Showing posts with label Telethon. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Telethon. Show all posts

Monday, September 04, 2017

Reposted in Tribute to Jerry Lewis: 1926-2017

Saturday, September 05, 2015

I miss the sumbitch

I used to love the Jerry Lewis Labor Day Telethon. The plate spinners, the ventriloquists, the lounge singers performing "Guantanamera" ... it was a smorgasbord of tacky and I adored it. Especially Jerry himself.

I was hypnotized by the greasy hair, the tux and pinky ring. Jerry mugged and wept and insulted people. (I remember the year I heard him call a cameraman a "fag" and wondered if anyone else caught it.) He laughed at his own gauche hilarity. And he sang "You'll Never Walk Alone" to kids who will never walk at all.

Oh, and the crazy bastard raised more than $2 billion. He deserves more credit for that than he gets. He's nearly 90 now and has suffered a litany of health problems himself. Wherever he is this weekend, God bless him.


Saturday, September 05, 2015

I miss the sumbitch

I used to love the Jerry Lewis Labor Day Telethon. The plate spinners, the ventriloquists, the lounge singers performing "Guantanamera" ... it was a smorgasbord of tacky and I adored it. Especially Jerry himself.

I was hypnotized by the greasy hair, the tux and pinky ring. Jerry mugged and wept and insulted people. (I remember the year I heard him call a cameraman a "fag" and wondered if anyone else caught it.) He laughed at his own gauche hilarity. And he sang "You'll Never Walk Alone" to kids who will never walk at all.

Oh, and the crazy bastard raised more than $2 billion. He deserves more credit for that than he gets. He's nearly 90 now and has suffered a litany of health problems himself. Wherever he is this weekend, God bless him.



Monday, September 01, 2014

I did the right thing


… but it hurt nevertheless.

On Sunday I was walking over to the local pizzeria, just around the corner from my home, when I saw a tiny streak race across the busy street and settle under a car. The tail was too thin for a squirrel, too long for a woodchuck. As I passed the car, I saw this face peering out from next to the car's rear tire.

A kitten. A very young, very frightened, very lucky kitten.

I leaned into the car and asked the driver to please not move the car. They could have squished her without even knowing she was there. Then I dropped down to coax her out. Of course, she didn't want to be coaxed, so I had to reach in and pull her out from the wheel well. I didn't know it at the time, but I was covered -- face to waist -- in grime.

She cried a lot and clung to me. I thought Charlotte and now Connie were little. I had no idea how little felt in my arms until I picked this little girl up! I stuck my head into the pizza place and told the owner I'd be back in a few minutes to pick up my order. He seemed surprised and confused by my filthy appearance and the cat in my arms, but he said he'd hold it for me.

I got her home and rushed her into the den without my cats even knowing she was here. I pulled down Joey's big carrier and set her up with water and a makeshift litter box. She is sooooo small that I was able to use a tray from the Lean Cuisine as her box. When she calmed down a little and huddled in the corner, I was worried that she was overheated, maybe dehydrated. So I mixed a wee bit of canned cat food and human baby food together into a mush and gave it to her. Plenty of liquid there to sustain her until ... until ...

Until what? She might have worms or fleas. Joey is 18 and, while enormous, he's naturally not as strong as he was in his prime. I have to be careful what I expose him to. And Reynaldo had begun prowling outside the den door. He alone figured out what was going on and I'm not sure he was OK with it. After all, the vet attributes much of Rey's bad behavior to his "unusual bond" to me. What if having a tiny kitten, one who would demand much of time, would trigger Rey's destructive behavior again?

My adorable new kitten Jeri (that's how I was now thinking of her, as my kitten and I named her Jeri after the Jerry Lewis Labor Day Telethon) was going to require a lot of work and a lot of money. It would mean four cats in a 2 BR apartment, and I wasn't sure that wasn't just nuts. These were the thoughts roiling around in my head as I washed my face and arms and changed my clothes and went for my pizza.

The owner of the pizza place told me that people had followed me in to ask about me and the kitten. I hadn't stopped to think of what a spectacle I'd made of myself on Main Street, dropping my purse on the sidewalk and virtually crawling under the car to retrieve Jeri. I was so embarrassed! But the proprietor very kindly gave me a "hero's discount" on my pizza.

I called the local animal shelter -- the no-kill organization where I adopted Charlotte and Joey -- and spoke to the manager. She was lovely. She explained that they were closed and would stay closed to the public until Tuesday morning. But she advised me to call the police and surrender Jeri to them. The shelter is never closed to the police, and if we did it this way I wouldn't be assessed any "surrender fees" because I wouldn't be the one turning her in. I think she could tell that if I kept Jeri until Tuesday, I'd be keeping her forever.

I hadn't given the shelter manager my name, so I was under no obligation to turn Jeri in. I lay on the floor in my den, gazing at my new charge. Damn, she's cute! And clearly not a stray. The street noises and trains terrified her, but she was good curled up in the carrier in the quiet of my den. I weighed the pros and cons of keeping her. So many cons to very few pros. Only the biggest pro was powerful -- I WANTED TO KEEP HER!

But that would be selfish and childish. Jeri is adorable and someone will adopt her and give her a forever home. Joey, especially, and Reynaldo are my responsibility. And little Connie had been "rescued" from a "hoarder" who had at least 6 cats. Would it be fair to give her a life in an apartment filled with four felines?

So I called the police and met an officer at the shelter. He couldn't have been nicer. He does this all the time with dogs, but Jeri was his first kitten "surrender." He told me about his cat when he was a kid -- he found her all bloody in their backyard after a fight with a raccoon or squirrel. His family tended to her and she lived to be 18, just like Joey.

The shelter employee was a bitch. When I asked her if I could say goodbye to Jeri, she told me to "make it quick." She also seemed pissed that I wasn't giving the shelter Joey's carrier. I was nearly at the end of my tether at this point but I resisted telling her to eat me. My friend Edgardo -- a much nicer person than I am -- always reminds me to have extra compassion for employees who have to work on holidays. It's a comfort to know that her boss, the woman I spoke to earlier, was kind and compassionate.

Jeri is where she should be. I know that. But I really wanted to keep her. Or him. It occurs to me that maybe I should have spelled it Jerry. I never did look under the tail.





Friday, August 16, 2013

2013 August Happiness Challenge -- Day 15

Binge watching. It began when I was a little girl and would get up in the middle of the night to see if Jerry Lewis was really still on the Labor Day Telethon.* Then, around 2010, I started watching the Law and Order marathons on TNT. Ever since, I've been hooked. Psych, NCIS -- when I fell in love with my TV boyfriend, Mark Harmon -- Friends, L&O: SVU, The Golden Girls ... I've enjoyed watching them all, one episode after the other.

Tonight I watched back-to-back episodes of Magnum, PI, and I loved it!

*He never disappointed me. Jerry was always there, screeching like a monkey and putting an entire glass in his mouth before introducing a plate spinner.

Sunday, September 02, 2012

Sunday Stealing


 
23. Why do you think so many people cheat? Hell if I know. When I've been unhappy with a man, the last thing I wanted was another man.

24. Tell me what's on your mind? I'm pissed that MDA fired Jerry Lewis. Where else but the Labor Day Telethon could I see a grown man stick his hand up the ass of a giant Paul McCartney puppet and perform a duet of "The Girl Is Mine?" (I'm not imagining that act. I actually saw it on one of Jerry's last telethons.)


25. What are you looking forward to in the next three months? I see THE BOSS at Wrigley Field this Friday. In October I see Streisand. November is Holy Month (my birthday). 

 
26. Have you ever worn the opposite sex's clothing? Sure. I've noticed boyfriends like giving me shirts to wear the morning after.


25. When did you last talk to your BFF? Received an email from him Friday afternoon. 


28. When is your next road trip? I don't have anything planned. BUT I do have over a week of vacation time left, so I may just take off.


29. Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell anything to? Yes. My aforementioned BFF is a man. My friend John is very accepting, too.


30. How's your heart? Been battered so many times it must look like Ali's fists after one of the Frazier fights.


31. Have you ever felt like you weren't important? Yes. My high school years were very painful in this regard.


32. Do you think somebody's secretly in love with you? I suspect so.


33. What are you planning on doing after this? I have no plans for today. The makes me happy.


34. Last time you yelled at someone? I don't remember.


35. Have you told anybody you loved them today? It's rather early ...


36. Who do you not get along with? My least favorite coworker, The Chocolate Covered Spider.


37. What does your most recent text say? Mine to him: "For real?" His to me: "No lie! I saw ID." A friend of mine told me actually met someone named Elvis.





38. What are you wearing right now? My Vitameatavegamin night shirt. (I'm a slave to fashion.)
 
39. You're locked in a room with the person you last kissed in high school, how is it? More comfortable now that I don't have braces on my teeth.


40. When's the last time you had a grilled cheese? A couple days ago.


41. What's your favorite boy and girl name? Michael and Gracie.


42. How did you feel when you woke up? Thirsty.


43. Do you wish someone would call or text you right now? It's a little early ...


44. Do you think Clint Eastwood would have been better talking to a table? Poor old Clint looked pathetic, didn't he?


 
45. What were you doing yesterday at midnight? Watching Dead Again (1991) with Kenneth Branagh and Emma Thompson. I looooove that movie! It's a murder mystery/love story. Just romantic enough, just scary enough. What? You haven't seen it? You must!







Monday, September 05, 2011

The saddens me

I luxuriated in the inanity of the Jerry Lewis MDA Telethon. I bathed in the plate spinners, the ventriloquists, the impersonators, the clowns ... the acts I only saw during the Jerry Lewis MDA Telethon. And then there was Jerry himself. Mr. Maudlin. Extolling the virtues of the perFORmers, practitioners of the business known as show. Always finding new and creative ways to offend.

This year there was no Jerry! I never even tuned in.

I know I'm in the minority, since MDA made more than $2 million more than it did last year, with Jerry, but I'm not contributing to MDA anymore. For while I enjoyed watching and making fun, I always paid for the privilege. No Jerry, no Gal.

Yes, he's an ass. But he also dedicated a half century to publicizing this cause and raising a ton of money for it. He deserved better than he got this year. He earned the right to sing, "You'll Never Walk Alone" to children who will never walk at all. And if I can't make fun of the tastelessness of that moment, my checkbook stays shut.

Monday, September 06, 2010

Telethon Update

So far I have only watched about an hour since the MDA Telethon began last night, but it seems the noteworthy factor this year is hair. Jerry's is gray, Barry Manilow's is now orange, and Charo's has plastic fruit in it.

If you want to enjoy the campy showbiz spectacle that is the Jerry Lewis Telethon, you have to donate to the worthy cause. Click here for details.

Thursday, September 02, 2010

Hey, LAAAAAAY-DEEEE!

I loooooove Jerry Lewis when he's a maniac like this. That's why I can't wait for the Telethon every Labor Day weekend

Before you mock Jerry, you gotta support Jerry's kids. So click here and do your part for a worthy cause. Then just take in the spectacle that is Jer.


Monday, September 07, 2009

I watch so you don't have to

Telethon Update: There's an Ethel Merman impersonator singing a medley of Ethel's big hits. She doing a credible job, which is to say she's really annoying. (Ethel Merman is like Milton Berle -- I have no idea why these people become stars.) It occurs to me as she belts out "There's No Business like Show Business" that this may be the first time I've ever seen Ethel Merman impersonated by an actual woman. Go figure.

Remember, you can't mock the Telethon if you don't give to MDA. Here's that link again.

Sunday, September 06, 2009

Ah, the Telethon

The act that's on now is a ventriloquist that had a big old Sir Paul puppet and he performed the duet, "The Girl Is Mine." It was delightfully wretched. You don't see stuff like this every day. I hope I get to see a plate spinner before I switch it off for the night!

Remember, keep your karma in check. If you make fun of Jerry and this corny cast of characters, you gotta contribute to MDA. It's only right.

Friday, September 04, 2009

HEY, LAY-DEEE!

There may be celebrities that I enjoy mocking more than Jerry Lewis, but none that I have enjoyed making fun of as long. Jerry Lewis is corny, vulgar, maudlin, nasty and often just plain nuts. His massive ego and complete lack of self control make the Telethon one of my favorite TV events of the year.

The sublime ridiculousness that is Jerry Lewis' stage persona doesn't take away from the wonderful work he has done for MDA, and that MDA does to help those neuromuscular disease. Now in his 80s, after winning humanitarian awards and raising over $1 billion for MDA, he certainly doesn't have to put his snarky old self out there for the amusement of smart asses like me.

That's why I already donated $70 to MDA, before the show starts. I want to make sure I do my part to help the charity that has done so much good for so many over the years. Then I can just sit back and enjoy Jer's dopey hijinks in peace.

If you're going to watch the telethon, eager to see how many minutes into the show it takes Jerry to insult someone, I suggest you do the same.

Even if you're not going to watch it, consider making a contribution. They really do help the people who need them. Here's their website.

Sunday, February 22, 2009

It's Oscar Time

The Gal Herself shall return to the Academy Award telecast the way the swallows return to Capistrano, partly because I'm hot for Hugh Jackman, but also because it's the Oscars. It's glamour, it's history, it's Hollywood!

Of this year's crop of actresses, I can imagine Anne Hathaway dressed beautifully enough and moving gracefully enough to join these two in the pantheon of Oscar elegance. (Plus, her against-type performance in Rachel Getting Married could be as big a revelation as Grace Kelly's in The Country Girl, approx. a half century before.)

To make it even better, Jerry Lewis is scheduled to be honored with the Jean Hersholt Humanitarian Award. One of my guiltiest guilty pleasures is listening to Jerry's incoherent and frequently offensive ramblings. I enjoy it so much and so wickedly that I give generously to MDA in an attempt to cleanse my conscience.

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

How could I have missed this?

I have always been a big fan of The Jerry Lewis Telethon because Jerry is such a loose cannon. You never know if he's going to HEY LAY-DEE! or cry or spew something inappropriate or hostile. This year I didn't watch as much as I usually do, because there seemed to be so little Jerry. Almost every time I tuned in, I got Tom Bergeron. I wanted Jerry!

Oh, if only I'd been a bit more patient! According to this clip from TMZ.com, Jerry called his cameraman's son "an illiterate fag." Sweet, no?

As always, though, when we laugh at (instead of with) Jerry, we must make sure our karma is balanced. So here's where you can donate to MDA in exchange for making fun of the man.

Monday, September 04, 2006

My Last 2006 Telethon Post

Because WGN cuts away for the Cubs, the Telethon is still on here in Chicago. Harlem Furniture has promised to double every pledge that's called in locally. I find it comforting that our newscasters can tell us that a "$125 pledge becomes $250!" I would hate to get news about Iraq, Iran, Korea or Lebanon from a bimbo who can't multiply by two.

Jerry has had a higher profile this year than last, and I'm so glad. I think being in Vegas is good for him. He leers at Jan and verbally abuses Ed. He snaps his fingers when he sings. He lets the water dribble out of his mouth when he talks. He wells up when he looks at the tote board. He banters with comedians we thought were dead. In short, he's why I tune in.

I'm not heartless. That little Luke kid who is this year's poster boy has touched me. He's so cute, and he's so into the applause and so hot for Jan and her cleavage (after all, he is 12).

And yes, I've donated. So I can sit here with a clear conscience as I am amused, horrified and aghast yet again by the spectacle of old Jer singing "You'll Never Walk Alone" yet again to children who will never walk at all.

Sunday, September 03, 2006

A Good Day, A Really Good Day

I went to church this morning for the first time in months and it felt really good.

I did my 12 laps around the high school track (5K) and took approx. 5 minutes off my time.

I arrived home, satisfyingly sore and sweaty, and got a call from a friend who wanted to meet for lunch at one of my favorite local joints. Cleaned up quickly and met her for one of my last outdoor meals at Poor Phil's, enjoying a crab cake, a frou-frou drink and mild temperature, blue skies and sunshine.

Caught the last half of the Cubs-Giants game, and while we did lose and Bonds did get yet another HR, it wasn't without its charming moments: (1) The completely adorable little boy in the bleachers who caught Bonds' HR did what any right-thinking Cub fan should do whenever an opposing hitter sends one into the seats -- he threw the ball back. Even though it was Bonds and it's possible that ball might have been worth something. Other right-thinking Northsiders got together and rewarded the kid a new Cub cap. (2) D Lee came off the bench to pinch hit with the bases loaded. A grand slam would have been nice, of course, but it was still a thrill to see him take a swing and drive in a run, even if it was just a sac fly. (3) Ron Santo, This Old Cub, led the crowd in "Take Me Out to the Ballgame." I love Ronnie so; he's the continuity that connects my adult summers with my little girl summers.

And now I'm curled up, ready to watch the Jerry Lewis MDA Telethon. This year it's out of Vegas, Baby! JER-RY! JER-RY! JER-RY! (Remember, if you're going to mock the man, you must support the cause. 888-HELP-MDA.)

All this, and heaven, too.

Friday, September 01, 2006

It's happening! It's really happening!

I saw two rather attractive firefighters today, moving among the motorists at the intersection of Harlem and North, collecting donations for MDA in their big rubber boots.

I love firefighters. I love MDA. I love big rubber boots. And you know why, don't you?

JER-RY! JER-RY! JER-RY!

The Telethon is nearly upon us.

Keep Your Labor Day Karma in Balance. Remember, if you're going to make fun of Jerry (as in laughing at him, not with him), you must also make a contribution to MDA. (888) HELP-MDA or (888) 435-7632