Sunday, March 04, 2007

Thanks, Ann!

In a weekend when John Edwards would have to set his gorgeous hair on fire to take any attention away from Bill/Hillary and Obama, Ann Coulter has put him on the front pages. Here's what the ignorant, angry blonde said at the Conservative Political Action Conference on Friday, "I was going to have a few comments on the other Democratic presidential candidate John Edwards, but it turns out you have to go into rehab if you use the word 'faggot,' so I -- so kind of an impasse, can't really talk about Edwards." Isn't she witty? Forget Dorothy Parker or even Nora Ephron. We've got Ann Coulter to amuse us and keep us in stitches.

So Romney, Guiliani and McCain denounced her and Edwards' campaign sent links of her hate speech to contributors as part of a plea for more cash. Did she intend to make him relevant?

She also threatened to support Romney. What terrific news for Giuliani and McCain! Romney's spokesman referred to Coulter as "offensive" and added that "Governor Romney believes all people should be treated with dignity and respect."

Oh, and by the way, Ann, Michelle Phillips ca. 1967 called. She wants her hair back.

"What I wouldn't give for a sock filled with manure."

That quote from Annie Hall is going through my head as I watch a Time/Life infomercial hawking "Soft Rock of the 1970s." I am gripped by an overwhelming desire to slug someone. Like Bread, Al Stewart, Gino Vanelli, Air Supply, America, Rupert Holmes, Eric Carmen, or the Little River Band.

People actually want to revisit this drivel? Wasn't it bad enough the first time? My teeth are starting to hurt again, and it ain't the faulty dental work. Where's that remote?

No, really! This is an emergency! I either need to lay hands on the remote or a sock filled with manure. STAT!