Friday, May 06, 2011

Hurt

I was sick on Sunday night and Monday. Really sick. Sweats and nausea. Headache and cramps. It was vile.

And, since we are busy at work and I couldn't afford the time off, I went in at 3:00 and shepherded a project through for a Tuesday afternoon presentation, which I aced even though I was fortified only by saltines and gingerale.

I have felt better each day and my rapid recovery has lifted my spirits enormously. I'm not saying I'm a hero, but within the parameters of my life, this has been a big deal. A very big deal.

On Monday afternoon I felt weepy and called my oldest friend. She has worked with doctors for decades and has a medical background herself. I initially wanted to know if I should continue taking my prescription meds or if they would be too trying for my poor gut. When she didn't pick up, I left a long, rambling, weepy voicemail about how I don't care about anything or anyone anymore because I'm so sick and feel so lousy, and please call and tell me what to do about my meds.

That was Monday at about 3:00 (1:00 her time). I still haven't heard back from her. This hurts me.

I have worked very hard to be there for her and honor the decades we have known each other. I know she is struggling these days and my heart goes out to her. I just wish that, when my heart goes out to her, she'd be a little more gentle with it.

I don't know what to do. My instinct is to call and tell her how hurt I am, but I suspect she won't pick up and that really hurts more. She's not working, on physical therapy, and could certainly find some time to call me back. I'm also afraid that if I do that, I'll find out that something else is wrong. My oldest friend has that kind of life -- shit happens to her.

And then, somehow, the call about how hurt I am will turn around and become a call about how much more trouble she's having. Which will, in turn, hurt and frustrate me.

Oh, well. Maybe I just have to grow up. This is how she is, how she has been for years. I have to accept and love her as she is and try to get over all this, "I me me mine" that I'm spewing in this post.

(Ouch! I'm still not well enough to use the word "spew" without wincing.)

Image: Idea go / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

4 comments:

  1. Very glad you're feeling better. It's sad that your friend wasn't as good to you as you are to her.

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  2. Why are you guarding her feelings? I think she needs a taste of honesty...I can't stand knowing she abuses your relationship because she is so self centered...dang it makes me mad!!!
    You don't have to be mean...but tell her the truth. It is just so rude!
    NO GULIT...you are right to be hurt!

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  3. Thanks to Vivian for saying what I want to say. You treat people like gold, Gal. Some don't treat you back that way. Like Vivian, it makes me mad and want to throw things.

    For pity sake, CALL ME and whine to me. I'll listen. I'll care. I value your heart. I may not be your oldest friend but I am one who cares very much about you. I won't blow off your calls. Or emails.

    Stop giving it to people who can't see past their own stuff all the time. (that part was said with love)

    You have needs too - you're not a martyr. Stop putting yourself out there as one. (I have martyr issues too, so I can say this - also with love.)

    Your part in this is to stop putting your energy toward people who give you crumbs, Girly. You deserve more. But you have to know you do or you'll keep settling and making excuses for their crap behavior.

    All this said with LOVE LOVE and LOVE.

    Snarkela

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  4. Thank you for the support, Ladies. I appreciate it. I love my blog because posts like this, and the responses I get, make me feel so much better!

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