver it.
Why don't I afford my own well being the same respect?
Why in my personal life is it so important to be a "good girl?" A 63-year-old "good girl."
Oh well. That's a bigger question for another time. Right now I'm going to take a moment, breathe and appreciate that I put myself first here.