Tuesday, April 08, 2014

Look! The glass is half full!

Yes, something very bad happened to me. It continued to hurt me and bedevil me throughout my life at the most unexpected times. And no, I didn't get the support I needed and deserved from my mother and sisters.

This has to be acknowledged. We're only as sick as our secrets, and this one was a doozy.

On the other hand, after this week, much of it will be OVER. The old fart will be, literally, dead and buried. I'll never have to see at his face. I can think of no reason why his name will come up in any context, ever again. This is an enormous relief.

And, since he managed to die at a time when I can't leave town as I'd planned, I suddenly have quite a cache of American Airlines miles I can use. So this October's trip to Los Angeles? The flight will be free, thankyouverymuch.

I've gotten the support I craved as kid now, and now I'm very grateful for it. Those of you who posted your support on Sunday's post have no idea how much your words meant to me. My aunt from the other side of the family wrote that she wishes she could fly in for "the funeral of that old bastard" so she can "practice her grave dancing." And my oldest friend, an abuse survivor herself, and I talked a lot on Sunday night. It's good to have people in your corner!

And I got through it. I wonder how much this has colored my relationships with men, but at this point it's only an intellectual pursuit. It doesn't really matter how I got through or what it cost me, I got through.

I'm tougher than I give myself credit for.


  1. not only tough...you are smart...
    you have taken charge of your life moved on to what I know is a very productive, loving and compassionate person.

  2. Yes you did, and yes you are.