Manic Monday #21

Do you have any idiosyncrasies or unusual quirks when it comes to food and/or eating? I eat one thing at a time. For example, on Thanksgiving, I finish my turkey before diving into the stuffing. This annoys the people I dine with. I don't know why, as I don't pay attention to how they eat. But there you go.

Have you ever written love letters? If so, do you still have any of them? Love letters, specifically? No, but I have written chatty letters that include mushy parts. And I have hung onto them until long after the relationships have ended. Deleting them just always seems as final as getting my keys back.

How easy or difficult is it for you to say you're sorry? Depends on who it is and how big the infraction. The smaller the infraction, or the less intimate the acquaintance, the easier it is. It shouldn't be that way, but again, there you go.

To play along, or to see how other bloggers responded, click here.

What goes on behind closed doors?

We're all back at the office after the Christmas holiday, and we're all nervous about our jobs. Mr. Big (my boss' boss) has been behind closed doors all day, talking alternately to my boss and others at that level. Their faces as they leave Mr. Big's office are inscrutable, as all in management seem united in pretending that this is normal, despite the fact that the Chicago Sun Times business columnist announced today that 2008 "was an exceedingly difficult year for many top Chicago agencies -- and '09 looks no better."

Oh, well. I'm trying not to fixate. If it's gonna happen and I'm to be let go, I imagine the decision has already been made and there isn't a thing I can do about it.

I've got to start somewhere

Today, for the first time in ages, I went to Bally's at lunchtime. It was PACKED with other poor souls, like me, who have resolved to lose weight, lose inches, add muscle … There were so many people there today that all three rows of treadmills were in use.

I spent 30 minutes on the bike, keeping my heart rate up for the full half hour. Then I did a few reps on one of the arm machines and finished with leg lifts. It felt good to do this old body good.

I know my January dedication to fitness makes me a cliche, but I have to start somewhere.

Sunday Stealing #15

1. Looking back on 2008, what might your theme song have been? "Rosalita." Because Bruce sings, "Someday we'll look back on this and it will all seem funny."

2. If 2008 was a movie, who would play you? Carrie Fisher. This year and every year. We have similar round faces and sharp-edged observations.

3. What was your greatest gift of 2008? My friend Kathleen not only talked me into going to the Election Night rally in Grant Park, she followed up by giving me the original press plate from the Tribune's historic 11/05/08 front page. I'm so lucky to have her!

4. What is your New Year Resolution, or, what are you committing to this year? Getting more organized and getting healthier. Looking over this living room, with stacks of paper, shoes, luggage and laundry on the floor, that organization thing looks like an especially daunting task.

5. If January could be represented by one song, what would it be? "Changes in Latitudes, Changes in Attitudes" by Jimmy Buffett. "If we weren't all crazy we would go insane."

6. What do you wish for your body in 2009? More stamina and flexibility. I figure if I get healthier, my body will look better, too.

7. Name one new thing you would love to try in the New Year. (Blushing) I'm having nothing but deliciously dirty thoughts here.

8. What do you long for 2009 to bring? I long for 2009 to bring the opportunity to do #7 with Don Draper.

9. If that happened, how would you feel? Divine. Heavenly. Complete. Spent.

10. Where would you love to vacation in 2009 if money were no object? Manhattan or London.

11. What would you like the theme of 2009 to be? "Happy Days Are Here Again." It was a lucky charm for FDR, let's hope it works the same magic for Barack Obama.

12. If 2009 was a book, and the title was 5 words or less, what might the title be? 2009: Better than 2008

To play along: Sunday Stealing: The New Year Meme

I love this show

This show would be The Man from U.N.C.L.E. Napoleon Solo (right) is the man of the title, Ilya Kuraykin is a fellow top agent, and they use karate, guns and wicked humor to save the world from Godless Communist spies. (I don't know what episode/"affair" this still is from, but something serious must have just happened for the sartorially splendid Napoleon to be wearing such a damaged suit.)

U.N.C.L.E. stands for United Network Command for Law and Enforcement. Their offices were beneath (or behind?) Del Florio's tailor shop in New York. Their arch enemies were the evil agents of THRUSH. I remember it so well from my girlhood. Happy to see it back again.

Saturday 9 -- Dying to Know

1. What do you believe happens when we die? We all go to Heaven.

2. Do you consider yourself religious? I prefer "spiritual."

3. Do you believe in ghosts? No.

4. Do you believe that people live on other planets? Logically, yes. I mean, isn't it arrogant to believe we are the only intelligent life in the universe? But emotionally, no.

5. Have you ever seen something abnormal? "Abnormal?" God, yes! Why just this week I flew from Miami to Key West with a woman who wore a permanent black eye patch, bragged about the new Tiffany tennis bracelet she was wearing, and carried a purse that was filled with nothing but Marlboro Lights. But "supernatural?" No.

6. Do you believe in reincarnation? No.

7. Have you ever witnessed a miracle? No.

8. Is there a person living or dead that influences your philosophies? Jesus.

9. Is there a work of fiction that closely matches your spiritual beliefs? No. Maybe the The Bible, in that I believe in its truth emotionally but not on a literal level.

Want to play along? Saturday 9: Dying to Know

Back home

Reflections on my trip ...

• I flew down with John Cusack. He's better looking in person but seems to be losing his battle with male pattern baldness

• The weather was perfect. Between 75º and 80º, slight breeze, sunny.

• My friend hugged me more often than usual. He knows how scared I am about what's about to happen at work and was trying to comfort me.

• I visited a new museum! I thought that after more than 10 trips, I had seen just about all Key West had to offer. WRONG! Mel Fisher's Maritime Museum has been on the island for years, but it was new to me. Treasures of retrieved from shipwrecks like the Atocha are on display. I was stunned by the 78-karat uncut emerald. Gorgeous!

A gal turns her back for a moment ...

... and her crazy Governor defies authority by appointing a Senator when he KNOWS he was specifically told not to!

... and her baseball team (who ended the regular season with the best record in the National League) trades away their second baseman for PROSPECTS!

It must be said that Roland Burris has always appeared to be an honorable public servant and that I trust Lou Pinella about everything, so maybe neither of these moves are the head scratchers they appear to be. But ...

I think I must have a pomegranite martini as I watch the ocean and consider these momentous events back home. It's the only wise and reasonable response from here in sunny, 78-degree Key West.

This is a public computer with a strict time limit, so I can't respond to your yesterday comments from here. Therefore this will have to do. It's not original but it is very sincere:

HAPPY NEW YEAR, EVERYONE!

I thought he was going to be a jerk

Robert, that is. My seatmate from Miami to Key West. But he wasn't. Turns out Robert was practically my guardian angel.

I fly from Miami (or Tampa) to Key West every year. And every year I have my heart in my mouth because if there's anything I dread more than flying, it's flying in a tiny plane over shark-and-gator infested water. Yet there was Robert in the seat beside me, already drunk and assured of his charm, which he seemed insistent on sharing with me.

Oh, good.

Well, it turns out it was. For Robert is an air traffic controller here in Key West, returning home from Christmas with his family. He was able to explain what communications go on between pilot and tower, reassured me what different creaks and noises meant, and even predicted which runway we would use. I really appreciated his sharing his expertise with me.

Isn't it nice when a jerk turns out to be sweet and rather nice seatmate after all?

Two very important little letters

An email from my best friend made me feel a little better about everything: "So just take things as they come. Go to Key West and have a great time and live in the moment. We will figure things out when you get back."

Wise words, yes. Of course. But even better was his choice of pronoun. "We will figure things out when you get back." We. A comforting thought.

He cracks me up

James Roday, who plays Sean on Psych. I could watch this smart ass all day. Unfortunately, USA is tempting me with a Psych marathon.

I wish they'd stop. The USA network has exposed my complete lack of discipline in the past with SVU and NCIS marathons. I admit it, I'm weak!

Trying to let it go

Almost a week ago, on 12/23, my office closed for the holiday. Coworkers started filing out at about 3:30. I stuck around because, well, that's what I do.

A little after 4:00, my boss' boss' admin (the secretary to Mr. Big) was asked to please stick around until 5:00. Our HR representative showed up after 4:00, as well. I thought she was just doing her pre-Christmas Woman of the People number and I came out of my office to give her a hug. (It's her first Christmas since her father's death.) She looked genuinely surprised to see me.

Now why were Mr. Big, the HR rep and an admin stuck in the office right before the office closes until January 5?

Also, while we didn't receive bonuses this year, our paychecks were direct deposited early. We got our 12/31 checks on 12/23. Yes, it was nice to have it early, but was it really done to make our holidays easier? Or so that they wouldn't owe any of us any money on January 5 if they lay us off?

Will I return to the office to receive a pink slip? Or to watch my coworkers get axed? I'm leaving for Key West tomorrow -- so does thinking about this serve any purpose at all? The answer to that last one is no. My airfare and a portion of my hotel is paid for already so there's no reason to fret about the cost of the trip. If I'm being laid off, my name is already on a list and the forms are in work. So I'm trying to let it go.

It's 77º in Key West right now. It's supposed to precip-free and just under 80º every day I'm there. I'm trying to concentrate on that instead.

Didn't feel a thing

Today my oldest friend and I celebrated her birthday. We went to see The Day the Earth Stood Still and then had lunch. I toasted her with a pair of chocolate martinis and you know what? I never even felt buzzed. The drinks were delicious and I enjoyed them, but I wish they had hit me harder (at all).

Sunday Stealing #14

Oh, I am all over this one!

1. Name a TV show series in which you have seen every episode at least twice: Moonlighting

2. Name a show you can't miss: Mad Men (Oh, how I love Don Draper!)

3. Name an actor that would make you more inclined to watch a show: Alan Alda

4. Name an actor who would make you less likely to watch a show: Patricia Heaton

5. Name a show you can, and do, quote from: Moonlighting ("Did I happen to mention, did I bother to disclose, that this man that we're seeking has a mole on his nose?")

6. Name a show you like that no one else enjoys: Snapped on Oxygen (the more lurid, the better)

7. Name a TV show which you've been known to sing the theme song: Growing Pains ("Show me that smile again/don't waste another minute on your crying/we're nowhere near the end/the best is ready to begin …") Sing it with me! What do you mean, you don't know it?

8. Name a show you would recommend everyone to watch: Mad Men

9. Name a TV series you own: Moonlighting (Even before I loved Don Draper, I loved David Addison)

10. Name an actor who launched his/her entertainment career in another medium, but has surprised you with his/her acting chops in television: Alec Baldwin. Who knew from his movies that he would be so damn funny on Friends and Will & Grace and now 30 Rock?

11. What is your favorite episode of your favorite series? Atomic Shakespeare on Moonlighting

12. Name a show you keep meaning to watch, but you just haven't gotten around to yet: 30 Rock

13. Ever quit watching a show because it was so bad? Grey's Anatomy, which leaves me avaialble for 30 Rock

14. Name a show that's made you cry multiple times: Brian's Song, originally a made-for-TV movie. As a friend of mine once said, there are only three reasons to cry: pain, extreme pain, and Brian's Song

15. What do you eat when you watch TV? Depends

16. How often do you watch TV? Constantly. I'm a news junkie.

17. What's the last TV show you watched? Law and Order: SVU

18. What's your favorite/preferred genre of TV? The news.

19. What was the first TV show you were obsessed with? The Man from U.N.C.L.E

20. What TV show do you wish you never watched? American Idol, because now I'm hooked

21. What's the weirdest show you enjoyed? Twin Peaks (Just thinking of it makes me want cherry pie and a cuppa damn good coffee!)

22. What TV show scared you the most? IT (it's a made-for-TV movie, but it has to count for nothing is scarier than Pennywise)

23. What is the funniest TV show you have ever watched? Fawlty Towers ("Don't mention the war!")

To play along yourself: Sunday Stealing: The TV Meme

The last Christmas card of the year

In the long-ago 1980s, I dated a lovely man. He loved movies and Monty Python's Flying Circus and Saturday Night Live. He was funny, literate and had really terrific hair. Oh, he had flaws -- he wore a mustache to camouflage acne scars and wore a tie even when he didn't have to. He seemed dull and more than a little wimpy during the days when I was into coke and late nights and bad boys. So I threw him over for a better looking, far more tortured SOB who would go on to be the worst thing that ever happened to me.

Still, I have kept up with the Lovely Man. I remember his birthday every year (he's joked that he has more birthday cards from me than Susan Lucci has Daytime Emmy nominations) and we exchange Christmas cards. His arrived today. He is the Director of Corporate Branding. His wife has finally agreed to let him have a dog. Their oldest daughter has graduated from Notre Dame and is planning a winter vacation in Costa Rica. Their oldest boy is a junior at Marquette. (Last time I saw him, he was 7 years old and amused himself by running back and forth, up and down the hall, for no particular reason.) Their youngest boy plays highschool football and their youngest girl is in junior high, involved in theater and just as eager as her dad about the arrival of the puppy.

After reading the card and note I wondered: Would I have this bucolic life if I had married him? Would I be the happy mother of four? Would that be me, getting ready to bring a new puppy home?

No. Because I didn't love the Lovely Man. While he was better for me, he was still ultimately wrong because I didn't love him. My conundrum was set to music in this popular song of the day. So while I feel wistful, I have no regrets. For to answer Glenn Frey, when it comes to choosing between the one who loved me and the one I loved, I had to choose the one I loved. I'm just sorry that the one I loved was so unworthy of me. But it's nice that the one who loved me, the Lovely Man, went on to fall in love with the woman who gave him such a wonderful life.

Shout Outs to Mimi and Bud

I have tried (and tried and tried) to leave comments on your blogs but Mozilla is conspiring against me. I can be dogged and/or stubborn, but the cybergremlins finally wore me out, so I'm addressing you here:

Mimi: Loved your Cialis/Viagra comments. During that famous Super Bowl halftime show featuring the "wardrobe malfunction," my friend Mindy was far, far more upset about being home alone with her young sons for the premiere airing of a Cialis commercial. Big Bear fans, they were fascinated by Mike Ditka hawking some drug. She told me she had an easier time explaining Janet Jackson's nipple than she did answering, "But Mommy, what's wrong with Da Coach?" And I'm crossing my fingers to bring you luck next week.


Bud: Cubs vs. Cards -- nothin' like watching a rivalry as old as time, or at least as old as the Lou Brock trade. Also, your answers to #3 and #4 echo mine (though I promise I won't hold Obama responsible if I don't have more sex in 2009).

To those of you who aren't Mimi and Bud, visit their blogs and you may wish you were. They are very funny and right-minded.

Saturday 9 -- Crazy Sam's Last Meme of 2008

1. What was the best thing that happened to you personally in 2008? Taking my nephew to his very first Cub game, during the magical 2008 season where they ended up with the best record in the National League.

2. What was the worst thing that happened to you personally in 2008? The Cubs breaking my heart by folding like a cheap umbrella during the playoffs. (Yes, that did happen to me personally. My relationship with my team is intense and heartfelt.)

3. What was the best thing to happen to all of us in 2008? Barack Obama. Or, more precisely, the way we responded to Barack Obama. Being in Grant Park on Election Night restored my faith in America and what we can do if we pull together. It was a truly inspiring night.

4. What was the worst thing to happen to all of us in 2008? The economy, and the panic it has caused in so many lives. (Mine included.)

5. What was the best gift you receive during the ’08 holidays? The birthday/Christmas combo from my best friend. It's nice to be known so well.

6. What was the best gift (most appropriate or best received) you gave during the ’08 holidays? I got two of the moms on my Christmas list 5x7 wooden photo frames with their kids' names inlaid. I thought the frames were neat, but I was surprised and tickled to see how much these women loved them.

7. Do you have any regrets about what you did in 2008? See below.

8. Do you have any regrets about what you didn’t do in 2008? I didn't lose weight, I didn't organize my den, I didn't do something (anything!) about about my hideous bathroom.

9. Did you meet anyone that became important to you in 2008? No. Isn't that weird? Maybe I better get out more.

Play along yourself:
Saturday 9: Crazy Sam's Last Meme of 2008

Lazy, lazy, lazy

What have I done today? Hmmm ... That would be nothing. I took a shower. I wandered over to the post office, Petco, Old Navy (I got my brother-in-law a plaid shirt for 70% off) and Boston Market. I took a nap on the sofa, looked up and saw how very dark it is out there already.

I don't regret my sloth. I just wonder where the day went! Tomorrow I will do laundry, wash a floor or two, I promise.

"Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world ...

... she walks into mine."

I love this movie. Happy Birthday, Bogie, and Merry Christmas to me. Thanks, TCM.

I hope she's happy

I am watching a C-Span rebroadcast of the dedication of the Heinz College (yes, I know it's Christmas Day, but my geekiness knows no season). Teresa Heinz is speaking, honoring her late first husband. She is beautiful and articulate and so wise as she talks about water pollution and the impact on our health, especially the health of our children.

I think she's great, and I'm sorry that she isn't our First Lady today. I know that there are some who blame her for Senator Kerry's loss in 2004, but I'm not one of them. If Americans weren't ready for a foreign-born, independent, feisty First Lady who would represent us elegantly and intelligently abroad, then that was our loss.

But I wonder about her. Is she happier now, as a Democratic Senator's wife and a Republican Senator's widow, able to pick and choose when she uses her celebrity to interact with the public? I hope so. She's had a complicated life and she seems to have kept her head and her integrity. Atta girl, and Merry Christmas.

Christmas 2008

We had a good Christmas (Eve) yesterday.

I love my niece. We were not so close last year. She was growing up and, I felt, away. I realize this is a completely normal part of growing up, but it made me sad. I missed the imaginative little girly-girl who loved Kit and Addie and the whole American Girl gang, and who would only wear pink and purple and cried if her socks didn't match her barrettes. That little girl was replaced by a sarcastic, disaffected teenager who wore black and camouflage all the time. Eventually we began bonding again over politics and current affairs. (Don't let anyone say that no good came out of Bush 43's administration.) Then the most wonderful thing happened -- my niece discovered The Beatles and now loves them with a passion. Like me, she can quote A Hard Day's Night and Help! We can talk about The Lads forever. And so, for Christmas, she made me a pair of CDs that represent the best solo work of her favorite, George. She decorated the discs themselves as well as the jewel case. They represent a lot of work and I'm thrilled we have common ground to enjoy again.

My nephew, on the other hand, was a pain in the ass. But at 9, sleep deprived but filled with adrenaline and sugar, I guess that's to be expected. Even though he was never still, never quiet, and frequently obnoxious, I still tried to cherish each moment with him. Because I am quite sure this is our last Santa Christmas, and I realize that his bouncing off the walls was fueled by anticipation of a visit from The Big Guy. Next year, he may be better behaved but he won't believe in Santa anymore, and a little of the magic will be missing. He was terribly excited about the gifts he got me -- all by himself. First a keychain, decorated with his own artwork of the ocean floor. Then a pen holder he chose for me at Santa's Secret Shop -- the globe actually spins, which he believes is a key part of its beauty, and he's certain it will look terrific on my desk at work. When he's at his best, that boy is too cute.

My sister and brother-in-law are generous. They let me enjoy their two kids virtually whenever I wish. They don't have to, I know. I am grateful, because my niece and nephew make my Christmas feel complete.

My mom loves her Christmas tree. It's a lovingly assembled, incongruous mess, a collection of ornaments across the decades and throughout our lives. She loves walking around the tree and remembering how a specific ornament came to her tree. That's why I'm glad I got her three more (mismatched) ornaments -- a tree house to signify how she loves the birds in her backyard, a sassy and saucy flamingo in furry pink boots from Key West, and a Grandma's Angel ornament, personalized with the names of her four grandchildren.

Do dads realize how heartbreakingly attractive they are? Last night at church, seated in the first pew, was a father/daughter duo. She was 11 or 12, very nervous, and dressed like a pint-sized business woman in gray blazer, white shirt and black slacks. She kept referring back to the folder on her lap. Dad was far more casual in both dress and demeanor. Turns out the little girl -- Julia -- was a soloist, and the only child who sang with the choir. Dad was so proud of her, his phone open so someone on the other end (Mom?) could hear Julia's solo. After her performance, Julia was able to relax and upon returning to the pew, was relieved to slip her arm through his and rest her head on his shoulder. Between his fetchingly scruffy, unshaven face and the comfortable affection and support he gave his little girl, by the end of the service I was half in love with him. (Whoever he is.)

I hope everyone out there is having a Merry Christmas, too!

Love's Pure Light

So goes the last hymn of the candlelight service: "Silent night, holy night, Son of God, love's pure light." After completing the hymn, I extinguished my candle and went out into the clear, cold night, walking just a couple blocks before I found myself back here at home, surrounded by my fur-bearing roommates. It washed over me that I am so blessed. In no small part because I believe that I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me, but also because He has given me so much love in my life. These cats love me, yes, in a pure, trusting, nonjudgmental way reminiscent of "Silent Night." But even better He has given me the capacity to love them. It's a dependable source of joy, wonder and pride for me that I was able to save these three little furry lives (they were all shelter cats) and give them a good, healthy, safe home.

I have a lot of faults. Just scroll through this blog and you can find them. Yet with critters I am at my endlessly patient, empathic best.

"Love's pure light." As Christmas 2008 dawns, that's the gift I'm very grateful for.

I will post about Christmas Eve with my family tomorrow. It wasn't perfect, but it was fun. For now, though, I am going to sleep in Heavenly peace, undoubtedly with a cat at the foot of the bed.

Sometimes I'm not so wise

I have known I should be wrapping gifts for about a week now. But I've been so lazy lately. And, just like the highschool Gal who furiously did her homework for first period on her lap while riding in the car pool, I spent more than two hours wrapping last night. I still have about four or five presents to go.

Will I never learn?

Hmmm ... Let's see now ... I'm 51 ... So I guess, the answer is "no." Oh well, Christmas is about love, right? Guess I better love my (oh-so longstanding) procrastinating ways.

Heads or Tails #20 -- This Time of Year

"Tell what you do or don't like about this time of year."

Carols make me happy. Right now I'm listening to James Taylor's jazzy version of "Santa Claus Is Coming to Town." He's a new holiday favorite -- I just picked up this CD last year. If you like your holiday music on the mellow side, I recommend James Taylor at Christmas.

I also love listening to Elvis (especially "I'll Be Home for Christmas") and Sinatra ("The First Noel") and loosey-goosey old Dean Martin (he actually sings "Rudy, the red-beaked reindeer") and Streisand ("The Christmas Song").

Most of all, I love Andy Williams at Christmas. I grew up on his family's TV specials, so he's my own, personal, musical Ghost of Christmas Past. I like nothing better this time of year than a "Sleigh Ride" with old Andy.

For more about Heads or Tails, and to play along yourself, click here.

"The Gal Worries"

A phrase used often by my best friend. Who happens to fly frequently. Usually in and out of Denver International Airport.

I am not a big fan of air travel. As a matter of fact, I have to dose up with Xanax to even board a plane. That's why I gave my best friend an acorn, a clover and a tortoise -- talismen to carry when he flies. I am willing to do whatever I can to keep his plane in the air.

Therefore, I would really, really appreciate it if newscasters would say, "Look away now, Gal," before they cover the recent accident at the Denver airport. I know that the public has a right to know what went wrong (and what went right, since miraculously, no one died), but it completely freaks me out to see it.

Thank you for your cooperation.

Dear Santa

I know what the problem is -- most of the things I want are hard to wrap and won't fit under the tree. Not to mention that I don't even have a tree.

But please, Santa, be creative. What about gift cards or cash that I could put toward these things? Or perhaps you could contact a contractor or two. You're Santa! Everyone loves you! Naturally they would give you a good price. Maybe you could lend me some elves after the busy season is over. They're industrious and could probably handle the projects on my Wish List in no time!

Bathroom renovation. I know that this will cost thousands of dollars, even though my bathroom is itty/bitty, teeny/tiny. I like my bathtub and floor tiles. Just please, could we do something about that hideous sink and oh! My bathroom walls! I hate the peeling paint. Santa, can't you send someone to help me with this? I'd like a new toilet, too, but I'll continue to make do with the old one if you feel it would help you bring this project in within your budget.

New flooring. The carpet in the hallways is ruined and I hate it. Instead of replacing it, why don't we go to hardwood? Living room, dining room, kitchen, hall and -- oh, why not? -- master bedroom, too. What do you think, Santa? You see homes all over the world. You must have picked up a few decorating ideas. You're making this possible, after all, so your input is welcome. Do you think ceramic laminate would be a better choice? Please, speak up!

Exposed brick in the dining room. Wouldn't that make it look completely separate from the living room? I grew up on I Love Lucy and the Riccardos had exposed brick in their apartment. Ann Marie's New York bachelor-girl pad on That Girl had exposed brick, too. Maybe that's why I feel I'm supposed to have it, too.

A new TV. I know, I know. I've been complaining about this forever! But Santa, I don't want to buy a new TV when the one I have still works. It's just obsolete is all. However, I wouldn't feel remotely guilty about being wasteful and replacing it if you gave me a new one.

My kitchen needs to be redone, too, but I don't want to be greedy. There's plenty here for you to chew on. I believe I've been a pretty good gal throughout the year. Feel free to scroll through this blog and make your own assessment. Whatever you think I fairly deserve will be greatly appreciated, Santa.

Thank you, and Merry Christmas, Sir!

They really are great shoes

They even make blue anklets look good. I know, I know … The Wizard of Oz is almost 70 years old now. But the classics never go out of style -- not in fashion, not in movies.

It's only 68º in here

Which, while a bit chilly for my taste, is radically warmer than the -3º it is outside.

I am wearing the gray slippers I received from my best friend, I'm wrapped in a blanket, and sipping green tea. I can't tell you how not like me this is. I'm on the top floor, and heat rises, so I usually get the benefit of the heat from everyone below me. It's not unusual for me to have the windows open and even the fans turned on in December. But that is not the case this evening.

Sorry, but I just couldn't

Before today, I hadn't been to church in ages. This morning, I felt the need to worship in a more structured setting. I haven't been feeling very energetic about or involved in the holidays and I thought that perhaps I needed to reacquaint myself with the more spiritual side of the season.

I'm worried about my job. I'm worried about my brother-in-law's job, and what happens to my sister's family and my mom if I'm not financially able to help. I don't do a lot -- school supplies and savings bonds for my niece and nephew, medicare supplemental insurance and snow removal for my mom -- but I don't know where they would turn for these things without me.

I'm also worried about that I may be missing the moment by fixating on a lay-off which might not happen. I'm prepared, or as prepared as I believe I can be, with my mortgage paid 6 months in advance and 7-8 months of expenses tucked away. I wish I could relax and be more present to enjoy and help my friends this holiday season.

My former boss is a 50+ cancer survivor who is suddenly out of work, after having possibly the worst year anyone could have. We're trying to get together for drinks tomorrow and I want to be upbeat for him. My oldest friend is having huge issues with her kids. My friend Mindy is working very hard to wear her happy face, even though her sister is very, very ill. My friend John has not only had his share of health problems, he's also suffering a righteous case of survivor guilt for being one of those not laid off during his agency's blood bath last week. (Merry Christmas!) I care about them all and want to be helpful and aware and positive for them through the holidays. So I wanted to reconnect with Christ, to joy and hope, to the idea that faith strengthens us and can carry us through.

The one friend who hasn't been on my radar is Kathy. And wouldn't you know, she was sitting three pews ahead of me. I went out of my way to slip out early so she wouldn't see me and I wouldn't have to speak to her. Perhaps I should have -- OK, I KNOW I should have -- but I just couldn't.

You see, even though Kathy has had more than her share of financial and career issues lately, she can be awfully ... difficult. One of the long-time issues we have had is this very church. When I began attending services back in the early 1990s, she actually teased me about it. It's so provincial, so into a conventional interpretation of God, and she needs more. Kathy maintains she is a more flexible, more creative soul than I. My response has always been that my relationship with the Lord is a personal thing, and I wasn't interested in what she thought about it. That didn't stop her from bringing the subject up again, and again, and again …

Imagine my surprise, and discomfort, when I saw in our church bulletin that she had completed the religious training program and joined my congregation. I had no comment on it, but she called me and gave an embarrassed laugh, saying that changing her mind about my church is just one of her "Kathy things." I usually attend the early service, she the 11:00 AM service, so our paths seldom crossed.

When she lost her apartment and had to move in with her kids, several towns west of here, I thought I wouldn't see her again at either service. Surprise! She was there today.

I love her and honor all the decades of our friendship. I am not minimizing her suffering. She must be very frightened with the prospect of homelessness literally before her. So I am not begrudging her spiritual sustenance. I know she is a complicated woman, and that usually is one of the things I like and even admire about her. But I couldn't deal with her today. Not in that setting. I couldn't risk any encounter we had today breaking bad. Not this close to Christmas.

Sorry, but I just couldn't.

I'm a mess, aren't I?

Swoon

I love watching Hugh Grant's romantic comedies. Onscreen* he's funny, sweet, appealingly diffident and appears to be a very good kisser.

That is all.

* Except for the cad he plays in the Bridget Jones movies. That role is the exception that proves the rule.

Sunday Stealing #13

Sunday Stealing: The Sreaming Masses' Meme

1. What is a nickname a former (or present) lover gave you? "Paul Girl," inspired by my deathless love for my favorite Beatle.

2. How do you style your hair? If you just would say "cut" what style is it? It's growing out, and every day is an adventure, so I don't know how to describe it. I use a blow dryer and wear a headband. I live for the day when I can simply pull it back.

3. What's your least favorite Christmas song? "Little Drummer Boy"

4. How many colors are you wearing now? 3 (Teal, pink and white)

5. Are you an introvert or extrovert? Both. Depends on the situation.

6. What was the last book you read? Stranger in Paradise by Robert B. Parker

7. What's one piece of fiction that changed your life? To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee

8. If you are attracted to someone who is already in a relationship (or married), what might do you do? Cry a lot

9. Is there anything that has made you unhappy recently? Yes. I'm scared to death about losing this job and using up my nest egg before I can find another.

10. What's your favorite dessert? Right now I'd like carrot cake.

11. How long does it take you to get ready in the morning? 45 minutes if I'm enthusiastic, up to 2 hours if I'm not.

12. Name one website that you visit daily. Why do you read it? MSNBC.com. I check it for breaking news.

13. What was your last job before either you are at home or at another job?? I don't understand the question

14. Do you like to clean? No.

15. What was the last song to get stuck in your head? Can't Take My Eyes Off of You by Frankie Valli (A commercial for Jersey Boys runs frequently)

16. What's the last movie you saw? Four Christmases

17. Pirates or Ninjas? Pirates

18. What is your least favorite thing to do that you have to do everyday? Scooping the litterboxes

19. Best time of your life? My mid-30s. My career was taking a new turn and I was in love.

20. What are you most looking forward to in the coming year? Making positive changes to my diet and lifestyle

To play along, click here.

No, really. If Blogthings says it, it must be true!

You Are Considerate and Mature

You approach the holidays with responsibility and cooperation. You'll do your part to make sure that everyone else has a happy holiday. You aren't particularly picky or high maintenance during the holidays. You're happy to be in the company of people you love, and you're willing to "go with the flow." Of all the types, you are the most likely to give someone exactly what they want. You're also the most likely to wrap all your presents well - to prevent peeking!

The Wrapping Paper Test

Saturday 9 -- Holiday Cheer

1. Does the holiday season stress you out? If yes, how do you cope? Yes, it stresses me out. I never seem to have enough time or energy to get everything done. I cope by trying to forgive myself for the areas where I fall short.

2. Are you ever so busy in December that you have to force yourself to chill? Not so much to chill, but to stay in the moment. I should enjoy who I'm with and what I'm doing, not fixate on what I haven't done.

3. Do you sleep well at this time of year? Well, it's pre-dawn and I'm doing this meme ...

4. Have you ever taken a sleigh ride? If yes, tell us about it. No. I mean, I've never taken a sleigh ride, I'm not petulantly refusing to talk about it.

5. Do you live close to the parts of your family you spend the holidays with? My mom, my kid sister and her husband, and their 2 children are all within a half hour. (Unless it snows a ton on Christmas Eve. One year I was on a bus for more than 45 minutes, and it hadn't even left the parking lot.)

6. What will you have for Christmas dinner? I don't know. That's up to my mom and sister.

7. Do you diet after the holidays? Not really, though I should. I will resolve to exercise more and become healthier.

8. What’s the best part of the season for you? Reconnecting with friends and family.

9. How many generations of your family get together during the holidays? Three

To play along yourself, click here.

I'm glad I believe in Heaven

It makes it easier to hear that the trash bag of bones dumped in the woods was once this little girl, Caylee Anthony. Where her spirit is now, no one will ever again treat her as disposable.

I hope her passing was painless. And I can't help believing that she's better off now than living in that Anthony household. There's something very disturbing about a family that will blame spoiled pizza, a non-existant nanny, the media, the equisearch volunteers, the police (whose efforts they obstructed), their neighbors and their friends for Caylee Anthony's disappearance, instead of looking at the daughter they know from experience is, at best, a liar and a thief.

Rest in peace, Caylee Marie. You're safe now.

Ugh! I need a new TV

The Geek from Geek Squad was here today. He was very nice (and really not at all geeky). But while now I can finally watch both cable TV and DVDs, I have to switch the hookup every time. The only solution? Sob, sob. A new TV. My trustworthy, still fully operational TV simply doesn't have the right number/type of outlets for today's technology.