Thursday, October 25, 2007

"Scared and thinking that maybe we ain't that young anymore"

I had dinner with my friend John in our favorite pub. The one we've been going to for more than 25 years. It was a typical evening for us. We laughed as we compared notes on Britney, discussed our jobs, gossiped about our friend, Linda … the usual.

Then, as we were leaving, he told me that his doctor has twice suggested he get a
implantable defibrillator. November 18 is the first anniversary of John's hospitalization, and his heart just isn't getting as strong as they hoped. He's healthy enough, certainly stronger than he was before they aspirated all the fluid around his heart, but he will never be strong. And the defibrillator will help ensure he won't "just drop dead." Huh? What? I didn't think it was still that serious. I asked him why he was stalling. He explained that:

1) Sudden death might be preferably to the alternative -- which is slow, painful death
2) There are rules that go with the
defibrillator (can't stand by the microwave when it's on and has to have the wand, not the metal detector, at the airport, etc.)
3) It will show and he's afraid he'll feel like a freak or a grandpa.

I told him I'll give him until after the first of the year before I start nagging him, but he's got to get this done. I offered to go with him and take care of him afterward if he needs me. But he's got to get this done.

I'm reeling. We're standing in front of our familiar old bar, and we're talking about how he wants to die! It's not right. It's surreal. I don't accept it. This is not a reality I want. Not John. I'm not done with John. I would miss him so.

3 comments:

  1. Ohhh Thunder Road.

    He will be fine. Cheney has something like this doesnt he and I swear he must be 106

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  2. I agree with you. I think it is kind of scary when we realize that age is creeping up on us and there is absolutely nothing we can do about it. Well, except try to squeeze every single bit of joy out of each and every day! I think you should help convince your friend to have it done. He might not think it's worth it now, but he will down the road.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I think you handled this well by giving him time to make the decision and then to start nagging.

    Sometimes it's hard to let others make their own decisions when we know what we would do.

    ReplyDelete

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