Warren is the big, colorful guy who -- until last February -- worked in our mail room. Everyone loved Warren. He shared, and overshared, with everyone who would listen. As he dropped off my Amazon packages, I learned that he:
• Hated living in Gary, and was saving to move to Chicago
• Loved Susan Lucci/Erica Kane and would forever mourn the cancellation of All My Children (noontime would never be the same for him)
• Is terrified of bugs
• His real name is Warren Edward, Jr., known in his family as WeeJay
... on and on and on. Sometimes I was charmed by him, sometimes I wanted him to shut up, but I always noticed him. I felt like I knew him.
In February he made big changes in his life. He went from our mailroom to "facilities coordinator" for a competitive agency. Instead of handling parcels, he was in charge of catering, making sure office supplies are on hand, etc. He also moved from Gary to Wrigleyville on the North Side of Chicago. Since he's in his mid-50s, these changes felt very scary to him. But he did it! Yea, Warren!
Then the pandemic hit. His new agency didn't really need him. When no one is working onsite, no one is having meetings that require catering. When no one is in the office, no one is ordering office supplies. Yet they have kept him on the payroll. 75% of salary, I believe he said. So he gets to stay in his new apartment. Yea!
So why am I worried? Because as I follow Warren on Facebook, I see him devolving. Spinning faster and further away from what he should be doing.
He's been going to the Wrigleyville bars all the time. All. The. Time. Even during the day. Even when the bars weren't technically open. If asked, he and his barmates would tell the police they were hanging out waiting for their food to go. No masks in any of the photos.
When the bars officially reopened this week, he bought a round because he always wanted to do that. "Like in the movies." Yeah, but Warren? You're not on full salary.
He's written about his new and pervasive battle with anxiety. He can't sleep. He can't relax. He posted about how disappointed he was with the offhand way his doctor handled his concerns. I responded I could recommend a good GP. "Not now," he IM'd me. "I'm in the bar." He never got back to me.
I've watched similar behavior with my friends Henry and John. Without jobs to anchor them, they drift and make less-than-stellar choices. Maybe it's a guy thing.
Anyway, as I watched Warren's latest video -- he's singing REM's "End of the World As We Know It" with his new best friend at a bus stop; 22ยบ, no mask -- it hit me very hard that Warren is headed for something bad. Something sad. A crash of some sort. I hope I am wrong.
Warren is luckier than many during this pandemic. He is literally being paid to do nothing. He has friends who care about him. But he can't feel his blessings. I know his anxiety is very real to him. I just wish that he could see he has resources to address his pain and improve his life.
This is such a sad waste.
You may not want to claim "special intuition" but perhaps you CAN claim your ability to see patterns and put together what is going on. I suspect you are right about your friend. It is so hard to watch someone slide down into a ditch and feel like there's nothing you can do but watch.
ReplyDeleteI know you're already sending love and angels in his direction and staying connected the best you can. And I feel your sadness and resignation, for what that's worth.
Sending you love and you send it across the energies to him.
This is a sad waste.
ReplyDelete