Tuesday, October 25, 2011

No Vacancy in the Hostage Hotel

I heard from my oldest friend yesterday. Funny how I was just thinking of her on Sunday and I heard from her on Monday.

Trust me, that's the only part of this story that is remotely funny.

Her son will not leave

He is 21 years old and he is abusing his mother and 15 year old sister. He has not stricken either one yet. But he destroys their property and screams at them and threatens with tension and temper. It is no way for my friend of her daughter to live. Her daughter -- who can be a beast, no two ways around it -- is also plagued with ADHD and needs normalcy and stability. She's not getting it in that household. And she won't as long as her brother is there.

However, he won't leave.

He has no job, no marketable skills, and nowhere to go. He refuses to crash with friends. None of his relatives will take him. He just stays on the sofa and then erupts.

I told her that next time he destroys anything in her house and she calls the police (and we all know there will be a next time), she must press charges. Have him arrested. Force him into the legal system.

She cries and says she doesn't know what will happen to him then. She can't sacrifice him like that.

She doesn't seem to realize that every day she allows this to continue, she is sacrificing her daughter and herself.

I told her she needs to talk to her shrink. The one in Chicago, since she has not been able to establish any real rapport with any of the counselors in Beverly Hills.

I told her that she has to be honest with her only close living relative, her cousin, the one she moved out there to be near. We're only as sick as our secrets.

We'll see if she'll does what I recommend. Suggesting is all I can do.

Now I have to let this go.


  1. Anonymous9:47 AM

    Even if she won't call the police, she should look to see if there's a crisis hotline that she can call. I know here there's an organization that you can call and they send out trained counselors who can assess the situation, decide what sort of interference are needed and make recommendations. If not. Instead of pressing charges she can request for him to be given a psych eval. If they deem him to be a threat to himself or to his family they will admit him for at least a few days. At least it'll give your friend a respite.

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  3. He's been evaluated and was hospitalized as a danger to himself last June. The problem with that is that since he's 21, she doesn't have any say in what goes on. In this economic climate, hospitals can't afford to keep people like him very long, he fights to get out as soon as he can, and returns to her sofa.

  4. This is so hard, because you care about them all so much, yet you're even more helpless than she is to stop it. And the only way it'll stop is if she stops allowing it. What a mess. I'm so sorry for all your situations.

  5. Oh, I'm so sad for your friend. What a terrible situation. You're a good friend to her and your support is invaluable.