Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Stolen from today's Tribune

Greg Kot of the Chicago Tribune referred to Tim Urban as, "The second coming of Bobby Sherman." Watching American Idol tonight, and having once been a 12 year old girl myself, I get it, and predict Tim will be on for weeks to come. Tonight, as he stared into the camera and crooned, I wished he would just blink. But I know that if I was watching as a lovestruck junior high school girl, tonight I'd pretend my pillow was Tim. Simon is right -- no matter how bad the judges (and I) think he is musically, it doesn't matter because he's got "the look."

The Queen's Meme

The best way to stay out of the Dungeon is to play along by clicking here.

What NOT To Do when you’re…..

1. On a first date
. Sleep with him.

2. Intoxicated. Call your ex and tell him you forgive him because he's the one great love of your life. Trust me on this.

3. In the shower
. Dance

4. At your ex’s wedding. Attend

5. In jail. Amuse the authorities with your snappy answers to stupid questions.

6. Being stalked. Be embarrassed and keep it to yourself. Share with everyone you know! The more people you have watching out for you, the better.

7. Stuck to an igloo. Lick the wall.

8. In sewing class
Lick the bobbin.

9. Asleep in a helium balloon Trust the Wizard to steer.

10. At a birthday party for twins Show up with one gift

11. On a nude beach
Show up without sunscreen

12. At the opera Show up at all. ICK!

13. you’re falling in love Think that he'd be perfect "if only." No one is perfect, and it's not fair to expect anyone to change.

14. Low on gasoline in a bad part of town Forget your cell phone

15. Having a baby Smoke

16. On fire Forget the lyrics to the old Scout song, "Clothes on fire? Here's your goal. First stop, then drop and roll."

17. Lost at the mall Neglect to consider it an adventure

18. At a single’s dance Act married. (Unless you are married, you Jesse James/Tiger Woods scumbag, you!)

19. Riding a bike on the Jersey Turnpike Forget the lyrics to the Scout song, "When riding a bike, please be smart. Safety first right from the start. Wear a helmet on your head. Make sure it fits, that's what I said."

20. Driving your significant other's car Forget to put the seat, mirrors and radio back the way he likes them.

21. Being robbed at gunpoint Amuse the robbers with your snappy answers to stupid questions.

22. Kissing Slobber. If I wanted to kiss a St. Bernard, I would.

23. Paying the hotel cashier
Sign for it without at least trying to talk them out of the pay-per-view movie.

24. Buying lingerie
Wear it without washing it thoroughly first. Really. I know it's gross, but it's not uncommon for department stores to put unclean, returned lingerie right back on the sales floor.

24. Commenting on a blog Say silly things you think are provocative. Like, "who cares about this?" Um ... I do, or I wouldn't post about it, you idiot.

25. In Queen Mimi's dungeon Forget to bribe Homer. He's the Power Behind the Throne, you know

One week from tonight

As I look around this condo, which looks as though I'm just waiting for the A&E Hoarders crew to knock at the door, I am even more enthusiastic about where I'll be sleeping one week from tonight. So spartan, so clutter free ...